This week's update is a day late, but I did post two one-shots between chapters so it counts. Apologies if the French in this is a crappy translation. I used a few different sites to check to make sure it fits, but I do not speak French so...it is what it is.


If Meredith was being truthful the idea of going all way to Montana with Jackson was not something she was looking forward to. The patient needed them and transferring two patients just seemed so stupid. She got it, she did, but being away was not something that interested her too much. It probably should have, since it meant she was actually going to get to sleep through the night.

She'd rather spend her nights with Nathan.

The very Nathan who drove her to the airport and was standing with her outside of his car. He leaned against the hood as she was settled between his legs, waiting for Jackson, who could take his sweet time for all she cared.

"Don't get into too much trouble." Meredith warned, glancing up at him.

"I'm offended."

"I don't care."

"It won't take you that long. I can't get into too much trouble." He grabbed her by her jacket, pulling her closer before leaning down to give her a kiss. "You need more help staying out of trouble than I do."

"I'll be good."

Nathan didn't even bother to hide the chuckle. "You're not good but I don't think I'd like you as much as I do if you were."

"There's a gift on your phone. If that gets into the wrong hands I'm not responsible about what happens to you." Meredith smirked just as Jackson's car pulled up.

"You're killing me, Grey."

Meredith gave him a quick kiss just as Jackson was calling for her name. "Yeah. Enjoy."

Before she could actually make it over to Jackson, Nathan had pulled her back and gave her a proper goodbye kiss. One that, in any other situation, would have shifted her thoughts along a different road entirely. Instead she had to focus on work and that she would be spending more time with Jackson than she had in recent memory.

"You'll be gone a day, not for life." Jackson commented just as Meredith stopped where he was standing with Catherine.

Meredith rolled her eyes in return. "You were the one who was late, not me."

"We shouldn't be gone too long." Jackson ignored her and spoke to Catherine.

Who only waved him off. "I can handle my grandbaby."

"Okay." Jackson nodded but seemed unconvinced.

Either way they ended up on the plane and Meredith didn't have much of a good feeling about it. True with any and all planes ever since the plane crash. She could fly but it didn't mean she had to like it and given how calm Jackson was on a small plane that would be more likely to crash and kill them, it only served to drive the irritation she was trying her best to swallow.

"Where's April?" A change of conversation would be good.

"Chicago for some Avery business." Jackson answered without glancing over at her. "It was my mother's idea. I should have brought Harriet."

"She'll be fine, Jackson. I'm leaving three kids in the hands of Maggie, Amelia, and Alex. My house burning down has a higher chance."

"You have the luck for it."

"I'll take that champagne from Katie and you won't be able to use me."

The barely there hint of a smile wasn't missed as Jackson looked over some files as they began their flight to Montana.

Meredith had an entirely different approach and chose to enjoy her quiet time. It wasn't like she got much of it anymore. She loved her babies more than anything but to be able to sit there without someone needing her for something was a luxury she wasn't going to pass up. The bonus of Jackson not being overly chatty was also something she was going to relish in.

The flight felt shorter than it actually was and the ride to the hospital felt even shorter. The minute they actually met with the doctor something felt off and weird to him. It could have just been the man himself, however, as to whenever Jackson opened his mouth the man was on about the Avery name. It did serve to amuse her, until she mentioned the whole Grey Sloan Memorial thing and he was doing his best to pry that one out of her. Not that she budged much.

When he informed them that the father of the kid in the bed thought their conversation would be more positive confirmed her off feeling. Jackson mostly lead the conversation that should have already been handled by the doctors there. It was anything less than pleasant and the added in moment of Jackson telling the man about his own dead son the whole mood in the room shifted, if that was even possible.

It even managed to make Meredith feel awkward, which was near impossible to do.

"Are you okay?" Meredith asked Jackson once they were out of the room and walking down the hall. She'd never really been around for when it happened and she was so consumed with Derek's death it was almost as if it didn't exist for her. In a lot of ways, it didn't. She wasn't close with either at the time as it were and the whole mess just...seemed to turn into something else by the time she found herself living in Seattle again. It was likely a question she should have asked a long time ago.

"I'm fine."

"Using the kids that's a very Ellis Grey move."

"You ever done it?"

Meredith had a hint of a smile, showing just how guilty she was. "Sometimes you have to relate to the patient but my children aren't dead."

"Your husband is."

Meredith looked over at him then, almost like she was seeing a whole new side to Jackson. "Have you always been this blunt?"

"I have to go do something." He replied over bothering to answer her question. "I'll call you later. If something happens call me."

"Where are you going?"

"Bye, Grey."

Meredith realized that something was up with Jackson but wasn't exactly sure what it was. She could have poked and prodded, but, in the end decided she didn't care too much. Whatever Jackson was into was his own business, even if she didn't think, he could possibly have anything that important in Montana of all places. Unless that was his whole reason for being so adamant on the patient and spent a good twenty minutes convincing her that they could actually do something.

No matter what it was she had too many problems to focus on and Jackson just wasn't one of them. As long as the patient remained stable he could do whatever he wanted for the remainder of the day.

She grabbed all of the patient files before moving to grab her jacket. Snow wasn't much of her friend and she definitely should have worn better boots. Did she even own boots? She honestly couldn't remember but Seattle was more rain, rain, and more rain. So much rain that when the sun was out she was more surprised than when it wasn't. The surgery wouldn't be until the next day and as much fun as she thought it would to be stand around with the weirdly passive aggressive doctor who had some kind of complex for recognizable names she decided to make her way back to her hotel room.

Out of the snow.

As she walked to the hotel she pulled out her phone to call Nathan. Not to seem like a needy girl who couldn't spend more than a few hours away from her...boyfriend sounded cheap but she supposed there wasn't really much other way to label him. Lover didn't sound much better but she wasn't in love with him. She didn't think, not yet. He had an impact on her in a way only Derek ever managed to do before and...it was all heading down a train of thoughts she would freak herself out with later.

"Did you find your surprise?" She asked before he could even greet her.

"You're holding out on me."

She really did wish she could have seen his face the first time he looked at the little video. "You have to earn the kink."

"So, we'll have to work our way up to the sex tape?"

"You're at least a hundred orgasms away from that."

"I'll keep track." Nathan said in such a cocky manner he had to be smirking. "How's the patient?"

"This place is a mess and Jackson ditched me."

"So, what are you going to do?"

Meredith shrugged, failing to realize she still had to answer. "Go over this case, find something that isn't chinese food, and sleep. What are you doing?"

"Shepherd and I are doing a surgery."

She really did try to help the laugh. "Good luck."

"Why are you saying it like that?"

"Amelia is extra moody, extra sulky and the only person she hates more than me is Owen. Otherwise she's a mute. Amelia Shepherd is a mute. I'll let you deal with that."

"I'm sure you're being dramatic."

"Goodbye, Nathan."

Meredith found her way to her hotel room and the fact that she had all that time to herself was enough to give her the feeling of not knowing what she needed to do. She had the files for the case all over her bed but had to admit it wasn't intense or interesting enough to keep her attention until the late hours. The sun was still out and she didn't usually sleep until way into the night. There was no Nathan to occupy her time and didn't want to call him a million times. He was working on a surgery.

Eventually boredom hit her and she found herself down at the one bar in the town. It was right between the hospital and the hotel. Interesting place if she ever saw one, briefly thinking of Joe's. Doctors needed places to drink, too. When she walked in she didn't expect to see Jackson sitting at the table closest to the door with his laptop and other files spread all around him.

"Is this what you had to do? If you wanted space you can say something. I'm not April. I don't need the weird excuses."

"What are you doing here?" He looked just as surprised to see her as she did him.

"I got bored and wanted a drink."

Jackson only remained quiet.

"Okay, you have this sad look on your face and I know that look. Nathan's had that look for the past week. I know you don't have a dead wife so what's up?

"Nothing." Jackson dismissed her easily. "Sit and have a drink."

Meredith thought about declining his offer but took the seat at the table. Better than sitting next to some random stranger and picking at the nuts that no one should ever actually eat when in a bar. It really only led to her looking around before staring at Jackson.

"What, Grey?"

"What do you want to drink?"

"A beer is fine."

Meredith got up and walked over to the bar. Something was definitely up with Jackson but she was fine just having a drink. It was growing exhausting to be worrying about everyone's problems. She still hadn't really figured out just what was going on with Amelia and her seemingly failed marriage to Owen.

"You're not from around here, are you?" The man behind the bar asked.

"No, just in town for a surgery."

"He's been sitting there for hours." He gestured to Jackson. "Big case?"

"Yeah, big enough to land us here."

"Good luck." He smiled politely and handed Meredith her drinks which landed her back at the table with Jackson.

"What he'd say?"

Meredith shrugged as she slid the mug of beer towards him. "Pleasantries."

He didn't really seem pleased with the answer but she just drank her vodka tonic without saying anything more. Until she got a call from the hospital that derailed everything for them. That felt more like the natural course of things instead of things running seemingly smooth. She was still have surprised they even made it their without getting into a plane crash and never heard from again Lexie style.

Morbid but true.

"So, the kid is out." Meredith sighed as she ended the call and placed her phone on the table.

"What happened?"

"Tumor."

"Damn it." Jackson ran his hands over his face. "We need something stronger."

"What about the family?"

"Let's just wait until the morning."

Meredith didn't argue with him knowing they wouldn't have much positive to tell the parents anyway. Probably better if they took the night to come up with something so they had some sort of plan before they crushed their whole world. Or if they couldn't come up with something at least they had a night of drinking to prepare themselves for the inevitable outcome.

Drinking helped everything.

One round of shots turned into three and by then Jackson had loosened up a little. Not a ton but enough and Meredith felt calm, good, buzzed, and had kind of missed the feeling of just not having anything to worry about other than how she was going to walk from the bar back to her room.

Everyone needed some childfree, man free time. Even if was with Jackson who had an attitude worse than she'd seen in years. It was getting late and if they were going to get up at a decent hour to actually be the surgeons that they were there to be they should have probably kept it a night sooner rather than later, but she hadn't quite finished her drink yet.

Excuses.

Another excuse came when her phone rang and Nathan's name popped up on her screen. Just the person she wanted to talk to.

"Nathan!" She smiled brightly, a way that Meredith rarely ever smiled. "Hi. I'm kind of," her voice dropped to a whisper, "drunk."

"Alone?"

"I'm with Jackson." She pointed him out just as she said his name.

"Is he drunk?"

"Yes." She nodded, even though he couldn't see her. "It was his idea."

"I'm not even there to take advantage of you."

"No, I took advantage of you."

"Oh, I wasn't this drunk."

Meredith stayed quiet for a moment, letting her whole demeanor just soften. "I miss you."

"Oh, yeah you need to stop drinking you don't admit those things freely." Nathan let out a soft chuckle. "I miss you, too, for the record."

"You're there and I..."

Before she could finish Jackson swiped her phone. "I'll let her call you when she's sober." Meredith noticed the way Jackson laughed. "Yeah, I got it."

"What are you doing? Give me my phone."

"No." Jackson put it in his pocket. "You were going to say something you weren't ready for and wouldn't even think if you were sober."

"I was not." Meredith sighed, maybe he had a point.

"He's a good guy and you two work well. I'm divorced. Living with my baby mama. Don't ruin this."

"Are you living through us?" Never thought she'd see the day.

"No," Jackson made a face. "I just know stupid decisions when I see them."

Meredith rolled her eyes and managed to stand from her seat. She was annoyed that he took her phone and even more annoyed that she didn't get to finish her conversation with Nathan. She missed him. It was likely the alcohol that was talking, the very alcohol that made her head down roads she wasn't really ready to head down. Instead of fighting with someone who was going to hold her phone hostage she decided to use it as some sort of excuse to get herself on last drink before she turned in for the night.

A bed did really sound nice.

"You two having a little party over there."

"Yeah," Meredith leaned against the bar, "case is not going well."

"I know those."

"You're a bartender. No offense."

"None taken." He waved off. "I used to be a doctor."

"Meredith Grey." She offered her hand only to feel Jackson all too close to her seemingly out of nowhere..

"We have to go." Jackson didn't let the man finish.

"Can I have my phone?" Worth a shot.

"Come on." Jackson smiled at the man and handed her her jacket.

She put it on but looked him when they got outside. "Why are you being so weird?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"You don't have to talk about it if you give me my phone back. I have kids."

"You live with half the hospital."

"Jackson."

Jackson handed her the phone. "It's my father and we're not talking about it."

"Okay."

"That's it?"

"If Lexie hadn't shown up I would never told anyone about mine." Maybe things would have been a hell of a lot easier if certain events in her life just didn't happen.

They walked back to the hotel and as Meredith slowly, very slowly, began to see some things in something of a clearer light she put the pieces of the night in an order that she was glad certain things didn't quite play out the way she was going to let them.

"Thanks for the phone thing." She didn't think it needed to be said but she needed to say it anyway.

"Anytime, Grey."


The last thing Meredith expected to be woken up by was the loud banging on the door, especially when she was nowhere near her sisters, Alex, and her kids. She was laying in a bed all to herself, messed all up in the covers, actually sleeping a deeper sleep she couldn't remember having since before they had Zola.

That was too many years ago.

With a groan she got up and found her way to the door, only to see Jackson standing on the other side looking wide awake and ready to work. "I have three kids I never sleep. Ever."

"Get dressed."

"Come on in Jackson. Please." She said sarcastically as he walked past her.

She noticed the papers in his hand but didn't bother to ask. Instead she found some clothes she wanted to wear for the day and grabbed her phone before walking into the bathroom. Stupid that she had to change in the bathroom when she had a whole room that Jackson invaded instantly. She did manage to get dressed before Nathan called her so she considered that the victory of the day.

"I didn't think you'd be awake."

"So you called me anyway?" Her tone was grumpy, to say the least, grabbing her clothes as she walked out the bathroom. "You're taking Avery off my hands he's irritating." Meredith ignored the glare Jackson gave her. "Sleep isn't much of a thing when you're him, I guess."

Nathan could only laugh.

"Shut up."

"Hangover?"

"No." Something that was a lie. "We hit a snag."

"You're not coming back tonight."

"Probably not."

"Play nice. I'll reward you when you get home."

"You better hold up your part of the bargain." It was the one thing she was looking forward to, other than seeing her kids.

"Goodbye, Meredith."

After she hung up the phone with Jackson her day seemed to steadily decline. She ended up back at the hospital to tell the parents the truth of what was happening, had Jackson make promises when they had no game plan, and spent half the day bickering with one another.

She knew that it really wasn't about her or the case, but about his father. It just annoyed her to no end that everything they were discussing came out in a mess. She really just wanted to help the kid out so everyone could be happy. Jackson wanted the same thing but the way he was going about it was so different from anything she was used to seeing.

Not that she and him worked together all that often.

"Don't take your crap out on me." She finally snapped after what felt like the fifth hundredth fight.

"I'm not."

That was a lie if she ever heard one. "My intern year I sought out my father after I found my mother had an affair. It didn't go so well. He asked if I needed anything and I said I didn't. That was it until Lexie showed up."

"You don't have to tell me."

"I know. Talk to him. Rip the band aid off. At least while you can. Finding out about Lexie and molly only made me feel worse but at least I knew." Meredith shrugged, everything about her demeanor softening. "Why did you find him?"

"I wanted to know."

"You don't have to talk to him. I probably wouldn't. I'm not a poster child for healthy anything though. If you talk to him you'll find some answer, even if it's not the one you want."

"We have surgery."

As it turned out the proposed plan Jackson came up with worked and everything went according to the plan. Not that she ever doubted his surgical skills but the way things were going she didn't know if either of them would come up with any sort of plan that would actually work.

"See, it went well." She smiled when the patient was in recovery and doing well. They'd spoken to the parents and everything should have been fine from there on out.

"Yeah. I don't want to talk about my dad."

"I didn't ask." Nor was she going to.

Meredith swore that he thought she was April who would pry into his life without bothering to care whether or not he wanted to share. If Jackson wanted to deal with his dad then he would. If he didn't then it wouldn't matter to her anyway.

She did manage to actually get some sleep that night without Jackson knocking on her door obnoxiously early. She packed all her stuff back up and was just happy to go back to Seattle. She was ignoring the whole fact that she had to get back on the small plane to do that.

They were running late as it was. Though it was Jackson's plane so there wasn't really a time, but she carried her bag and found him in the bar talking to his dad. She did manage to catch a few end words but mostly tried to act like she wasn't there at all, sneaking back out, and waiting in the cold with the snow slightly melting. Not like she would want anyone to listen to any of the conversations she had with Thatcher, but most of those she had no choice when he was drunkenly yelling at her for one reason or another.

"I'm ready." Jackson said as he walked down the steps.

"You told him more than I told Thatcher. He didn't even know I had kids."

"Why not?

Meredith shrugged as the answer was simple. "Because he didn't deserve to know." A decision she didn't regret.

"Thanks."


The sight of Catherine Avery when they got off of the plane was not exactly a good sign, nor when she told them there had been a mudslide and the hospital was packed with patients. They ended up going straight to the hospital and getting lost in the chaos.

Meredith didn't clock many emergency room days anymore. Sometimes she would get called down for a patient but it wasn't that often. Usually she was on there if there was some kind of accident. She did more schedule routine surgeries than anything unusual. The trip with Jackson got her to do something different versus anything she normally saw.

Three patients later she felt like she had been there forever.

"Have you seen Nathan?" Meredith asked as she grabbed another file from April.

"No," she shook her head. "He and Hunt went out there with some others. Haven't seen them since this morning."

Before she could get any more information she was directed to another patient and April was pulled away by someone else. She had to admit the thought of him out there didn't sit well with her at all. People in dangerous situations around her didn't seem to fare all that well. Even just existing and breathing on a routine day didn't make them fare all that well at all either.

As it turned out her patient ended up needing surgery and that was where her mind focused, not Nathan. Not Nathan being out there and getting himself into a mess. She did take a moment to remember that he was in the Army. He survived Iraq. He was with Owen. They seemed on better terms if something happened then they would at least have one another's backs.

Or she was convincing herself of all that so she didn't worry and could actually focus on the patient on her table.

Her mind was a mess until she closed up and sent the patient to recovery. She filled out the rest of the chart quickly and checked her phone to see if she heard anything.

She was being anxious, could feel it in her bones, radiating off of her in a way it didn't need to. She was well aware of how ridiculous she was being. It wasn't the same feeling she had with Derek, which only proved to tell her just ridiculous she was being. As if they were finally happy and something had to destroy that.

For no reason other than the fact that she was Meredith Grey.

"Have you seen Nathan?" She asked Amelia as she was walking down the hall.

"I haven't."

Meredith didn't really think she had and moved to turn down the hall.

"What's up, Meredith?" Amelia called after her.

"Nothing. Patients. I'll be in the ER." A poor dismissal if she ever heard one.

A new wave of patients came in by the time she made it down to the emergency room, filled with even more chaos than before. There were people who needed her left and right, other doctors asking her for things, patients with questions, but her mind was too centered on Nathan to really care. She wanted to know where exactly he was and if he was okay. With all of the trauma she had been through her mind couldn't just accept that he was okay.

She answered all of the questions, stitched up a few patients, and made sure to call consults for the others who needed them. A lot of wounds were superficial, the more emergent cases brought in first.

It was well into the night before the dust seemed to settle. The last patient was doing fine and she'd just given some painkillers. Half felt like she would need a painkiller and some sleep, along with actually seeing her kids she'd been without for the past few days.

Only when she looked up she actually saw Nathan walking in through the doors with a kid in his arms. The relief that washed over her was immediate, only to be replaced with a bit of anger that she didn't experience all that often. She stood in her same position while he reunited the kid with his parents. They were happy and thanked him immensely to which he smiled.

It was only when he was free did she walk over to him and immediately shove against his chest. Not that he managed to move all that much. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"What?"

"You can't just get yourself killed." All of the emotion she'd been burying all day managed to rise to the surface and she couldn't help herself with how upset she was. She didn't care that they were still standing in the emergency room for everyone to see, didn't care that she was glancing up at him like some dumb girl over the surgeon she was.

"Meredith, I'm fine. A little muddy." He smiled, "Half of everyone is staring at us."

"What happened if you…"

Nathan put his hand on her cheek. "I'm fine. I promise. See, look. I got all my body parts and I'm in one piece. I didn't bang my head or anything. No injuries. I promise."

She inspected him briefly even if she trusted his word that he was fine. "You're still an idiot."

"Come on, I need to get out of this."

Meredith wanted to give some stupid quip or deny that she would go with him but she didn't. Instead she just followed along and continued to make sure he was okay. He looked fine, other than the mud that had most definitely ruined his shoes.

She didn't bother speaking, not when it was all going to come out something of a mess no matter what she said. It was ridiculous to be as irritated as she was. He saved a kid and probably saved other patients. He was out there doing what she was in there doing. He devoted so much of his life to helping people in places where dangers were high. Of course, Seattle came with it's own challenges.

"You promised me you wouldn't die." The words were soft as she shut the door to the on call room and looked over at him.

"I'm not dead." He sat on the edge of the bed and tugged her closer. "Hey, I'm sorry. I'm right here. There was an emergency."

Meredith looked down at him and felt stupid for how upset she was. She wasted no time in finding herself on his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck. "I go away for a few days and I come back to Catherine Avery of all people telling me there was a mudslide and you were nowhere to be found."

"I thought Hunt and I would be back before you."

"Well, you weren't and I thought you were…" She let out a breath. "It's stupid. I know it's stupid and it's irrational but people die. All the time. They drop like flies and it's a miracle half these people are still alive."

Nathan put his finger under her chin and tilted her so she was looking at him. "Je suis à vous. Je suis ici. Toujours."

"You speak French?"

"I'm yours. I'm here. Always."

"Je suis a vous. Je suis ici. Toujours."

Nathan smiled, unable to bite back his lap.. "Your french is terrible."

"You'll have to teach me." Meredith wasted no time in pulling her shirt off and dropping it to the floor. "But I have better things on mind."

"Is this thank god you're alive sex?"

"Yes."

Nathan pulled off his own shirt before kissing her. "I should put myself in harms way more often."

"If you do you'll never get sex."

"Liar."

Meredith wouldn't confirm nor deny his statement. They both knew it was true, she wasn't going to deny him sex. Not when it denied her just as much. Instead she pulled herself up off of him and pulled her pants off. She pushed him down onto the bed and straddled him again.

"Something tells me you've used french to get girls into bed." She commented as she reached down to stroke him.

"I don't think any of that is classified as a crime since I can actually speak it." He didn't hold back the moan as his own hands ran along her body, gripping at her neck and pulling her closer to him.

"Yeah, but how do I know you can actually speak it?" Meredith murmured against his lips. "Maybe you just know that one line."

Nathan propped himself up, hand braced against the bed behind him, nipping at her lips. "I thought you were sad I almost died. Now you just seem to want my cock and proof I can speak French."

"I can admit I was a little dramatic." She shifted herself so she was rubbing herself against him, moaning quietly, relishing in the beginning hints of pleasure.

"You didn't even lock the door and now, you're here, naked and wet."

"I don't want to think about what would have happened to you." She whispered, running her fingers through his hair. "I don't want to think about you dying or getting hurt or how you were probably all too happy to go out in a dangerous situation. If I did then I would think about everything. I'd be sad and emotional. I'd ask about all of these scars you have and I would probably admit all the feelings inside of me are very real and I don't want to lose you." She looked at him, eyes softened. "So just fuck me. Speak to me in French. Talk about your cock. I don't care. And if someone interrupts us, well, I'll test your skills because those three kids interrupt me all the time."

"That part of me is never leaving. The army part." His touch was gentle as he caressed her cheek. "You do what you have to do and that way of life hasn't killed me yet. You and Derek built this life together here, you settled, you had kids...it was never like that for me. I would never hurt you on purpose, I'm not running from this." He moved to kiss her. "Plus, like I would give up the great sex. Can find sex anywhere but the good stuff with someone who actually care about is not so easy."

"It was pretty great when I hated you in the car."

"Better than now?"

"Well we're not actually doing anything." She murmured against his lips, barely moving against him. Not willing to give either of them anything yet. "And you stopped using french."

"You got upset."

"I'm not upset now. I'm just horny."

"What's new?"

Meredith rolled her eyes. "I can get off myself."

"Did you in Montana?"

"No. I was tired and drunk."

"Not once?"

"I can control myself." By some miracle she could control herself, but times came when she just didn't want to. Especially around him. "Plus, I didn't bring my vibrator."

"That would have been a show."

"Did you?"

"I worked. I don't make a habit of jacking off at work."

Meredith backed off from him, her eyes dropping.. "Maybe you should. I want to watch."

"Serious?"

"Unless you're embarrassed." A challenge of sorts.

"I have nothing to be embarrassed about." Nathan proved just as much as he reached down and began to stroke himself, moving differently from how Meredith would.

She found it wasn't really the action itself that only managed to get more worked up than she already was. There was just something about washing the way the pleasure washed over his face, the way he flushed, the way he bit down in on his lip. He'd move slow then faster. She could feel just how wet she was growing, allowing her fingers to slip between her own legs. It was only fair.. "What do you think about?"

"You."

"How?"

"Sometimes when you're walking down the hall I just think about bending you over the near surface, yanking down your pants, and just fucking you. Other times I imagine you down on your knees begging for my cock. In the car when you were so needy."

Meredith took her free hand and covered his hand, aiding him, keeping her eyes directly on him. "Where do you like to come?"

"In you." He answered without missing a beat.

"You make me come all the time I don't care where you get off." She bit down on her lip, rubbing her own clit a little faster, just enough. "Did you think of me before the car? I had a dream I rode you on the couch in the attendings' lounge."

"You're really in the public sex aren't you?"

"No thrill if you can't get caught." She gripped his cock harder, moving so she was closer to him..

"I thought about you a lot, even when you were hostile."

"I think everything about me just makes you hard."

"Maybe." The word came out in a moan, one far too loud for the on call room. "Je veux te baiser dans la chatte."

"What does that mean?"

Nathan pulled their hands off of him and grabbed her by the hip, "I can jack off any time. I want you."

"Something tells me that's not a literal translation."

"I want to fuck you in the pussy is the literal translation. I feel like a teenage boy when I say it like that though."

Meredith laughed against his mouth. "We fuck like we're teenagers." And she never felt better about it.

"Not unless you actually sink down on me."

"I guess I can." She was casual she did just that, holding back the moan, finding her arms around his neck again. It felt good, he felt good.

It didn't take her all that long to find her rhythm, the feelings from before all but a distant memory. A few days without him felt something of a lifetime, if she was to continue with being more dramatic than she needed to be. When his mouth sucked at the spot on her neck that always managed to make her damn putty for him.

Everything about her moves to putty them. They both give and take, her grip on him harder, not thinking, just doing, relishing in him being there. A small part of her all too aware of the worry, that she pushed down, to focus on the fact that he manages to make her feel as if she's always one step away from completely falling apart on him.

His fingers dug harder into her hip and it only spurred her on, any control she once had, gone. She moves without much abandon, taking him as deep as she can manage, enjoying the feel of him filling her, stretching her, all too aware of everything.

When he bit into her neck unexpectedly she felt her come undone. "Nathan, fuck." She managed to get out, kissing him just as he came inside of her, a feeling she had to admit she liked just as much as he seemed to.

Everything from the day seemed to hit her as she rested her body against him, allowing them both to find their breaths, and their senses. It was a long day and she was exhausted, it hitting her in a wave, but she was happy to be in his arms, to be there with him, to just enjoy the company he brought her. She never thought she would be able to find that without anyone but Derek. Only there Nathan was and it felt right, like she couldn't even imagine a time where she was so put off by him.

The last thing she wanted to do was untangle herself from him, but it was late. She needed to actually go home before her kids thought she was never coming back. He was just so warm.

"Thank you." She whispered against him after a few minutes before gaining the courage to actually pull herself from him and find her clothes. Half a miracle no one came in and found them together. They probably needed to be more careful but whenever she was lost in a moment with him it was as if part of her brain shut off and she just did.

When she looked back over at Nathan he was tugging his shirt back on, her eyes laser focused on him. He was fine was all she could remind herself.

"I'm okay." He said as if he could read her mind, reaching out to pull her closer.

"I know."

"I'm sorry, about earlier. I am."

"Just," she let out a breath, running her fingers through his growing hair as she stood before him, "don't do it again."

"We both know I will."

"I don't like it."

"I know."

Bad things happened to them all but not because they played the hero type. Just because. She didn't like to think about something happening to him because of the combination of her being around him and the fact that he played hero. She was used to thinking about her own impending death but it was the idea that Nathan could be the one dying that was fairly new. Something that told her just how deep her feelings were getting, something that scared her half to death, and something that made her realize if she lost him in any capacity it was going to hurt like hell. "I have to go."

"Je suis à vous. I'm yours, Meredith."

"Je suis a vous."