YOUR ILLUSTRIOUS AUTHOR: This is set just after Slayers Try, so there will be spoilers. Oh yes, and I don't own Slayers, but I just might be able to scrounge up the quarters necessary to buy Zelgadiss.

ZEL: ::look of fear::

YIA: And then I could sell him for a high price to a fangirl!

ZEL: ::passes out::

YIA: Oh yes, and Zel's views of the characters do not necessarily match my own, so I hold no responsibility for what sorts of things he usual.


Zelgadiss walked into his hotel room planning on sprawling out on the bed and spending some quality time staring at the ceiling. Ameria and Filia by themselves were okay, but two E_FJs together without any other people to act as a buffer was overpowering! Lina and Gourry had gone off on their own nearly immediately after the recent destruction of Vargarv. He had opted to follow Filia and Ameria on their trek back to their respective dwellings. Zelgadiss's plan of collapsing, however, was given a little detour when he was what was on his bed: Four dolls. They were little stuffed doll replicas of Lina, Gourry, Ameria, and himself. Immediately he was suspicious. Ever since he started traveling with (and trying to stay away from) Lina, he had gotten a prickly feeling that he was just a character in a story written by a sadistic author. And perhaps that sadistic author had now set four dolls on his bed. He looked around suspiciously, and then examined his room for any peepholes or anything else that could show this was some sort of joke. He found nothing.

Zelgadiss picked the offending dolls off the bed and set them on the nightstand. He laid down on the bed and followed his original plan of staring at the ceiling. He even tried to sleep. .It wasn't working. The dolls kept entering his mind like a least favorite song when one is trying to take a math test. He rolled over on his side and stared at the dolls. Whoever made them had actually put a lot of detail into them. He sat up, and then grabbed them, and examined each carefully. The Lina doll even seemed to have a manic look to her. He threw her aside.

The Zelgadiss doll was the one Zelgadiss picked up next. He thought it was a fair representation of his self. It even had a hood attached to the cloak. He put that up over the doll's head. The doll looked a bit more dramatic that way. He held the doll's sword against one of the doll's hands and made a few slashes with it. It wasn't too bad.

"'Die, impudent Mazoku!'" Zelgadiss voiced for the doll, leaping it forward and slashing at an invisible foe. He stopped slashing the sword and looked over at the other dolls.

"'What's a Mazuko?'" Zelgadiss voiced in a stupid tone for the Gourry doll. He grabbed the Lina doll and hit the Gourry doll with it.

"'Mazoku, moron!'" He voiced for Lina, in an irritating girlish voice.

"'Ow.'" he voiced for the poor Gourry doll.

"Lina's strident voice could be heard for miles, bringing even /more/ Mazoku!" Zelgadiss narrated triumphantly. He dropped the Lina doll and snatched up the Ameria doll.

"'Oh, Zelgadiss-san, save us!'" Zelgadiss voiced in a helpless damsel tone, and pushed the Ameria doll behind the Zelgadiss doll.

"'Don't worry Ame-'" Zelgadiss stopped abruptly and looked to where the Lina and Gourry dolls were waiting. He dropped the Zelgadiss and Ameria dolls, and reached for the others.

"The rocks they were standing on began to crumble!" Zelgadiss narrated. "And then they fell off a cliff and into a conveniently placed river!" He chucked the Lina and Gourry dolls off the bed and turned back to the Zelgadiss and Ameria dolls.

"And he kills the Mazoku with only an Astral Vine spell, showing his tremendous power!" Zelgadiss narrated, moving the Zelgadiss doll around in a complex set of motions. "Then tragedy strikes! He gets hit by the last Mazoku! He falls to the ground and coughs, blood smeared across his side."

"'Eeek!'" He voiced, putting the Ameria doll's hands over its eyes.

"But Zelgadiss gets up just in time and drives his enchanted sword through the Mazoku's head! It screams for mercy as it dies, but Zelgadiss will never give his prey mercy! Zelgadiss sheaths his sword and looks back over to the princess."

"'Don't worry, it's over.'" He walked the Zelgadiss doll back to the Ameria doll, and let go of the Ameria doll's hands.

"'Oh, Zelgadiss-san! You're so amazing!'"

"'I know, Ameria.'"

"'You're so dark and mysterious and alluring!'"

"'What can I say?'" Zelgadiss voiced in a deeper tone than he usually spoke in. "'It's true.'"

"'Oh, Zelgadiss-san. Can I kiss you?'" He voiced for Ameria, in his best helpless damsel imitation.

"'You may.'"

Zelgadiss pressed the dolls together.

"'Mmm, Zelgadiss-san.'" He voiced for Ameria, in a muffled damsel voice. He wrapped Ameria's arms around Zelgadiss just in time for the door to open. He dropped the dolls as fast as if they had suddenly turned into Xelloss. Ameria appeared in the doorway. Zelgadiss suddenly wondered just how loud he had been talking.

"Ameria." he said uncertainly, feeling like his face was abnormally warm.

"Zelgadiss-san!" Ameria cried, in a decidedly un-damsel-like voice. "You dropped Lina-san and Gourry-san on the floor!" She swooped in to rescue the Lina and Gourry dolls. Zelgadiss feebly picked up the Zelgadiss and Ameria dolls and held them out to the boisterous little princess. Ameria took them and faced Zelgadiss, feet planted firmly apart. "You could have gotten them dirty! That's very unjust," she said sternly. "I've made these as presents for Filia-san, so she can remember us," she said, her voice taking on a happier note.

"Do you think she wants to remember us?" Zelgadiss said; the shock of what happened making the negative dry comment sound more hollow than usual.

"Of course she does!" Ameria said happily. "I'm sorry I used your room; I should have asked first. But Filia wanted to talk to me in mine, and I had to put the dolls /somewhere/."

Zelgadiss made a dismissive gesture with his hand, not really wanting to discuss the dolls.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Zelgadiss-san," Ameria grinned, making her way to the door. Before she left, she peeked back from behind the door, a new mischievous glint in her eyes and a bit of a blush across her cheeks. "I'm glad you enjoyed them. I can make some for you if you like!" And then she disappeared.

Zelgadiss stared at the closed door for a moment, and then groaned and collapsed back into his bed. Somehow, life just wasn't fair. He stared up at the ceiling.

"Evil, sadistic authors." he muttered.