Peter arrives at the Beacon County Sheriff's Department at approximately 1:10 AM. He's showered and changed clothes but he still feels like a filthy pervert. Tara greets him as he walks in.
"The Sheriff's not here right now." It says something that she knows him on sight. All of the deputies do, even the ones he's never been officially introduced to.
Peter's lips twist into a frown. He squares his shoulders and puts his wrists out on the counter. "I'm here to turn myself in."
Tara snorts. "For what? It doesn't count as bribing the Sheriff if he doesn't give you anything for making his favorite cookies."
Tara's eyes widen. Peter looks longingly at the handcuffs on her waist but she doesn't reach them. Instead she whistles and shouts "Finally!" Both of the current deputies on duty turn to watch them. "So you and Stiles…" She makes a circle with one hand and pokes a finger through the circle.
Peter flushes. "What? No! He's sixteen." How is he the only one that cares about that?
"Oh." Tara's face falls. She waves a hand dismissively. "Go away."
"But… he… I…"
Tara leans forward with her elbows on the desk and gives him a level look. "Was it oral or anal sex?"
Peter is fairly certain his face is going to literally start sprouting flames. The two deputies are snickering. "Well… no."
Tara raises an eyebrow. "Did you touch Stiles in a sexual manner?"
It's obvious that she's trying hard to keep a stern face but she can't seem to stop herself from smiling. "Did you actually touch Stiles at all while this alleged sexual act occurred?"
Peter frowns. He shifts on his feet. Getting arrested really shouldn't be this hard. He also shouldn't be as well versed as he is in sexual conduct laws but Talia told him to stop asking her so he made a cheat sheet. "No."
Tara's head drops in what Peter first assumes is defeat and then realizes is actually an attempt to not laugh in his face. Her shoulders are shaking and even with the hand pressed over her mouth he can still hear her.
Peter sighs. "Criminal sexual act?"
Tara shakes her head.
"Endangering the welfare of a child?"
"How about disseminating indecent materials to a minor?"
Tara's head shoots up. "You sent him porn?"
"No!" Peter hesitates. He really doesn't want to admit it out loud because it just sounds so… juvenile, but she's not arresting him. "We had phone sex."
Tara doesn't even bother hiding her laughter this time. Her head falls back and she has to put one hand on the desk to steady herself while the other wraps around her middle. She eventually tapers off and waves her hand towards the bullpen. "Go wait in the office. I'll call John."
He goes and sits in the chair in front of John's desk. Tara closes the office door but Peter can still hear her making fun of him with the other deputies. It feels like being sent to the principal's office, like he's a child again and not in his thirties. He hears Tara call John and then he waits.
John finally shows up close to three in the morning with Claudia, Paul, and Talia in tow. They file into the office behind John, all three of them grinning like lunatics. Claudia doesn't even wait until the door shuts before she starts laughing at him. It's obvious she's trying to say something but all that he can make out is "your face."
John settles behind his desk and at least tries to look professional. He's wearing a flannel and jeans and smells a bit like margaritas so he doesn't quite pull it off. "Why don't you tell me what happened, Peter?"
Peter stares John straight in the face and says "I had sex with Stiles."
John nods like they're talking about the weather or Stiles's grades. "Over the phone."
"While you were next door to each other."
He's pretty sure that wasn't a question but he answers anyway. "Yes."
John sighs and gets that put-upon look on his face like he usually does these days whenever Stiles is involved in the conversation. "And did you call him or he call you?"
Peter licks his lips. Talia and Paul are whispering bad lines from pornos to each other. Claudia has yet to stop laughing. Sometimes Peter feels like the world's gone insane and he's the only one unaffected. "He called me."
"Uh huh. Did you, at any point, do or say anything that made my son act against his will?"
"No. Of course not."
John nods and looks down at his desk and then over at his computer. "Well, that's all I need to hear." He looks pointedly at Peter. "And I mean that. Nothing. I want to hear nothing. Nothing about you and my son and the sex you are not having."
"Nope," John says. He points a finger at the door. "Out. All of you. It's far too late for this. I just want to go home and go to bed and then have a discussion with my son in the morning on appropriate phone conduct."
Peter is not pouting. Not at all. "You're not going to arrest me?"
"You damn well know that." John stands and pushes his hand through his hair. "Now, you can either keep sitting in here, alone, or you can go home and get some damn sleep." With that, John walks out. Talia clasps Peter on the shoulder before exiting with Paul.
Claudia drops into her husband's chair and spins around. "You know, that boy masturbates far too much. You'd think he forgot that he lives with a werewolf." She grins at him. It feels kind of predatory. "I never had much shame as a human, and I certainly don't have much left now, so if it'll make my son happy I can give you tips if you need. What he likes and all that. I was the one who gave him the talk about the bees and the bees so he's well educated."
Peter is pretty sure his eyes are as wide as saucers. It takes him a minute to process the words that have come out of Claudia's mouth, out of his soulmate's mother's mouth. He's disturbed. Deeply and utterly disturbed and he's fairly certain he needs twelve more showers before he'll consider himself clean again.
"He thinks about you a lot when he touches himself."
That's it. Peter's up and out of the chair. He runs out of the station. Talia and Paul are standing outside with John, waiting on Claudia, and they laugh raucously as he slams his car door and takes off out of the station parking lot at speeds that are definitely not legal.
This is one time when he's very glad that he can't get speeding tickets.