A Little Camping Trip

Author's Note: I'm baaaack!!! Thought that you won't hear another 'Allo 'Allo story from dear old Serb? Well, you're wrong! In this story, the French invite the Germans out to a little camping trip, while the Resistance leader, Michelle, goes with her girls to search again the 'Colonel's Office' , for the whole day. So, try to enjoy this humble little story, and of course, review! (None of the characters belong to me, only to the series.)


'We have to take them to where?' practically shrieked René.

'On a nature trip,' repeated Michelle lightly,' so we can check the Colonel's office!'

'You already did that last time!' exclaimed René , ' And we had to entertain them with a game of Truth or Dare!'

'Well, this time you can take them camping!' declared Michelle.

' But how we will encourage them to come with us?' asked Edith.

'René!' proclaimed Michelle, while Rene groaned when she mentioned him,' You will ask the Lieutenant! He's very fond of you!'

'That's what I'm afraid of!' groaned René.

The Germans entered the café. Michelle hurried out of the room.

'I will vanish like a phantom!' her last words were, when she ran out using the back passage.

René was nervous when he approached the German's table. He tapped the Lieutenant on the shoulder.

'Ah, René!' exclaimed the Lieutenant cheerfully,' What can I do for you?'

'Erm...we were about to invite the General, Colonel and you Lieutenant, to come with us on a nice camping trip,' said nervously Rene,' Private Gerhart can come too, if she doesn't mind.'

'Rene, you know that we are busy people!' looked the Colonel at Rene with his piggy eyes,' We can't go "camping" with you!'

'Oh, please,' said Edith, joining them,' it is such a nice day, and it will be good for the publicity newspapers.'

'She has a point here, you know,' thought the General Von Klinkerhoffen,' very well, we'll go with you!'

'Wonderful!' exclaimed René ,' We are going now!'

'Somebody will have to call Private Gerhart,' said the General,' Gruber, you do it. She is at the artillery, you know, target practice.'

'Yes, General,' gulped Gruber, when he remembered how Helga is very handy with a gun.


'So, the peasants are going on a camping trip?' raised an eyebrow Herr Flik.

'Yes, I have been spying on them, disguised as a tramp,' said Von Smallhousen.

'You look like one,' icily hissed Herr Flik.

'The General, Colonel and Lieutenant, are going too!' exclaimed Von Smallhousen.

Herr Flik's eyes lit up.

'That is very interesting!' he commented,' Go to the cupboard, and get the Gestapo's "innocent little camper's clothes". We are going to spy on them.'


'What a lovely countryside!' said Helga.

'True, true,' coolly commented the General,' Now, let's pitch up the tents!'

As they were putting up the tents, the General walked over to Gruber's and the Colonel's one.

'We'll have to share the tent Colonel,' crisply said General.

'But Gruber and me are sharing this one!' exclaimed Colonel.

'Not anymore,' said the General,' Your tent is better than Helga's and mine. I will share with you, Colonel, while Lieutenant Gruber shares with Private Gerhart's!'

Sighing, Lieutenant Gruber took his things, and went to help Helga pitch up their tent. Helga looked at him.

'What are you doing here?' she asked.

'The General sent me to share your tent.' He sighed.

Helga narrowed her eyes at him.

'Just so you know, you can't use my make up or powder,' she defended herself.

'Nor can you use my little tank!' scoffed back Gruber.

Not far away, Herr Flick and is little midget came by. Next to the meadow (where the campers were) was a marshland.

'We will settle here!' pointed on the floor Herr Flik with his stick.

'But, this is a marshland!' cried Smallhouzen.

'Pitch it here!' snarled Herr Flik.

So poor Von Smallhousen had to pitch up their Gestapo black tent in the wet, slimy bog.

Back on the meadow, after pitching up his tent, Rene went towards the Germans.

'Is everything alright?' he asked.

'Oh, wonderful Rene!' happily said Gruber,' But I only have one probem.'

Gruber indicated over his shoulder to Helga. René understood.

'But where is the Captain?' asked René curiously.

'We decided not to invite Captain Bertorelli because of some of his... problems.' answered back uncertainly Gruber.

Rene remembered how the Captain loved to eat the garlic food, so he understood (again).

He went back to the others.

'Well, let's hope to keep them here!' huffed René.

'Oh, isn't this romantic?' asked Edith, holding his arm,' why don't we sit by the edge of the pool and look at the water together, alone.'

Rene cringed away from Edith's touch.

'Not this time, Edith,' he mumbled,' we still have a lot to do.'

Nearby, Yvette and Mimi were squabbling over who gets to sleep in the tent with René. René turned to them.

'Oh, will you please stop quarreling?' he asked,' Go fishing or something.'

The two waitresses straightened themselves up, took their fishing rods, and went fishing down by the marshland.

When they settled down there, Mimi complained,' there are no fish in here!'

'Of course not!' chuckled Yvette,' but there is a strange monster who lives in there.'

'You believe such stories?' jeered Mimi.

'No. The creature is supposed to be called The Big Black Monster,' whispered Yvette,' and comes out to feed on human flesh.'

'Really!' snorted Mimi.


'Von Smallhousen!' ordered Herr Flik,' you will dive up to that camp, through the water, and spy on them!'

'Yes, Herr Flik,' dully obeyed Smallhousen, putting on his Gestapo swimming suit.

Once he was finished, he dived into the water. He swum towards the edge...


'There are no fish here!' grumbled Yvette.

'Yes, there are!' protested Mimi.

'Why don't you jump in and try it!?' asked Yvette, pushing Mimi into the water.

When Mimi fell into the water, she fell onto unfortunate Von Smallhousen, who was diving underneath.

'AHHHH!!!' screamed Mimi,' something's got me!'

'It's the Big Black Monster!' screeched Yvette.

They ran away to the camp screaming, while poor Von Smallhousen was left behind, with his broken swimming goggles.


The Germans and the French were having a nice picnic, when it started to rain all of the sudden, heavily.

'I thought that it was supposed to be a nice, sunny picnic!' yelled the General over the torrent.

'I don't know the weather, you know!' defended René,' I told Edith that we should have tied Monsieur LeClerk higher up in the tree, but Madam Fanny wouldn't let me!'

So all of them ran towards their tents, the Germans to their own, while all the French went into their big, orange one.

'Move over!' yelled Yvette.

'Stop pushing!' screeched Fanny.

'Oh, calm down!' Rene's voice was heard above them.

Down at Gruber's and Helga's tent, things were a bit worse...

'Don't you dare lay down next to me!' snarled Helga.

'You think I would?' cringed away Gruber.

'And don't try to take away my makeup!' she yelled.

'What shall I do with it?' he cried.

'Oh, I don't know..use it for some of your...strange ways.' She grumbled.

'Erm.. Would you kindly move over.'

'I can't. There's no more space.'

Gruber looked around.

'Where is my blanket?' he asked.

'This is your blanket?' Helga asked incredulously, holding one around her,' I thought it was mine!'

'Oh, keep it!' he sighed.

'We can share it.' She offered.

Hesitantly, he came next to Helga, and put the blanket also around his shoulders. They sat quietly next to each other, covered by one blanket.

'Have you seen my boots?' Gruber spoke up.

'Are these your boots?' Helga indicated to those on her feet.

'Never mind.' Sighed Gruber, when he recognized them. He didn't fancy sharing boots with her.


The next day, the rain stopped. Everyone came out, miserable and wet.

'We are leaving this place!' roared the General.

'Yes, General.' Mumbled René.


Herr Flik and Von Smallhousen stepped out of their wet tent, looking worst than those one the meadow.

'You didn't find anything, did you Smallhousen?' whispered Herr Flik.

'Nothing Herr Flik,' sadly said Von Smallhousen, holding up the broken goggles.


'Well, I hope you found what you were looking for,' said René when he got back to the café, all disheveled.

'Without luck!' sighed Michelle.

'What were you looking for?' asked René.

'Oh, the portrait of the Fallen Middina,' answered Officer Crabtree.

René froze.

'What's wrong?' asked Michelle.

'That painting,' whispered René,' was in my cellar all the time!'


Author's Note: Well, well, well, I don't think that this was one of my best works, but I tried. I tried a small twist ending. Please Review!