To:My dearest friend.
Dear Twilight Sparkle,
Hey Twilight, it's Pinkie Pie. It seems weird to be writing to you, since you have been dead for a year, but you know me a mare who is completely random and silly. I am writing to tell you what has been going on in my life in the year since you've been gone.
Well, that's not completely true, it's just that my doctor said that one way I can work towards handling my grief is to do something weird and unexpected. Well, what can be more weird than to talking to a dead girl huh? Heheh. That...was a joke Twilight. Something to break to mood and maybe make your ghost smile.
It's so quiet, you know without you here. Everypony just seems more down, the town more quite, and everypony just feels sadder. Or maybe it's just me and I am seeing the world a little darker without my friend living here with me. Starfleet keeps on saying that I will get over it, that I will get used to the feeling of losing you. They think that just because they have lost somepony close, they can say how long it will take for pony to get over a death. WEll, it's not that simple, it never is. This isn't a monster that you can fight, it isn't just something you can laugh off or walk away from. Every single day, I have to walk by a dark library and cry because I know you aren't here anymore. I hear a joke and I get sad because I know you aren't here to hear it. Starfleet is just so mean! They treat a painful memory as something bad that can only pop up when it's necessary to them, but that isn't how death works. It's like a pain that never goes away.
Heh, listen to me say that death isn't easy to get over and I was the one who got over my grandmother's death in a week. Did I ever tell you that story Twilight? No? It is a cute and sad story, maybe I'll tell it later. But, it's weird, you know? I got over grandma's death in a week, but you, it still hurts me. It hurts so much.
I think it's because I had actually seen your body and not granny's. I had the chance, at her funeral, but I couldn't. I couldn't look at a dead body and be ok with that. I prefer to think about how a pony looks when they are happy and alive. Not dead. Starfleet thinks I'm being silly, not wanting to see a dead body, but I...just can't handle it. That's why I acted how I did when I saw you."
I'll never forget that day, it still plays back like a really really bad home movie.
We were all waiting for your return at the castle, praying to Celestia and Luna that you would come back home safe. Well, me and Fluttershy were praying, Rarity was trying to not let Rainbow Dash and Applejack get court martialed. Yeah, didn't you know? When Grand Ruler told them to stay behind, both of the girls raised a fuss.
"We have no idea what her true power is, or how strong she is. We must stay behind," he said.
"What, so just because it's unknown, we should hang back like a bunch of wimps?" Dash asked. "Do you tell your own squad to do that, just run away and not perform some kind of intel. LEave the others to die?"
If the big meanie had an answer, I didn't hear it. I was too busy trying to keep the spirits up. I wanted every pony to know that you would be fine, that you can handle it o your own.
That was when Lighting came into the room, holding your body covered by his cape.
We all stood there in shock as we watched him carry your body into the room. I know all of us just stood there, prayed that what we were seeing was just an illusion. That it wasn't really happening and you were just hurt. We only watched in silence as he lowered your body to a pedestal and pulled back the sheet, revealing your body.
You looked horrible Twilight. You had sars, cuts, and burns all across your body. There...there was this big hole in your chest like somepony just reached in and blasted out a chunk of your body. You weren't moving, just lying still with your eyes closed like you were asleep.
I was the first one to go to your body. Guess there wa a part of me that wanted this to be a sick illusion. That all you need to hear was the voice of a friend, "Twilight, c-come on. Stop playing around and get up. Pleae? PRetty please get up? Twilight, pranks are only funny when we all laugh and this is not a funny prank. I am not laughing Twilight," my eyes burned with tears as with each minute, the reality began to hit me. "Twilight, please, don't go."
After a few minutes of silence, that was when it hit me and I finally broke down in tears. I just started crying and didn't stop, no matter what they told me or tried to do. MY tears just would not stop coming as I laid across you, bawling nonstop.
I must of cried until I had passed out, because the next thing I knew, I woke up to find my head resting on Rarity's lap in the middle of the hospital room. Even though I was really tired, I could a lot of yelling coming from another room that sounded like Applejack. Apparently, she had heard some of the members of Starfleet make fun of me because I was crying so much. They called me a crybaby, and that I was a child for being so sad.
Well, if being a n adult means that I can't show my emotions for those that I care about, then I don't want it! I would rather be a child and cry about my dead loved ones than an adult who hides how he feels. I need to cry, I have to cry when I am sad, it's only natural. Why couldn't they let me cry. What's wrong with showing emotion or caring for a pony's life!
After you had died, our team sort of just fell apart. Rhymey had taken Fluttershy hostage, not letting her come out. Rainbow Dash began to keep a constant patrol over the entire town, like she was afraid that if she missed one little detail that she would fail us again. Rarity had to work hard in making her home livable for both her and Spike, and Applejack started to work even harder on her orchard, almost to the point of as for me...
I would spend my days just walking around town, hoping that maybe if I did then my life would get back to normal. It didn't really work, everything I saw around the town made me think of you and happier times, One time, I went to the door of Golden Oaks and then just began to break down in tears. I just kept crying until dash found me. That was another thing that had happened to us, we just became more and more distant from one another. It was like it was back before we became the elements. We knew each other, and talked to each other, but we weren't really the friends that we are now.
Talking to Starfleet was also a no-no. Every Time I looked at them, I would shiver and shrink back, knowing what they thought about me. I knew that they hated me, that they thought I was useless and a child. PRobably the only one who I saw a bit of happiness towards me was Artie.
One day, I found a life sized plushie that somepony made of you and I took it home. I sat it against a wall, and playfully said hello to it. Then it's head bobbed in response and I pretend that you said hello back. I then began to tell it my day and even gave it a little snack to nibble on. It looked so much like you, so lifelike that it looked like it would come back to life at any moment and say hello. As I continued to stare at it, and laugh with it, I had a silly thought come to my head.
Maybe, if I had pretended that it was alive hard enough, it would come to life and I would have you back. Then you can fix all of the problems of the world, reunite my friends, and make it all right again.
So, I began to take care of the plaush of you. I fed it, gave it some water and even threw parties for it. It, became my life from that point on. I skipped out on training, meetings, and even parties to make sure that your plush was well cared for. I lived for it, to the point I forgot to eat. I would drink, of course. Can't talk all that much if I had a dry mouth you know.
One day, about a month later, I heard the door breaking down. When I turned around, there was Applejack and Rainbow Dash with silliest of looks on their faces. They looked like they had seen a monster or a zombie, "P-pinkie Pie, what have you done with yourself?"
"Hey girls," I said, giving out a weak smile, "You need to be quiet, Twilight is having a surprise party and I don't want her to know about it."
"Pinkie, when was the last time you ate?" Dashie asked,looking more scared than I had ever saw her.
I giggled, kind of creepily now I think about it, "OH, about a month ago. Couldn't waste food, not when I have a friend to feed."
"Pinkie, that thing isn't Twilight/ It aint even alive!" Applejack said, stepping towards me.
"Well, of course she isn't alive. Not yet at least. But, if we keep trying real hard, then she will come to life! Just you watch!" I said, before turning to look at the lifeless frown. Then I growled and frowned at my friends, "OH look, now you convinced her that she wasn't alive! Now I have to start all over again."
As I turned to help your plush up, I could feel Applejack's strongarms wrapping around me and trying to pull away, "Come on Pinkie, we need to get you awa-"
"No!" I screamed, pulling away, "I need to be here, so I can help bring her back to life."
I could hear the tone of Appljeack's voice, like she was angry and sad all at once, "Ah said, come on. She isn't real. You need to get help."
"No, I need to help her! Just a little more and I can bring her back! Just give me the chance, please. I need to, I need to-" I passed out after that. I think Rainbow Dash hit me, because I thought I heard Applejack yelling at er.
When I woke up again, I heard a funny little beeping next to my bed. When I looked around, I saw I was in a little hospital room on a little bed. When I moved me right arm, I saw that there were these two bags connected to it by these two little tubes. There were also a bunch of wires connect to me to keep an eye on me.
Flicking my ear, I heard Nurse Redheart and Applejack talking to each other just outside of my bedroom, "How is she?"
"Well, physically, we can help her with the starvation by keeping her on a iv colution and some nutrients," Redheart said, with a sad tone in her voice. "But mentally, she will need to see a doctor."
"Your sending her to a shrink?" Applejack asked.
Redheart sighed, "your friend is obviously suffering from some deep emotional scarring. If she is to have a chance to recover, she needs professional help. And more importantly, the love of friends and family."
I tried to top listening to them after that. I didn't want to think about how i was hurting my friends and making them all sad. I like making ponies happy, not all frowns. So, when the door opened, I watched as Dashie and AJ walked in, and I put on my best smile.
I wasn't really happy.
So, I visited a shrink for a while. You would've liked her Twilight. She was really friendly, and would always ask me how I was. If I was doing ok, and what I wanted to talk about. Sometimes, though, she would ask me really really tough questions about my family. Like if I had problems with them and stuff like that. I don't hate my family Twilight, I don't.
Ok, so sometimes I got a little angry sometimes and I told Maude that hated them. But, it was only because Mom got upset with me for this party I threw once. That was only because I was really angry with her. I later ran in and apologized to her because of it. She hugged me and apologized too. I don't hate Twilight, I tolerate.
I stayed with the shrink for a little while after that. I made sure to show up when they needed me or when I was supposed to be there, but I mainly stayed at home and talked it over with the shrink. Things in my life were pretty peaceful after that. That is, until one day.
I showed up for Starla's and Lighting's wedding as a bridesmaid. Mainly because I wanted the cake, but also to keep Rarity from killing Starla. Apparently, Lighting invited all of us to the wedding. I guess he was never told just how much Starla hated Rarity's guts. Rarity calls Starla a cheap imitation while Starla calls Rarity everything from a cheap tramp to a sleazy slut. I don't think there was ever a moment where those two admitted to liking one another. So it was up to me and Applejack to keep the peace.
Of course, while I was there, everypony asked if I was ok and how I was doing. I would tell them that I was super duper and everything was a-ok. And it was true, for the most part. I almost broke down when Lighting asked about you, but it was fine. Until after Sombra attacked.
Yeah, the big meanie attacked the wedding like a pretend Chrysalis. He even called himself Dusk Shine that took on the title of Sombra in revenge for something. I don't remember, it was all kind of fuzzy. I just remember Sombra attacking, and the next thing I know we won because Lighting had and I quote Rainbow Dash, "The biggest Wang of them all."
It was during the ceremonies when it happened. ME, Rarity, and Applejack were taken into a room by these two unicorpians calling themselves servants of Celestia and Luna. They said that they had a divine gift to give us. Applejack looked like she knew what they meant and told them that we didn't earn any real gift. That we were fine with who we are.
They didn't listen to us. They just hit us with the weird beams of magical energy that made us twitch and writhe funny. But it wasn't really funny at all, it hurt. It hurt a lot Twilight. I never felt so much pain, did it hurt for you too? Because for me, it was like someone ran a sword through m y little pink body.
After the magic was done, I looked behind me and at my large pink wings. When I saw those, things, I was horrified. I began to hyperventilate as I stared at those horrifying things on my back. They weren't natural Twilight! It was like some sick monster sown those things onto my back.
As I just stared at my wings in shock, I could hear Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy run in, "MY Celestia, what happened!"
"Ah, it was Cel-AH!" Applejack screamed as her bloody wings continued to flap against her will.
"That is impossible, I just got through talking to her!" Dash growled.
Applejack moaned, "Then they are f-AHHHH! IT hurts, why does it hurt so much?"
"It's not supposed to!," Dashie said, looking in Rarity's condition.
"Twilight, never said it hurt this much, "Rarity whimpered, trying to hold her wings back.
"IT's not suppose to. Here, take this salve," Fluttershy said, probably rubbing something on her wings.
Me, their voices just faded as i started to pant faster and faster, my blood pounding in my ears. I stared at those disgusting things for a few more minutes, growling at those horrible intruders on my back. I began to grow angry at them, I wanted them gone so much. Reaching behind me, I grabbed the feathers of my wings, "Get them off," I said in a whisper, before saying it again louder, "Get them off. Gethemoff,gethemoff,getthemoff!" I said faster and faster, my voice becoming higher and high as I started to tear at my feathers. As I screamed, I began to rip my feathers out of my wings as I started to scream, "Get these things off of me! I didn't earn them, gethem off me! Please get them off, I don't deserve these wings! I'm not Twilight, I'm not Twilight!"
I began to scream and writhe, ripping my feathers out of my wind and rolling on the floor. I could barely hear my friends beg me to stop and trying to figure out how to stop me from hurting myself. The only time I stopped, was when I felt a tiny prick in my arm. When I looked to my left I saw Fluttershy holding a syringe with some sleepy drug in it. Then I immediately began to fall asleep.
I was hospitalized for a while, and the others did their best to keep an eye on me. After a little while, I had convinced everypony that I was ok and was released into the care of the Cakes. From that point on, my life sort of returned to normal. With nothing really bad happening to me at all, really.
Ok, that isn't true. There was this one thing that happened to me, just a few weeks ago.
It was while I was cutting a cake to put some pieces on display for sale in the store. The knife I was using was pretty large and really sharp, so I had to be careful when I was cutting the cake. As I cut the cake, I stopped for a minute, and looked at it. My face was reflected in the mirror of the blade, and I began to think about how sharp it was. It was so nice and sharp, probably able to cut anything. Cake, meat, and maybe...my throat.
I knew it would be a nice clean cut, and nopony was around, so they couldn't save me in time. IT would be easy, really. I just place the sharp blade to my throat and draw the edge along my throat and cut me. Then, my problems would be over, I would be free. No more pain, free of these stupid wings, and free to see you again. I wouldn't have to be hated anymore and I could be happy.
I lifted the blade to my throat, ready to do it, but I stopped. In that little bit where I stopped, I suddenly thought about what was going to happen to the other when I die. Oh, sure, the world might not miss me, but my family would. Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Fluttershy, and the cakes would miss me. And I know they would all be sad over my death. I can't make ponies sad! I'm Pinkie Pie, I don't take away smiles, I give them.
So I pulled the knife away, as I heard one of the sweetest sounds there is, "Sissy?"
I smiled and looked ot the cake twins, "Pinkie's fine. I was just making sure the knife was dull."
So, here I am, a few days later. My wings are gone now. Oh, don't worry, I didn't cut them off because what you may think. See, I told Rainbow Dash I popped them of because they were irritating, but the truth is there was this little pegasus filly who had her wings permanently broken. They couldn't fix it, but they could do a transplant. And, well...
I am a type O.
The wounds hurt, but the kid seems happy.
I try to smile more, and I try to make it look like I am genuinely happy with the way the world works. I'm not though, but if I can make the others smile and not worry about me, then I don't care about how I feel. I'm Pinkie Pie, I'll manage.
I always do.
I am going to meet up with my friends soon, and then I'll put this letter nto an evelope and leave it by your grave so you can read all about me.
Love, Pinkie Pie.
Pinkie Pie bounced back to sugarcube corner and walked through the open door. There was a smile on her face as she began to walk up the stairs to her room. Once she got there, she stood back in shock when she noticed her door was open, and there seemed to be a person on her bed, "Ok, who are you! I should warn you, I am a mistress in driving ponies batty!" she said, pulling out a bat from within her mane.
"Oh, I'm sorry, " said the voice softly, "I didn't mean to break in and sleep in you bed. I stumbled into town and this place looked so warm and inviting that I had to go in. I was so lost, I needed a place to stay."
Pinkie put her bat and and pulled out a cupcake, "It's ok miss. My place is yours. Here have a cupcake and we can talk. By the way, who are you? My name's Pinkie Pie!"
"I don't have a name, I don't even know who I am," the mare said, stepping out of the shadows to reveal herself. Putting a grey finger to her lips, she gasped when she saw Pinkie drop her cupcake, "Oh, is something wrong?"
Pinkie looked at the grey unicorn in utter shock. Her eyes were attracted to the long purple mane and face. After shaking her head for a few moments, she ran to the unicorn and hugged her tightly, "Twilight! I can't believe it's really you!"
To my dearest friend,
Dear Twilight Sparkle,
Thank you, for sending me Belle Amie. I needed her, thank you.
Love, Pinkie Pie.
So, this story came about because I was doing a lot of thinking about the main story. Of how it seems that there is a lot of story for me to cover. The mane six's feelings about Twilight's death, some of the real events that had happened, and even some of the character arcs I wanted to cover. It just seemed like I had a lot of material to cover and some of it might be stuff I missed. So...I figured why not try making some side fics while I am at it.
After all, that is what writers (like Jade ring, the writer of Tripynch, and Wanderer D do) who are bettrer than me do. So, rather than just put it into a blog post, why not write a fic about it. SDo, here it is.
I also admit, this was me beinga little mad at the fact that the original story had only one paragraph dedicated to each of the mane six's reactions. Pinkie was worse, only a line of dialouge. Sorr,y but that is not how you deal withdeath! You need time and effort to put into the emotions and feelings of a death.