Hey guys! So this has been an idea circling around in my head for the past few weeks but I finally decided to get it down on paper. This will be a multi-chapter fic. AT the moment I'm imagining ten, but who knows it might end up more or less.
Fair warning there will be a bit of Jane-angst but I promise it will be temporary! This is meant to be a story with a hopefully happyish ending. So bear with me J
Jane's sitting in her car outside of Weller's apartment, watching as people, some she knew and some she didn't, walk in. All of them smiling, carrying little gifts, and exchanging greets as they bump into others heading in the same direction.
She watched but she made no move to get out of her car. No move to join those happy smiling people going onto a happy, joyful evening. An evening where they would be surrounded by friends and family. Celebrating a moment in life so precious.
They would be celebrating the life she had imagined herself living only months ago. She tried to bury the thought as she continued to watch these peoples. She wondered if the party had started. IF Kurt and Allie were greeting the guests as they arrived with smiles and laughs. Wondered if Allies boyfriend had gotten the chance to meet Kurt yet. Or if Naz lingered close behind him, watching in that eerie silent way of hers.
But for all her wonderings, she knew, sitting out there that she didn't belong here on such a night. She hadn't been wanted. Hadn't been invited. She knew Kurt only invited her out of pity. His words seemed hollow forced, and within them another reminder that she didn't belong. Not like she used to. I'd miss you Jane, I never thought I'd would say that again.
He'd said the words as if he were giving her a holy gift. As if that alone with fix everything between them, and maybe for a moment it did. She wouldn't deny she'd become isolated, depressed, and desperate for something to hold onto. So to hear Kurt, of all people, admit that he might still care. For a moment it had felt like the very lifeline she had been looking for.
But then reality sunk in, as he landed another fell blow, his words seem to say that she didn't truly deserve his affection.
She knew it to be true.
She deserved nothing but to spend the rest of her life in a hole. She knew for certain that would be her fate. One way or another, he would find her again and bring her back to the hell he'd kept her in for three months.
Sometimes she almost swore she felt his eyes watching her late at night when she walked into her apartment. Or walking into work before the sun started to rise. She knew from Dr. Borden's speeches that she more than likely had PTSD. He assured her that given her circumstances it would be shocking if she hadn't suffered some trauma. But she never said anything more than the bare minimum. The florescent lights, the cool metal beneath her and the atmosphere trapped her in memories she'd rather forget.
But she'd googled the words anyway. Paranoia seemed to be a common symptom of PTSD. So she simply chalked her feeling up to that.
Not that it mattered either way. Just another fucked up thing to add to the list of fucked up things in her life.
She shook herself though, these days it seemed too easy to fall into her thoughts. Too many things going on and too little time to deal with any of them.
So, she decided that she wouldn't get out of the car to sit awkward and out of place surrounded by strangers or people who had becomes strangers to her. Not to satisfy Kurt's guilt or anyone else's. For once she made a decision for herself.
Instead she put her car in reverse and drove herself back home.
When she arrived she ignored the nagging feeling that someone eyes were on her. Paranoia after all shouldn't be fed into.
She simply got out of her car, and walked up the stairs and into her apartment.
As she entered, she felt the same weight fall onto her shoulders that she did every night. The empty and impersonal grey walls fed into her isolation. Here, she had no distractions, nothing but her memories. Every time she entered it seemed harder and harder to remember that she'd ever had good ones. Torture, murder, betrayals those were the images conjured by her mind every waking moment she spent her.
But like everything else she knew it to be only what she deserved. So she put on her tough face, and braved the open animosity and spit at the office. Then every night she came her and enacted her own punishment.
God, it's no wonder she can't sleeps at night.
Maybe if she hadn't of been so wrapped up in her thoughts. So confused by the whirlwind of events that day or any number of tiny seemingly insignificant things. She would have seen it coming.
But she doesn't.
When she feels the delicate pinch of a needle and watches her world go black. Well, it's as surprising as the night she walked into her apartment to find Kurt there waiting not to hold her but to cuff her.
Funny how her world always seems to end in that living room