General AN: This is just a little PSA/note to anyone who follows my writing in general on ff dot net. My frustrations with some aspects of the site are causing me to switch permanently to ao3 as a means of publishing fics. I won't be publishing any new works on this site, so if you're interested in continuing to read my stuff, you'll have to switch over to my tumblr (jhoomwrites) or ao3 (jhoom) accounts. HOWEVER, because I have a number of unfinished WIPs and series on this site, I will continue to update those until they're complete. That means that the following stories/series WILL continue to be updated on ff dot net: The Mark; Academy Blues; love to hate; What's in a Name?; any fics related to Welcome to SKU. Anything new that I post that is NOT related to those stories will NOT be published here.
AN: whoooo it's done! sorry about the delay, but i've been working on some other very long fics and this one took the backseat for a bit.
i do have two more ideas for continuations of this verse, so make sure you're subscribed to the series (not just this story!). i plan on doing one that starts at the beginning of cas' sophomore year (i.e. a month or so after this story ends) where cas is helping to break in the new pledges (and dean's all hot and bothered by seeing cas bossing people around). i also have an idea for one where cas does a semester abroad *waggles eyebrows*
as always, come visit me on tumblr at jhoomwrites - since i am working on all those big bang projects currently, not a whole lot is getting posted here BUT i do post ficlets under 1k pretty regularly on tumblr and new long fics get posted to ao3
hope you guys enjoyed this fic and enjoy the ending :)
Castiel lies there, trying to process everything that's just happened.
You and Dean had sex during a scene and now you're lying here in the wet spot, his brain not so helpfully supplies.
Yes. Because that is the most distressing part about this turn of events. The wet spot.
Dean must think it is, because he gently rolls Cas into his back to start cleaning up. He's putty in Dean's hands, letting the older but manhandle onto some waiting blankets before disappearing from the room. Distant sounds float to him - a door opening, running water, Dean walking out to the living room - but none of them.
His mind is too busy puzzling out what the fuck just happened.
The scene was spectacular. Better than he'd expected, honestly. He thought the new layer of their sexual relationship with its newfound terminology wouldn't live up to their usual spark. Boy was he wrong, and gladly so. If this is what things would be like now, he was definitely in board.
And then Dean had to go and ruin it by saying something in the heat of the moment he clearly didn't mean. He doesn't appear to even know he said it. How could something that huge slip out if he meant it? Shouldn't he have recognized it the second the words were out?
Castiel knows that he personally has been acutely aware of every time he's said something as innocent as *I love your shirt* or *I love sleeping over* to Dean. The very notion of saying *more* without at least gauging Dean's reaction is preposterous.
The fact that Dean could do calmly go about the rest of their scene (or were they now on the "aftercare" part? Cas still doesn't quite understand the whole thing) makes Castiel believe he'd just been babbling. Dean has a tendency to do that when he's really worked up. Probably didn't even notice he'd said it.
He resolves not to bring it up. Because either he'll end up embarrassing Dean or hurting himself in the process of finding an answer, and he doesn't want either. Not right now, when everything else is so perfect.
Soon Dean's back and pulling Cas to his feet. He holds Cas' hand and kisses his cheek before leading him to the bathtub. It's one of the few nice features of the apartment. Although most of the space is modestly sized, the bathroom is large and features a clawfoot tub. Arguably, the tub makes it difficult to shower at times (and as Dean is more than willing to lament, makes shower sex next to impossible), but the warm bubble bath waiting for him makes Castiel reconsider its merits.
With Dean there to hold him steady, he eases himself into the water. It is absolutely divine. He sighs happily, feeling his worries float away.
"I'll be right back," Dean says after propping Cas' head up with a washcloth. "I gotta get something from the kitchen."
Cas wonders what else his amazing boyfriend has in store for him. The bath alone would be enough, but there's the distant sound of dishes clattering and the fridge opening. Maybe there's more food coming. He thought he was full from dinner, but now his stomach rumbles in anticipation.
Still alone in the tub, he wonders what treats Dean's going to bring him. Something that he can eat while finishing his bath. Curiosity runs through, making goosebumps prickle along his skin despite the warm water.
Eventually he can hear Dean coming back to the bathroom, humming a tune and occasionally singing a few lines under his breath. Castiel vaguely recognizes the song - something he's no doubt heard a dozen times on Dean's cassettes over the past few months, but he can't place it. When Dean reappears, his singing cuts off abruptly and he blushes slightly. Then he smiles shyly and goes back to humming.
He sets a bowl of fruit down just in reach of the tub with a towel underneath it. After that, Dean only stays in the room long enough to put a plump raspberry into Castiel's mouth, kissing him on the forehead before darting back out again. Sweet tartness suffuses his tastebuds, and he's longing for more.
Before he can decide whether or not to grab another one and risk spilling bubbles all over the floor, Dean's back. A moment later, he's getting in the tub behind Cas and hugging his boyfriend flush against his chest.
"You did such a good job today," he praises while massaging Cas' scalp. More tension drains away and he goes limp in the water. He's practically purring in delight as Dean continues working his nimble fingers into Cas' neck and shoulders.
"Dean," he begs. Begs him to stop saying such kind things. Begs him to stop being so good to him, better than he deserves. Begs him for another raspberry, for continued touches, and for more of the kind treatment he's embarrassed to receive.
"Here." A few more raspberries, then a dried fig. A few more treats to soothe his stomach and make him sigh in contentment. "Let's get you cleaned up."
He nudges Cas so that he's sitting. For a moment, he misses the feel of Dean's skin pressed against him, but then fingers are trailing up his spine and the longing's gone. Dean lathers up the soap and starts scrubbing Castiel's back. Once he's finished there, Dean moves on to Cas' arms and legs. His fingers dip down to clean around his rim, and Castiel's surprised at how tender it is, not sexual in the least while still intimate.
The soap gets placed aside and Dean now works shampoo into his hair. It takes a little bit more effort to wash his hair, but they make it work without too many issues. Dean drains the tub a little so he can add some more hot water, drying off his hands so he can reach more of the snacks. All Cas has to do is lean back and relax - Dean's more than happy to take care of him.
Luxuriating in that knowledge, his mind wanders. He replays their scene over and over, thoroughly enjoying every moment of it. The feeding and cockwarming might be new, but Cas hopes to do them both again. And again and again. He'll never get enough of being filled by Dean, and even though he's at Dean's disposal, there for Dean's pleasure, Cas loved being so close to him.
"Did you mean it?" he blurts out, not able to stop the question from escaping once he's thought of it. "Do you love me?'
"Course." Like it's the most obvious thing in world. But then Dean's body grows tense beneath him and his hand stops petting Cas' arm. "Wait… Did you not know that?"
"No." He's not even sure he quite believes it now, no matter how much he wants to.
"Seriously?" Cas gives a slight nod, knowing Dean will feel it even if he can't see it. "Hey, turn around. I'm not saying this to your back."
There's some splashing as he shifts them around so Cas can see him. "I love you, Castiel Novak. I've loved you for months now. I've been screaming it in my head over and over since like, the second month we were dating but I never said it out loud because it seemed too soon, y'know? Guess I kinda never got over the saying it in my head thing to actually saying it out loud."
"You did not."
Huh. But now that he thinks about it, he thinks he can pinpoint the moment Dean realized it. He woke up one morning in Dean's room. They were snuggled close together and when he'd opened his eyes, a pair of green ones had been staring at him in affection. Not affection, actually. Honest to god love.
And since then, every interaction they've had has been based on the simple truth that Dean loves him. The ease with which they communicate (usually, anyway). The soft touches and lingering gazes. The way they look out for and take care of one another.
They way they take care of each other.
"Oh shit," he gasps. Dean frowns in concern but Castiel shakes his head. "I just realized I'm in love with you too."
"Yeah, I know." Castiel glares at his boyfriend, who holds up his hands defensively. "I'm not trying to pull a Han Solo or anything, but seriously, I know. I mean, I kinda figured you knew too, but…"
"Oh god, I'm such an idiot." He turns all the way around so he can properly hug Dean and cuddle into his chest. "I love you."
"Good. It'd kinda suck if you didn't."
He splashes Dean. "Well aren't you lucky."
"And don't I know it."
They go back to cuddling and nibbling on the fruit until the water goes cold and their hands are pruny.
Dean gets out first but stops Cas from following. "Wait here a minute okay? Got one more thing for you."
"You going for best boyfriend of the year?" he teases, but mostly because it's easier than acknowledging how touched he is that Dean went to all this trouble.
"Nah," Dean says as he wraps a towel around the waist, throwing a wink Castiel's way. "You're already a shoo in for first. I'm going for second."
Castiel sinks under the water to hide his blush and pleased grin. Because Dean loves him. All of his earlier worries and concerns mean nothing now that he's armed in that knowledge. Truth be told, he probably shouldn't have let it get to him like it did anyway. If Castiel were to take a look at the entirety of their relationship, even that brief time before they were dating, he'd find nothing there to cause him to doubt Dean. Everything Dean's done or said has been full of love
He apparently just needed to hear the words out loud.
Not completely unreasonable, Cas supposes. He'll just have to remember it for the future.
When he finally runs out of air, he breaks through the surface and unplugs the tub. The water's only halfway gone when Dean returns with a bathrobe for him. "Fresh from the dryer," he explains as he holds it open for Cas.
It feels divine.
Dean grabs a towel and runs it over Cas' head until his hair's mostly dry, then gives himself the same treatment. They must look like quite the pair with their damp hair sticking out at all ends. Hand in hand, Dean leads Cas back to the bedroom.
Stepping to the foot of the bed (now resting back on the ground), he finds some chocolate truffles waiting on the pillow. Castiel smiles to himself, amazed once again by Dean's thoughtfulness.
"I don't deserve you," he sighs out as he crawls into bed.
"I know. Just promise me you'll stick around until you find someone better?"
Dean pulls back the covers for him and Cas climbs in, scooping up the chocolates and munching on them. His boyfriend soon joins him, wrapping arms around Cas and nuzzling into his neck.
"I really do love you, y'know."
"... Was that mmm about me loving you, or cuz you like the chocolates?" There's a definite pout in his voice that Castiel finds extremely adorable and endearing.
Trying to get chocolate off of his teeth so he can answer, he does eventually manage, "It can be both."
Rarely in his life has he felt so satisfied before. And not just physically, but emotionally as well. The only time he's ever felt anything close to this is when he won his final race of senior year. He'd worn himself out in the final stretch, but it'd been so rewarding and the perfect note to end his four years of track on. But with Dean wrapped around him, pressing soft kisses to the back of his head, he can't deny that this is way better.
It was almost unfair of him to think so little of Dean and not trust in their relationship. It's almost embarrassing now, looking back. Internally he scolds himself for not trying to invalidate his own feelings. He felt what he felt and sure, maybe his anxiety was about unnecessary things, but the feelings themselves were real. Working through them now is better than him trying to bottle them up and ignore them, letting them fester into something worse.
He needed - they needed - him to react that way so they could get to this moment. So they could do things like look up scenes and aftercare and all of that to strengthen them as a couple. So there would be no more weak spots in what they're trying to build together.
Because they are trying to build something. He's sure of that now. This isn't just some college fling. This could be it.
Cas falls asleep realizing that this is just a blending of their sex life, which has always been amazing, with the rest of their relationship. Dean's always offered him attention, called to check up on him, held him close, but now it's being mixed in with the sex. There's no longer this divide between them being boyfriends on one hand, and getting each other off on the other.
Him and Dean? They're meant to last.
Dean makes Cas breakfast and coffee the next morning before helping him get his things organized and packed so he can go home for the summer. And of course he drives him to the airport. They make out lazily in the car for a bit before Cas has to actually go check in for his flight.
Dean outright demands Cas text him when he lands (and Cas is more than willing to indulge his boyfriend, even if he thinks his fear of flying is a little ridiculous). They text and call each other and Skype all the time whenever Dean's available. (But no phone sex or Skype sex right now - that's a story for another time *winkwink*)
Even hundreds of miles apart, Dean's there to help Cas when he needs to vent about his parents not liking his Econ grade or his decision not to major in Business. Just like Cas is there to listen to Dean rant about his crazy boss at his internship. Because they're there for each other. As they should be.
And don't even get me started on the surprise visit Dean pays Cas. Dean decides he misses Cas too damn much, jumps in the Impala, and drives. Cas gets up, thinking he's going to spend a lazy day around the house or at the pool, only to find none other than Dean Winchester on his doorstep. Castiel's parents are surprised - technically they don't "know" Cas is dating anyone, but they're not stupid, they hear how their son talks about his "friend" Dean - but delighted. Dean's already making plans for how Cas can meet his family.