1. Must be a non-canon pairing: Sheldon/Penny, Leonard/Amy, Howard/Raj, Amy/Raj, Bernadette/Penny, Sheldon/Leonard, etc (Please remember to list the pairing in your story description)

2. Must have them dealing with Pirates, talking about Pirates, or being Pirates

3. Must be posted (to or Ao3) by/on September 19th, 2016 for International Talk Like A Pirate Day

There is no restriction on length, rating or type (Angst, Friendship, Romance, Smut, etc.)

A/N: so…. I had written a very different fic… but then I lost it. So I wrote this! Not my best work I know, i'm also battling being sick (sing me soft kitty)... but I wanted to make sure I got a fic in for TLAPD… so enjoy! Maybe I'll try and rewrite the last one a bit later. (unbetta'd…)

Anyway, enjoy!

Sheldon sputtered and coughed as salt water left his lungs, his whole body felt sore, he didn't want to move, but the surf kept washing over his back, it was only slightly light out, he was cold and wet. So he forced himself onto his hands and knees, forced himself to sit up, now on his knees, he looked around.

Sand, more sand, some green in the distance, but mostly sand. So much damn sand. Oh and the waves crashing over his legs. He turned his head, his neck ached, there was the ocean and a pink and orange sun set… sunrise? He wasn't sure. He shut his eyes, his mind raced. He couldn't remember what had happened, why was he here?

And then he heard it, and he realized that he didn't hear anything until now, his ears had popped, he ignored the pain, he heard his name being called. He looked up the beach, he saw a figure rushing towards him.

He saw blonde hair, he knew who that was, suddenly the last day rushed back to him with a frightening surge, he felt panic. His eyes got wide. He looked over at the figure rushing towards him again, he rose up on wobbly knees, "Penny!" he hollered back. And he ran towards her.

As fast as he could, he couldn't keep a fast pace with his sodden shoes and clothes, his lungs begged him not to. She came into focus more, she looked relieved. And then he didn't see her and he was being tackled to the sand.

"Sheldon! Oh my god! I thought you had drowned!" Penny's hands were on his head, on his face, her felt her lips on his chin and cheek. Sheldon wrapped an arm around her and held her close, fear filled him, he had almost drowned, the boat went down so fast. She was okay.

"I'm alive, I washed up." Sheldon murmured as he sat up a little, still wrapped up in each other, he motioned back from where he came.

Penny looked, "you brought your disaster bag?" she asked.

Sheldon looked back, there it was, The Flash red, sitting in the surf. Then he remembered why he was still on the boat and not on the inflatable raft with the others, he'd gone back for his disaster bag. That had clearly been a stupid decision, nearly cost him his life.

Penny was standing up, Sheldon let her, then he saw her leg. "you're bleeding." Sheldon said in a slight panic as he stood up.

Penny looked down, "I think it was the coral, I jumped off the raft to help get it to shore." Penny said. Her adrenaline seemed to be wearing off and she started to limp.

Sheldon was at her side, holding her up, "wait here, I'll get the bag." Sheldon motioned for her to wait and he jogged ahead. He glanced back at her, she looked not too worst for wear, her light blue evening gown was soaked through, covered in sand, she had ditched the heels, her hair was up in a messy bun. She looked okay.

Sheldon grabbed up the bag, placed the strap across his chest and turned back to walk back towards Penny.

When they met up, he quickly wrapped an around her waist to help her walk, "are the others okay?" he asked as he started to walk them along the beach.

Penny nodded, "yes, we made it, we didn't think… we couldn't find you…" Penny sounded like she was going to cry.

Sheldon squeezed her side, "why did you come over here?" Sheldon asked, he wondered why she was alone.

Penny sighed, "I needed to pee… I was curious and I went around and I saw your… I was hoping it wasn't you, but you were all the way down the beach, and then when you started to cough and sit up, I ran to you." Penny whispered.

Sheldon nodded, thankful nature had called her.

They were silent as they walked until they rounded a large boulder that sat out far on the beach, the tide being in would make it hard to pass without swimming, but for now, they could make it, and the rest of the group came into view.

They were sitting in a circle, the deflated raft was nearby, Leonard was pacing.

Howard spotted them first, he stood up, "holy shit," he shook his head and smirked before bolting in their direction.

This caused everyone to look over in alarm, Raj was next to stand up and dash over.

Leonard stopped pacing, he was stunned, Amy stood up shocked, Bernie was smiling.

Howard jogged up to them, "you're alive?!" he nearly shouted. "you went down with the boat!"

"dude, dude… Penny, you're bleeding." Was what Raj said, he was suddenly concerned.

"yes, I am alive, take this." Sheldon handed the bag to Howard as the four finally made it back to camp. Sheldon helped Penny sit down on the sand, he looked at everyone.

"what now?" Bernie asked.

There was an awkward silence, it was getting dark, the only sound was that of the ocean.

Sheldon was thinking, he'd been prepping for this… well not this exactly, but similar… this wasn't any different than a post-apocalyptic situation, right?

So Sheldon did what he did best, he took charge. "okay… um… we need fire, shelter… water," Sheldon started, he looked around the beach, he looked down at his wet leather shoes, the sand.

"we need to move our camp up the beach about ten feet, the tide line is too close, we don't want to risk anything." Sheldon started.

There was this moment of relief that came from the group. They would be okay.

"gather some dry fire wood, we'll make a fire, we should also cut up the raft, make a large enough shelter for the fire and us." Sheldon said as he looked towards the sky.

"why, it's not raining." Leonard asked.

Sheldon looked at him, it was the first time he'd spoken to him. "it's going to rain… trust me." Was his reply.

Everyone who was able bodied was suddenly up and got to work. Howard had to push Leonard to make him help.

The duct tape helped with the shelter, they found some flint for the fire. The group was huddled around the large fire; they'd gathered logs to sit on. It was pitch black now and rain had started to fall. Howard had fashioned some rain catchers with the remaining plastic from the raft and duct tape, they would have fresh water soon.

Penny was sipping some water from a duct tape cup as Sheldon knelt at her feet and cleaned and dressed her sound. Mumbling about infections and lack of proper medical care… it was only a scratch.

"I wonder what happened to the other people." Raj said as a silence fell over the group.

Sheldon stopped wrapping Penny's leg, "other people?" he asked as he looked up at the astrophysicist.

Raj nodded, "yeah, we were rammed by another boat." He said solemnly.

Sheldon furrowed his brow, he'd forgotten that.

"You don't remember?" that was from Amy, she had been oddly quiet and distant from him, only conversing a little bit with Leonard and Bernadette.

"I… I hit my head I guess… I don't recall what happened before we started to sink… only bits." Sheldon said.

It was true, the whole afternoon was a mess in his head.

He recalled being forced to get on the ill-fated boat by Leonard, he recalled drunk Amy trying to grope him. He recalled… he froze.

"where is the captain?" Sheldon asked suddenly.

The group exchanged a look, "we assumed that he had drowned… we never saw him after the other boat hit us." Howard said as he rubbed his pregnant wife's lower back gently.

"yeah... it was weird though… the whole ocean and they seemed to aim right at us." Bernie said with a shudder.

Sheldon finished Penny's leg, she patted his head and whispered thank you. He rose up and sat to her left… like always.

Sheldon sighed, everyone was suddenly uneasy. "that bag has enough food in it for all of us, to last about a week if we ration properly…" Sheldon said. He'd stick with what he knew… not the unknown.

He could feel everyone's eyes on him questioning him. "I'm always prepared and this trip gave me reason to worry… now if we ration properly, and stay hydrated, we should be okay. It's the after that I am worried about." Sheldon said.

"we need to find a way off." Raj said after a moment.

Sheldon nodded, "for all we know, the other side of the island is a resort," he nearly smirked.

"Some of us should head out tomorrow and find out." Leonard said with a nod.

Everyone started to agree.

"We don't split up, if we head further in, and I think we should, the whole group goes…"
Sheldon said matter of fact. "we also pack up our camp, we should leave a sign out of drift wood on the beach… but we don't leave anyone behind."

"That makes sense." Penny whispered. Everyone looked at her, "I've seen enough episodes of 'I Shouldn't Be Alive' we should not split up."

The whole group could feel it… the weird feeling of the island, they didn't like it.

"Also, we need to take shifts and someone needs to stay up and keep watch." Sheldon said, he looked at his waterproof watch, happy he'd gotten it, "someone stays up for two hours each, we'll take turns, I'll go first."

There was no argument, and after a dinner of packaged dry camp food, everyone tried to settle in to sleep.

Howard and Bernie spooned, he had the log that faced the beach behind his back, Bernie wrapped up in front of him, warmed by the fire.

Raj was on his back, his eyes watching the fire.

Leonard curled up with his head on his arm. But his eyes didn't leave Penny.

Amy rested her head on Raj's thigh, he let her.

Sheldon waited as Penny settled down on the side of the log by the fire, before he slid down on the opposite side, he rested his back against the log, his eyes on the black ocean. He could only hear waves, the rain and the crackling fire. It's all he hoped to hear all night.

After about 20 minutes, Penny was settling down next to him, she wrapped her hands around his forearm, she rested her head on his shoulder.

"you remember what happened before." She whispered.

Sheldon sighed, he nodded, "I kissed you… and Amy and Leonard walked in… how could I forget that?"

Penny sighed, "do you want to forget?" Penny asked.

Sheldon shook his head, "I couldn't if I wanted to, Penny."

Leonard laid there listening, his fist was clinched tight, but he let out a breath. He shut his eyes.

Sheldon opened his eyes with a quick breath in, he felt panic, he was confused as to where he was, then he remembered and he realized that he had fallen asleep.

"I kept watch." Penny said above him.

Sheldon finally looked and realized he was on his back, his head in her lap, her fingers running through his hair.

Sheldon relaxed, "it's almost morning." He murmured, it had stopped raining, he started to sit up, stretching, hating all the sand.

"yeah… I didn't see any lights or hear anyone," Penny said.

Sheldon looked at her confused, she gave him a look. He sighed and nodded, "yeah… this place doesn't feel safe." He stood up, stretched, "if you'll excuse me… I need to do the islands only version of oblations one can do." and he walked away to pee.

Penny smirked and shook her head.

The sun rose, Raj was making plastic canteens for the water, Bernie was eating an energy bar, Amy and Penny were taking down the shelter.

Sheldon was looking at his home made compass, trying to figure out where on earth they were.

Howard and Leonard were gathering drift wood to make a sign, they'd use the charcoal to add some darker markings to the wood, make it more visible against the light sand.

Sheldon stood up and walked back to the group, "I've calculated that based upon where we were when the boat sank, to how many hours we were drifting… we're more than likely on one of the uninhabited islands that are for sale," Sheldon said.

"USA side or Bahamas?" Howard asked.

Sheldon shrugged, he didn't know. "but for now… we need to get an idea of this island, maybe see if the wreckage from the boat washed ashore."

Leonard looked at Sheldon and narrowed his eyes. "who made you the boss anyway?!" he suddenly shouted, it startled everyone.

"Leonard," Penny started to say.

"No! don't you even try to talk to me!" he turned on Penny.

"hey, everyone just needs to relax." Raj started to say.

"Sheldon kissed Penny." Amy finally spoke.

Everyone got dead silent. They looked at the two in question.

Penny shut her eyes and Sheldon just stood frozen.

"Or did you forget that as well?" Leonard asked. When no one said anything, "I'm staying here, I think it's stupid for everyone to venture into that jungle, Bernadette is pregnant for Christ sakes." Leonard sounded pissed.

He sat down, "I'm waiting here, I suggest everyone do the same, if help is on the way, they will spot us." Leonard said.

There was an odd moment, and then Howard and Bernie joined Leonard, Amy sat down next, Raj sighed, he looked at Sheldon and Penny, almost to say he was sorry.

Sheldon nodded, he set the bag down, he pulled out a couple food packs, grabbed a canteen of water and the bags other hunting knife. "I'll be back before sundown." Sheldon told the group.

And he set off.

Penny grabbed a canteen and ignored Leonard's scoff as she darted after Sheldon, he looked back at her surprised, she only shrugged and walked ahead of him.

They walked in silence for almost an hour, nothing but the trees and birds. Sheldon was leading the way, he'd found a solid stick to use, was knocking branches and leaves away, making a path for Penny.

"I know why they are mad… but I honestly wish they would just stop it." Penny started to say. Sheldon didn't reply, so she went on. "you and Amy broke up 6 months ago… Leonard and I… well we broke up a few hours after that… he shouldn't have cheated." Penny murmured the last part. "we have been spending so much time together… and you were wearing that suit and I'd had Champaign… it was inevitable."

Sheldon stopped, Penny nearly ran into his back.

She stepped around him, she was stunned, it was a small waterfall that led into a crystal clear pool of water. Too small to be a lake, but the size of a decent pool.

"Oh my god… do you think it's safe?" Penny asked. She was just itching to jump in, it was hot and humid.

Sheldon nodded, "I can see the bottom, it appears to be a basin made from the mountain rock… shouldn't be anything dangerous." Sheldon started to carefully walk down the steep hill towards it, Penny followed.

Sheldon started to take his shoes and socks off, he'd just wade in, it wasn't too deep. Anything to remove most of the sand from his body. He looked up at the wrong time… or right time. His eyes got wide.

Penny had stripped off all of her clothes, he caught her walking into the cool water.

"Penny!?" Sheldon hissed through his teeth.

Penny was up to her waist, she turned around to face him, "Sheldon… we're on a deserted island… we might as well live a little." Penny was smiling back at him; she didn't even bother to hide anything.

Sheldon couldn't look away, he made a choice, she was right. He unbuttoned his dress shirt, pulled his white t-shirt over his head, he undid his dress pants, hesitated and pushed everything down. He was blushing and trying to hide it, Penny wouldn't look away from him.

Sheldon looked around before he made his way towards her, the water was cold but it was welcome.

He moved closer to her, their eyes were locked. "I'm living." Sheldon whispered.

Penny nodded and bit her bottom lip.

Penny was practically giddy as she kissed Sheldon's cheek and he attempted to tickle her sides. It was a couple hours later and they were headed back to the beach, they'd tell the group of their find, see if they could make peace… leave out the sex in the waterfall part… yeah better leave that part out.

Sheldon was only wearing his dress pants and the under shirt, Penny had torn and tied her dress so it was more like a one shoulder sarong, cooler and less cumbersome.

Penny started to giggle and then Sheldon froze. He got really serious and he shushed her.

Penny froze when she heard voices…. but not belonging to their friends.

They ducked down and moved slowly towards the beach, peaked at it through some brush and low hanging palm leaves. There they took in the sight.

Two motorized small boats were against the sand, four armed men stood around the beach, another man was standing and talking to Leonard, all of the men were wearing dark camo, of different ethnicities and ages. They didn't look like men on would want to encounter.

"we can help you… just come with us." The large man said as he puffed on his cigar. He had a thick, Russian accent. He intentionally blew his smoke into Leonard's face.

Leonard coughed a little bit, "you rammed us on purpose!" Leonard accused.

The large man chuckled, "I didn't think that your pathetic dingy would sink… it was just a little love tap." He snickered and his armed men laughed at the joke.

Leonard and the others were standing in a group, worried.

"now, back to business, all of you are worth more to me alive… I'm sure you American's will have some wealthy family members who would happily give us money to get you back." The man said. He reached for his pistol in his belt, "so… coming?"

Amy walked up, "actually, Leonard is the only person here who comes from money… you should only take him."

Leonard looked at her with horror, "what are you doing?!" he asked.

Amy sighed, "I'm saving us… if he only takes you, we will be okay." Amy gave him a casual shrug.

Leonard narrowed his eyes, "oh yeah?! How about that rich Saudi prince that's been giving you money?!" Leonard barked, he smirked when Amy looked rightfully scandalized.

Howard, Bernie and Raj were standing there looking confused and horrified.

"are they really doing this?" Howard asked.

Raj shook his head, "if they bring up my parents I'm shanking a bitch." Raj grumbled under his breath.

The Russian leader rolled his eyes annoyed. "shut up!" he finally shouted as their bickering kept getting worst. Both looked at him as if they had forgotten he was there. "believe me… all of you will have a chance to be my captives." He gave a smirk and then motioned to his men to gather them up.

Everyone started to resist but having a gun in their back was good motivation to walk to the boats.

From the greenery edge, Penny and Sheldon watched.

"if they get on that dingy and back to their larger boat, we won't be able to save them." Penny whispered.

Sheldon knew she was right, "I have an idea," he whispered it back before he stood up and carefully walked further into the greenery, he motioned for Penny to follow. She did as she was told.

He stepped back far enough and then he cupped his hands over his mouth and shouted. "hey!" he barked.

They waited a moment.

On the beach, everyone looked to the green trees, the leader shot Leonard a look, "there are more of you?" he asked.

Before Leonard could say anything, Raj spoke up, "when the boat sank, we lost a couple of people... it might be them." He lied.

The leader motioned to two of his men, they then darted into the greenery. And then he and his men, along with their captives boarded one of the boats to head back to their larger ship.

Penny and Sheldon waited, "what's our plan?" Penny asked.

Sheldon sighed, "we battle these pirates…" Sheldon nodded slightly.

"pirates of the Caribbean…" Penny almost smirked.

Sheldon narrowed his eyes at her, before he could retort, armed men broke through the jungle barrier and Sheldon and Penny ran for it.

Pretty much their plan was to get the drop on the two men. Easier said than done, and it sadly involved someone being the bait.

Penny waited, hoping that if she looked like enough of a damsel then they'd have mercy on her.

So she waited, holding her wrapped up leg, as she sat on a log. She heard them coming. She put her acting classes to task.

"Ow!" she cried out.

Both of the armed pirates came upon her and stopped, their rifles were aimed at her, they were cautious.

"Please help me! I hurt my leg and it's getting worse." Penny cried out.

That seemed to convince them, one guy put his rifle across his back before he knelt down to tend to her leg.

The other relaxed a little bit, instead of keeping watch, he kept watch over her.

"thank you… are you here to save me?" Penny asked, sounding innocent and pathetic.

Both men seemed to ignore her, she realized they probably didn't speak English. She almost felt bad for what was about to happen… almost.

The one tending to her leg placed his hand too high on her thigh, that was Penny's cue. She reached around the log she was on, picked up a thick piece of wood, and she smashed it over the pirate's head.

She hit him hard, she fell over. His comrade was so shocked it took him a moment to realize what was going on, he was tapped on the shoulder, spun around and had a rock hit him in the face.

Sheldon walked over to Penny, tossed the rock aside, "you okay?" he asked as he looked over both knocked out pirates.

"Yup… lets pillage their weapons and save our friends." Penny said before she knelt down to gran what she could.

Sheldon didn't argue.

Night fell and Sheldon and Penny were on the motorized dingy, rowing towards the larger ship.

"we could be getting there faster if we used the outboard." Penny said as she watched the ship get closer.

Sheldon had his back to her, rowing the boat, "that would draw unwanted attention, this is already a suicide mission… we are not Steve Rogers and Natasha Romanoff… we may not successfully complete this mission." Sheldon was grunting through his rowing.

Penny had donned one of the pirates multi-pocketed vests and she had a holster around her hips, the automatic rifle across her back.

Sheldon also had a holster on, an automatic rifle at his feet.

"okay we're just close enough, Cap." Penny said.

Sheldon stopped rowing, set the ores inside and stood up, turning towards her. The ship sat in the dark, a couple lights on, they could see two men on deck, they had no idea how many were inside.

Sheldon sighed, "let's go, Black Widow."

They both took a deep breath and set their plan into action.

Getting on board was easy, they got the dingy close enough and climbed up on the stern of the ship, they crawled along as best they could, trying to stay low and keep quiet.

Sheldon motioned to Penny, using the hand signals they used playing paintball and laser tag. Penny moved past him and they took turns running point and watching the others rear… figuratively…

They kept peeking into windows along the deck, and then they spotted their friends in one room, it was a small living room, they looked scared.

Sheldon and Penny noticed that none of the pirates were inside, Penny stood up, opened the door and slipped inside, followed by Sheldon.

"hey guys!" Penny said with a wave.

The group were surprised to say the least. But relieved.

"Oh thank heavens!" Raj said excited.

Bernie hugged Penny. "what's the plan?" the tiny woman asked, she was itching to fight.

Sheldon was about to reply, when the opposite door from where they were opened up. The large Russian pirate walked through, flanked by armed men, he smirked at Sheldon and Penny, who quickly divested themselves of their weapons.

"You're smart… where are my two men?" he asked.

"Tied up on the beach." Penny said, she looked defiant.

"we will get them tomorrow, but it looks like we have some more ransom money to look forward to!" he bellowed.

Sheldon raised a hand, everyone panicked, they were sure he was about to get shot the second he opened his mouth.

"You're forgetting something," Sheldon started to say.

Russian pirate raised an eyebrow.

"You're currently in US waters… and I know Morse code." Sheldon smirked, just as bright lights, the sound of motors and helicopter engines filled the cabin.

"And that's how end the episode, of course it might have to be a special hour long episode." Jerry said as he stood before the long conference table, the Big Bang Theory writing team were sat around it, listening to the new writer's idea.

Molaro leaned forward, "so is this like a dream sequence?" he asked, everyone else leaned forward a bit to hear the answer.

Jerry slowly started to shake his head, but then he saw another writer, Pam slowly nod her head, so he nodded his head. "yes… it can be like an homage to Gilligan's Island." Jerry said hopefully.

Everyone looked at Molaro, he thought about it, "well with the way the rest of the season is going… why not! Let's write it!"

Everyone clapped.


Fin… Argh…