Author's Note – What, thought I was gone for good? Naw, not a chance! All you Blue Seed nuts are stuck with me and my crazy omake ideas. My baka schedule is completely full, but I somehow managed to find time for this. I hope everyone enjoys it, this one is a bit crazier and more unrealistic than my other fics. I hope you like it nonetheless, because as always, I worked hard on it.
Credits – To KusanIvy at Schally's Blue Seed MB for her omake ideas. Also credit goes to Kusanagischick and Schally, both of whom encourage me to keep writing, and also give me excellent story ideas. Without them you'd have three less omakes, as they usually spark my imagination.
Rated – PG (not really any language, rare for me, ne?)
By – Merc
Boyfriends Don't Grow On Trees
Momiji Fujimiya sat idly by her desk, staring aimlessly at a stack of papers in front of her. With a heavy sigh, she continued to let her mind wander, unaware of the rest of the TAC staring at her with looks on their faces that conveyed their questioning thoughts.
"Psssst! How long as she been like this?" Koume whispered to Ryoko as she walked over to her desk, motioning that she needed the stapler sitting on its edge.
"Over an hour now," Ryoko whispered back as she handed Koume her stapler. "I'm starting to get worried."
"I think she's losing it," Koume whispered as she trudged back to her desk, noting with a scowl how much paperwork there was for her to do. With an angry sigh, the young woman decided it was time for a stretch break, and looked out the window. Suddenly, an idea crept into her mind, and an evil smile formed on her face. Creeping up behind Momiji, Koume motioned for her co-workers, all of whom were now looking up from their work with confusing as to what she was doing, to stay silent.
"BOO!!!" She yelled at the top of her lungs as she slapped her hands onto the young girl's shoulders. Momiji responded by snapping her head straight up in the air and screaming bloody murder.
"AAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!" She screamed as she jumped a foot out of her chair. Koume started laughing hysterically at her reaction. Matsudaira shook her head at her co-worker's immaturity and went back to her work, while Ryoko and Yaegashi both stifled laughs.
"What was THAT for?" Momiji asked angrily after she caught her breath, glaring at Koume.
"What?" Koume asked, assuming an innocent look on her face, "You've been totally out of it for an hour, somebody had to wake you up."
"Really?" Momiji asked Koume as she raised her eyebrow.
"According to Ryoko," Matsudaira said quietly as she took out a small beaker and began to examine it with a magnifying glass.
"What are you looking at?" Momiji asked as she diverted her attention to Matsudaira, curious as to what was so interesting.
"Well, I took a sample of Kusanagi's hair about a week ago, and I've been noticing some strange qualities about it."
"What kind of strange qualities?" Yaegashi inquired as he looked up from his computer.
"Yeah, what kind of strange qualities?" Momiji second.
"Well, using this hair sample, I was able to extract a bit of DNA from it. From there I was able to discover that Kusanagi's DNA structure is that of three-eighths plant and four-eighths half human," Matsudaira explained.
"So? We knew that one already." Koume said, unimpressed.
"Well, it intrigues me as to how he can survive as a normal human when his DNA is two-eighth's plant," Matsudaira shot back. Ryoko, thinking about what Matsudaira had just revealed, counted her fingers.
"Two plus four is six," she calculated out loud, "Wait. Six-eighths? Ms. Matsudaira, that's only six-eighths." Rokyo said as she quit talking to herself and directed her voice in Matsudaira's direction.
"Yes, I know. I'm quite curious about this as well, but from what I've isolated so far, it appears as though one-eighth of Kusanagi's genetic makeup is that of a marine porifera." Matsudaira said, her attention still on the beaker in front of her.
"A what-a-what?" Koume said with a confused tone. Yaegashi, on the other hand, looked at Matsudaira as though she were insane.
"You're telling us that one-eighth of Kusanagi's genetic makeup is that of a sea sponge?" He asked,
"And the other eighth?" Yaegashi questioned,
"Apparently that of a Hyla punctata."
"Which is…? Koume asked, completely lost.
"South American Tree Frog."
"You mean my boyfriend is part frog, part sponge, part plant, and part human?!" Momiji asked, her brain unable to compute how someone could be so many different things.
"It would explain why he can jump so high," Ryoko acknowledged.
"And why he likes water and sunlight," Koume added.
"I wish to test it more, but seeing as how the sun is starting to go down, I guess I'll have to wait until morning." Matsudaira commented as she put away her magnifying glass.
"The sun is going down?" Momiji asked as she whipped her head around to see the clock.
"Hm?" Ryoko asked, her attention diverted from Matsudaira over to the youngest member of the TAC. Suddenly, Momiji let out another scream and ran out of the room. The rest of the room sat and gaped, unable to understand what had just taken place.
"That was quite odd," Matsudaira commented, dropping her pencil and glancing at the ceiling, giving her eyes a chance to adjust to focusing on something farther away from her face than six inches.
"She probably saw a fly and got freaked out." Koume said with a hmph as she sat back down at her desk, spinning around in her chair before resting her eyes on the veritable plethora of paperwork yet to be done on her desk. "My last source of decent entertainment just ran out the door, damnit," she thought to her herself as she picked up her pen and began to write. Just then, Kunikida walked through the door.
"Sorry I was gone for so long," he said as he walked to his desk, an exhausted look pasted on his face.
"How was the meeting sir?" Matsudaira asked as she watched her boss shuffle through some papers.
"Horrible," he responded gruffly, "Even though we saved Japan, the government is still very angry at us for the stunts that we pulled. Apparently becoming fugitives didn't quite make their day, so before you ask, instead of being thanked, we stand a good chance of being dissolved." To this revelation, everyone looked at Kunikida with wide eyes.
"Oh my," Yaegashi said as he pushed his glasses back up his nose.
"Yes, I know. We'll be lucky if we escape these next few weeks without any jail time," Kunikida responded. "However, until then we can only hope for the best."
"Yes, I guess you're right," Ryoko said with a sigh as she crossed her fingers under her desk, hoping that she wouldn't be spending the next few years living with criminals rather than arresting them.
"Hey, where's Momiji?" Kunikida asked, his attention suddenly diverted to her empty desk.
"She was here a few minutes ago, but for some strange reason she screamed and ran out the door," Yaegashi said as he filled in the gaps for his boss.
"Oh? What time is it?" Kunikida asked as he looked up at the clock. Noting the time, he chuckled.
"Sir?" Matsudaira asked,
"Momiji better hurry up, she's got a date with Kusanagi in less than twenty minutes," Kunikida said as he figured out why Momiji had run out the door so fast.
"Didn't really give herself much time to prepare, huh?" Koume commented with a shrug, smiling at the thought of Momiji trying to quadruple-task while catching multiple buses back to her house in order to get ready for her date. With that amusing thought in mind, Koume began to finish up a small stack of papers before heading out for the night.
Momiji, meanwhile, was completely panicking. "Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, ARGH!!!" she thought to herself as she ran to the next bus stop. Just as Koume had thought, Momiji was trying to quadruple-task while getting various bus-rides home. Momiji sat down and began to resume doing her hair while putting on new makeup while painting her fingernails while writing in her planner while finishing up a quick math assignment. At the next bus stop, Momiji quickly stuck a piece of mint gum into her mouth in order to freshen her breath, and began walking over to the bench. Suddenly, Momiji tripped on a crack in the sidewalk and fell flat on her face, exposing the world (as usual) to her butt and its lovely animal-printed covering. Amidst the cat calls, Momiji blushed and ran onto the next bus right as it arrived. Grunting angrily, Momiji wondered to herself how she was coordinated enough to do four things in four different areas at once, but yet couldn't walk and chew gum at the same time.
"How embarrassing," she moaned as she took a seat at the back of the bus so as to avoid any stares from certain male admirers, who wanted her skirt up, and angry mothers, who wanted her to wear pants for the rest of her life. Sighing, Momiji went back to painting her fingernails while doing a math assignment while doing her hair while writing in her planner. Ten minutes later, the rushed girl reached her desired destination, and with a giant leap, hopped off the bus and ran as fast as she could to her home, not stopping to take off her shoes. Momiji then ran up to her room and began to rip off her school uniform and quickly put on her new outfit for her date. After getting her hair caught in a zipper, tripping three times, stepping on a tack ("Ow! Where did that come from?!"), and accidentally missing her mouth and sticking the toothbrush up her nose, Momiji finished getting ready right as the doorbell rang.
"Coming!" She yelled as she checked herself out in the mirror to make sure that everything was in place. Momiji ran down the stairs, whereupon she looked at her nails on the railing. "I did such a good job, I should become a manicurist." She thought to herself as she admired her nails. Suddenly, she noticed that she had forgotten to paint one of them.
"OH NO!!!" Momiji thought to herself as she ran into the kitchen. Knowing that she didn't have time to paint her additional nail, she did the next best thing and, grabbing a bottle of white-out, proceeded to paint the liquid paper onto her nail and then color over it with a pink highlighter to match the color of her other nails.
"Not exactly salon quality, but it'll have to do." She thought to herself as she ran out the door.
Later on that evening, after a small dinner at the local pizza place and a nice walk in the part, Kusanagi led Momiji back to the door.
"Uh, yeah, well, sorry about not taking you somewhere nicer." He said as he rubbed the back of his head. Momiji chuckled lightly,
"It's alright, I know that guarding my life doesn't exactly pay a good pension," she said as she walked to the door. With a gulp, she turned around to say goodnight. "I hope he kisses me," she thought as she looked into his eyes. Poor Kusanagi looked about as clueless as a child watching C-SPAN, and without further ado, took Momiji by the wrist and gave her a quick hug.
"I had a nice time," he whispered in Momiji's ear, causing her to blush and her heart to quicken.
"M-m-me too," she stammered in a reply. After a few moments Kusanagi let her go, and with a final goodnight, turned and began to walk away. Momiji watched him go, and began to open the door to her house when she gave out a small yelp and started running after him.
"Momiji?" Kusanagi asked quizzically as his girlfriend ran up behind him, her face red and sweaty from trying to keep up. Without an explanation, Momiji caught her breath and then proceeded to reach up to Kusanagi's head and rip out a few strands of hair.
"OW!!!" Kusanagi exclaimed as he rubbed the back of his now-aching scalp. He turned around to ask Momiji what she was doing, only to find that she had run away. "And here I thought I was the only one who did disappearing acts," Kusanagi thought to himself as a giant sweatdrop formed on his brow.
Meanwhile, back at Momiji's house, the teen quickly grabbed a clean empty jam jar and setting the hairs down on her nearby dresser, proceeded to fill the jar two-thirds full with soil and fertilizer. Afterwards, Momiji dug a small hole and dropped the hairs in, covering them back up and watering them. Placing them at her window sill, Momiji glanced longingly at the makeshift pot. "Hehe, only a matter of time," she thought to herself as she yawned and got ready for bed.
A month and a half later, Momiji came home from school with a small grin on her face.
"Well you sure are in a happy mood today Momiji," Kunikida said with a smile.
"That's because it's the weekend, ah, school's done for Saturday, so now I can go and get ready to spend the rest of the day with Kusanagi!" Momiji said energetically as she threw off her shoes and skipped merrily up to her room. Diatetsu Kunikida chuckled at his foster daughter's giddiness and went back to reading his newspaper. Suddenly, a loud shriek filled the air, startling Kunikida into dropping his cigarette onto the newspaper that he had been reading.
"EUREKA!!! IT WORKED!!!" Momiji's excited voice echoed through the house. Confused, Kunikida went to set down the newspaper to see what all the excitement was about when he noticed a slight burning smell. Looking down, he noticed to his horror that his cigarette had caught the newspaper on fire. With a slight yelp, he quickly wadded up the newspaper into a small ball and, running as quickly as he could, stuck it in the sink. Slightly displeased at the loss of both his newspaper and his cigarette, Kunikida walked heavily up the stairs to see what all of the commotion was about.
"Momiji, what is going on in here?" Kunikida asked as he walked through the door, a frown of disapproval etched in his face.
"LOOK!!!" Momiji exclaimed excitedly as she jammed a small jam jar full of soil and fertilizer into his face. Taking the jar from her, Kunikida held it back a ways and studied it intently.
"What?" He asked, not noting any importance in the small sprout which grew from the jar.
"After our first date, I took a few of Kusanagi's hairs and planted them. Since Ms. Matsudaira said that he was four-eighths plant, I figured that it wouldn't hurt to try!" Momiji said in an excited rush, "The only problem is that the plant seems to require a lot of water in order to sprout." Kunikida blanched at the revelation, and turning the jar around and around, observed the small plant with extreme fascination.
"I need to call Ms. Matsudaira with this new information," he said as he ran to the nearest telephone that he could find and scheduled a meeting with the TAC's microbiologist.
"You planted my hair?!" Kusanagi yelled in shock as he waited in the main office of the TAC with Momiji and the rest of the workers.
"I don't see why we had to be called here." Koume huffed as she took Yaegashi's hand.
"Well, after what Momiji showed me earlier today, I figured that it constituted an emergency meeting to determine what exactly sprouted for Kusanagi's hair," Kunikida stated matter-of-factly.
"Yeah, well I still don't like it," Koume complained.
"What I can't believe is that something grew from Kusanagi's hair," Ryoko said as she stared intently at Kusanagi.
"I wonder what it is," Yaegashi added.
"Just think Kusanagi, you're a daddy!" Momiji said as she playfully poked her boyfriend in the ribs. Kusanagi just sat with a dumbfounded look on his face.
"What in God's name gave you the idea to plant my HAIR?!" Kusanagi sputtered, to which Momiji shrugged in response.
"It was the only thing I could think of to plant. I mean, I couldn't very well plant your skin or sperm or whatever."
"Well yeah but, MY HAIR?!"
"Plant-boy does have a point, where do you get these ideas from?" Koume stated in agreement. Momiji opened her mouth to answer when suddenly the door to the TAC lab opened and out stepped Matsudaira.
"So?" Kunikida inquired,
"Well…" Matsudaira started in a drawn-out response,
"What? Is there a baby Kusanagi in there? A new breed of Aragami? Grass? What?" Koume asked in anticipation,
"I don't quite know how to say this but…" Matsudaira said,
"But what?" Kusanagi asked, his face turning pale.
"Oh, I bet it's a baby Kusanagi! That would be so CUTE!!!" Momiji said, stars in her eyes.
"Well then, what is it? Out with it now," Kunikida pleaded.
"It goes against the laws of nature, but it's a…"
"Baby Kusanagi?" Momiji asked,
"A bean plant?" Yaegashi added,
"A toupee?" Koume inquired,
"A radish?" Ryoko asked, to which everyone in the office looked at her strangely. "What? It could be!" She said in her defense,
"It's a…" Matsudaira started again for the third time.
"Yeah?" Everyone asked as they leaned forward in their chairs.
"A marine porifera," Matsudaira finished.
"A sea sponge?!" Yaegashi yelled in surprise, to which Matsudaira confirmed with a nod.
"I said that it went against the laws of nature," she stated. Momiji gave a disappointed sigh.
"I guess boyfriends don't grow on trees," she said sadly as glanced at Kusanagi, who looked as though he were ready to faint.
Hehe, don't ask me what my crazy obsession with hair is in Blue Seed, this is my second fic on the topic. LOL!!! I hope you enjoyed it, and I always love feedback. PLEASE REVIEW!!! Oh please oh please oh please! Seriously, you have no idea how much reviews are incentives for writing. If you have any mercy in your heart you'll give me a review.
^_^;;;;;;;; Ok, I'll quit begging now.