Duo turns to his fellow pilot to say something as I approach, and I see Heero shake his head in reply

This is the first fanfic I've written in a long time, I know. But I *just* got my computer back, after a long long long long long, looooonnnng long time. So, here's a new little vignette (short angsty story) from Relena's point of view. BRING ON THE REVIEWS!

rashaka_eos@hotmail.com

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Look at Me

By Rashaka

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Duo turns to his fellow pilot to say something as I approach, and I see Heero shake his head in reply. Duo looks up at me and puts on a flirty smile, but I can see the sneer beneath. Duo's not a very good liar.

Here she comes, the sneer says. That stupid girl is chasing you again Heero. Better brace yourself. She's going to get herself killed one of these days. That ditz is so desperate for a thrill she stalks her own assassin.

Yeah, I can see it in Duo's expression. I can see it in Trowa's eyes when I talk to that silent clown. To them, I'm a spoiled rich girl who just wants to have a romanticized adventure. I don't know pain, or suffering. I don't know battle. A person tries to kill me, and what do I do? I run after him like a stray kitten.

That's what they're saying behind the tolerating smiles and moments of patient listening. To them, I'm someone to be humored— a selfish, thoughtless girl who wants to get involved in a war just for the thrill of excitement.

Even Quatre feels that way. He genuinely likes me I think, but Quatre's very forgiving. And I know that in his eyes I'm a good person, but still a person who's living in a dream world. He thinks that I'm naïve, that I'm in over my head.

Maybe I am in over my head. But I'm not sitting on the sidelines either. I'm involving myself in my world in the only way I know how.

At least Wufei doesn't look at me like a stupid little rich girl. Hell, maybe he does, but still, if that's so he has the manners or the grace or whatever not to let it show. Wufei may be a male chauvinist, and he may be a bigot, but at least he's not cruel. His prejudistic worldview is applied to everyone unequivocally, so if nothing else I'm not getting anything worse from him than he gives to everybody.

Heero doesn't look up when I approach, just keeps typing. I walk up till I'm facing his side, and try to get his attention. "Heero."

He makes a non-committal grunt of some kind, which I accept as an invitation to keep talking. "I have some news from Noin that you might be interested in." I toss a small disk onto the table near his hand. His eyes briefly drop down to it, then go back to his laptop. I let my glance run over his profile while he ignores me. I think I'm in love with his eyes. His determination shines in them, even when the rest of his face is a wall. I consider reading what he is typing on the computer, but decide not to. It isn't my business; not that Heero would be working on anything crucial with me in the same room anyway.

I look at him again and, sigh, then turn and walk out. "I'll see you at the evening meal," I say to them both as I leave the room. Duo gives a brief cheer at the thought of food. No answer from Heero.

I step outside and close the door behind me, leaning back against it. Through the conversations of the hallway I hear the faint sound behind the door of someone moving in a chair. Maybe its Heero, I think wistfully, coming to talk to me. But I know its probably just Duo spinning again.

What do I have to do? What do I have to prove? What do they expect of me anyway? I'm not the perfect rich child; I'm not living the perfect life. My father died just after telling me that I wasn't even the person I thought I was. Every word I utter is taken down and remembered, and people count on me to say the right thing, to not screw up. I'm being used by politicians on all sides, and princess or not I feel like I have no power of my own.

And yet, I'm the ruler of a country now. People look to me to solve their problems. People count on me to stand up when they are afraid to. How much do I have to do to prove to you all that I'm not a silly child and I won't go away? That I won't let this war beat me down, and I won't run and hide? I'm living this thing now. It isn't a game, Heero, not to me. So why do you still treat me like an encumbrance?

I want to help you win. I can help you win, now. I want you for once to stop your hunting and attacking and just notice that I'm ready to aid you here at any time. Come see what I've done. I'm making my dream a reality, and pretty soon the whole world will be living that dream along with me.

So why won't you look at me, even once, just for a moment. Just stop and see what I've accomplished for everyone, for myself. For you.