The Inevitable Author's Note
I suppose I should start off by saying that I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for all the broken promises. When I first got into this work, I let my aspirations get the better of me. I wanted to create this grand tale, depicting what I imagined the world would be like had things turned out just a little different. And now, here I am, almost two years into a story that had effectively been abandoned a year in the making. I let myself make promises I couldn't fulfil, and so I apologise, once more, for not keeping my word.
I'm sorry that I let my spark burn out. I naively kept clinging to the idea that I'd work on it tomorrow, next week, after my exams, next month, when really, I was never actually going to get to sit down and write if I kept procrastinating as I was in the bit of free time that I had. If I had committed to writing a small, 10-chapter novel, instead of planning out my work months, maybe even years in advance, I wouldn't feel as burnt out as I am now. Looking back, I find myself realizing that, though I did love the time I spent writing this story, I was always eagerly anticipating this new twist or plotline, rather than allowing myself to fully enjoy what I had been writing at the time. I'm sure that if I had let myself focus on the present, rather than the future, I could've churned out better quality work on a more consistent basis, like I had during the first few weeks of this project.
I'm sorry that I committed to something I had no business committing to. I somehow fooled myself into believing that, despite the upcoming exams that I knew I had to study for, I could somehow balance my studies and my writing at the same time. Clearly, this wasn't the case. I don't even have time now, in the summer period, now that I've taken even more work upon myself with summer courses on piloting a plane. Maybe I would've been able to churn something out, however small, and that it would be big enough to reinvigorate my fire, had I not put my summer on hold. I'm afraid I can't put my effort to chase my dream aside, given the limited timespan I have to work with, though that is no excuse. I shouldn't have committed to something I couldn't deliver on, and I can't avoid the blame by framing myself as a victim of circumstance and a busy schedule.
I'm sorry for my carelessness. A month ago, I'd gone through a totally avoidable loss of my data. Had I properly backed up my files, the plot that I spent weeks planning, editing and solidifying wouldn't have been lost, and the last embers of inspiration that I'd had might not have been snuffed out so soon.
I'm sorry that I let my skills grow poor through disuse. Had I practiced more on my own, even if I turned in nothing, or subpar work, then I wouldn't constantly feel ashamed of my writing, in how it doesn't even satisfy my already flimsy standards anymore.
I'm sorry that I let myself grow apathetic towards the show in its latest season. Had I watched each episode when they came out, rather than having a single binge session after my exams concluded, perhaps I may have been reinvigorated through it, and kept to my goals and promises.
I'm sorry that I probably got your hopes up when you were alerted about an update, for those who cared enough about my work to stay with me even after all this time, only to offer you an empty apology instead of actual, meaningful work.
I'm sorry, most of all, that I let you down.
Unlike the last time I made a promise I couldn't deliver on, i.e. the original incarnation of this work, I don't plan to delete my story this time. That said, I don't have any current plans to reboot it, either. I'm going to keep it up. This fulfills two goals.
Firstly, it shall stay up simply because there may be some of you that should like to read it again in the future. If you somehow still enjoyed my work, despite the depreciation in its quality, then who am I to begrudge you of it?
Secondly, I intend to keep it up as a harsh reminder to myself. Should I ever attempt to write another story, for any fandom, I should keep in mind how I failed you all in this work, and not let my ambitions get the best of me. I'll strive to keep myself grounded in the future, so as to avoid yet another abandoned work.
Last time, I promised to revitalise the story. To some degree, I suppose I did that with my reboot. I will do no such thing, this time. I hope that one day, when I have enough time and inspiration to do so, I will decide to revisit the story again and produce an actual chapter, but as of right now, I'm afraid all I can give you is this pathetic apology.