Square One
by: japanimejo
deadicated: Sam-Chan, for she loves heero waaaaay too much! lol plus she wants to see him happy.

Disclaimer:I own no one or anything but A.J. and the idea of this story.
a/n:Aj's cd title is named, "The Misery Chick" after her campus nickname. The character "Mr. West" is loosely based on a band director I know, which his name is right the opposite. In a book called Episode Zero, Relena supposedly met Heero for the first time on L1 and was unable to speak to him. This story works off that idea, but I DON'T OWN ANYTHING BUT AJ.THEY ALL ARE COPYRIGHTED OF THEIR OWNERS.

important: when you see *=Heero's thoughts. when you see~=Aj's thoughts. If you see ******time passes or switching points of view.

Advertisement: If you like the way this story is set up, please give my Escaflowne fic a chance. It's called "Escaflowne Returns: Shiryoku's Visions." I really think all who like this will love that one. Ummm...this story is now going to Heero's point of view and I'll note if I changed points of view in a a/n like this. Hehe...I am going to have soo much fun with this chapter...muhahahaha...*looks at Heero and A.J. who both look at each other and then jo* muhahhahahaaaa...

Chapter 2: Square One: Follow Your Feelings
The sunlight hit my face and woke me up. It was so warm. I rubbed my hands over my face and rolled over. I looked down at the bunk beneath mine. Trowa had aready gone leaving his bed in a mess. I looked across the room. Quat's bed was perfectly made up. "Hmn..." I said with a slight smile, "it's just like him to be so neat." I stumbled out of bed and opened my blinds. It was a beautiful day outside. Then her lyrics came rushing back in my mind. "It's a beautiful day, I heard evreyone say..." I shook my head. I really didn't know what to think. I want, at least I think, I want to know her better. But I just can't believe that Relena would have turned into the political machine that she is.
I get a real quick shower, brush my teeth, and get dressed. I grab my schedule and go to find my buildings that my classes would be in.
*Sigh* Down the stairs, out the front doors, and to find my car to go drive around campus.
I drive for a bit and then I notice the clock. It reads: 9:30 a.m. It's a Saturday. "I overslept," I mumble to myself.
I park the car and look at it as I walk away. "I need to wash it," I say talking aloud. I know that as soon as I do though, it'll rain like it always does.
I shrug my shoulders and walk up the concrete stairs, across the street, and into the main part of the campus. I look around and go to the student union first, finding my way to buildings from there. "My classes are pretty spaced out...I could just stay in the commons and study before the next class instead of walking all the way back to the car...," I hypothesieze aloud while walking and glancing up from the paper every so often. I stop and look at the union to make sure I was in the right place to start with.


"Owwww! Hey! Sorry!" says a girl.


It's Aj.

"Yuy?" she says taking her earphones off. She's been jogging and yet again, she's in all black. "Ummmm...*ahem*...I still have your jacket, you just want me to give it to Quat,Trowa, or Duo at marching band reherseal?"
I am just standing there like an idiot. Anytime, I get around Aj, I just forget how to even speak. It's not that I don't have anything to say, I just can't get words out to her. The mouth just won't function properly around this girl. "Why can't I just talk to her like anyone esle? What's with the knot in my stomach?" I think frustratedly.
"That's fine..." I finally manage to mummur. I look back down at the paper in my hands.
"Uhhh...thanks, by the way, I had been freezing all night long..." she says kinda sheepishly peering over at my paper. "You trying to find your classes?" changing the subject quickly. "Yea," I say not knowing how to be around her. I felt she was so true to herself and too nice to others to be my usual self. For some reason, if I was the "normal" me around her, I feel like I would be cheating her. "Well, I know where all these buildings are and I don't have anything better to do really today..." she says quietly. "So, if you want, I can show you all these buildings so you don't have to walk a million miles all over campus." She jerks the paper out of my hands.
"Taking all the basics?" she says with a raised eyebrow walking away from me. I just stand there in shock. I looked at my hands and then her with my schedule. "She's just so openly seeming with people..." I think to myself. I mean, my schedule had a bunch of private, significant information on it. She just took it though like it meant nothing.
I let out a huge sigh and follow her. "I'm just telling you you're gonna get bored, all these profs are easy..." she says picking up her walking pace. Suddenly, she stops and I almost run into her agian.
"You haven't got a major?" she says turning around sharply with a curious look. I shake my head no still unable to get words out to her. I just feel so frozen around everyone, but she just has a personality that makes you want to melt. "Well, why not? Don't you have something that you love to do and that you could do it for the rest of your life?" she asks very naively. Once again, her words are like arrows and they peirce straight to my heart. No one has ever made me feel this lonely or empty, except for Relena, but she made me feel like no one would ever give me a chance either. Aj seems willing to get to know me. I think before throwing a Death Glare at her.
Instead, I just snatch the paper back out of her hands.
"Easy-it's right there," she says pointing to the building in front of us. I hadn't even noticed how far we had walked from the union. The walk was passing so quickly becuase of our talk...well...her talk...
Aj snatches the paper back from me. "Inoshownen," she says pensively turning. "Probaly the best way is by the band hall," she says smiling. "Duo wants you to join the band...it's not too late you know," she says shoving the piece of paper against my chest. "Duo thinks you'd really enjoy it.." she says while grinning over her shoulder. "I don't play an instrument..." I say very solemnly. "Ah yea you do," she says very non-chalantly. "Everyone does, they just need to try," she says winking at me. "C'mon, we'll go introduce you to the director!" she says dragging me by my shirt sleeve into the hall.
"Autumn Jewl, Aj,Mac..." says a tall, lanky man. "Yuy, this is Mr. West," she says very proudly showing me to the man. "What are you doing here? Reherseal is over for the day!" he says with a smile. "Band camp/rookie camp stress..." Aj says to me with a hand over one side of her face. Mr. West nods his head in agreement. "This is my friend, Yuy. He plays bass drum and bass guitar...he's a real rythm guy..."
I give a Death Glare to Aj. She then rolls her eyes and says, " he was even thinking about joining marching band..." I throw another Death Glare her way. It still doesn't phase her. Why won't Death Glares work with this girl?
"Well, I'd love to have either...little short on both this year...I'd give you a scholarship for $500-$900 depending on how good you are." Aj smiles. I roll my eyes at her. "Yea, that's fine..." I say sounding kinda grumpy.
We leave and as soon as we get outside Aj says, "that wasn't so bad, now was it?" I grunt at her. "Oh be quiet! PLEASE!" she says disgustedly. "It'll do you some good Yuy, works on those people skills, no?" she says with a mischievous grin.
"Why won't she call me Heero?" I wonder.
We walk for a little while longer and find three more of my buildings and then we go back to the Union for some lunch.
As we walked in, I noticed the stares of all the athletes, frats, and sorroity girls all staring at Aj. "Hey look!" I heard someone shout. "It's the misery chick!"
Aj simply rolls her eyes and pays them no attention. One guy keeps on with the dirogitory comments though.
"Oh how clever of you!" Aj says slamming her plate down on the table we were about to sit down to, "you used the title of my cd as an insult...I'm impressed for a peabrain like you!"
The guy was in a varsity jacket with frat letters on it. He was fuming from her yelling at him and he approached her. "You're a freak- you know that don't you?!?" he says jumping down her throat. "You're not normal!" he screams.
The whole congregation of the Union is looking at them now. "Does it look like I even care?" she says getting really irratated. "First of all, there is no 'NORMAL'-only average because 'NORMAL' is in the eyes of the beholder. Second, even if there was a' NORMAL' I wouldn't be a part of it because it would mean that I wasn't unique or special. Third, it would mean that I would be like YOU and that's the last thing I would want because that would suck!" she says with a confident,defiant attitude.
The guy raises his fist to her and that was the last straw for me. My instincts took over then. I jumped up out of my seat and grabbed the guy's wrist. His fist immediately weakens, turning into a limp hand. "Gentlemen are never to raise their hands to ladies," I say throwing his hand back at him. "So chivalry isn't dead..." Aj says with a smile. The guy slowly backs away from me and then calls out as he runs away, "!@#$, just stay away from me!" "No Problem," Aj mumbles sarcastically.
Now everyone in the cafeteria was looking at me, including Aj. I look at her staring at me. Her arms are folded, her head cocked to the side, and her weight is shifted to one side of her body. She's kinda short and not to skinny but not overweight. She's got major curves and a really small body frame. She reminds me of Relena in a sense. Relena also has a small frame but she is straight figured. Relena also stands up straight constantly. She does everything equally. But both of them have the same type of attitude going for them-that attitude is "what I say goes." Relena enforces her by ways of talking over things where as Aj is willing to fight for it.
"Thanks...uhhh...don't take this the wrong way...but you didn't have to take up for me ya' know? I could've done it myself...I'm not helpless ya' know?" she says sitting down finally and motioning for me to do likewise. Relena was always so dependent of me; she never would've said that.
"He was going to hit you though," I say quietly avoiding her eyes. "I reacted on what I have been trained-" I caught myself. Luckily, Aj interrupted me too.
"No matter-if he had hit me, I would've found someway to kick his butt...somehow..." she says very determinedly.
"She and Relena are definately different from each other," I think with an inward smile.
"So, did you hear that Duo and Hilde are engaged?" Aj says perking up with a smile. When she smiles, she looks so happy. I've never seen anyone look that geniunely happy in life. Not even Relena, who is the most hopeful person I know. Well- with the exception of Duo, of course. But come to think of it, when Relena smiles, it's as if there is a deep sadness in her eyes...
I nod my head that I did get the news, and go on to say, "...he woke me up at midnight to tell me that...I wouldn't answer the phone at 11:00..." Aj rolled her eyes and said with a grin, "yup, that's Duo alright! You're gonna pay attention to him." She giggles and I almost want to myself.
"So," she says with her smile widening. "Aren't you happy for those two?" I nod my head yea, even though I know that I will be losing my best friend. Aj was sitting there waiting for some kind of acknowledgement from me. "Think of something to say,Yuy..." ran through my head. I blurted out, "I'm Duo's best man!" "Really? Well I geuss I'll being seeing you around more than I expected...I'm singing all their songs for them," Aj says wikning at me.
"So where are you from originally?" Aj asks enthusiastically. "L1," I say very quietly. "REALLY?!?!" she says almost jumping out of her seat. "I AM TOO!" she says very proudly.
I looked across the table and stared Aj right in the eyes. After she had said she was from L1, a rush of memories came flooding back in my head. I knew something about seeing her poster caught me that night in the coffee shop and now I knew. I recognized her. I had known her.
She giggles with a hand covering her mouth. "Maybe we know each other and don't even know it!" I just can't get over it. She's from my colony and I know who she is. I looked at her eyes to be sure.
She looked me right back in my eyes. "You know, I used to know this girl on L1 who was really shy...and she wanted to talk to this war orphen she had seen around...and she couldn't do it becuase she didn't know how to introduce herself..and I can remember telling her to do it like this, 'stick out your hand and say hi my name is Autumn. What's yours?'"
I felt my heart skip a beat as it did so many times when I was around her. Then the memories of the first time I saw Releena crossed my mind like a soft wind. She stood there in the warm sunset behind her saying, "...it's a boy!" I can remember everything seeming like it was in slow motion. I remember her sandy golden hair swaying in the wind as she walked over. She had a pleasant aura that came with her and I remember just wanting to know her. Funny, that aura is gone now.
Aj though, I remember meeting up with her on the street just before I saw Releena the first time on L1. "You should go around the corner..." she chirped with a happy smiling face. I didn't answer her;she was too perky for me. "I know you're listening to me...even if I don't know you're name, but it doesn't matter- I know your eyes and that's all that matters...I'll know you anywhere becuase you have a very unique pair of eyes..." she said skipping off. After I saw Releena, Aj appeared out of nowhere wanting to know how things had gone between us. As usual, I didn't answer her, and she had countered my silence with this, " You know, I don't care if you don't want a friend, I WILL always be your friend because everyone needs a friend..." She ended our little visit with a hug and just walked off. Just like that my friend was gone.
"Yuy? Are you listening?" Aj looked at me trying to understand why I wasn't answering. "Sorry," I replied, "I was thinking about my home before I lost it..." I said peering at her eyes again making sure I was remembering the same girl. "Oh..." she said her chipper eyes becoming a little saddend. "Yeah, I can relate...My parents were both American, but they loved L1 and that was our home...so I lost them too...I was a war orphen for a while until my friend's parents found some relatives of mine on Earth..." she said looking off to the side.
"She's proving herself to be that girl..." I think to myself. "I wonder...she would have had to known Releena to be her...but Releena lived on Earth...she couldn't be her..."
I saw her eyes caught the plasma screen hanging in the center of the cafeteria. Releena was making a speech to the public. She did it constantly nowdays. "I really can't stand her..." Aj said grumpily. I looked at her with a confused look. "Why? You know her?"
"No," she said defiantly sticking her nose up in the air. "I just don't like her, I mean look at what she has done with her life...she threw it all away...and at such a young age...if she does one thing wrong, the press will hound her, the government will persecute her, and the scum of the Earth will try to have her assinated...not only that, but if she was to marry, she'd have to have someone in politics cuz with them everything is about power, know? I wouldn't have done that with my life...she's stupid...and then she preaches on about pacifism, but what good does that do? It is inherent in humans to fight...peace is nothing but a result of war..."
My heart was racing. I really liked Aj. At the beginning of this statement, I felt like defending Releena, but what she said made sense. And her last words, "...peace is nothing but a result of war..." that's how I felt about things. I have even said that myself. I felt like I was connecting on a level that I had never connected with someone before. It was like she understood what was going through my head and agreed. I almost wanted her to stick around so that I could just spend time with her. But I stopped myself...that's going too far to be sociable...but I am trying to be human...
I finally swallowed my fear and pride and said it, " I agree." "Huh?" Aj turned around quickly from watching Releena's speech. "Peace is nothing but a result of war..." A small smirk crept across her normally opionated face. "Finally, someone who agrees!" she screams throwing up her hands in excitement. She leans in close to me on the table and waves her index finger to tell me to lean foward also. I do so and she whispers something.
"What did you think about the Gundams?" she says with a mischievious grin. I couldn't help it. I smiled. I really liked this girl. "I loved them," she said after my slight pause. "Yea, they are great, aren't they?" I said. "Yuy," she said with that impish grin. "Hmn?" I said with an inquistive voice. "Your face is a lot cuter with that smile on it." I rolled my eyes and smiled a little more for her. I don't believe this. My head is pulling me back to Releena but heart says differently. My heart is pulling me to Aj. Why? What's the difference between the two?
"OH NO! I'M LATE!" Aj suddenly screamed grabbing all of her food and dishes. "What?" I said wanting her to come back. "I have reherseal for the wedding!" she yelled running off. Then I did something off of instinct. I grabbed her wrist pulling her back to me. "Wait..." I said not realizing what I had done. "I have a car; let me drive you-speedometer goes up to 140 mph..." That imp grin of hers came across her face again. "You might be ok afterall Yuy."
I couldn't believe what I had done. Aj was sitting in the passenger's seat and she was being a lot nicer than she had been the other night. I wondered why. "Why are you being so nice to me?" I ask. She looks over at me and replies, "I thought you were a stoic guy from the moment I watched you walk in-stoics are one of my pet peeves...but then you gave me your jacket...i don't know what that means to you, but to me, it proved you cared for me...so I decided you can't be all that bad..." I simply nod my head.
"So, you like Gundams?" I said with a squeeky voice. What has gotten into me?
"Yeah, love'em..." she says trailing off with starry eyes. "My favorite one was the one with the wings..." she continued staring out the window. "Zero..." I replied while pressing my lips afterwards. "Huh?" Aj looked over at me quickly. "They had names...supposedly..." I said glancing at her. "The one with wings...it's name was Zero..." "Oh," she says looking impressed. "How do you know that?" Aj looked at me with a supsicious stare. "Ummm...let's say I accidentally hacked into their site..." I said with a slight hint of pleasure in my voice. I can't believe I almost let myself have a breech of information. I could tell that I was impressing Aj though and I wanted to continue to impress her, even if that meant telling her that I was a Gundam pilot. I knew I couldn't though. "I want to meet a pilot..." Aj said randomly. "Yea,?" I asked raising an eyebrow. "Yea, I want to know what the brains of the gundams look like, and I wanna sit in the cockpit, and I want to pilot one!" she says with the enthusiasim of a little child. Then I see it. Even though she hates Releena, she looked exactly like the friend Releena had on L1 just then. "Well..." I said with a slight sigh and laugh.
I pulled the car over and unlocked the door for her to get out. "Thanks for the ride, Yuy!" she chirped. She ran down the concrete pathway and slung the churchdoor open. I watched the door shut and I let out a sigh. I felt like the world was finally right, for once.
Then I turned to my window to see the ugliest smashed pig face ever. "DAH!" I yelled in the car. "BWAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...." It was Duo. "I can't believe it! I SCARED YUY!" he says while dancing around. He's bent double and laughing his buns off at me. "Wooooooo...that face is priceless!" he continues while pointing at me from his half bent stance. "I wish I had a camera!" "Shut up, Maxwell..." I say sternly. "Oh but you are tense about something, and you are never tense...I think that either Releena or Aj has gotten to you...but which one is it Heero?" I eye him. "Cuz you see, you I've been trying to get you all day...You're my best man and you have to have a lady to escort...but which girl do you want, cuz both of them are here..." Duo says patting my back and keeping his arm on my shoulder.
My heart starts to race again. "This sucks..." I think to myself.
Duo walks with me into the church and Aj is near the alter and looks at both of us walking in. "I thought you were leaving, Yuy..." she says quietly. I looked at her carefully. Her face was pale and fading from all color it had had just moments ago. "What's wrong with her," I wonder.
Just then, Hilde and someone I didn't realize was here walked in. Then Duo's words hit me on the head like a ton of bricks. "...you have to escort a lady...which girl do YOU WANT?" I can hear him saying. I watch as Aj's eyes follow the girl's every movements as she approaches me. "It's been a while, Heero..." she says looking at me with those glass blue-green eyes.
I felt it all over again. I felt her sweet, gentle prescence. I smelled her signature perfume and she was looking more radiant than ever. I said nothing though. I stayed silent. She closed her eyes and smiled. "I understand if you have nothing to say to me..." Duo just looked at us both. I glanced up at him and he seemed to give me the sign to make amends and at least get on talking terms. Just above that braided baka's braid, I could see Aj. Her face was solemn, gahstly white, and her eyes were sad. Her arms were crossed and she looked like she could kill anyone that came near her. Now I understood what she meant by, "...they call me the the Misery Chick..." I didn't like seeing her like that though.
Duo then steps foward and says, " Miss Vice-Foriegn Minister Peacecraft-" "It's Darlian," says an adjetated voice and it's not Releena's. Everyone turns to look at Aj. "No need to introduce us, we know each other already, from way back in the day..." she says grumpily while rolling her eyes. "And hello to you, Autumn," says Releena shooting a glare Aj's way. "Listen, this is a wedding, try not to wreck it? K? Just cuz you were someone from birth doesn't mean you should get the spotlight all the time! OH, and it's McClain- we're not even on a first name basis."
I was right. I could definately see it now. This IS the girl who promised to be my friend forever. But I wondered if she realized that it was me she promised to befriend... Why does she hate Releena though? It was evident that it was for more than the reasons she had described to me earlier. "Heero," Releena pouted while taking my arm. "I would like for you to escort me down the aisle for the wedding." I thought about it for a second. Before I could say anything though, I heard Aj mumbling something. "...do and I'll never speak to your sorry butt again..." I couldn't get her out of my head. What did Aj know about Releena that I didn't?
"For now at least..." I said. Releena clenched my tricep even harder. "I was hoping you would say that," she said looking in Aj's direction who then tossed her mike aside and left. She left out the front doors of the church saying, "I can't possibly sing a happy song right now..."
Duo headed toward the door and Releena reached out and stopped him saying, "don't worry about this; I'll handle it." "If you're sure..." Duo said pulling a lost Hilde close.
I simply stood there in silent disbelief. "That's my friend," I thought to myself.
(outside)(Aj's pov)
"She'd better not try to come wussy things over with me..." I say narrowing my glare on her. I stood underneath the shade of a tree with the wind freely blowing. It was such a pretty day. Not too sunny, but not raining. Just cloudy and overcast. A little chilled. "It's a beautiful day..." I started singing to myself and folding my arms against my chest. I close my eyes and just take it all in. "Autumn..." I hear a voice call. "Go die, Darlian..." "Surely, you don't mean that..." she says. "No, I would rather see you torchured, actually..." I say sarcastically and now opening my eyes to see her. She doesn't look like she has any actual remorse for anything that she had done to me.
"Autumn-" she starts while looking at her feet and hands with her head hanging down. "McClain!" I yell at her. "Whatever, it doesn't matter...we were friends and we had said nothing would come between us..." I clench my fists and grit my teeth. "Yea, that held true until one of us became a little backstabbing-" I said angrily. "I DID NO SUCH THING!" she screamed as almost if she were in tears. "Oh that's a bunch of b.s....they gave you homecoming queen, you stole my head cheerleading spot and all that was forgivable, but then you stepped the line...you took my one date with him- the only guy I had ever wanted to date...I had worked three long years for that date-PROM- and you," I say almost wanting to cry. "You took him...deliberately...that's unforgivable..." I say walking off by myself.
"I want my guitar," I pouted. I walk aimelessly along the capmus, having no certain destination. Actually, I just wanted to find a place to rest where I wouldn't be bothered. Then, out of the corner of my eye, a blue sports car pulled up next to me. I glanced over at it and I couldn't believe who I saw.
***********************(Heero's pov)
"I can't believe I am doing this," I said as I rolled down the window. "Hey..." I called to Aj. She looked so different. I understood the campus nickname for her now. She looked so miserable. A pale face, small frame, black hair, black nails, black clothes...and sad, depressed eyes. But she was so happy around Duo, Quat, Trowa, and me...
"Just leave me alone..." she says softly. "I can't leave you alone..." I blurted out. I had never said that before in my life. I hadn't even said that to Releena. She glanced over at me in the car. I came to a complete stop and she walked over and hung her small hands and head over the edge of the car door. "Why?" she asked with sweet eyes. "Why are you being so nice to me? I thought you were mean the first night I met you; I didn't think I was going to like you, but you are such a good friend to care about me as genuinely as you do...why?"
~A picture flashed in my head. "...I will always be your friend, becuase everyone needs a friend..." says a smiling little girl's face. I stared into the cinema clip playing in my mind's eye and it then my true eyes focused in on a grown up version of the girl. Those eyes still hadn't changed a bit. Her face was a little more mature, but she still retained a child-like look about her.~
"Becuase," I said quietly. I leaned in a little towards her with my hand still on the wheel. "I will always be your friend, because everyone needs a friend..." Aj then stands up and leans her head to the side. "That seems familiar, almost a feeling of deja vous...but I have never met you before...I'm pretty sure..."
"No, you probaly haven't..." I said with an inward pleasure. I just want to care for Aj like she tried to take care of me when I was young. She was such a caring and passionate person.
"Yuy?" she said looking at her feet while shuffeling them against the ground. "You're really proving me wrong..." she said with a little smile spreading across her gentle face. "I'm glad to know that you're a friend...but just know, you haven't been invited on the inside of the circle yet..."
"I understand," I reply. "Do you want a ride back?" I said with much hope. "Only if you'll go get my guitar out of the church for me..." she said pouting sarcastically. She slung the door open and got in. She looked like she could be in tears at any moment.
I started to pull back out into traffic. I threw a quick look at her and said, "you know, I'm rather good at listening to people..."
"Yuy,- you're not on the inside yet..." she replied solemnly. "Gaaaa...she's like me...." I thought. I snuk another glance at her.
Her head was proped up against her hand against the window. She seemed to be just staring aimlessly.
I pulled the car over and I got out to get her guitar. I came back with it and she looked ten times happier already. "I can't wait to play this song..." she said. "In case you haven't noticed," she giggled a little. "Music is my therapy."
Wonder what my therapy is...goodness knows I need it according to the world...
"Back to the dorm?" I ask. "Yea," she says quietly. "Are you going to Hilde's bachelorette party?" "Yea..."
"So when's the dress reherseal?" I ask trying to keep the conversation going. "I think it's a week from today, so next saturday maybe? I dunno...I was just told to show up today so they could hear different songs and pick what they wanted me to sing..." she says running her fingers through her front red streaks in her hair.
"Hey Yuy?" she says with another minute giggle. "You passed my dorm..." "Oh," I say feeling a ton of blood run to my face. I couldn't believe it. I was blushing- over a woman!
I backed the car quickly up in the road and I turned into her dorm parking lot. She silently got out and grabbed her guitar from the trunk.
"Bye, Yuy...thanks" she says with a smile. There. That made me happy. Her eyes were happy again and I loved seeing her smile.
I drove off with a full heart knowing that I had tried to help someone. It made me seem worthwhile and real. I liked that feeling.
*********************(Aj's pov)
I watch him drive off in his fancy blue sports car. "He's not that bad and does seem trustworthy...still I have been hurt by so many that I have cared for...I like my circle of friends to stay small..." I say pulling out my guitar.
I strum a couple of notes before I sing a song truly from my heart.
fukai fukai mori no oku ni ima mo kitto
okizari ni shita kokoro kakushite'ru yo
(I'm sure that the heart I left behind
still lies hidden in the heart of the deep, deep forest.)
sagasu hodo no chikara mo naku tsukarehateta
hitobito wa eien no yami ni kieru
(Exhausted, without the strength to search
people vanish into the infinite darkness.)
~ As I strum the song and wonder will I ever fully trust people with all my heart like I once did in my life. I was still pretty open with how I felt about things, but as far as giving my heart to anyone...I just couldn't do it...~
*As I was driving home, I wondered what the heck was coming over me. My advice to people has always been follow your feelings...but my mind and heart have always been in agreement...what do I do when they contradict each other?...I usually went back to being my frozen self, standing in the same spot, never charging ahead, but never taking a step backwards.*
chisai mama nara kitto ima demo mieta ka na
If it's so small, I wonder if I can see it even now?
~Have I lost my heart? I don't want to become jaded and not feel anything at all. To me, that is the scariest thing in the world...not being able to feel anything at all...~
*I look out the window and see various couples walking by. I want to be with someone like that. I am sick and tired of seeing everyone else around me being able to freely express their love and I can't. I have a heart; it's just no one can really see it.*
* boku-tachi wa ikiru hodo ni
nakushite'ku sukoshi zutsu
itsuwari ya uso wo matoi
tachisukumu koe mo naku
*( As we live on,
we lose a little bit more.
Shrouded in falsehoods and lies,
we stand frozen to the spot, unable to cry out)
~That's why I don't let too many people on the inside of my circle. When I let people on the inside, I'd give them a little piece of me. But people are stupid, and they hurt feelings, they lie...they run off with that little piece of me leaving nothing but a black hole behind...I slowly begin to deteriorate...I drew away from others, I froze my heart becuase I didn't want to know sorrow anymore...~
*I feel like I am losing out on so many things that average guys experience...I was a soilder...a machine just like Relena said...everything I thought I knew that was true, that was pure...it was all peverse...that's why I closed up from the world,that's why I froze my heart...I didn't want to feel the sting of rejection,pain, and hate...I didn't want to hurt anyone and I didn't want them to hurt me...*
aoi aoi sora no iro mo kidzukanai mama
sugite yuku mainichi ga kawatte yuku
(The days pass by and change,
without us even realizing how blue the sky really is.)
tsukurareta wakugumi wo koe ima wo ikite
sabitsuita kokoro mata ugokidasu yo
(Overcoming that made-up scheme, we live the present,
and our rusted hearts begin to beat again!)
~Heero...he's different all right...When I look at him, I see in his eyes this great want to be a great person...I believe he is really a kind,gentle, caring person, but what is stopping him?~
*Aj notices all the little things in life...I remember her saying at lunch something about a leaf and the sky...only she would pay attention to a minor detail like that..is that what makes everything meaningful? The little things in life?*
toki no RIZUMU wo shireba mo ichido toberu darou
(If we can find the rhythm of time, we can fly once again)
~There is a certain way to becoming the people we want to be in life...If we try to become that person; we'll fail. We must learn through experience-sadness, happiness, pain, pleasure...we must experience the extremes to find a happy medium...a "rythm" we need to find to live life to the fullest...~ (Aj hears a violinist, and turns to see Quat has been watching her...he sits down and plays the rest of the song with her. He plays a beautiful solo and then they both start singing and playing the next chorus.)
*I want my heart to fly like it was durning the war...fighting for what I believed in made me feel like I had such a purpose- that I wasn't useless...that my life wasn't disposable...*
boku-tachi wa samayoi nagara
ikite yuku doko made mo
shinjite'ru hikari motome
arukidasu kimi to ima
(We live our lives
wandering to the ends of the earth.
Believing, now I begin my journey with you,
in search of the light.)
~Maybe I should give Heero a chance to be on the inside of the circle...I don't want to lose out on a journey with someone who seems like a really great person...maybe we could look for our lost hearts, together...~
*I've wandered everywhere in space, Earth, and the Colonies...still, I find myself lacking the things that all "happy" people have...What makes me different? What makes me happy? Maybe, if Aj was with me, she could help me find out...*
boku-tachi wa samayoi nagara
ikite yuku doko made mo
michi wo tozashi
aruite'ku eien ni
(We live our lives
wandering to the ends of the earth.
Closing off
the way back,
we walk on for eternity.)
~I refuse to live my life closed off from everyone anymore! I'll let Heero in and we'll do this together...I feel that he won't betray me...I feel he's an honest man...I feel...that he's a friend...~
*That's it! From this moment on, I, Heero Yuy, promise to myself that I will live my life by my own philosophy...follow your feelings! My heart says to seek out Aj...my friend for eternity...and maybe more...most of all, I won't turn back down this path! Never again!*
tachisukumu koe mo naku
ikite yuku eien ni
(We live our lives standing frozen to the spot,
unable to cry out, for eternity...)
~I end the song on a solemn note, wondering if I can really do what I just promised to myself I would-befriend the lonely Yuy. I don't know why I'm so scared of him...maybe, deep down...I...I...~(Quat sits down next to her to talk about the song.)
*As I get out of the car, I look out into the horizion. A beautiful autumn sunset was taking place. The hues ranged from deep orange at the bottom of the sky meeting the brown trees, to the rose colored sky hanging above the yellow in between. "Hmn...all this time, I had been living by a moral...but not to it's fullest...but now I will...'Follow Your Feelings...'*
[More authour's notes: The song is "Fukai Mori" bka in English known as "Deep Forrest" from the 2nd ending theme of Inu-Yasha, which I also don't own. The translation came from the wonderful site of www.animelyrics.com.]
[I'd be very pleased since I took the time to write such a looong chapter this time, if you would give me a review...the more reviews i get...the more encouraged i am...the faster the next chapter will be out! *winks* later guys! lovealways~japanimejo~]