Title: A Collector's Guide to Caring for Your Pets

Summary: Kyouya is seven years old and enjoys making herbivores spontaneously combust. (In which Kyouya collects flame active children because the colours are pretty. By the time someone notices it's already far too late.)


Kyouya is seven and a half years old.

Currently, he is bored in his house alone. So he tugs on his shoes and swings a backpack onto his shoulders, locking the door after he slips out. He puts the keys in the pocket of his black pants, adjusts his light grey shirt, and goes for a walk. (Read: tries to find herbivores to beat up.)

He somehow finds his way to the largest park in Namimori, more like a series of three ovals and a child's playground with maze like obstacles and five different swing sets. It's a breeding ground for herbivores and crowding and Kyouya dislikes it immensely. However, he needs to patrol it as more herbivores leads to more rule breaking. He paces a large circuit around the ovals, no one giving him a second look.

He is young now but soon they will learn to fear him.

After the overview he narrows down on the mass of children in the playground portion, the herbivores loud and energetic and – and… other words that Kyouya cannot think of in this moment. Kyouya makes a disgusted face, crinkling his nose and frowning. Two mothers off to the side coo at him as he passes.

Kyouya mercifully ignores them because they are both outrageously fat and therefore they will soon lay eggs. Kyouya is not allowed to discipline fat people. Or wrinkly people, but that's because they die soon anyway and it would just waste Kyouya's time.

Kyouya nods decisively and passes by the fat ones, wading into the cesspool that is a public playground. He scans the children, most of them shrieking and laughing manically as they climb things or slide down other things. The ground is that ridiculous half bouncy plastic thing that's supposed to lessen impact when falling. It's also bright yellow.

Whatever, adults are weird.

Kyouya dislikes herbivores. However, he has a duty to keep the peace (self-professed but it still counts), and that sandbox looks undisciplined. He walks over, dodging children, and comes to a stop at the edge.

There are two others there, a fluffy brunet and a blond with pigtails. Kyouya sits on one raised edge with his feet planted in the sand and stares down at the material for a moment. He reaches out slowly and grabs a handful, the sand running through his fingers.

Kyouya loses track of time as he forms a castle out of sand. His castle. It'll have a moat and turret guns and a dragon (but no princess) and Kyouya will be the CEO and he'll have all the kittens he could ever want.

He piles on more sand to form another tower, this one dedicated to counterinsurgency on the top floors and guerrilla warfare on the bottom. In the middle will be Kyouya's napping room filled with pillows and blankets and warm, warm sunshine. Maybe an aviary as well, full to the brim with song birds.

He hums happily, now sitting in the sand with his legs folded to his sides, heels touching his hips and toes pointed away. Kyouya isn't supposed to sit like this because an adult said it wasn't good for him. However, they couldn't specify why it was bad so Kyouya will ignore the herbivore's words.

His creation is a massive one meter by one meter pile of sand, nine towers and drawbridges and walls because the number sounds like the word for pain and suffering. Which will happen to any herbivores moronic enough to enter Kyouya's domain.

He smirks and continues building his ninth tower.

More herbivores suddenly approach, the four males larger than him, which automatically activates Kyouya's caution. Will they challenge him for the castle? Do they truly think they can take Kyouya's territory?

The four nine year olds take one look at the silver eyed boy, who stares up at them with a dark look in his eyes – something almost like a vicious glee, and they immediately change targets to the fluffy brunet.

Kyouya watches in mild curiosity as the herbivores give him and his castle a wide berth as they move to the brunet. He only just notices now that the blond female is gone and even more children have entered the playground, only kept away from the sandbox because Kyouya has taken up two thirds. Most of them don't know his wrath but children are sensitive to intent, and their minds are screaming at them to not approach.

The playground is crowded and he can barely hear a single conversation, the words and sounds overlapping with so many herbivores. He can't see through the rush of children either, the parents watching from benches completely obscured.

The fluffy brunet lets out a cry of shock as his sand bunny is stomped on. The gang of four sneer at him and the herbivore starts whimpering, tears gathering in his eyes.

Kyouya rolls his eyes because the crying is just so cliché. Why does no one punch as a first response? That would make more sense than crying, wouldn't it? Kyouya hits things as a first response, and he maybe likes the sound of wooden tonfa connecting with flesh just a bit too much, but who's going to stop him?

"This is ours now," one of the bigger kids says.

The brunet sniffles a bit and points at Kyouya. "But he's here as well."

The four look at Kyouya who is currently imagining hitting things, the thoughts showing on his face. They takes quick steps back, making sure to never show their backs to the other boy, and turn to the brunet.

"He doesn't count," the same big kid says. "Now leave."

The fluffy brunet starts hiccuping which quickly turns to sobbing. The four don't care, they just want to play with sand. One steps up and pushes the brunet, because if he's far enough away then he's not their problem anymore and they won't get in trouble for making someone cry.

The brunet topples over the side of the sandbox and starts crying louder.

Kyouya blinks and tilts his head to the side. The herbivore looks like he's… glowing. Kyouya stands and weaves around his castle, walking towards the herbivore. The four older children tense and move like a herd of sheep, disappearing into the crowd and staying near the parents for safety.

Kyouya reaches the fluffy brunet and stands over the creature who calms to sniffles and the occasional hiccup again after the four leave. Kyouya narrows his eyes as the glow vanishes. Clearly it's a defence mechanism, and so Kyouya pulls his backpack off and takes out his tonfa. The herbivore is bopped on the head.

The brunet bursts into flames.

It doesn't last long at all, maybe just half a second, but Kyouya is shocked enough to actually drop a wooden tonfa. At that point, the bright flicker of orange that covered the child is long gone and the brunet is crying in that annoying way where the child half screams.

Kyouya honestly doesn't care about the noise, because he just hit the herbivore so hard it exploded.


A/N: And so it begins. Not really; I'm still deciding if I can be bothered to make this more than a one-shot.

Did you guys like the style?