Authoritrix Note: I like to confess, I am a little odd. *Looks around.* First Harry Potter Type thing I've ever produced and distributed to the beautiful regions of anywhere other than that of my room. It takes long to write anything for cat loathes paper in ways only liquid monkeys understand, I appreciate LORD REZO, my cat's support in doing this. Enjoy this anyhow. The open cat-scratch wounds are for you. R&R. SALT THEM WOUNDS DANG-NABIT! XD

Dis-Dis-Disclaimer: (Quirrel said that not me) I don't own matching socks. Or any of the Harry Potter characters they all belong to J.K. Rowling. I wish to own Snape (yummy, sex muffin), but I don't. Oh! Btw: no money was maken off of this...that I know of. And I should know--I'm the authoritrix.

Warnings: Mild Yaoi (slash) jokes. Nothing your 11th personality can't handle. Somethings you just might not understand. Rated: wha? PG-13ish? Mild Language. Think: 3 Doors Down and you'll know what cuss words this contains, girlfriend.


-By TRSolarcat [RocketSolarCat]

One morning at 22-22 Bob's House Drive Lucius Malfoy woke upon a fine Tuesday (for if he hadn't this story wouldn't have started this way), he yawned and stretched like a person who just woke up.

Deciding to take a vigorous walk two feet out to his 'driveway' to fetch his newspaper. Normally, he'd have asked servants to do it, yet since Dobby was a free elf and the others were all busy--he'd do it himself. Not bothering to put anything on, he stepped outside in his underwear. To please the neighbors. He'd always had the elves do it this way.

Suddenly, he picked up the paper. Scratching his....self, he wondered slowly why the newspaper read: Tuesday the seventeenth. Surely this was a genderless mistake. So he decided to sneak over to the neighbors house to see if their paper read the same. Perhaps they'd delivered him yesterdays by mistake and everyone hates reruns, you know.

Lucius prided himself in being only stupid on Sundays, but today had the exception. It was Tuesday and his brain was an evaporated rocking chair. After getting the neighbor's dog to instinctively faint at the sight of a man in his underwear. He found the neighbors newspaper, picking it up it read (surely enough!)-Tuesday.

"What's going on here?"Lucius calmly wondered aloud, as a little old woman pelted him with dried fruit as she screamed in terror and took pictures. His neighbors where muggles with very special talents...for muggles. After the random incident involving explicitives and randomly placed death threats Lucius decided it was best for him to go home and get some clothes on.

Then sitting calmly at the luxurious dinning room table he calmly read his paper and ate dried fruit, courtesy of the next-door-neighbors, the fruit was in his long blond centaur-like hair. In one breathtaking moment he turned the page. It was the horoscopes, Lucius read out loud like his phonics teacher taught him (he also clapped out the syllables but thats not really important).

"Your day will be a living hell, hell, hell, hell--"Briefly Lucius wondered if he could buy this on audio tapes, the fourth 'hell' gave him just that,"--You'll be visited by a friend, then an enemy, and then a fox with a can opener. Whatever you do, don't take it from him! Your fortune cookies wrong."

For some reason he was very skeptical, after all this was a muggle paper. After all those Muggle-Mudblood comments he'd made in the past, if anyone seen him with a muggle paper he'd just die, Girlfriend.

"Father."Came a voice, so close Lucius thought he might jump, but that would've taken effort so he remained unwavering. Lucius' eyes fell upon his slick blond-haired son, Draco. Draco was equally stupid on Sundays, yet it was still Tuesday.

Finally Lucius anwsered,"Yes?"

"Why are you reading a muggle paper?"

Lucius' eyes grew very unnarrow. Thinking quickly, which I hear in some places is hard, he replied,"They had a recipe on Artichoke Spinage Dip."

After beating himself mentally senseless Lucius put on a happy smirk, for his son's good.

Draco looked rather confused, but decided not to push any further into the subject.

"Can I ask Crabbe and Goyle over? It's my birthday remember?"Draco asked with a face that resembled a puppy-dog's in an adoption center.

Of course he hadn't.

"Of course I have."Lied his father, pulling the newspaper up a little,"Thats what the Spinage Dip was for."

After another prolonged silence, Draco began to wonder if he was supposed to say something but as he opened his mouth,"--Oh, of course ask them over."

"Thank you, Father."Draco acted happy, well as happy as a person without a smile could. Okay so he wasn't happy at all, there.

When Lucius was sure he was alone again, he turned the paper to the funnies. Laughing heartily about the latest 'Family Circus' he finally had finished his paper. Beginning to wonder if it really was Tuesday. Maybe he'd mistaken yesterday to be Tuesday, when it was really Monday.

As he sat in deep pondering about the Space-Time-Continuum a meek house elf approached him,"Good Master, Sir, a visitor for your grace."

"WELL? WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR SHOW THEM IN!"He yelled because he was evil, and enjoyed scaring things that were very small and rather defenseless. Plus this one had a annoying Chihuahua eye (we can't ignore that).

Entering quietly through his door was Severus Snape. Looking very bitter, for a bitter person.

"Good Tuesday, Mr. Malfoy."Snape said in a rather monotone voice.

"Yes, well I've been meaning to ask someone about that."Malfoy replied, gesturing for Snape to sit down.

"You mean the 'good' part? It's only an expression, Mr. Malfoy."Snape glared momentarily at the muggle paper.

Lucius saw him eyeing it, thinking quickly again,"I ran out of soap."

"Indeed."Snape's voice droned, yet he rose an eyebrow,"Thats you always thinking. That's exactly what I use instead of soap."

"I believe it."Lucius muttered as he rolled his eyes.

"You bathe professor?"Draco asked, standing next to Snape as if he'd heard the entire conversation. Snape's left eye twitched with incredible accuracy that was the only answer Lucius' son needed.

"Anyway, I came here on--"Snape eye's darted quickly, he could swear he heard some one 'sniffing'. Smelling him. He thought his psychologist told him if he kept thinking: 'I am a pretty peacock that is pretty', the noise would stop, for thinking you are beyond beautiful helps everyone (even though peacocks are scary),"--On special business."

Snape made a slight movement with his left arm, to ensure Lucius got the message, still looking for the source of the 'sniffing noise'.

"Ah...what kind of special business?"Lucius was no longer only stupid on Sundays, for certain.

As Snape wondered the best way to bring Lucius into the same conversation as he was they sat in silence.


In all of Snape's years of experiences as a spy, he never had known a Death Eater as nullifyingly stupid as that of Lucius Malfoy. Finally, after thirty minutes of trying to figure out how to get the blond Death Eater to talk about Voldemort's latest plans Lucius understood.

"Oh you mean you want to talk about overthrowing the Ministry and taking over the natural born world?"Lucius erupted into maniacal evil laughter, which echoed throughout his mansion.

Snape blinked looking around before he noticed Lucius had abruptly stopped and was staring at him. Snape started to laugh before Lucius got suspicious,"Sorry. My voice is a little hoarse. You'll know I have incompetent students I have to yell at all day."

Lucius nodded in understanding apparently unaware that his son, Draco, was an 'incompetent' student in Snape's class was well.

Somewhere a cheerleader throws a flaming torch--which falls and scorches many things. They won't be missed (it was mainly other cheerleaders).

"So about that Ministry."Snape shook his head as Lucius felt the sudden erge to burn a squirrel (don't worry folks, we didn't let him, besides all the squirrels within a twenty mile radius of him are fireproof).

"The Ministry is too scared to do anything,"Lucius was feeling rather evil,"All I have to do, is convince them that Dumbledore is an incompetent teacher. As well as the rest of those Staff Monkeys."Lucius was without a doubt stupid on Tuesdays as well, Snape was sure of this. Perhaps Lucius didn't understand his guest was a 'Staff Monkey'. Before Snape could remind Lucius of what a 'Incompetent Staff Monkey' he really was a Quididitch ball met with Lucius' face.

The Potions Master was very grateful. He almost smiled, but then he thought about if a Lamp and a Toaster were to 'mate': What would the results be? How would that even happen? Most importantly, WHY?!

"Sorry about that!"Came the voice of Crabbe, followed by Draco's screaming, and another voice that was definitely not Goyle's, unless--

"--ALRIGHT! Who drank the Liquid Biscuit Transformation Potion!?"Snape yelled, and to think all this time he had thought it was Potter who'd stole it. For everyone knows how being able to transform into a biscuit is useful especially in the fight against Lord Voldemort. He's allergic to them.

As the Potions Master awaited an answer, Lucius twitched in dull agony. Bleeding from the nose, he got up quickly.

"I WILL NOT BE BESTED BY A PASTRY!!"Lucius snarled, grabbing his wand,"ESPECIALLY A LOWLY BISCUIT!!"

[The Authoritrix would like to apoligize to anyone who was offended by that. He didn't mean it.]

"Who's a biscuit?"Said a cold voice, so cold in fact if you stuck your tongue to this person it would stick and you'd have to get the fire department to remove it. Take that as far as you sickos,"I despise those nasty things."

Then much to the surprise of Lucius, Snape and a random Lawn Gnome out stepped Lord Voldemort himself.


Lucius sat in a speechless sort of way. Until his senses were back where back in his upper body half--don't worry about the lower half, it works quite well.

"MY LORD!"Lucius nervously said a little too loud,"What are you doing here, and why is Snape sweating like he's in a sauna?!"

"How the hell could you notice that?! It took me thirty minutes to weasel infor..--"Snape decided four in the morning was a better time to rearrange his sock draw. Besides that spilling your guts is a rude thing to do as a guest.

Voldemort eyed Snape as if daring him to go on.

"Like I was saying bellbottoms are actually transporting machinisms of the Devil."Snape retorted in his best monotone voice. So good in fact it won first prize in Mr. Dull Contest of '76,"An evil subway pair of pants, if you will, eh My Lord?"

"Yes, cat food taste good."Voldemort agreed apparently, he wasn't to bright on Tuesdays, and was missing part of this conversation as well.

"As you say, My Lord? But do you speak from experience?"Snape was truly fascinated.

"How else do you think I keep my slim girlish figure? Unicorn's Blood?"Voldemort laughed darkly, as Lucius joined in for no apparent reason.

"Truly amazing, Lord Voldemort."Snape began to wonder if he was the only sane person in this humble mansion.

Moving on, Lucius repeated his question,"My Lord, what brings you here?"

"Oh!"Malfoy's son suddenly spoke up, as if he was confessing,"Goyle wasn't home."

"SO YOU ASK OVER THE DARK LORD!?"The grease in Snape's hair almost boiled, like ice cream on chicken fried steak. Anger crossed his features, all 231 of them (ignore that folks were only worried about the one labeled 'face').

"Sure were all friends here aren't we?"Draco grabbed his Quididitch ball, turning to leave.

The Potions Master's face was still pulsating from his 'Stupidity Detectors' recent eruption,"Then that were...."

"Playing?"Voldemort finished,"Hardly, I was instructing in the Art of Flower Arranging. When the boys here came in and asked if I liked the Dutch. I said, 'Of course I love the Dutch'. Then they informed me, Lucius didn't care for the Dutch. I couldn't help it I was enraged. Sorry Lucy, I meant to."

Somewhere far, far, away [Alright. If you really must know it was in Poland, but a similar incident happened in Texas] someone puts their head into a box and just....screams.

Snape needed a box.

"Thats absurd! An outrage! My Lord, I love the Dutch!"Lucius slammed his fist into the table,"De Windmolen! De Windmolen! Ik heb nooti van wafels gehouden!"

"You know Lucius this isn't just something you can forget. I don't forgive you."Voldemort said in a voice of bitterness.

"Nee ik ben Nederlandse!"Lucius flailed his arms into the air madly,"My Lord, please don't be angry with me! Dutch is like a second language for me! I swear it!"

Snape on the other hand was wondering what kind of hideous landscaper had put poisonous barbed plants under all the windows.

"Professor?"Crabbe asked, scratching his head in wondertation,"What are you doing?"

His professor pulled himself back into the window,"Just checking."

"Checking for what?"Crabbe asked backing away from the window, not before looking out in confusion.

'Is this kid the only one not effected by this sudden Tuesday-Stupid- Attack?'Snape wondered, seeing he himself was beginning to be effected. Probably even more than he even knew," see if my foot is still attached."

Crabbe nodded smiling,"Oh! Yeh, I do that sometimes too, although it's usually on Sundays. You have to watch those little buggers too. Or they'll get away!"

Snape turned his gaze to the Dark Lord and the blond owner of the mansion. Lucius was on his knees, begging it looked like.

"Please, My Lord. Anything but that."

A cricket come from somewhere, and landed on Voldemort's shoulder then began to sing a 'Boredom' song.

"NOOOOO!"Lucius crumbled to the floor in agony. Mostly self-afflicted because of the incident.

'Where's a camera when you need it?'Snape snickered as he smugly smirked, until he realized the authoritrix was using alliteration.

"Anything but-but the Awkward Silence!"Lucius half-screamed making the silence less quiet.

Voldemort had a pleasant look on his face,"No, Lucius that's too good for you isn't it?--"To his shoulder he turned,"--See you next Tuesday, Jimminy Cricket, sorry for calling you out for nothing. Now then, Lucius Malfoy your punishment for disrespecting your Lord, as well as the people of Holland, you get this--"

Suddenly, the Dark Lord let loose a fury of canned kippers as none has ever seen before. Lucius stood in utter shock, never in his life had a disgrace such as this befell upon the Malfoy Mansion, not since Narcissia had brought home all those sadistic garage-sale induced foxes.

Foxes to this day gave Lucius the willies. Yet somehow now, foxes seemed better than kipper.

"Father?"Draco's muffled voice through the piles of cans. Which he soon emerged from yanking a fresh can from his right ear,"Why is there a fox with a can opener in our front lawn?"

"Don't bother me with such trivial matters, son! Can't you see I'm looking for my flamingo house slippers?"

"Good luck."A delightful cheery Potions Master replied from somewhere beneath many a kipper can. Currently, he felt like dashing off and doing something full of spite. For he had many a spite to burn.

Meanwhile, the Dark Lord stood kipperless, in unmeasureable bliss,"Learned your lesson, Malfoy, you soon will."

"My Lord! Why? Why must I suffer this...this hideous wrath of fish?!"Lucius struck a pose, dramatically spouting as he had done while auditioning for the part of Macbeth in the local Shakespearean Theater,"Nay! Grant of me one more chance to prove to thee I am worthy of thy alliance with ye, My Lord, and none but ye!"

As Lucius proceeded to get on Voldemort's fifth good side, Snape was rummaging through his pockets looking for something, other than kipper. Desperation in his eyes, he found not what he was looking for.

"My 131st gender!!"Cried the Potions Master, if he'd only realized what he'd said, he would have probably said it louder.

Lucius stared at Snape.

Draco stared at Snape.

Voldemort might have been staring at Snape. [I don't know. I'm just the authoritrix. You can't expect me to know everything.]

"Where is my Gender? I bet Potter has it!"Snape found out at that point in time, everyone was looking at him oddly,"Just kidding."

He coughed looking away, to change the subject,"Is that a fox with a can opener?"

Voldemort took this moment to announce,"I must leave you now, my faithful...servants. I have rather important matters at hand. Hand. I made a funny."He glanced at his own fingers.


"Manticore?! Where?"Draco randomly yelled, flailing kipper everywhere,"The next-door-neighbors! Think of the doorknobs!"

" a manticore."Voldemort reassured the youth with a swift pat on the face, which I hear, hurts about as much as slapping a person. And isn't quite different.

Ignoring the fact that his son was knocked sprawling to the hard tile floor somewhere beneath the kipper sea, Lucius began to 'swim' towards Voldemort,"My Lord! Please don't leave! I love you! In fact if I weren't so married, I'd even do...things with you."

Somewhere, Snape's 131st gender withers up and rotts from the utter disgust that has just taken place. For genders have sensitive ears.

[At this time the authoritrix would like to mention no genders were actually hurt in this incident. We used something else to represent them. It was a sock. This of course doesn't count if your own was injured as a result of hearing this news of Lucius' confessions...I don't want to hear about it. Ever.]

Snape's lip was curled in utter disgust.

Draco's lip was curled in utter disgust.

Voldemort's lip was--

"Hey he's smiling!"Crabbe yelled, but wasn't looking in the direction of anyone; he was instead preoccupied by the fox with the can opener. Dashing by the window Crabbe waved to it, yet again.

Voldemort breathed a great sigh of relief. For he had been smiling, not that he needed anyone to know that.

Lucius reached calmly for his weapon of choice to 'off' himself. Which if you must know was a noose at the moment. He decided this was the best Tuesday that he'd personally ever had and that is saying alot.

"Don't be embarrassed."Voldemort sank down in the sea of cans to hide his obviously blushing self,"You aren't the first of my minions to say that."

From a trashcan, the Potions Master calmly watched the scene, leaning over into the can. He wished he'd never eaten so many canned Skettios and Franks.

Lucius tried to act intrigued by the news of other Death Eaters interested in the Dark Lord,"Oh"

"All of them."

Snape wished he hadn't eaten anything all. Ever. Nothing. Nothing. NOTHING!!!!

The blond Death Eater's eyes were big enough to land space equipment on. Lucius found a loss for words,"Well....thats great....I think. You must've beaten a world record in there somewhere, haven't you?"

"You'd think so. I'm afraid not, Ruby Eyed Shabranigdu and Sauran are way ahead."Voldemort sighed disappointed,"Unless--"

For several minutes Lucius waited for him to continue, yet he didn't. Snape had long since then, straightened up, and moved away from the trashcan. Then Lucius concluded that was all Voldemort wanted to say.

"Father, can I catch a fox and eat it?"Draco had been beaten with the Sunday Stick too many times and had apparently snapped.

"WHAT?!"Voldemort snapped,"What do you think pinecones are for, foolish boy? Lucius you have failed me once again! You haven't even taught you own son, personal hygienic eating habits."

Lucius was happy for the change of subjects.

"I am happy for the change of subjects."He informed them.

"Come along, young Draco. I will teach you what your father hasn't!"Voldemort was enraged again,"And when I get back...."

His eyes when slanted, he pointed to the fish,"Or no more Mr. Ducky."

Snape gave an irritatingly low amount of snickering. As he begun to head for the door before he was committed to something.

Voldemort had already disappeared through the doorway.

Lucius dove for Snape's leg, knocking Snape down,"You've got to help me!"

"Your problem not mine!"Snape jerked away, trying to get up again as he tripped over both Lucius and the kipper,"Do it for Mr. Ducky."

"At least get me the can opener in the kitchen."Lucius yelled in a desperate kind of way,"I HATE THAT STUPID DUCKY!"

Finally after Snape's many attempts to get away, he finally agreed to get the can opener, pouting as he went into the kitchen.

Opening a draw labeled 'Seriously Sharp Dangerous Objects', he found more kippers. It was the same for all the other draws, even the one labeled 'Kippers'. Not a single piece of silverware.

Returning in defeat he told Lucius in great detail about the incident,"You're screwed."


Deciding the best way to get the can opener was to catch the fox. Lucius Malfoy 'told' Snape to help him, because 'asking' is so over-rated.

"To the lawn!"Lucius yelled but at that exact moment his bladder told him something in piglatin. So after the short delay they finally reached the lawn.

Snape wondered what time it was, it had to be almost night, why else would the sun be setting?

'I bet those idiots at Hogwarts are throwing a Snape's Dead Party again. Because I'm late again.'He thought,'If I don't hurry up I'll miss the cake again.'

"Do you see any fox tracts? My landscaper'd be livid."Lucius stared at the ground, basically around his feet.

"Not really."Snape lied covering the can opener droppings on the ground,"But my woman's intuition says we should go that way."

Lucius bought it, and began to walk briskly around the backside of the lovely mansion. Seeing the back porch and all its glory (lawn chairs and tables). Without any warning, Lucius sat down,"Too much for the wizard. Lets rest."

"What? We're only walking for thirty seconds!"Snape yelled in a rather hoarse voice--he was getting tired of yelling today.

Then the fox in question dashed past them.

"There it is!"Lucius just up but was looking in the wrong direction,"My missing lawn flamingo!"

Snape felt the sudden urge to strangle a blond wizard. Instead of being violent he looked up to the setting sun,"Why Potter, why? Why must you steal what I hold so dear? Have you not enough of your own?! My beautiful biscuits!"

He buried his face in his hands, a truly broken man.

"I hate buscuits."Voldemort yelled as he rounded the corner.

Followed by Crabbe and Draco, who had war paint on their faces.

"Oh and do you mind? Be more less noisy. Do you realize your frightening the pinecones?"Voldemort informed them, in a scolding voice.

As if to spite them, the fox frolicked by stopping only to jiggle its dirty foot in the air and eat a stray pinecone left in Voldemort's wake.

"THE FOX!"Lucius finally noticed the fox, and was on his feet within seconds.


Finally upon discovering a golf-cart they piled after the orange- brown blur. Snape was on the back while Lucius was driving madly through his lawn gnomes in the front seat.

"Run Tails, Run!"Yelled a random small child that was placed in front of the golf-cart for no apparent reason what so ever. Lucius considered dodging the child, even though he was pretty sure that child shouldn't have been there. He decided the small child's parents would forgive him. This kid was annoying anyhow.

Snape wondered as he sat on the back end of the golf cart,'What's that ominously ominous 'bump' that just occurred?'

At the time Snape found it more important to refill his Pez Candy Holder, because that was the very important tradition in Fox Chasing.

Well, that fox could sure run, it run so fast one would think it had to many Energy Drinks (You, know the kind that taste nasty, yet you still drink them, and make you speak in "Caffeine"). But Lucius was gaining, his lawn was definitely suffering the consequences. Rounding the corner of his house, he found the fox had been chased into a corner and was trying to run up the wall.

This goes without saying, but the fox indeed was stupid on Sundays. Maybe even on Tuesdays as well, because even though it was a Tuesday the law of gravity was still in effect.

Lucius leaped from the golf cart, swaggering towards the fox as if he'd bested a great foe. Days like this made Lucius glad he always wore plastic gloves on his hands. Reaching down slowly for the little woodland creature, the fox launched itself at Lucius. Diving for his long blond locks it latched on to a piece of dried fruit.

"I was saving that!!"Lucius yelled, wrestling the fox from his bushy straw colored hair. The fox fell to the ground then getting up it twitched again, hissing before Lucius made another grab for the fox. With one hand he tried strangling the fox and the other making a seize for the dried fruit, and with his third arm he...oh! Sorry. Maybe he was grabbing for the fruit and the can opener.

Although it was terribly sunny outside Lucius was sure the muggle weatherman didn't predict sudden flashes of sunlight. He looked around for the source of this unusual amount of strobe light flashes.

Lo-and-Behold Snape was to his side, with a camera,"Thats the way to pose. Work those teeth around his arm!"

"Are you taking pictures of me wrestling a fox with dried fruit in its mouth?"Wondered Lucius quickly finally freeing his hand from the fox's eyeball.

"Indeed. I'm quite intrigued by this latest..."Snape laughed darkly,"development, Mr. Malfoy. How do you think the Ministry would take this? I'm sure the press would. I can see it all now: 'Malfoy Tries to Steal Dried Fruit From Fox; Dried Fruit Convention Insulted'. Or how about this? League Against Fox Wrestling Calls for Ministry Meeting to Discuss The Blunder of It's Latest Member'."

"Blackmail!"Lucius snarled, as he dropped the fox, it took this opportunity to flee,"That's right! Get away while you still can. Hey...Snape aren't those too long for a newspaper article titles?"

"Shut-up,"Snape growled,"Anyways you should've listened to the fortune."

"Snape?!"For the fifteenth time today Lucius was officially stupefied- -

[Disturbed logo flashes by.]

Snape and Lucius look around,"What the hell was that, Lucius?"

"I have no idea. Anyway--Snape?!"He repeated,"You wrote that horoscope?"

"Yes,"Snape gave a sharp cackle,"I wrote it as a clue, I don't like to be unfair, and give no warnings, you know?"

Lucius watched Snape toss the camera up and catch it idly. Before continuing,"Then it was you who--?"

"Let the fox with the can opener onto your chateau."Stepping forward he pocketed the disposable camera,"And it was I who told your son to mention you disliking of the Dutch to Voldemort! For I knew well what the consequences would be!"

"You can't do this! You're a 'good guy'.....a little bit 'chaotic neutral' at times, but still generally 'good'. YOU'RE BREAKING SOME SORT OF MISCREANT RULE!"Lucius couldn't believe it his own cat would do that to his favorite chair,"But didn't you get that first part a little messed up?"

"Oh, you know how hard it is to plan these get-togethers."

"Are you sure it was you?"

"Nah!"Snape waved his hand in disgust,"I just wanted to see what would do if you thought it was really me. It wasn't, I was just messing with you."

Lucius nodded for some reason he believed him,"Well...what about the picture?"

"Oh. That whole thing was funny you should've seen your face, I wanted to remember the moment."Snape dully said, yawning,"Don't get me wrong. I didn't laugh...."

"Well,"Lucius noticed he still held the key to all his problems: the can opener,"I'll be headed back to the Mansion....see you tommorr--"

"MY TONGUE! THE FLESH! IT BURNS THE FLESH!"Draco's voice suddenly rang out over the compound,"NO MORE!"

Lucius calmly looked over towards the direction, it was only his son's flesh after all. No point in getting your wizard underwear in a bunch.

Draco's first reaction when seeing his father was to flail his arms while doing a very impressive jig of doom.

[Doom. Don't you love the sound of that?]

"Kids these days..."Voldemort, said soberly, as he took a ripe gunnysack of fresh pinecones over his shoulder, suddenly he burst into tears,"But we've lost Old Dan and Little Anne in this fight for survival! For if it were not for them, these pinecones would have never been found. Farewell!"

Voldemort pointed to the ground where two red ferns were sprouting.

"Wow. Just like the legend of old foretold. It shall never be winter in this spot again!"Lucius began to get the misty eyeball as well.

"Great, and its right next to your driveway. I think your going to need some Weed Killer X."Snape sneered, preparing to finally leave.

So they all gave there final farewells, as the sun fell upon the scene. But what became of the fox? And what about the kippers? The missing gender?

These are stories for another day and age.

But the very next day..... Bright and early a young boy on a yellow bike (with brown hair if you must know) stops before the driveway of Lucius and Draco Malfoy, grabbing a newspaper that is delicately placed in the sidebag on his shoulder. Throwing it, it sails through the air, landing next to the red ferns.

Upon it is the date: Tuesday the 17th.



Authoritrix's final notes: I hope at least that someone enjoyed that. Oh and as for the Dutch in the middle it translates to: "The windmill! The windmill! I have never 'fancied' [liked] waffles." and "No, I am a Dutchwoman." Does this need a sequel? Or something?