I do not own anything about Buffy the vampire slayer or the characters except for any oc Character that may show up within the story and the story plot. Everything else belongs to Joss Whedon. Please review and please if you have nothing nice to say, then please do not commet or review. Please keep your commets to yourself. Thank you! Now then on to the story...

Bold - Text messages

italics - means thinking

Chapter 1- Nightmares of the past and present

{Xander's POV}

The pain...

The pain was the one thing I remembered most from my past...

I remembered all the beatings dad used to give me, and how mom would just down bottle after bottle of booze. The smell of the alcohol always made me sick to my stomach, and whenever I would try to run, that was usually when the beatings would get much worse.

One of my earliest memories I remembered was when I was about five. I remembered the sound of the belt snapping, cutting through the air like a gun shot being fired, and the searing pain that followed once the leather hit my skin. I could smell the strong stench of alcohol on my dad's breath as he picked my aching head up off the ground. I cried out in pain as his hands wrapped around my hair and he yanked me up hard. "Answer me when I'm talking to you boy!" he roared angrily. "No! dad! stop!" I screamed, my voice croaking out horsley. "No-not again! St-stop, please!"

I gagged and had to hold the contents in my stomach down to avoid throwing up and make the situation worse. The next thing I remembered was the sound of glass shattering and a searing pain shooting through my head that caused me to black out. I flinched fearfully and snapped my eyes open, looking around to see Giles standing over me. "Are you alright?" he asked as he looked at me in concern. Taking in a deep breath while trying to calm down my racing heart I slowly nodded. "How long was I out for?" I asked with a yawn, now realizing I was in the Magic Box. "About an hour or so." came Giles's reply. I let out a sigh of relief as I felt my cell phone vibrating, and fished for it out my pocket. Once I turned it on, and the screen came to life again, I saw that there were several text messages and voice mails most of which were from either Buffy or Willow.

Xander, where are you? Are you coming on patrol with us? - Buffy

Xander, need you here with us. Vamps and demons everywhere! Please help. - Willow

I put my phone back in my pocket, grabbed my jacket from the back of the chair and headed out, texting Willow at the same time. What the hell am I doing? I thought suddenly as I was about to get into my car. Buffy doesn't need me. She's the slayer, plus she's got Willow the super-witch, to back her up. She doesn't need someone like me dragging her down.

Drawing in a deep calming breath, and opened up the door and got in. Suddenly the vibration of my cell phone made me jump in fright. Once again I fished my phone out of my pocket and looked to see Willow calling me. "Xander? where are you? are you coming on patrol with us? We really need your help." I thought about telling her no, but then I decided against it, and replied with a shaky breath, "Be there as soon as I can Will." "Are you okay?" She asked. "You sound freaked out about something." "I-I'm okay." I said trying not to stammer over my words as they tumbled out of my mouth. "Be right there, just sit tight." Drawing in another deep breath, I turned the key in the ignition and the engine rumbled to life underneath me. As I took off down the street toward where the gang was, a cold chill ran through me. It was a feeling I had often these days, usually before something was about to happen.

As another chill ran through me, I suddenly found myself in a panic, trying to make sure that nothing was in the car with me, while trying to keep myself calm and my eyes on the road to avoid an incident. Seeing my friends get more and more powerful. All of them. And I'm the guy who fixes the windows. They'll never know how tough it is, I thought. To be the one who isn't chosen, to live so near to the spotlight and never step in it. But I know. I see more than anybody realizes because nobody's watching me.

Suddenly I saw something in the middle of the road and jammed my foot on the brakes to avoid impact. I felt the car rolling over something, and a wave of panic shot through me. Oh god! I thought. I hope I didn't hit some kind of animal or something. So much for my insurance. A cold chill of fear ran up and down my spine as I very cautiously got out of the car. Taking in several shaky breaths, trying to get myself to calm down, I looked down underneath the car and let out a sigh of relief when I didn't see anything. "Damn it Harris." I said to myself. "Your paranoid. Calm the hell down." I was about to turn to get back into the car, when I heard something that made my blood run cold. It was a growl. A growl from what though? A bear? A fox? A wolf? drawing in a deep breath, I turned around slowly, and much to my horror, saw a hyena sitting there. Just sitting there looking at me, with it's eyes shining in the darkness. "Stay calm." I muttered to myself. "Just stay calm and don't do anything drastic."

The hyena let out a growl as it's emerald eyes seemed to glow around me like two green flashlights, and I felt another wave of panic flooding through me. Oh man! please don't attack me. I thought in terror, I let out a gasp of fright as suddenly, the hyena leapt up into the air, and the next thing I felt was a tremendous amount of agony hitting my right shoulder. I felt the hyena's sharp teeth clamp down on my shoulder. Agonizing waves of pain shot into me, as I felt something snap so loud it sounded like a gunshot.

I fell to the ground as waves of agony flowed through me, and as I looked at the hyena now, I realized it was gone. Where did it go? I wondered. Searing pain burned through my shoulder so hot that it felt like it was on fire. So this is how it ends now? I thought weakly. I'm gonna die. Die alone, and a virgin. oh god someone help me! If I'm thinking of naked girls again, someone please slap me and put me out my misery. I felt a slap to my head, and looked up weakly to see Spike standing over me. Oh shit." I found myself muttering weakly. "Not bleach boy." I felt Spike pick me up over his shoulder, and as he did so, I saw nothing but darkness as I passed out.

This is my first attempt at a Buffy story. I actually attempted to do this a while back and decided it was time for an update to make it much more darker, so hopefully it turns out well. Let me know what you guys think of how it sounds. Like I said before, if anyone has anything rude to say then please keep your reviews and commets to yourself. Chapter 2 coming soon, along with another Buffy fanfic starring Spike so keep an eye open for that one too if your a Spike lover!