The Unsheathing of M'Dick
Sonic the Hadgecog Kills Critics Untitted (for all critics united ppl)
¡Hola dirty spics of the Criticz Untied!
I wrote this little fandfic of yall so i hop u lick it and plz reed!
Once Upoon a time there wis a sad groop of peepoles called the Critdicks Untied. There were two douche bags who were pert ofa da group named IlluminatiAss and MrCuntBalwzinShoez who thought it wood be wise to waste their little time here on Earf by repooting all terrible storieez on becuz they are total assbums. They did nut know dat ass they did this though a fierce beast brewed in their dickholes.
It was Sonic da Hedgedog!
Sondick pooped out of MrCuntBalwzinSHoez's's's dick!
"Hello MrCuntyBalwShites!" sed Conic the DogHedge.
"POOP-POO IMMA P-POOPY DICK" sed the MrIlliterateBitchinSHoez becuz h cood nut talk ass he was only six months old.
IllumintiAss then started tugging on Condick's dick becuz he was a zoophile.
Butt he was so bad at pleasuring other things (becuz he was a fucking loser) that Connick JuniorHog could nut cum. Harry Sonick Junior then killed all of the CriticDick Unititted becuz they cud nut get tits and he felt bad for them and wanted to put them out of ther misery.
THE FIN P.S. Harry Sonnick Junior told me to write this story for yallsuns Peepoles so go sucka dick!
Theyr'll be more wear dat came frum! ;) Heheh! ^.^ Danks for reeding! 3===D Yours truly,
A Poem for Critics United Hello you critdicks. Dis izza ma poem/fanfic for you assholes, particularly Mr CuntAssShoes. I hope you all enjoy and appreciate it becuz it is souperior to anything your feeble minds will eva conceive.
Poon Repellent Fags At half past noon, pest control called And now Mister GoodyPooBalwz Stands in green overalls.
He's been called to exterminate the groundhog That lives in the Barberry- Blue.
The bush is his foe,
understandably so Because his hose is so small- unappealing.
He's never been called to touch bush before A sad and lonely fanfiction whore Rejected by bush his whole life Called now to control the infestation:
Sonic From the hedge, he hedges all the poon that he can.
Ain't that Ironic?
An exterminator called to kill this hog at noon And the only thing he repels is poon.
Go fuck yourselves, people of Critics United.
Especially Mr CuntyTwoShits.
Hey there "Critics" (if you even have the gall to call yourselves that)
Just wanted 2 let u know dat your all total cunts Oh Boy! Looka Here!
Ditectly from Mr CuntBucketinShoes's profile page! Dis shud be a gooda one! :D Da italicized (parenthetical) stuff in bold is by me! ^.^ If you wanta da story den scroll to da bottom!
Just to be clear, what follows is by MrCuntAssTwoShoes not me, only the aforementioned material at the bottom is mine. I am just commenting on his sad profile.
Here we go! :D At what point did reviews here only become about giving praise and not about giving constructive criticism or pointing out a possible error/issue within one's story in order to help them improve as a writer? (Because this is what happens when "safe spacer" fuckwits go online! Deal with it! We all have to, bitch! :D)
Hello there. (Fuck You too!)
If you're reading this you're probably trying to see if this is a troll account (Not really), just someone trying to cause trouble or just simply what I'm about. I am neither troll nor a trouble maker despite what some authors say or how you may feel as you race here ready to send me that message putting me in my place. I am also not out to "ruin things for everyone" despite the feelings of some of the less than polite reviewers.
What I am is an avid reader and sometimes writer (don't bother asking who I really am, I'll never tell (I bet no one has, or cares for that matter) but yes - I've written and posted stories) on this site. The reason I set up this account is to protect those stories that I have written from the vengeful authors (and mostly their fans who all act like spoiled entitled 12 year olds (That's because they are spoiled 12 year olds! :D Aren't you sad for thinking otherwise!?)) who want to get back at me for leaving the below note by attacking my own work needlessly. I've seen it happen to others and I don't want nor need that.
I'm sure you've seen me posting the following in many stories in the past:
Entries not allowed:
1. Non-stories: lists, bloopers, polls, previews, challenges, author notes, and etc.
2. One or two liners.
3. MST: comments inserted in between the flow of a copied story.
4. Stories with non-historical and non-fictional characters: actors, musicians, and etc.
5. Any form of interactive entry: choose your adventure, second person/you based, Q&As, and etc.
6. Chat/script format and keyboard dialogue based entries (Why is this a rule? This is an honest question).
Your story is not allowed under section _ of the guidelines.
and always followed by a message of a suggestion on how to possible fix it.
So now you're asking "why are you doing this?"(Cause you're a vindictive asshole?) My goal is mainly to help authors realize that they may have unwittingly broken a rule here (No it Isn't. It's to make yourself feel good and important. You're not.), and most fit in this category. I also know what it's like to have a story removed by the admins of the site and don't really wish that on anyone else (Then don't do it. The admins do not fucking care at all. They give zero fucks. I have experienced this. You are just being an asshole for the sake of being an asshole.). This is usually done without notice or a reason given - your story is there one day and then the next day it's gone. Therefore I hope my note can serve as a bit of a early warning and give those writers a chance to fix/adjust their work so that if/when an admin looks at their story they can see that it's fine and leave it be.
Now that you know the story hopefully you can see that I'm not made of "pure evil" or a "cyberbully" as some have described or labeled me as being (I will bet that nobody has ever called you that. You are a diseased horsecock of a person).
Don't be too surprised if you PM me and you don't get a response (Why? Are you too much of a quivering pussy?). Chances are you and your fans are looking at this with the intention on coming after me for "daring to flame XXX writers story!" so anything you write like that will be just laughed at and deleted though if I do get entertained I may write back just to see how annoyed you'll really get (Ohhhh… Pleeeease do. I'm begging you).
But, and this is a big BUT (Not bigger than your mom's puffy vagina), if you really come across as thoughtful and really are open to discussing your work then there is a good chance I will reply and even try to help you with your work. Many of the people I have seen are in fact good writers that probably don't realize what the rules are here and if I can help even one of them then I feel that "MrGoodyTwoShoes" has served his purpose.
A few things (based off the messages I do get) to keep in mind before you message me to save us all the time and effort:
1. I do not suffer fools lightly. Don't try and be a smart ass with your PM's. Don't play dumb or act like a idiot because you think it's funny (I can fucking do whatever I want. You self centered, not-entitled, fuck). Don't try and act like a know-it-all in your pm to me either (The hypocrisy is unreal, ain't it? :D). I have to deal with this nonsense at my actual day job (Which is probably uninspiring) and have little tolerance for it. I can also tell the difference between the actual person not knowing and someone who is trying to cover their tracks thanks to the training for my day job (Ohhh, I'm sure you can. XD).
2. Don't complain to me about the rules or try to ask me why they exist. If you don't like them then you should take it up with the admins of the site. I am merely a messenger (Are you an admin as well? NO? That's what I thought. Go fuck yourself.). If/when the rules change then so shall I.
3. Don't make excuses such as "I'm young and want to have fun" or "I've seen others doing this" in your messages. Sorry but that doesn't fly (Hey, asshole, surprisingly not everyone takes their writing on fanfic as seriously as you do… XD I mean seriously! It's the fucking fanfic website! Get over yourself you fucking dick!) (would you get away with that with your teachers? parents?) given that the rules are here for a reason. To me this is just someone trying to escape the responsibility of their actions (Or just trying to have fun?). It should be noted this is usually the excuse someone gives when they message me so by now if it hasn't swayed me I doubt your use of the same reasoning will do the same.
4. No, A pm rather than a review won't work so stop trying to tell me to do such. Most authors either ignored what I said or were very hostile. Besides, this place is full of "monkey see, monkey do" types so if my note on one story can help more before they write similar then it all works (It doesn't. Really it truly doesn't, you're just an asshole.).
5. Please take the time read my full review before you PM me. That means not only the rules but the part that says what rules your story broke and the part that says how to fix it. That means the actual full review and not just the part you see in your email. My reviews are in plain English and never misleading or overly complicated. I have little to no patience for people who can't be bothered in reading my reviews fully before sending messages demanding to be told "how can I fix it smart guy?" when I've already told you such (Fair enough, I'll give you that.).
6. "Your account has no stories so you shouldn't review" is something that makes no sense yet is something I get a lot. As I've said before, I have written stories here on my regular account. Besides, I think I'm still allowed to have a say/opinion/view even if I happen to not be a writer. Do people tell Roger Ebert he can't review movies because he's never been in one or directed one? (No, they don't. But he gets payed to do that. You do it because you're a vindictive asshole. It's the same reason why Congressmen won't help people who didn't vote; they didn't participate so they don't get as many privileges. It's actually a very logical and fair idea.)
6a. "If u don't like then u shouldn't read!" makes absolutely no sense either. It's not about liking a story even if I'm saying "here's your problem and here's how to fix it". Besides, how could one discover if they like something or not if they don't read it? (I like this one.)
7. Keep in mind I only leave my note on the stories/works when I see them. I do get private messages from time to time about stories that need my "attention" but mostly I only deal with stuff that I see at the time. Don't complain or whine about why I waited till XX chapter to do it. I'm not out to screw you or anyone else over. If I see your story and if my note/review is needed then I'll leave it. Simple as that. (Fuck you. At that point just let the admins do it. It'll probably never get taken down so why do you need to be an ass? Why?)
8. "u r a bully" is a recent addition to the usual list of replies (Add "an asshole" to that too). I'm really confused by it since how can it be bullying if you're trying to help the person? I can see it if I threatened them in my review but since I don't this doesn't make any sense so stop wasting your time in using the buzzword because you think it will let you get away with it. Besides, are you just not trying to ignore the fact you are in violation of one or a few of the rules on this site by doing that?
9. You're welcome to try and convince me to change my mind about all of this though I will tell you now - it won't do you much good so you really shouldn't bother. I'm in this for the long haul so I won't be going anywhere for a while (Neither will I, you fucking cunt! :D).
10. I have not reported anyone for quite some time and only will do it under extreme circumstances. Please don't accuse me of doing such as chances are it's not me who has done it but most likely one of my many copy cats. Remember that there is a difference between a "review" and an "abuse report".
Scratch that, I'm going back to reporting but only in cases where the author either refuses to listen or just plainly ignores and goes on in their bliss. At that point, it's between you and the admins. No point in being nice any more (That's how it should be in the first place because YOU ARE NOT AN ADMIN).
11. If you're going to take the time and ask me a question, please be kind not to block me if you're looking for a reply especially if you keep harassing me to answer the question you sent in the first place (Fair).
12. Do check your spelling and grammar before you try to lecture me or at least insult me (Hahaha u r such a fucking prick its unreal. WOW. U r a fucking ass). If you can't be bothered in doing that much then you're just making yourself look even more foolish if your intention is to get under my skin. This does include the use of net/text speak/spelling.
13. If you're going to try and insult or threaten me or even give me a death threat - at least be original and/or creative about it (Oh are they not good enough for you? The "all imaginative MrGoodyTwoShoes of " XD). Just calling me names or cursing at me isn't going to do it and I'll just end up annoying you more by turning it around on you (Please, I fucking beg you, you ass). Trust me, I'll be more amused by watching how you become more annoyed instead of the other way around (I am daring you at this point).
14. Reviews are not only meant for praise or encouragement despite what you've been told by others. There is nothing wrong or against the rules in what I do or how I review so please don't complain about my reviews not fluffing your ego or showering you with flowers and donuts. I do not curse, insult, threaten, bully, blackmail or intimidate (But you are an asshole) like many others do these days. My reviews always offer a suggestion on how to fix/adjust your writing to fit within the rules. That is far far more help than "updat sooz" can ever give you as well as the threat of "Fix or else" that some like to use.
15. It's not personal. No matter what you've been told, heard or read by others including your fanfiction "pals" etc. I have nothing against you specifically nor am I out to get you, "pick on you" or anything like that (Yes you are. You're a pretentious vindictive asshole). If I'm leaving a review on your story along with making a suggestion then I must have a reason and most likely my review will state such. Take it as that I see something worthwhile within the work you've posted and something worth saving instead of just attacking you because "i hate you".
and there you go - hopefully you'll have a better understanding of me after reading this profile and maybe I've answered a question or two for you at the same time.
I always use my account for reviews which means I always log/sign in to do it. If you ever receive an anonymous review claiming to be me (or a copycat account by a different name masquerading as me) then you've been had and it's just a sad little person with nothing better to do with their pathetic life (You mean like yours is?) other than impersonating me. Remember, I do not curse or insult a writer in my reviews - my reviews are always impersonal by design and will always be as such unless I am requested for a direct opinion.
If you really don't like what I have to say then you can either PM me or look me up on Critics United. (a.k.a. The Place for Fags)
Ok! Now that we're through with that! Here izza da story!
Once upon a tit. Sonic the Hedgehog came and eated a peace of celery frum an elefunt's asshole. The elefunt's name was Charlie Underhill and he had named this asshole Monsiuer Bondiuex. It wis a big disgusting asshole dat reeked of aids an semen. Ass Sonic ate the leafy substance from the hole (from which semen was seeping) the asshole sucked it back in.
"Mine!" sed Monsieur Bondiuex "Hey! Give that back, you!" Said Sonic in his boyish hodgehog voice.
"No! It's mine! I said so and I'm not giving it back!"
"Why are you doing this?" Asked Sonic in an honest yet confused tone "Because I need this celery to feel good about myself! If I don't take celery from at least five groundhogs a day then I begin to shrink! And an elefunt can nut have a small asshole! Think how silly he'd look! Why then, just about anyone could take advantage of him!"
Sonic thought for a moment. He looked down and rubbed his nipples during da tinking process. With his head still down he asked,
"Well, maybe that's why people make fun of Charlie Underhill so much and think that elefunts are know-it-alls because he has such a fat ass. Did you ever think of that?"
Monsieur Bondiuex looked perplexed. He had never considered the most basic of thoughts as this; concocted by a hedgehog of all things! This was probably due to having his head up his ass for so long that he lost the ability to think!
"Gee, I never even considered that Harry Sonnick Junior!"
"So you'll stop being a complete asshole?" asked Sonic, filled with apprehension.
"Of course not! I'm set in my ways and I will never change because I am a closed-minded fuckwit!" sed da fucking assbum of the elefunt.
Then Sonic killed the fucker then and there becuz the asshole did nut know how to fight becuz we wis an assbum and a fucking loser. And Charlie Underhill was forever doomed to be tormented by Sonic.
You are all Nazi fags. Go fuck yourselves.
Movin' Around at the Speed of Cocks or How to Kill a Bunch of Nazis
"LONG LIVE THE THIRD REICH!"
"HEIL MEIN FURHER!"
The scene of Jew-hating had begun and the heat of the crowd emanated throughout the town square. The echos of Hitler could be heard in the pauses of the masses, waiting for their evil Jew-hating leader to speak.
"Jeez, Sonic" said Tails "What are we gonna do?"
"We're gonna go fast and punch them right in their dicks." Said Sonic enthusiastically.
"Ummm... What?" asked Tails with a few rings in hand.
"Let's just give'm a little tap on the wang. Ya know? A little tap-a-roo!"
"Sonic, are you high?"
"C'mon Tails! Let's Go!"
"B-but Sonic! I can't! Wait!"
It was too late. Sonic was in full stride, full sprint, full boner. He zig-zagged through the group of Nazi's, punching each one right in the dick as he zoomed by. Tails, still reluctant, flew over head and dropped his rings on their Jew-hating heads. Each one died on impact.
"NEIN!" shouted Hitler at the top of his evil lungs.
The crowd was in a panic and the Nazis were doubling over in pain, clutching their small testicles. With his fists ablaze, Sonic continued to thrust his mitts into the noodley appendages of the Nazi queers.
"MEIN COCK!" yelled a fag.
"Shut up you autistic baboon!" Said a hovering Tails, with a quick kick to the mouth following.
Within minutes the group of anti-Semitic gay ducks was dispatched, all dead from shattered bawlz and broken necks.
Tails flew up to a terrified Hitler, "Is this the guy, Sonic?"
"I dunno, let's see."
Sonic studied the cowering shitstain of a person.
"No, it looks like we got the wrong group of people. These just look like Nazis." said Sonic.
"Ohhhh! So they're not the Critics United?"
"Nope. Doesn't look like it Tails. I guess we got them mixed up, after all they look and act pretty similar."
"Yeah, guess we'll just have to punch the other group of fags in their flaccid cocks instead, right?"
"Yup! Let's go, Tails!"
GOTTA GO FAST!
MOVIN' AROUND AT THE SPEED OF COCKS!
And they did just dat and den tha Critdicks died frum there nuts shattring and neckz abroken!
Go fuck yourselves, Critics United. You are no better than Nazis. Izza da troof.
There once was a fat and hairy knight, who went by the name of Pete of Critics United. One day the obese warrior left for Castle Ultama. He ventured short and flaccid and after his pitiful journey he came. Only after 15 seconds might I add. It was pitiful how long it didn't take for him to finish. He actually suffered from things taking a short time. Everything in life for him only lasted seconds. It was a disease called ass burgers. He had beef patties growing from his ass. Definitely due to his obesity.
He struggled to climb the staircase upon arriving to the castle. Inside there was no Hover-Round like he was used to. There also wasn't a chairlift or escalator so he was forced to climb. The sweat beat off his brow as he forged on in the endeavor. The great feat of climbing a whole two stories was nearly too much for the fat slob. Reaching the top, he was nearly dead and needed to eat some Ritz crackers because he had low blood sugar and type II diabetes.
He went into the chamber of the princess slowly (because he was so fat); his little, stubby legs unable to move him at a normal walking pace. Residing next to her he asked for a kiss as a token of her appreciation for rescuing her.
"Uhhh, No." Said the princess. "You are too fat. I can't be seen with YOU."
"Oh. Yeah. Ok." Said Pete through sobs. The mere feeling of her gaze made him jizz in his pants as he exited.
He went home and ate himself into a pizza coma. He awoke after three months of pizza and depression induced sleep. On his 45th birthday he said, "MOM! Can you order me another hundred or so pizzas?"
"Ok honey!" Said the enabling mother. But she knew what she was doing was wrong. She had caused her son's obesity and it was the reason her husband had left her. After ordering her 45 year old son another hundred pizzas from Papa John's she hung herself in her room.
Unable to retrieve her mother's body or reach a telephone, because he now weighed 600lbs, Pete of Critics United cried and ate himself to sleep as the smell of his mother's corpse filled his fat nostrils. On the next day he then finished all of the pizza. With a stained shirt and a greased body he then slipped into a deep sleep and died. One last slice in hand.
His many pet cats pissed on him and then ate him. Afterwards, Sonic arrived on the scene.
"Wow." He spoke, unbelieving. "This is the saddest thing I have ever scene."
Then, whipping out his kerosene hose dick, Sonic sprayed his piss (which was gasoline) all over Pete's cats. He lit them on fire and burned the house to the ground, erasing the sad memory.
THE END ^.^ I hope you all enjoyed! Please let me know what you think! I'm still new to this whole "fanfiction" thing and I would love some feedback! But please no haters! If you don't like then don't read! Ok? Thnx! :D
I am God.
Critics United are Epic Failures Eggass was standing abouve Sonic and wis really evil and shit. Eggshell had him tied up on his spaceshit. His moustache was getting bigger, just like his erection. He whipped out his cock for no apparent reason and it was 2 inches.
"What do you want, Eggpan?" asked Sonic.
"I want…" He paused in hesitation, seeming as if he was filled with apprehension. He answered Sonic, "I WANT TEDDY GRAHAMS!"
"...You want… Teddy Grahams?" asked Sonic.
"Yeah! I want 'em! And YOU Sonic are going to give them to me." He then laffed, sadistically.
"You'll never get the Teddy Grahams Eggyolk! Nut on my watch!"
Sonic then used his magnum dong as a jack and elevated himself into the air!
"Guzzle my fuzzle!" He yelled at the top of his ass.
Sonic then sprayed semen all over the ship out his dick. It flowed like diarrhea out the crack of the Johnstown dam. Or like aids out a Somali woman's vagina.
Eggtit was out cold lick a puddin pop. But the peso was all for not. A dildo was hereof the next world.
"Noooo…" Eggcock said with his final breathe. "Now I'll never… have… da Teddy Grahams."
Sonic then looked at the sad Eggsploog. He stood over him and said,
"Silly Eggbit, tits are for kids."
3====D Remember that pussy is part of your balanced breakfast kiddos! Heheh! :D Ya Idgets!
Attention all members of the CU aka Critics United aka Critics Untitted aka The Place for Fags,
Mr GoodyTwoFuck is a vindictive asshole and a fucking cuck of an individual. He should grow sum bawlz and end his reign of gay-assery for the sake of his testosterone levels. Otherwise he will neva get da tits, since he is part of the Critics Untitted. Which is in no way, shape or form a respectable hub for critics of any kind. They must also realize that this is fanfiction dot net of all places and that no one gives a fuck if you don't follow every guideline exactly. Ppl just want to have fun here and feeling that you have a duty to police the site for stories that break a minor rule is sad. You are all sad, no life, fucking horsecocks of peepole. You are assholes for doing what you do. Nobody fucking cares.
Also, by not wanting to give me attention by not reporting or commenting on my stories you are letting some of the worst smut on this site go unchecked. Good job! You are all fucking stupid! Also if you sign out and comment as a guest it just shows me that you're a quivering pussy. My dick has been unsheathed, we shall do combat if you wish but if you back down now then this will never end. Good luck critics.
Sonic was trapped in a dark room. He did nut know where he wis, but the room wis as black as the night is long. Or perhaps like that of a negro.
Sonic sat theare with his 23 inch long penis touching the floor. His hands wer bound behind his hedgehog back and he sat in a dank chair.
I really hate Filipino people. Thot the cogniscient hedgehog.
Finally a single light turned on overhead. The bulb was bright like a flashlight. In front of Sonic stood someone who wore a trenchcoat and a gay-ass fedora.
"Who the shitbawlz are you?" assed Sonnick.
"Imma da muffin man. And Imma be muffin da poon." responded the greasy Italian.
"Well that's good because I'll be fingerpainting on your dead mother's clitoris." saed Sonic, threateningly.
"Imma gonna makeuh da pizza outta you!"
But before the mafia man could kill the well endowed groundhog, in came da boss of the operation.
It was Tony Danza.
"Alright see," sed Tony the Tiger "Here's the plan see. We're gonna give'm an offer he can't refuse." Tony then took out a cannoli, proceeding to eat it with gusto.
"You'll talk Harry Sonnick Junior." Continued Fat Tony "Either you talk or you get ya kneecaps busted."
"NEVER!" shouted Sonic! With much passion!
"Ok. Ya don't wanna talk." He then wiped some grease that dripped from his greasy Italian hair. "Hey muffin man, give'm da bizness."
"M'kay boss. I'll give'm da biz."
Outside the screams of Sonic could be heard as the muffin man tortured Sonic with his awful singing. He sang "When my poon hits your eye! Dyke a big pizza pie! Dats a Moray Eel!"
The poorly executed aria was sung 68 times. On the 69th time…
"Heeya!" Yelled Sonick the cockhog. His dick then got so erect that it could cut through diamonds. He slit the throat of the mafia muffin man and ran out of da room.
He found Tony Danza in the alley doing a bunch of coke off of a really fat hookers ass. She queefed in his face as he did so, so he inhaled coke and queef. It wis a match made in heaven.
"Ohhh Sonic…." Sed Tony Bennet. "You have much to learn."
"I know one thing." sed Sonic with his dick in the air.
"I know that… you love potatoes."
"WHAT! NOOOO!" sed Gay Tony.
"Izza da troof. You are nut thing butt an Irish sperg. You're years of inbreeding have made you utterly retarded." retorted sonic.
Tony Danza then killed himself then and there on the spoot.
Sonic looted the body.
"Ah Ha! I knew it!" He then pulled out an ID card. It said CU on it "I knew he was a member of the Critics United. Those inbred spergs must be taught a lesion."
He then zoomed across the plantit. Looking for justice to serve and a slut to fuck.
This is another poem for you peepole of the critics untied
Come get a lick,
of my candy dick
Just suck on my dong,
and we'll get along
I will not be mean,
if you pleasure my peen
Either you filate my penis,
or admit Imma genius.
You'll be doing me wrong By not chugging my schlong
Tug my bone,
so it's not alone
I'll feel silly come on and free willy
My dick needs a taste,
of your saliva with haste.
Sonic the Hedgehog teams up with Shadow
Sonic zoomed at the sped of cocks to find his evil half cousin and rival, Shadow the hedgecog. He neded him to beat the biggest threat to the werld that this plantit had seen since Mr CuntbawlzinShoes. The great evil that I am speaking of is none other than Whismical Jizzphony, possibly the second saddest being on fanfiction dot net. Jizzphony was on a terror spree, ze went around raping people with their Nazi dick, bending over various beloved characters like Naruto, Firestar, Spongebob and Phoenix Wright and injecting their hate swill into their bungholes. Sonnick knew he had to stop zim and the rest of the critdicks. He found Shadow in his regular neighborhood, pissing on a mexican as he should have bean. Sonic runned up to his half-third-cousin-rival. He spoked the hadgehog language to heem. "Hog hog, hoggy hog hog shog." sed Harry Sonnick jr. "Hog, bog, jog, log. Loggy, hog-hog." responded Shadow in much despair. I think I need not translate as it wis obvious what they said. Butt ass they spoke, Jizzphony was raping again. They bothe pooled out their furry scrotes frum under their armpits (becuz that is where the hedgehog's scrotum is located).
"Hogs Combine! Nutsac poower to the nth degree!" they both shitted in unison and a wave of sweaty bawl odor washed over the continut. The unbridled scrote fumes of the duo flushed out the Whimsicunt Jizzphony frum hiding. Then, the two sodomized it in the ass and it died becuz they both had razor sharp, diamond hard, foreskins. "Thanks Shitow" sed Sonic. "No perblem" squeaked the hadgedog. He then receeded into the Drankness, cuntinuing to piss on the less forunate.
A long long time ago in a galaxy far away…
The blue hedgehog was the best courier in all the land. With his speed he was able to deliver the king's messages in a matter of minutes, no matter how far the span of earth. One day the king, who was simply known as AR LXIX, had been delivered a message by a superfag known as Seryyturd. He threatened the King with a message of war against his people and insulted him. Unable to sit back and take this injustice, the king wrote a message of response to Seryyturd. It was a request for the gigantic fag to take his best shot at AR LXIX's forces, as they were the strongest in the land. The wise king knew that his trusty hedgehog courier would be able to deliver the message with ease, so he untrusted Sonic with the task of delivering the challenge. He zoomed at top speed, venturing to the land of sadness, which was the residence of Seryyturd and the rest of the Critdicks Untitted. After a quite arduous journey, Sonic arrived at the small and unimpressive castle doors of the Critic in a few minutes. However, the doors were locked. Seryyturd had prevented the message from coming in because he was a huge fag and a sad fuckwit! Sonic returned to AR LXIX to tell him the sad news. The king declared Seryyturd a huge pussy fag and assured all the people in his land that no harm would come to them as the CU member was too cowardly to send an attack. And they all lived happily ever, and the whole village laughed at Seryyturd every time his name was mentioned.
Fuck all members of Critics United. You all suck donkey dick… : D
The Tale of Seryyturd (aka Seryyth)
"I'm sorry Doc. I just felt so bad, I mean, I didn't know."
"Sonic," replied the shrink "It's ok. Please, just tell me what happened."
"Ok…" he tapered to collect his thoughts.
A pale individual, Seryyturd as he was known, sat with hands in lap. His mother stood in the corner waiting for the doctor; her hand pressed against her mouth. It was all a somewhat distant memory, yet somehow, strangely familiar to the young boy. The paper of the hospital bed crinkled as he adjusted. It was a very uncomfortable place for the child. He looked at the blinds of the room and studied how they shaded his white skin from the harsh sunlight. When he looked back at his mother she was stepping outside to meet the doctor.
"You are an asshole." Said Sonic. "You are a pretentious asshole." He repeated.
"You have such little imagination." Seryyturd responded. "You use such small uncreative words, it just shows what little imagination you have."
"That doesn't mean you're not an ass. Go and suck MrCuntBalwzinShoes's dick."
"Oh please, I think there's a saying that goes, 'those who resort to insults are those who have nothing to argue.' If not, then maybe I just came up with that because I'm that good."
"You continue with your pretentious assholery." Said the Hedgehog as he stood at the door of the pasty cuck. Secretly, Seryyturd was recording the whole conversation.
"HA!" He said. "You think you can offend me? I'll just show all my friends the recording of this argument and we'll all laugh at you!"
"I am not trying to argue."
"Says the one clearly looking for a fight."
"I simply came here to tell you that you are a sad ass and that you will die alone and sad."
Sweat dripped from Sonic's brow. "I didn't know… I… I…"
"It's all right, Sonic." Soothed the Psychiatrist. "Please, continue."
Sonic's stomach was in knots, as if it was eating itself. He didn't feel guilt, no. He felt pity for himself. He had stooped too low. He had dove too deep. The recanting of his tale was reminiscent of a traumatic experience for him, simply because of embarrassment. Yet, he forged. Why? Closure. It was closure he sought, he was unfulfilled at the moment and needed the advice of a professional. He continued.
"No! You can't be serious!"
"I'm sorry ma'am. But I'm sure. The tests were pretty clear."
"But there has to be a mistake, I mean, test him again!"
"Look ma'am, you must have seen signs his whole life. This can't be too surprising. I'm sorry but the tests don't lie. Your son has Asperger's syndrome."
The sperg, Seryyturd, showed his friends the conversation, but he cut out the parts that made him look bad. It was the saddest thing that Sonic had seen. He showed up to the autistic fuck's house and told him he was a piece of shit. The sperghead then slammed the door in his face, preventing Sonic from talking to him ever again. But the next day, Sonic was over the matter. He met a lady at a bar, she was ugly and Sonic, horny and drunk. He to her to her home. He he fucked her brains out. As the intense fornecation cooled, the two spooned.
"Ahhh," Said Sonic "A sperg thrashing and a fuck, what a great day."
"Sperg? Like Aspergers? My son has that."
"Oh, yeah? What's his name?
Sonic's face went white.
"So you see Doc, that's why I feel like this. I made fun of an Asperger's kid."
"Well Sonic, if you feel this badly-"
"No!" Interjected the hog. "I don't feel bad! I'm just embarrassed! I mean, I stooped so low as to makes fun of a retard!"
"Oh. Well in that case, get over it."
Sonic left the building.
Wait! He thought. I forgot! He's still a pretentious asshole! I can't treat him differently just because he's mentally disabled! Fuck him! Sonic laughed, feeling much better.
Fuck you CU
MrCuntyBitchShoes is an asshole and a little bitch.
Serryturd is a whining cuck and a huge pussy.
A Descent into the Turdström
The brine of the excrement was at peak odor that evening. It cascaded out of the bath with such a fortitude, unyielding to even my own olfactory. I sat on the opposite end of the apartment, yet it could still be felt, deep within the fibers of my snout. A poisonous heat radiated from its epicenter, as if trying to reach out, to absorb all the essence of my being. I retained my position steadfast. I would not allow its pull to move me from my spot, for I knew that my life would be in danger if I was any nearer to the eye of the storm than already I was. I had been attempting to wait out the noxious gas, yet, alas, I soon realized that my cellphone was left in the lavatory. Timidly, I stood. My entire body had gone cold with anticipation. As I stepped, I could feel myself age. With each footstep I grew exponentially old. In time, as I ventured, I reached a point where any further deterioration would have killed me, and I had not yet reached the halfway point of my journey. As I bounded down the hallway, I felt a strange compelling tug. I was afraid, but I grew calmer. For I had left the steaming poo. Upon arriving at the lavatory door, my anticipation went wild. Once my hand was touching the chrome knob my previous tranquility had evaporated. If I thought the exhaust coming from the foul substance was unbearable before, then I was a naive child in that time long ago. For now, my innocence had been shattered. Its odorous waves crashed up against my flanks. I, gasping for sweet oxygen, took my shirt to cover my nose. Its assault on my sense of smell was tenfold to what it was before. My original journey was to be forgotten, as I knew I was a goner. I could not allow the person to retrieve my withered corpse to fall victim to this same horrendous odor. My cellphone would have to be forgotten, forever held prisoner to this ground zero of ass-scented fallout. I approached the bowl. Slower than before. I peered into the dark water closet's point of origin, and to my horror, there it was- the Turdström! As if suddenly gifted with Jasonic bravery, I lunged at the handle. I pressed down with what at the time I presumed to be like hate-filled rage, yet know I realize it was determination. Determination to rid my senses of this beast of a shite. It was a desperate, foolish attempt, yet still, an attempt it was. The water swirled. The Turdström tried with all of it's might to force down the toxic offender. The churning. O, the churning! It spun and spun, ceaselessly. This was the worst part. The waiting drove me to near madness; making me all the more compelled to the storm. It's rancid calling was forcing me to stay. I know not why. I clutched onto the chrome doorhandle and shut my eyes, refusing to open them for some time. The flush was everlasting to my mind. I remember the sound well. It gurgled louder as it sank, and the salty spray spewed from its opening. I was at mercy to it's whirling stank. But in those hours of fading darkness, a glimmer of hope shone forth. The plumber had arrived. Within minutes the clog was fixed, and I had survived. At last, the storm subsided.
Yes, my good friend, I had survived the famous storm known as Turdström, and while unbelievable as it may seem, I was no longer the same old man that once experienced such horrors. I was young once more, my youth returning to me as quickly as it had been taken. However, I can still remember the smell. It was a kind of smelly smell. Yes my good friend, it was a kind of smelly smell that smelled… smelly!
Limericks for the Members of Critdicks
The sad WhorishBoromirFan
Had a sad, whorish Boromir plan
One-hundred-thirty written fics
All of which do indeed smell like pits
They must be a sad and ball-less man.
Sonic ran fast through the trees
Zooming around as fast as he pleased
Pace to place Farting on Seryyth's face
He pissed him off with ease.
The member, DarkSiren is new
Her DarkSiren brains are few
She is a dumb whore
Whose writing's a bore
All cuz she joined the CU.
I am sorry. I am genuinely sorry for all of my wrongdoings. I have maliciously targeted you for no reason. I ask for your forgiveness, from the depths of my heart, I truly yearn for compassion. Perhaps, in all of the insults, I was just looking for the attention that I lack in my dull, sad life. You were all right. I sincerely apologize for all of my actions. If out of nothing more than the kindness of your heart and love for fanfiction dot net, I hope that you can forgive my actions, and then go fuck yourselves. You are all jew fags that will burn in hell. Now suck on my peepole.
Seryyturd sat flaccid. His tiny sperg penis; the size of an amoeba. As he daydreamed about MrDoogyAssShoes'sss's tight asshole he remained soft, unable to get an erection because of his gay assery. He lifted the penis with his pinky finger, because that is all it took because it was so small. He took a viagra and then beated the small peen in anger. He thought about raping the MrDoogyCockShit's bunghole and grew harder. Then, shuddunly, in walked DarkSlut49. Her titties institly grew erect, having seen the crazy hawt scene (although she was a lonely whore so anything seemed hawt to her). She then flung off ther clothes and hopped on dat tiny cawk. But alas, the dong was too small and her vagina was not pleased. They decided to call some other friends of the Critdicks Untitted over. They were all in for a steamyness indeed…
"Make love to my ears! Yes! Plung your cawk into them!" Said the Whimsical Jizzphony to her penetrator, WhorishBoromirFlan. He had his diseased aids dick in her ear's ass. (Her ears had asses). With his filthy whore mitts, he twiddled her puffy clitoris until she came. The vag juices spilled onto the face of Queefstion42's face. They inhaled the spew through their nutstrils and down into their lungs it went. They then died, but it mattered not, for they just raped the dead body.
"Fuck my bellybooton! Harder!" Yelled MrFuckyTwoShoots who was bent over like a lil bitch and took Seryyturd's needle dick. Then, MrDoogyHauserShoes pooped onto Seryyturd's penis with much force and stench. Underneath the two was Spirit of Poopladin, who lapped up all the semen and shit that flowed from the oriphi of the two fuckers. DarkSlut49 was receiving cunnilingus from Seryyturd, who's penis was too small for vaginal sex. She came in 3 and a half minutes becuz she had never had sex before. During the cunt licking Seryyturd came 69 times becuz he wis a sad fucker. Spirit of Poopladin got aids from the ingesting of the sex juices. It was a new kind of super aids that infected only the gayest of the gay. He then went on a terror spree of raping little boys and girls, eventually becumming Jared Fogle and killed himself. As this happened, Seryyturd was such a retard that he cut off his needle dick penis and then ate it, thinking it was a malformed hotdog. But again, he was so retarded that he choked on his own penis and died. As the uber-erotic fucking raged on, the whole room went supernova with sex and turned red hot. It glowed with a brightness matching that of the sun. As they sexed harder the intensity of the brightness grew until they all incinerated. They all went to hell for their uber gay acts and then Satan raped them all in the ass. The End… for now.
How Sonic Fucked Mishafer's Mom Act 2 Scene II
Sonic: What light through yonder window breaks? It tis the east, and she is the sun.
MM: O, Sonic? Sonic? Wherefore art thou, Sonic? Deny my daughter and refuse thine forum!
Sonic: I am here, my strumpet. A good windfall would never be left to rot or forgotten and yours is the sweetest of fruits. That is, of course, as a windfall as yourself goes. If t'were it not Fortuna that graced me with your blesséd services, then may it have been written in the stars. It matters not thine daughter's allegiance, but if it need be so, strip yourself of thine name and forum!
MM: I will! I will at your command my not so-much-a-love! I thought perhaps you left me for a far more inexpensive whore. By the glory of the Gods you must know it was fate, and I too. For you see, there is no windfall cheap as me, as you need not work to pluck me from my precarious perch atop the trees.
Sonic: Alas, fairly fair Lady, thou art not wrong. Tis of little effort to indulge in you and this is of your utmost qualities. Tis why I nearly love you, however nearly a piece of dangling fruit can come to a goodsend as thineself.
MM: Ha! You must watch thine tongue and make sure it never tempts another low hanger!
Sonic: And never has it tempted one before!
MM: Your tongue is devilish in its wit! But, my good patron, this cannot be its only use, can it not?
Sonic: That which you will soon discover it does. Now, not-so-good Lady, how do you propose I reach you up upon this terrace? Should the wind that blew you down from the trees drift me up to you?
MM: Or perhaps I could fall even lower, if so desired.
Sonic: My temporary Lady! You will do no such thing!
MM: Do not make haste! Hold your horses as there is nothing to fear. Over in yonder ivy resides a ladder which I have used many a time to entice passing apple pickers as thineself.
Sonic: Then be it so. I shall take upon this ladder and as I so do my scepter grows even mightier. Will you so be wounded by it?
MM: Alas, Sonic, wait I cannot. Your scepter mighty, for I do yearn. It lives in my mind as constant as the setting sun. Scale my terrace and make me a woman not for the first time. As you said I am but a windfallen fruit, partaken many times. But if you were to partake, then it shall prove true that it was written in the stars. I tell you not as a fruit but as a fruit blossom that yours is a scepter most mighty. I feign ignorance to thee, Sonic, as I wish you not to think of me as a wench but as a fair maiden for once. And I do resent mine forum. Lo! I do! I wish it not on this mortal coil. Then if it were to vanish tonight, may it be destiny that our paths did cross. For our meeting would have been the cause. O, my dear nearly belovéd, you can indulge yourself as long as you so desire. For I do resend the forum of my daughter. May you forgive me for being of the critics.
Sonic: I do. Your looseness is nothing compared to you associations. I forgive.
Sonic climbs the ladder. They bone.
Sonic: Now make me a sammich, bitch.
MM: Parting is such sweet sorrow.
She exits. End Act 2 Scene II.
AN: Hello there dirty muthafuckas and assorted gummy bears. I am peased to announce that my hate for the CU is still unwavering. Perhaps at this point, maybe I should clarify why I do what I do. It is really quite simple. The Critics United are assholes. Itsas simple as dat folks. I saw dem and thought, "Wow, what pretentious monkey chodes." and cuntinued to deliver swift juicetiss upoon them. Here is the story, a short tribute to the mastapiece in experimental literature known as Finnegans Wake.
"advesperascebat." Sonic comes down from the Barberry leaving His pic, Captain, Untied from the flagpole (minus El). Walking toward the border he was very seeming to suicide, the Captain that is, due to torment of the hog. Souf 'Merica was very hot that time of year for the Captain, which was all the year. He was Malvenienda to the cuntarboles of the cuntinut. Harry Sonnick Junior ventured to the the soufern cuntinut on his spaceshit. Zoommmshamshoooovromvromvrooomvollllarrrvooolitarr. Leggo my eggkike meeeeeowmiaaaaaumyaaaau. Sum Deo. Cogito nUmquam sum. Sonic reached Minusel and re-leased her and him. Buying Lady Minusel's birther another time (MM), Miss Schaffer laffed. Site vagabond: No Bag Ave 'tis. Shittigan Wars soon followed and his freeing of Mister BDZ quickened its advent. But Dank Scylla sextynined her way to the tip top of the terrace. Lo! Siento! Sit! (dice, verbere, dilue). Alas, the Wank Dizards of the Hog's Ass were not of the troll's cave, they lived in a apt world. And so Chowpants and Ultama went with bannananaplanatanobobobobobobo in hand. At Castle Ultama, the Barron Did Zealously lead his army against Stereo, sending his couriererre. But courierre failed and the Contort Undelivered, left it unheard to Stereo. When he returned to BDZ a failure, he nary spoke with him again, finding him tedious. Shittigan tried to respond with a duel. With his retort untorted, Shittigan sought psychiatric solace simply so; soothing psychologically stressed synapses. He brought him a pair of boots. Bueno! Thought he. Dos Zapatos! Zap Dos! As he recouped on the Engine, it barreled past Rields (Rye Fields), leaving them in the dust of a less apt world. Rusty Time Shed. Rusty Time Shed. Rusty Time Shed. Are our Ar? Tee tea Ti? S.S Es was the boat's name that he did so take across the F-King sea. Hog's Ass was strong and Harry Sonnick Junior was Victorious, he looked at the sky and thought,
Identity Cipher A QRMSR TF TMLB JAVE M FMJD WZ M CMZCAOVAWZ QMZN VEAH QMTR DQMOR AH RIVLRTRQF ANAWVAO A DMHH VELWKPE VEAH HAVR PXUDH BA OSS YFT ZOM DCNLUI BU CDDTAMTM ICNTSH ZH JTYLSOAY PL GTNH IOM CATI YFTH ONT AIGTN TGTA YOEBAQ CYFTN JTCJSTI TUCYBAI BAYC JSOH
The Winds of Change- rylek has been redeemed
The Unsung Hero, rylek196
The CU is feeling a breeze a cold cold breeze. It chills the air Standing up hair On edge the fibers ease.
They've lost one.
One down But there are still more to go And miles to go before I reap And miles to go before I reap
Holy Pissing Pretzels
Zad Archie Sucks Flaccid Penis
ZadArchie sucks flaccid penis. You heard me, Bitch. He just slurps up that soft cock all of de time. I also hear that he is an expert musician. He blows that skinflute 24/7.
ZadArchie was not intelligent His brains were indeed quite small And the bawlz that hung from his legs Could impress no one at all.
That is correct, he has a small dick And likes to suck flaccid cock, like a huge prick.
Forgive me good sir if I do offend But I'm disgusted by the CU For their pretentious shenanigans will never end As long as there are people like you.
Blood and semen. Blood and semen. Blood and semen.
MrGoodyTwoShoes is a Gay Weebo
MrGoodyTwoShoes is a gay weebo. Didn't you see the title?
Catspats and Yemi Hikari both messaged me...
Catspats and Yemi Hikari both messaged me and told me that they like to have anal dildo sex with each other. They also said that they are such a fan of my genius that they wish they could bear my children. I informed them that I was flattered but would never be with anyone of critics united let alone seed them. They both went on to beg me to reconsider but alas I turned them down again. They said they would kill themselves if they couldn't have me but I again declined the offer and told them to piss on some gerbils. They said they would and catspats told me that they were going to cum in a tree and Yemi Hikari told me that they'd spread nacho cheese on their nipples.
Would You Pass the Tissue Test?
Did you know that Crest 3D whitestrips can whiten your teeth as well as a $500 professional treatment? It can also remove up to 14 years of stains. In fact it cleans 25X better than any whitening toothpaste. Crest 3D whitestrips can remove years of stains for even the most sensitive of teeth. I recommend that every living being under the sun buy Crest 3D whitestrips so that they can avoid the embarrassment of slightly off white teeth. Clitoris.
The Delicious Taste of Charleston CHEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWW
Sonic. Horny he was. The very thought of quotis sprang his fleshy, hedgehog penis into the air. It was tall like a tall building, like the Seattle Space Needle. And his penis indeed touched the sky.
"I need to get me some goddamn poontang, else Imma bust a hedgehog nut. A furry hedgehog bawllllllllllllllllllllll."
"Holy shitcakes," said his penis from inside his piss pants. "I concur. Sum white poosayyy wood be fuckin great."
And so they went, sonic at high speeds, and his long penis lagging behind, dragging in the dirt a mile behind. A fine spe-semen was found. Sniff sniff.
The phallus of Sonic sniffed out a hole to plunge into. It wis MrGoodyTwoShits' asshole. Sonic approached, careful not to scare the weeboo faggot away, because he was a easily frightened as a springtime doe with a head of lettuce in its ass. ASS!
GODDAM FUCKING DIRTY ILLEgALZ! GET THE FUCK OUT IMMA KilL SIM CHINKZ! HOLI CANNOLIccccc MOnkey ghosts are raping my ear holez HOLES!
I cannot deny the apes their easement. I see the fourth dimension through the looking ass.
As Sonic approached MrGoodyTwoShooz he pulled down his piss pants. He unveiled his penis. It was the texture of a slighty melted charleston chew. Yum yum. Puss. puss. He then proceede to rape MrGoodyTwoShoes up the ass six hundred and sixty six times and then pissed on him.
"Oh the pain! The terrible pain!" wailed MrGoodPiss "The entirety of Sonic the hedgehog's animal genitalia is inside my flickering rectum!" He cried as Sonic the cock whore raped his body's booty. Holy fuck i's sooo dayum big outside. Its 2 big to see anything i cant. Dwere is my juice bboxx? I need to free myyyyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu ooooooooooooomsxzc …
But then Richard Nixon came. "Get the fuck down you goddamn hippies! Taste the deliciousness of my charleston chewwwwwww! Grahhhh!" He then pulled out his presidential penis and erased the fuck out of the last 18 and a half minutes of MrGoodyTwoShoes's life and killed him. SOnic Farted on him. THe ENd. To be continued…?
Server Lock is a Fucking Laughing Stock and has a 3 inch penis
The Winds are Fading
(These are the final AN of the now ex-communicated user, ButTFuck68)
AN: Hello, CU. You have done it. Good job. I'm out; it is over. You have finally gotten my account deleted. Good job. I just wanted to let you know that I've had this final chapter written ever since I began this little endeavor. I've been waiting for the day to publish it. And now it is here. Here it is, me.
I must say that you all are very pretentious and quite very socially awkward; all in all you are just plain snobby and... off. But you know that and you will never change. Even as you leave the CU, slowly, one by one into the coming years of the quintessence of your lives, you will notice things that you have noticed all your lives, yet ignored for you thought them a product of immaturity on the parts of others and that adulthood shall save you from unjust treatment of others, that you will always be different. You know that inside in the depths of your subconscious, you will never be treated the same as normal people because you are not normal. Unforgiving will they treat you, you know. And you push these thoughts aside and tuck them away deeper, thinking that true personal quality is not defined from how others perceive you but how you perceive others. But you notice you are never part of the in. Always the out. Because of the plain fact that you are all socially awkward, and that will never change. So you took to this site, as it is filled with others like you, but soon, coming to a realization, you noticed there were different levels of this awkwardness and that you, who were not so different as them, yet different enough to be bullied, have taken to bullying, because it gives you the power that lacks in your real lives. You have become the thing you all hate. You, on your forum from time to time talk about the "stupid jocks" or the "self-conscious bullies" but you have failed to realize your hypocrisy, that you are the very thing you hate. You told yourself otherwise, as it did not come in the fine little package that your prejudices do: jocks, idiots, racists, bigots, bullies, douchebags. But it coalesced into something else on this site. You. You are the bullies of the site, the jocks, the jerks, the idiots that you so hate. And you whine at others for how easy it is to hide behind a keyboard, yet you do the same.
It is not so right to uphold the rules and preserve the moral high ground than it is to transcend rule-morality by overlooking minor transgressions. It would be so wise as to attack people like I was more, than to go after unintentional rulebreakers. When the opposite is done people like me are able to "muck-up" this site for almost a year. Now, where is the morality in that, might I ask, if you do so love this site as you all say you do? Because of the way you "attack" people who do not do exactly as you say when you say it, and choose not to "attack" people on this site like me, then you become the immoral ones, the jerks, the rulebreakers, the ones you say you're not.
The winds of change have been-silenced
the air churns
A slow gust blows along; Sonic, become tired once more
No longer will he reap
Now, longer, he does sleep
And in the end he does not keep a single
Faded wind unheard.