I'm not entirely sure where the inspiration for this came from. Oh well.

Set in OOTP.

"Okay students" said Professor Umbridge. "This year in Defense Against the Dark Arts, we will be writing letters to Azkaban prisoners."

"Why?" demanded Ron.

"Ten points from Gryffindor. The dementors are worried they are beginning to withdraw and exclude themselves from society. By communicating with students we hope we can help them." said Umbridge. "I have already selected the prisoner you will write to."

Harry had to write to Corban Yaxley. Ron had to write to Walden Macnair. Hermione had to write to Jugson. Neville burst into uncontrollable tears when he read the name on his slip of parchment.

"Is there a problem, Longbottom?" asked Umbridge.

He nodded and cried some more.

"Longbottom's name is causing him some distress. Would someone switch with him?"

Hermione raised her hand. "I will."

After Neville had calmed down, they swapped names. Hermione read the name Neville had sobbed over and said, "Oh, poop."

"You will begin your letters in class. All letters will be sent to Azkaban this Saturday. If your letter is not finished, you will lose House points. And yes, the prisoners will be writing back to you."

Harry's first letter looked like this:

Dear Yaxley,

How are you? I saw a bird out the window this morning. It reminded me of you. Do you get the Daily Prophet in Azkaban? There was just a nice little article about the Muggle show My Little Pony.



Ron's letter reads as follows:

Dear Walden Macnair,

How is life in Azkaban? Are the dementors treating you well? Do you want to come to our Quidditch match? It's Ravenclaw against Hufflepuff. Also, can you please break out of Azkaban and throw my brother Percy off a bridge? Things aren't well with us lately and I want to settle it ONCE AND FOR ALL!

PS: Do you want to make an Unbreakable Vow?

Ron Weasley

Neville wrote:


How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? I need to know for Charms.

Signed Neville Longbottom

And Hermione wrote:

Dearest Bellatrix,

How are you? Did you remember to brush your teeth last night?

I want to take over the world. Want to help?

Anyway I've been in contact with Rita Skeeter and she wants me to ask: Are you by any chance Voldemort's...girlfriend?

My mum says that saying please can get you what you want. If I say please, will you tell me?

Next time I write I will send you a bag of uncooked rice.

Hermione J. Granger

"Time's up, students!" cried Umbridge. "If your letters are finished, put them on my desk. If not, have them finished by Saturday. According to the head dementor, you will have your replies by the class after next."

When they left, Harry, Ron, and Hermione talked about what they said.

"I told mine about My Little Pony." said Harry.

"I asked mine to make an Unbreakable Vow." said Ron.

"I asked mine if she brushed her teeth last night." said Hermione.

"We're nuts." said Ron.

"I know." said Harry.

So, I know, short chapter. Please review for more, and adieu for now

Seriously, please review, or a dementor will kiss me.

Maisie Malfoy