(Music plays; scene starts)
Harry Potter (very confused): I, Harry Potter am going to run for...uhh… Prime Minister...ummm...President?... of the United States…? (whispers to Hermione) is that what it is?
Hermione Granger (annoyed; whispers): Yes, Harry, now please continue your speech!
Harry Potter (still confused): Running for President of the United States of America! (large, loud cheers from crowd; whispers) Why, am I doing this Hermione?
Hermione: Because some crazy muggle who is very dangerous and has a bow is running.
Harry Potter: Great, so you're making me run against a psycho with a bow to make sure she doesn't win? Thanks so much, Hermione!
Hermione: Well, I'm not going to do it! (Harry gapes at Hermione)
Harry: One more thing Hermione…. Aren't we British?
(screen switches to a local news report, as Harry and Hermione fade into the background. Harry is still angry with Hermione)
Reporter ( President Snow) : And the rumors are true! Harry Potter is a volunteer of the 75th Hunger- 45th Presidential election! More information when we come back to talk about what Potter's journey through the election might be like, and his chances. Also, we'll talk to some other candidates in the Republican and Democratic parties!
(screen dims; brightens again to show Katniss on stage)
Katniss Everdeen (confident): I, Katniss Everdeen am going to run for President of Pane- the United States of America! (loud cheers)
Random Guy: GO KATNISS!
Katniss (frowning; serious): Thank you. We will fight for freedom against terrorists! We will fight for more jobs in Pan- America! (guy waving a flag in the background) We will fight! (lots of loud cheers)
Peeta: Go Katniss!
Katniss: WE WILL OVERTHROW THE CAPITOL!
Random guy: ummm...
Katniss: Uhhh…. WE WILL WIN THE PRESIDENCY!
Crowd: WOOOOOOOO! GO KATNISS!
Random Guy: Yeah! Let's win the Presidency! Woo!
(Screen switches to different reporter)
Reporter (Cornelius Fudge): And Katniss Everdeen has just announced she will be running for President, and sounds like she is already giving a speech. Her path as a Republican when we come back. Also: Exclusive interview with Coine, another Republican candidate.
Moldy Voldy: I, LORD VOLDEMORT AM GOING TO TAKE OVER THE WIZARDI- AM GOING TO TAKE OVER THE MINISTRY OF MAGI- RUN FOR PRIME MINISTER- PRESIDENT OF HOGWAR- THE USA! (mumbles) Who's the USA?
Death Eaters (crowd): WOOOOO! (loud cheers and a lot of clapping)
Random Death Eater: GO LORD VOLDEMORT (everyone goes silent)
Voldemort: AVADA KEDAVR- Ha...Ha...Ha….uhhhhh. Yeah. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! THE PRESIDENCY IS MINE MWAHAHAHA! (Death Eaters cheer with Voldemort) I WILL DEFEAT HARRY POTTER!
Random Average Joe: Yeah! WOOOO!
Voldemort: What is that muggle doing here? (Casts killing curse at Average Joe. He dies; Death Eaters cheer as Voldemort laugh maniacally)
(screen switches news report)
Cornelius Fudge (reporter): And it looks like Tom Marvolo Riddle
(Voldemort apparates to recording studio and sticks his wand in the reporter's face, threatening him)
Fudge: Lord Voldemort….sorry
Fudge: I don't' know how that's going to play out so uhhhh… to you in The studio, Dolores!
Snow (other reporter): Don't I get to say something in this?
(Snow throws a white rose at Fudge as the screen fades to black)
(Shows a close up of Coine speaking to a crowd who is only wearing grey)
Coine (monotone): I, Alma Coine, am going to run for president of the United States of America. We are in difficult time currently, and I understand that. I am difficult- I mean- I am going through difficult times too. I will restore America to its previous grandeur. I will make everything homogeneous so there will be no quarrels. So, I await my election that is sure to come. Goodnight and Goodbye.
(Crowd cheers at Coine leave stage)
Reporter (district 13 person): Alma Coine has just announced that she will run for president of the United States. She has experience in politics, knows what she's doing, and is very cool and collected. I don't know, Boggs? Is this what America needs?
Boggs: Experienced? Knows what she's doing? Cool and collective? Pffft…. More like evil.
"Red orange yellow flicker beat" plays in the background
Caesar Flickerman (Theme Rainbow; walks out onto stage, republican nominees following him) : Hello! Hi, yes, hello everyone! (crowd goes nuts; nominees take their place at a podium) Welcome to the Republican Debate! Nominees we have 5 different categories we will be going through tonight! I believe we will begin with you Katniss… What will you do to make America stronger against terrorists. You have 2 minutes to talk.
Katniss: I will start by making the military stronger, and draft everyone through the ages of 12-18. All men, women, and children must go through military training at the age 10-12. Our military will have tripled the strength. We will defeat the Capitillion terrorists! We will fight! We will be strong We will-
Caesar Flickerman: That is time Katniss Everdeen...Alma Coine, Thresh, Cato, Glimmer, Foxface, and Johanna, Would you like to respond?
Johanna (angrily): Well that just sounds ridiculous. You're gonna make us live through the Hunger Games again? Well, you know what? #%*& THAT! I say we go over to the dang terrorists and THROW AXES at their SKULLS. You want to make the military STRONGER and BIGGER by picking people's names out of jars? THIS IS THE NEW CAPITOL EVERYONE! THE NEW SNOW! THE NEW HUNGER GAMES! KATNISS EVERDEEN EVERYONE!
Caesar: Um...Well thank you Johanna! Would anyone else like to respo-
Glimmer: Well... (interrupts Caesar) I say we just drive on over to Afghanistan or whatever, the middle east, I guess, and tear the terrorists throats out with capitol mutts. *giggles* Now doesn't that sound lovely! Sometimes, when I'm waiting in line at Starbucks, I stop and think about new mutts, like, a gorgon-fury hybrid, but I usually don't think…**silence** *giggles* I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding…. (a faint buzzing sound is heard and a bee appears)
Glimmer: IS THAT A TRACKER JACKER! GET IT OUT! GET IT OUUUUTTT! (freaks out and runs out around the room, clumsily knocking over chairs and eventually runs out of the building.)
Johanna: Jesus calm down! It's just a bee!
Thresh: Back to the debate, ladies. Anywho, I want to change everything. Get rid of all the Capitol's old ways, and make everything better again. About the military though, Katniss, what you're doing is just making a new form of the Hunger Games. Is that really what you want to do for the country? For Rue? You saved the girl. You helped her, and this is how you're going to repay her? By bringing back the things that made Cato over there, (nods his head towards Cato) kill an eleven year old girl?
Cato: She deserved it! (Thresh glares at Cato)
Caesar Flickerman: Thank you Mr. Thresh, Mr. Cato? It's your turn. Two minutes!
Cato: Well, I'm going to choose to not talk about the lies Thresh is spreading about me over there. And forget Ms. Everdeen. She won't be the one becoming president, I will, so why are you paying attention to a soon-to-be failure!? I will train every child from birth to become a hardcore killing machine! The terrorists? Ha! They will be cowering in terror of us by the time my reign is over! You see, Katniss will crack under pressure. She cares for herself more than Panem...America...She will beg on her knees and plead for me to shoot her with her own bow and arrow when I become president!
Katniss: You're the one who's going to be cracking under pressure, Cato (pulls out bow) You'd be a better President dead.
(peacekeepers come out and separate fight, try calm everyone down)
Caesar Flickerman: Everyone calm down! No one is going to die. None of you are in the Games anymore. You're not even in Panem! Calm down!
(Mumbles under his breath) Deep breaths...deep breaths...serenity now...serenity now...
Johanna: I'll calm down when Cato over here does (pulling ax out. All the other candidates start pulling out weapons)
Caesar: Where is everyone getting these weapons from? Peacekeepers! (more peacekeepers rush out)
Cato: No one will be able to stop me! I have an army!
Coine: I believe I should have a say in this!
Katniss: Shut up Coine, you monster!
Caesar: Now everyone just calm down… (peacekeepers start grabbing people and trying to push them on the floor or off the stage; more rushing into crowd)
Glimmer: Who is this Coine? Your from District 13 hm? (giggles) Oh well, it's not too late for snow to send some Mutts!
Coine: You can try. I'll nuke you before you can kill me!
(Foxface makes a squealing noise as she is pushed onto the ground by peacekeepers)
Thresh: Who do you people think you are? We are not monsters! We are humans! This debate is supposed to be relatively friendly! (wrestling away peacekeepers)
Caesar: Well said Thresh! (yelling over everyone) Now everyone just calm down! Everything will be sorted out! (even more peacekeepers rush in)
(Everyone starts yelling and fighting each other; more peacekeepers try to rush in, but are blown up by Coine)
Coine: EVERYBODY BE QUIET QUIET AND LISTEN TO ME! (Everyone goes silent and peacekeepers push all the nominees except Coine onto the floor, pointing guns at them)Thank you.
Camera slowly turns to show Katniss with a angry look on her face.
Katniss: I will never listen to you, Coine (breaks free from peacekeepers and
takes arrow from quiver, puts in bow, which she is still holding, and shoots Coine in epic fashion)
(everyone goes quiet and are either staring at Katniss or the dead Coine)
Foxface: Oh My Gosh Coin is Dead! Completely normal.. yeah… normal. (Peacekeepers KO Foxface and drag her off stage as more peacekeepers start wrestling everyone to the floor and off the stage again)
Effie: GET THE GUARDS! (running out onto stage in a wave of peacekeepers) I BROKE A NAIL! ALMA IS DEAD! THE WORLD IS ENDING! AHHHHHHH!
(Effie runs around in circles before running into a wall and getting Knocked out.)
Haymitch (getting led out of the crowd of people by peacekeepers): Katniss you were supposed to be likeable. What were you thinking?
Hanging tree plays as camera pans out.
Rita Skeeter (announcer; walks out onto stage. Loud cheers from crowd as nominees walk out onto stage): Hello Democratic nominees! Welcome to this debate! This debate will be very juicy and wonderful, I hope. Now, with the first question, for you He Who Must Not Be Named: What will you do to strengthen world cooperation and trade?
Voldemort: I WILL DESTROY THE WORLD AND RID IT OF THOSE REBELS WHO DEFY ME IN MY RULE. WE WON'T NEED WORLD COOPERATION THEN. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! IT WILL IMPROVE TRADE IMMENSELY FOR ALL. EVERYONE WILL JUST GIVE UP ALL OF THEIR GOODS FOR THE UNITED STATES OF VOLDEMORT! MWAHAHA!
Rita: Um..hehe...Would anyone else like to respond? (Quick Quotes Quill writing in floating notepad vigorously)
Harry Potter: All he wants to do is kill! If he's becomes President the world will end for sure!
Fleur: For how vas he even able to become nominee? He is vanted criminal!
Umbridge: Well, I think he has a very fine point! Hehe!
Harry: You're just like Voldemort though! (gasps are heard everywhere). You'll destroy everything!
Umbridge: He He! You wi-
Rita: Anywho! (interrupting Umbridge) …. On to the next nominee! Mr. Krum, same question: What will you do to strengthen world cooperation and trade?
Umbridge: How dare you interrupt me!
Fred and George (in crowd): Shut up Umbridge! It's not your turn to talk! (Umbridge glaring at them)
Viktor Krum: I shall create an alliance with Bulgaria. From there, I would gather all the willing, young men of Durmstrang Academy to assist me with flying over to China (on our brooms) and challenge them to Quidditch match. Zee winner would be allowed
to make zee most exports. Zee loser will not create any exports for three months. That is what I shall do. It is a Hermy-minnie, Hermio-niny...Hermy mino-nenie...umm..Hermy Granger worthy plan.
Rita: Err… very well, anyone want to respond? Harry? Fleur?
Harry: Quidditch won't solve anything! It will make trade harder for this country.
Krum: Don't you like Quidditch Potter?
Fleur: Boys, this is not the time to be talking about sp-
Voldemort: I'LL ZAP YOU OUT OF THE SKIES BEFORE YOU CAN GET 10 FEET INTO THE BULGARIAN AIR, BOY!
Fleur: Stop fighting! This is supposed to be friendly, is it not?
Rita: Well said, Fleur. Why don't we go to you now? Same question!
Umbridge: You are being extremely rude! Stop interrupting me this instant!
Fleur: For it is my turn to speak, Mrs. Umbridge. (Umbridge glaring at Fleur) I shall make a friendship with zee humble trade men and make France great again! Um... America.
*** clapping is heard everywhere***
I will also provide free make overs for everyone who saves Gabrielle's life (Gabrielle blushes in crowd), I mean votes for me. Special thanks to Madame Maxime for getting me here. Merci, Madame.
Rita Skeeter: Thank you, Fleur! (a little quieter) I would love a makeover! (Fleur smiles at her) Next question! (glasses fall off) What is you view on education? For you Mr. Potter! Two minutes.
Umbridge: Hmp hmp! You're forgetting someone!
Harry: Shut up will you Umbridge?
Fleur: What is zat white cat doing over there? (Harry looks at the cat, then looks up)
Harry: Everyone wands out! Prepare yourself! Lookup!
Viktor Krum: Filthy dirty liar! (pointing wand at Umbridge, who is pointing back) I should have known!
Umbridge: I'll be going now! Hmp hmp! (dissaparates)
Fleur: EVERYONE STOP! PLEASE!
Rita: Umm..next question for Fleur?
(dementors come down from the ceiling)
Harry: EXPECTO PATRONUM!
Voldemort (laughing maniacally): YOU SHALL NEVER DEFEAT MEEEE! (casts killing curse at Fleur)
Fleur: (uses Protego Maxima, and saves herself) YOU EVIL MONSTER! (crying)
(Harry and Voldemort start battling, crowd all gets up and starts fighting (death eaters folk) Molly kills Bellatrix)
(Fleur takes off one of her high heels and chucks one at Voldemort, and one at the camera man, causing him to drop the camera and show darkness.**
Rita Skeeter: Umm… very well then (only her voice is heard)...I guess that is the end of the debate…
End of act
News report showing the current presidential ratings is up by state w/ percentages.
Batman: The current ratings of the presidential election of Gotham City...um...America are very interesting. The primary debate is over and robin would you tell us who won?
Robin: That's very right, batman. Harry Potter is the Democratic candidate, and Katniss Everdeen won for the Republicans! I don't know, do you think these are the best nominees for the future president of the USA?
Batman: … Oh God, we are in trouble.
Robin: Very well then, Batman. Next up we will follow the vice presidential nominee election. Who will Potter And Everdeen pick?
Batman: You know it's Peeta and Ron, right?
Robin: Well, unexpected things could happen at any time, Batman. It is 3:00 pm, and we will be back for the vice presidential election after a short commercial break.
Batman: They are the only people that ran!
(Batman song plays as the camera pans out.)
Haymitch: Aright, you better come over here and support the best candidate. She could win with your help...remember the 74th Games? (says dryly)
Person 1: I'll support! Here is my life savings. I need Katniss to become president. YOU WILL LET ME DOWN IF SHE DOESN'T! I'M ALREADY BROKE! (walks away, mumbling)
Person 2 (Capitol citizen): Oh my my my...I simply adore Miss Everdeen, the girl on fire. By the way, the 74th Games were a hit I am rich because of them. I gambled half of my fortune. Here is half a million dollars. Don't spend it all in one place. Ta ta. Bye!
Haymitch (mumbles): I already have a million dollars. Hopefully Cinna doesn't spend it all on fake fire...
Person 3: Hello, (looks at Haymitch's name tag) Mr. Abernathy. I will donate 100 dollars and a 7th grade Social studies class vote for Katniss. Isn't that right, puggles?
Puggles (dog): woof wooof woof!
Person 3: Anyway, here is the money. Bye. Have a nice day!
Haymitch: Oh, joy.
Mcgonagall: If anyone is interested in voting for Mr. Potter, this is the booth to do so.
A line quickly shows up, full of hogwarts students. Everyone is talking loudly, and fooling around, and a bunch of ministry people show up in line as well, and people from Beauxbatons and Durmstrang
Draco (Slytherin): Don't know why I'm voting for Potter. Guess I don't want a psychopath murderer with a bow to win…
Colin Creevy (Gryffindor): (taking pics with a muggle camera) Good point Draco! And of course I'm voting for Harry! He's my idol! I look up to him! Maybe I can get his autograph when he's President! And a signed photo! And I can take the photo! Maybe he will be here today! (Harry appears) OH MY GOSH IT'S HARRY POTTER! (everyone goes crazy)
Draco: Oh, no...
McGonagall: Everyone calm down (she is unheard, and a giant crowd of people goes nuts)
Draco: Oh god. (trying to escape the crazy crowd) You're ruining my shoes by stepping on them. STOP STEPPING ON MY SHOES!
Fred Weasley: Oh stop being such a baby Draco.
George Weasley: Yeah really. Don't you have other things to do? (Harry walks near them)
Weasley twins:WOO! GO HARRY! WE BROUGHT FIREWORKS AND DUNGBOMBS JUST FOR YOU! (Fred walks over to other student) Bet 100 galleons Harry wins this!
Student: I bet Harry wins to! GO HARRY!
Ernie Macmillan (hufflepuff): Harry it is! POTTER FOR PRESIDENT.
(Starts a chant)
Everyone: POTTER FOR PRESIDENT! POTTER FOR PRESIDENT! (gets increasingly louder w/ each chant.) POTTER FOR PRESIDENT! POTTER FOR PRESIDENT! (Harry is waving at everyone)
Mcgonagall: SILENCE! *silence* Shut you mouths, and stop besmirching the wizarding name by behaving like a babbling, bumbling band of baboons!
*crickets with a few snickers*
Mcgonagall: Thank you. Now get in a line if you would like to sponsor Mr. Potter here. Would you like say a few words, Mr. Potter?
Harry: Yes, I would. Thanks for all wanting to support me, and...uhh... Do whatever you want...(Everyone starts cheering again, louder than ever; McGonagall glares at Harry, Harry shrugs back)
Colin: HARRY! HARRY OVER HERE! (Harry looks at him, smiles, then waves) OH MY GOSH HE WAVED AT ME! (Everyone gathers and crowd Colin)
Hermione (getting pushed to the front of the line by the craziness): I would be pleased to sponsor Harry, professor (gets knocked into booth). Here is precisely 50 galleons, 2 sickles, and 7 knuts. Why, I do hope he wins.
McGonagall: Thank you Miss Granger. He will appreciate your sponsorship. I do hope he wins as well. (explosion) MR. MACMILLAN! STOP THROWING DUNG BOMBS AT PEOPLE! WEASLEY! (more explosions and laughter)
(10 HOURS LATER)
McGonagall (tired, flustered): Mr. Potter, never hire me for this job again
Harry (equally as tired, but more rustled up): I hope we don't have to do this again.
McGonagall: Well, off to Gringotts to convert all this into muggle money. American money no less. (points at 10 humongous piles of wizarding coins) God bless those poor
Change of scene
Vice Presidential Election
Skeeter: Welcome to the Vice Presidential Election and-
Effie: may the odds-
Rita: BE EVER
Effie: IN YOUR
Effie and Rita: FAVOR! (smile and laugh at each other)
Effie: Ahh.. Ree Ree, aren't we the bestest of friends, honey?!
Rita: Yes, yes, yes! We are,Fee Fee, my dear!
(Rita is in the Elevator; Effie walks in with her)
Rita: Why, hello there!
Effie: Hello! Effie, is the name. Effie Trinket. I quite like that outfit, you can be a bit more outgoing with it though. You know, glitter and glamour always makes your life better!
Rita: Rita Skeeter, reporter for the Daily Prophet! Nice to meet you, and how outgoing do you mean, exactly?
Effie: Bold colours, and sparkles, hoop skirts, and headdresses, and wonderful hair. Why… like I'm wearing
Rita: I do adore your outfit! I should give it a try sometime! Mind if I call you Fee Fee?
Effie: I adore the name Fee Fee! Better than my real name, and, I do believe we have time before the election to spiffy you up, Ree Ree! May I call you Ree Ree, by the way?
Rita: Absolutely! Let's go right now!
Effie and Rita: (laughing with eacher, both remembering the memory.)
Effie: Now on with the choices they must choose to become their vices. Oh, decisions, decisions, decisions.
Rita: Anywho, Who do you pick for your vice pres. Mr. Potter? Your choices are Ronald Weasley , Ronald Weasley, and Ronald Weasley!
Laughs along with effie.
Harry: Well...uh… I choose Ron.
Ron walks up to the stage awkwardly
Ron: umm…Thank you, Harry...ummm...yeah.
Effie: Your turn, Katniss! Who do you pick?
Rita: You can choose from Peeta Mellark, Peeta Mellark, or Peet-
Katniss: I pick Peeta Mellark.
Effie: Very well then, Katniss. AND HERE ARE OUR
Ron and Peeta stand awkwardly on the stage, looking at each other. Everyone cheers.
Hermione (Introducing Harry who is coming on the stage):Thank you, thank you everyone. Now please welcome your Democratic nominee, Harry James Potter!
Harry: Um… thank you, thank you everybody. Thank you for supporting me along the way….uhh… (looking down at script) Katniss Everdeen is a monster. She wants gun rights and control, she intends on getting a stronger military by picking names out of jars. How is that going to make a stronger military? (loud cheers) I think we should accept more people into the military, to make us stronger. We can give people wands because guns and bombs are no match for wands….wait what? Hermione-
Hermione: (Annoyed; whispering) Continue Harry, please!
Harry: Ok, give people wands and exterminate all spiders and replace them with...butterflies!? RON!
Ron:... I hate spiders
(Harry, Ron, and Hermione start arguing; Fred and George start chanting fight; camera pans out to show Harry, Ron and Hermione arguing in a TV screen; screen now shows a reporter in front of a TV)
Reporter: And Harry Potter is currently making a speech, and appears to be moving quite a few people over to his side (sarcastically)! To John in the studio, what is Potter's current status?
John in the studio: Well,Sam, as you see here (giant animated colored pie chart, mainly blue appears on a cheap green screen behind him, filtering through the voting states: Hufflepuff, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Ravenclaw, Beauxbatons, Durmstrang, Ministry of Magic, Diagon Alley, Hogsmeade, Knockturn Alley, Districts 1-13, the capitol, and Middle Earth) Mr. Potter is currently winning in Hufflepuff, Gryffindor, Ravenclaw,, Diagon Alley, Hogsmeade, Middle Earth, Districts 1,4, and 13, Beauxbatons, and Durmstrang. (green screen then shows a map of America and the 25 voting states). Over here is nearly completely blue in the Wizarding Hogwartsy area for Mr. Potter, and is more reddish, and close to purple in the Hungrier Games area for Miss Everdeen.
So far, District 2 seems to be neutral, debating between Katniss Everdeen and Harry Potter. The next debate will be held in the nut, there, and then we will see who will come out on top. This debate will be extremely important, especially to Ms. Everdeen, since she is already on the losing side. Anyway, back to Sam, who will join JK Rowling and Suzanne Collins for an exclusive interview.
Vice Presidential Debate
Luna (walking out onto stage, vice pres. Nominees following behind her taking a place at a podium): Hello everybody and welcome to the vice presidential debate. There will be 5 categories, if we can make through all of them without an accident. We will start with you, Mr. Mellark, what would you do to solve world hunger?
Peeta: More food manufacturing jobs should be made...umm...especially bread,...so there should be lots of baker's...Then all the bread... ummm… food… would be exported all around the world.
( getting a hang of things and starts to speak smoother).
Bread is also cheap to make, so it will cost little in American funds. To also help with world hunger..uh.. I will make the food be distributed equally, among states, and provide several food drops to those in need. I have experience as a cook, so I know that some recipes are extremely cheap and simple, available to people in Ghana, to Sri Lanka, to Venezuela, to the wonderful country of the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!
Ron: Well…. Um… as good as bread is, it's not going to solve the world's poverty problems. Though some good chocolate frogs, cockroach clusters, drooble's, and Fizzing Whizbees might! (pulls out chocolate frog)
Peeta: ... O-Okay. But, Ron, I don't think people will…
That one Super fan: YES RON YOU ARE A GENIUS, THAT'S WHAT THE WORLD HAS BEEN MISSING. CHOCOLATE FROGS ARE MY JAM AND COCKROACH CLUSTERS WILL BE GREAT AGAIN WITH VICE PRESIDENT RON, RON,RON, ROOOOOOON…
(a security guard comes and drags him out)
Peeta:Oh, okay um, God Katniss is going to kill me, Smiling on the outside Ron.
Luna: Okay then…Mr. Weasley, what is your viewpoint on gun rights? Same thing for you, Mr. Mellark.
Ron: Well (mouth full of chocolate frog), I'm not really sure what a gun is- OHH! I got Ptolemy! (looking at chocolate frog card) It took long enough!
Luna: Ron the question….
Ron: Oh right sorry...uh. About guns? Well, like I said I don't really know much about guns. I know they are dangerous though; aren't they like the muggle version of a wand? Whatever. People shouldn't have them unless authorized I think! Or we can just give everyone a wand!
Peeta: Ahh… you see, not everyone has the ability of magic… your plan would never work. More than half of the world will walk around defenseless if we go by your Vice presidency. Hopefully Mr. Potter or Katniss would have more sense than to actually go through with that.
SUPER SUPER FAN: NOBODY CARES MELLARK!
Peeta: … Anyway…. I will allow people that are proven-
SUPER SUPER FAN: WE WANT POTTER AND WEASLEY FOR PRESIDENT!
Peeta:...that are proven mentally stable to carry firearms.
SUPER SUPER FAN: WANDS ARE LIFE, WE DON'T WANT A STUPID VICTOR AS OUR PRESIDENT OR VICE PRESIDENT!
security guard: at your service… (tackles super super fan and KOs him.)
Ultra super fan and supreme potterhead jump from their seats and KO the security guard
(all the security guards jump into action trying to tackle the Ultra fan and Potterhead but all the Potterheads and Ultra fans start fighting the security guards)
Potterhead 1: FOR POTTER!
Potterhead 2: AND KING WEASLEY!
Ultra Fan 1: (starting chant) POTTER AND WEASLEY! POTTER AND WEASLEY! POTTER AND WEASLEY!
People are chanting, POTTER POTTER POTTER! While people sing Weasley is our king in the background.
Crowd: Weasley is our Vice,
Weasley is our Vice,
REPLACE ALL THE SPIDERS WITH BUTTERFLIES he says
Weasley is our Vice.
Weasley can do anything,
He never leaves a single thing,
That's why Gryffindors all sing:
Weasley is our King!
(all potterheads, ultra fans, and supporters start chanting, taking out the security one by one)
Fangirl: (pulls out a wand) DUCKLIFORS!
(The security guard transfigures into a duck)
All Potter Supporters: POTTER AND WEASLEY! POTTER AND WEASLEY! POTTER AND WEASLEY!
(Peeta and Ron awkwardly stare at each other on the stage)
Ultra Fan: C'mon guys! WEASLEY IS OUR KING! WEASLEY IS OUR KING!
WEASLEY IS OUR KING!
(All Katniss and Peeta supporters/ capitol members start fighting Potter crew with guns and knives and what not; potter people pull out wands and start fighting. FBI, police, Army, and government shows up to try and stop the fighting and arrest everyone; all capital people and potter people immediately fight the newly arrived armed forces, etc, and work as a team to take them out. Ron and Peeta still staring awkwardly at each other)
Capital member: TO BATTLE!
Potterhead: LETS GO PEOPLE! THIS IS JUST LIKE THE BATTLE AT HOGWARTS BUT EASIER!
Capitol member: IT'S OUR TURN TO BE IN THE HUNGER GAMES GUYS! BUT THIS IS MUCH EASIER!
Luna appears out of the chaos
Luna: You gentlemen want to come with me? I'm apparating to Harry and Hermione. They are at Harry's house watching what was the debate.
Ron: Absolutely. Anywhere's better than here right now!
Luna: Might as well take you too, Mr. Mellark. Do you know where this Katniss is of yours?
Peeta (dodging a half broken chair flung in his direction): Yes. I believe she said she's with Haymitch in the capital.
Luna: Do you have an image of the place where they are? I can't apparate unless I have seen where I want to go.
Peeta (reaching into pockets): Umm...yeah…(shows Luna an image of a house)
Luna: Ok, thanks. You may want to hold onto my arm tightly, by the way.
Ron: Yeah, and try not to vomit on me please.
Peeta: Wait wh- (Luna disapparated. Apparate right next to Haymitch and Katniss; Peeta finds the closest vase and vomits into it. Katniss draws bow almost immediately)
Haymitch: That was a good vase, too, Peeta! And how did you get here? (pointing to Luna and Ron)
Luna: Isn't it fun to be a witch? Anywho, we are just dropping off Mr. Mellark here from the debate. Thought it would be best to apparate; got a bit chaotic there.*
Peeta: (weakly) Please, call me Peeta. (vomits) And please never make me travel like that again.
Ron: Ah, you'll get used to it... eventually…
Katniss: Well, thanks… I guess.
Luna: We best be going now! We have a destination of our own to get to! And watch out for nargles, they make your brains all fuzzy, you know.
(LUNA disapprates away with a loud crack and KATNISS and PEETA jump backwards in shock)
Ron: Well, I guess that's it for the debate…right Peeta?
Peeta: Right, Ronald.
Guy asking questions (Eugene): Hello and welcome to the 45 presidential debate between Victor Katniss Everdeen and Saviour Harry Potter. Today's first topic is immigration. You have 7 minutes to talk.
Katniss: People should have the rights move into districts for other countries, but not allowed to move to other districts. Especially the capitol, which should have protected borders, so no one but peacekeepers can go in or out. WE WILL BUILD A WALL! A mighty wall to keep the capitolians out of our land, our property, OUR PANEM!
Harry: Whoa. Hold on. You're telling me you spent eighteen years in the poorest district not being able to leave, and thinking about running away? And you want to trap the poor capitol citizens and treat then like you where. Like Rowena Ravenclaw once said, "if 't be true someone is being quite a nuisance to thee, -and not to the general population, wherefore beest so motley-minded and misprise those folk, at which hour tis actually thee, that is the real nuisance" So basically, if someone is being annoying to you, and not others, and you hate them, it is actually you that is being annoying, for you are the one who hates someone for a petty thing, that no one else hates them for. You, Ms. Everdeen have to read, The booketh of wise words and wits, written by Lady Ravenclaw herself. Maybe it will make you have COMMON SENSE!
Anyway, I will let every person enter this country on the terms of immigration, unless criminal or-
Eugene: That is time, Mr. Potter. Next debate will be about nuclear warfare. Your thoughts?
Harry: Absolutely not. Why nuke an entire country when they have valuable resources? Why-
Katniss: No. Stop right there. Valuable resources? Pfft...like terrorists? You see, Potter, if we-
Harry: Don't listen to Katniss! The psycho will just kill thousands of innocent people like Snow! Do you want an insane murder to become president?
Katniss: Insane murderer? INSANE MURDERER? SAYS THE SCRAWNY 'I SAVED THE WORLD BY DYING', GETS VOTES ONLY BECAUSE OF YOUR FRIGGIN' MOM'S LOVE, JACKBUTT!
Harry: Umm… okay...you really want someone with anger problems like..like...that...to become the president? Really? Why on earth would you, I'm actually curious here.
Agatha from the crowd: I don't think any Everdeen supporters showed up..
Harry: That's just sad…
Meanwhile Katniss is raging and peacekeepers are trying to calm her down. They eventually succeed, and Eugene hesitantly begins to talk
Eugene: (hesitantly) Umm...say one compliment to each other.
Harry: Uhh...you're good with a bow?
Katniss: (goes into rage mode again) COMPLIMENT SOMEONE WHO CALLED ME AN INSANE MURDERER? YOU IDIOT!
End of Act 4
Start of Act 5
News report w/ batman and robin
Robin: Welcome back to the Gotham City new report! Today the people of America will vote who will take up the job of the Presidency! What are your thoughts Batman?
Batman: We are all gonna die. These two idiots won't last a day in office!
Robin: Okaaay then…. Anyway, on to breaking news. Dolores Umbridge, a former news reporter on The Ministry TV, has been caught blowing up toads with a bazooka. On with that after a commercial break.
Batman: I can't even save the world now. Everyone's going mad.
The scene fades out as Spider-Man plays in the background
Batman: (looks a up furiously) WHO PLAYED THAT SONG! BETRAYAL!
Spiderman: I wanted to change things up a bit!
Batman: You're fired!
Spiderman: You can't fire me….. You're only the reporter!
Batman is mumbling and growling to himself as Spidey and Robin high five
Inside building with Voting booths
There is a line showing many people ready to vote, steady flow of people walk through doors
Percy walks into the booth.
Percy :(mumbles): Guess I'll vote for Potty, at least that psycho noseless man isn't a candidate.
Annabeth appears, pulling if a Yankees cap
Annabeth: you're such a seaweed brain, Perce. His name is Potter, and the noseless guy is Tom Marvolo Riddle.
Percy: Whatever. I think Everdeen is crazy. She'll hunt us down and kill all of us.
Annabeth: And you're absolutely right (Enters vote. Percy enters vote right after her; they leave the booth and Smeagol crawls/walks in)
Smeagol/Gollum: Myyyy Precious, My Precious vote, so beautiful, no nasty Hobbitses will get you my love. My precious, My precious vote will go to the nasty Presidentes, unfortunately…
Super Super Fan: HURRY UP I NEED TO VOTE FOR POTTER!
Smeagol/Gollum: Quiet! Must say bye to preciouses! My precious! My beautiful, beautiful precious!
Super Super Fan: That's it I'm coming in!
Smeagol/Gollum: No! NO! PRECIOUS!
Super Super Fan: THERE! I VOTED FOR POTTER! POTTER FOR PRESIDENT! POTTER FOR PRESIDENT!
(A bunch of people start chanting with Super Super Fan)
Smeagol/Gollum: No! Precious!
(Paper vote flies out of his hand and into the voting box)
Smeagol\Gollum: PRECIOUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! NO! (Runs out booth passing Chiron)
Chiron is struggling to fit inside the voting booth in centaur form. People start staring at him weirdly.
Chiron: Oh dear… I may need to go into wheelchair form…. (Fits his torso into voting box, and enters vote, struggling to back out of booth) Oh no. Can somebody help?
Beauxbatons student: (flicks wand at Chiron, freeing him) There you go centaur. You owe me for saving you!
Chiron: Thank you ma'am, I appreciate your help
(Student looks at Chiron is disgust and surprise)
Not the nicest of people.
(Hogwarts student appears with friend)
Hogwarts student: Well here's the thing… centaur … You're kind hates us Wizards and Witches. You invade Ministry property and kill us magic folk sometimes! I hope you remember that, I think you may have forgotten!
Chiron: I am not a centaur of your kin, child. I do not come from where your centaurs come, I do not do the things they do. I work in a camp of half-gods and have lives hundreds of thousands of years!
Hogwarts Student: Umm….I'll be leaving then….uh (Chiron crosses arms and smiles, proud with himself)
(Hogwarts student walks into booth)
Guy in charge of stuff: LISTEN UP EVERYONE! (Everyone goes quiet) Voting closes in an hour, so hurry up! (Everyone goes insane, pushing and shoving)
Robin: Hello, and welcome back to Gotham City news! Voting has ended and the polls are coming in. We'll show each state in a minute, but first, Batman, what are your thoughts on the election process so far?
Batman: This is ridiculous! Gotham- America will die! I can't do anything, Superman can't do anything-
Superman: Did someone say my name?
Batman: I'm in the middle of a news report Superman! Get out!
Superman: Sounds exciting (sits next to Batman on set). What are we doing tonight folks?
Spider Man: You got it boss! (web slings Superman)
Superman: Ha! How cute. (breaks out of web) Amateur's game (Batman growling) So… now what?
Batman: GET HIM! (Batman and Spiderman start fighting Superman in the background)
Robin: Anywho...Um…(loud thump as batman punches Superman in the face) We are now going to show the states as the votes are coming in! (Map of America appears with borders) Ok! So you see over here in the western wizarding area, Potter is winning. You see how all the states are really blue? That means Potters winning there. It appears Mr. Potter is currently winning in the states of Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, Durmstrang, Beauxbatons, Middle Earth, Diagon Alley, Hogsmeade, The Ministry of Magic, and Districts 1,3,5,6, and 13. Miss Everdeen is winning in the rest: Knockturn Alley, Slytherin, the Capitol and districts 4, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, and 12. District 2 is still neutral, and may be the decider in this presidential race! Current points stand at Potter 214, and Katniss 197. A very close race! (another loud thump as Spidey get KO'd by Superman) Spidey? You ok?
Batman: You hurt a child! You'll pay for this
Superman: Not if I get you first (Ironman breaks through the windows of the studio and starts shooting at Superman. Superman distracted by Ironman (shooting his laser eyes at him) Batman punches Superman in the face. Robin gets up, picks up Spiderman, and runs away)
Bob the cameraman (walks in front of fighting heros and sits at desk. Captain America shows up and starts fighting Iron Man who is fighting with Batman fighting
Bob the cameraman: Hello this is Bob the Cameraman! We are having some technical difficulties here in the studio, and we're going to go on a quick commercial break while we fix the problem
(Captain America gets KO'd by Batman after getting shot in the face by Iron Man)
Bob: Um...Yeah we'll be back.
(Cameraman runs back to camera and screen switches to commercial)
Rita: On this very night
Effie: We will
Rita: Announce America's
Effie: NEXT PRESIDENT!
Both laugh hysterically
Effie: Twelve scores and many years, weeks, and days ago our founding fathers brought forth this nation. The people were finally free from England. We won the war. Why wouldn't we?
Rita: (peers over her glasses) Because the British are superb?
Effie: Oh yes, Ree Ree, I forgot your British… no offense...just trying to be patriotic… I'm not even from the United States...I'm Capitilian.
Anyway… the people thought we were definitely for the American George to become king, but then George Washington, said, NO, I will not be like English George, and became our first president. Those horrid days before he was president, and they were living under the rule of King George, were the Dark Days, and no one wants to repeat that, so we have this election each year! Now let's join Ree Ree for the election
Rita: Thank you, Fee Fee, that was quite the story **cough**rant**cough**
Rita walks over to Dumbledore, and murmurs to him quietly. From there Dumbledore walks over to the goblet of fire. The flames turn red, and a slip of paper shoots out of them. Dumbledore slowly unfold the paper, building suspense
Dumbledore: The President of the United States of America Is…
Screen cuts to black.
End of Episode
The final episode
(Quick recap of what happened last episode)
(suspense is in the room as Dumbledore reads the dreaded name on the slip of paper)
Dumbledore: The president of the United States is: Hermione Granger?
(crowd is quiet and confused. Rita looks at Effie, Harry and Katniss look at each other. Hermione stands up in the crowd and walks up onto the stage)
Rita: Oh dear, did she even run?
Hermione (on stage behind podium): I was not expecting this-
Batman (bruised and tired): WE ARE SAVED!
Person 1 from the sponsoring: I'M FREAKING BROKE! SCREW YOU KATNISS!
Everything goes insane and the HP and HG people rage.
Hunger games by Suzanne Collins
Harry Potter by JK. Rowling
Divergent by Veronica Roth
Batman And Robin by DC Comics
Lord of the Rings by JRR Tolkien
Percy Jackson by Rick Riordan
"Red orange yellow flicker beat" by LORDE
"RAINBOW FACTORY REMIX" By living Tombstone
Spiderman song by Ramones
Batman song by Neal Hefti
Hanging Tree by Jennifer Lawrence
In Remembrance of the SUPER SUPER FAN And the POTTERHEAD
Who killed Themselves when Hermione became president. They liked Hermione, but Thought harry should become president over her. Quote from the SUPER SUPER FAN: Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! HARRY POTTER IS LI-FE!
Now here is everybody dancing and partying. The flag waving guy is in the front dancing the craziest. This happens for 15 seconds. Some upbeat music is playing in the background.