Her voice was as sweet as Honey.

It wasnt any thing major.... just once. Something normal people wouldn't notice, but I did. I notice everything about her. And when she said that... My heart melted. I couldn't speak. I looked up into her eyes and I could tell... she didnt notice she said it.

My heart feels as though its ripped in two. She said it, but she doesnt even know she said it.

I tell Buffy I'm tired... I'll go home.

"Xand.... Is anything wrong?"

"Naw... just tired..."

"Ok... I call you and tell you the plans for tomorrow night."

I got up and started my way out her door when I was stopped by Dawn.

"Hey, you aren't leaving so soon, are you? I mean we just got done with the scoobie meeting. Arent you going to stick around and try one of my new recipes?"

"Lets put a rain check on the papaya qesadillas, ok Dawnie?"

She gives me her dissapointed look which looks pretty much like Buffy's. "I guess." She sighs and sits back down on the couch with Willow.

The cold air of the night feels good on my hot skin. I walk down the road like I have a thousand times before, deciding to leave my car at Buffy's. A walk will do me good... I'll think. But then again thinking has never been my strong suit... Why should I start doing it now?

I take the short cut across the cemetary with a stake in my brest pocket walking slowly to watch for any activity. I get to the end of the cemetary without incident... and only my feelings to haunt me.

Buffy... The same Buffy I have loved for 7 years just called me 'honey', and she didnt even know it.


Don't get me wrong... I loved Anya. But I had to leave her at the alter... Marriage led to me becoming my father... and I couldnt do that, not to her.

I also knew when that demon showed me what I could be... I would die for Buffy, no matter who I was married to or what kind of responcabilities I had, which would leave Anya alone and knowing the man she loved would die for another woman. But I didn't want to give Anya up. I wanted us to be happy, like we were at first... but she put a stop to that. I guess I should have known, giving up on marriage meant giving up on her.

I was hoping on moving on... making a new chapter in my life. That was before Buffy called me 'honey'. Now I am looking at these feelings of the past, present, and now seemingly future.

I have always had this passion with Buffy, which she has never felt. Thats why when she does something selfish, stupid, or brooding I want to scream at her. I keep thinking, if she only knew half of what she means to me then she would give me a chance. But if I told her and she said no, I don't think I can handle that rejection. The dance was bad enough, I still feel the pain from that 6 years later...

"I-I don't know what to say."
"Well, you're not laughing. So that's a good start. Buffy, I like you. A lot. And I know we're friends, and we've had experiences... We've fought some blood-sucking fiends, and that's all been a good time. But I want more. I wanna dance with you."

" Xander, you're one of my best friends. You and Willow..."

"Well, Willow's not looking to date you. Or if she is, she's playing it pretty close to the chest."

"I don't want to spoil the friendship that we have."

"Well, I don't want to spoil it either. But that's not the point, is it? You either feel a thing or you don't."

"I don't. Xander, I'm, I'm sorry. I-I just don't think of you that way."

"Well, try. I'll wait."

Six years later and I'm still waiting.

If I told her anything and she said she never felt anything for me... I know I wouldn't be able to handle it.

I exhale deeply feeling the warmth of my breath leaving my body and filling it with a cold that isn't entirely due to the tempture.

"Honey." Her words were thick, like honey.