A/N: So, I decided that I wanted to write, to help keep my mind going into totally baby mush. I have no idea how long it's going to take me to update. My only promise is not to abandon this story.
I'm writing this story from my phone, and so whenever I get a chance to use a computer I will edit. Please know I'm not perfect, and sometimes it might seem a little rough. I have a newborn plus other kids. So, I know I won't be as crazy fast with my writing. The plan for this story is to basically redo the first three books. (Well, the major events) Hence why it's called a second chance, some of the same things will happen but, we will no longer follow the same path as before.
"Christian, what are you doing? Come back to bed…" I turn to look over at Ana who's patting the side of the bed next to her.
I look at the woman who I now call my wife. If you asked me five months ago, I didn't think I would ever be here with her.
I smile as I crawl back into bed. I wrap my arms around her. My hand rubs over her small baby bump.
I've never been more thankful that I got a second chance….
Five months ago…
The elevator doors close and I feel my heart plummet into my stomach.
I showed her how bad it could be. I hit her with the belt. She looked at me with such disgust, then somehow tells me she loves me?
How could she ever love a monster like me?
I would only cause her nothing but heartache. I think I only proved that today.
I walk into my office and grab the decanter of scotch. Pouring myself a glass, I down it in one large gulp. I pour another and another till the decanter is empty. I take my final glass and walk to the Sub room.
Laying on the bed is what looks like a box and note.
I walk over to the bed and pick up the item. I notice it's a model glider and a note from Ana that simply reads:
"This reminded me of better times."
I throw my now empty glass across the room. It shatters into a million pieces, quite like my heart.
I don't know if I will ever get her back.
I take the glider to my office, I have Taylor hunt me down some wood glue, grab some more of my finest scotch and drown my sorrows.
The smell of apples fills my nose. I'm surrounded by a mass of brunette hair, my arms wrapped tight against a warm body.
My heart clenches at the sight of her sleeping peacefully in my arms.
She looks so innocent.
We are now in the foyer, dancing. Her smile is huge as I twirl her around the floor. She puts her arms around me, our lips press together.
It's like heaven.
I'm now sitting at my piano as my fingers work the keys. Anastasia comes and sits down next to me, putting her head on my shoulder.
"I love the way you play, Christian. I love you."
"I love you too." I tell her. She looks up at me and smiles.
The scene changes again; now I stand in a meadow. There's laughter coming beside me. I look down and see a young copper haired boy run past me. Ahead stands Ana, looking like an Angel in white.
She notices me and smiles. Love shines from her eyes, her hand resting atop her growing belly.
A swell of hope and love pool in my belly. I want more….
I want Anastasia Steele forever
I awake, face first on my desk. I wipe the drool from the corner of my mouth. I shoot up in my chair and I remember the dream.
The dream… it wasn't a nightmare… but a wonderful dream.
I'm in love with Ana Steele.
I want to call and tell her. Then I remember she left her phone and laptop here.
So, I think of the next best thing. I'm going to go see her.
I push myself away from my desk, when I stand up, I'm a little woozy.
I guess I'm still drunk. I look over at the large picturesque windows. It's dark. I glance over at time and notice that it's 2am.
However, I don't care. I need to see her; I need to tell her I feel the same way.
I leave the apartment without notifying Taylor, and take the walk to Ana's apartment.
I'm halfway there when it starts pouring down rain.
I'm drenched by the time I reach Ana's apartment. I climb the stairs and knock on her door. I knock and knock, but there's no answer.
I start shouting her name, praying she'll come to the door.
"Do you mind? She obviously doesn't want to see you. Now leave before I call the cops." A grumpy older man, with a shaggy beard, and flannel pajamas sneers at me.
He does have a point. I mumble my apologies and leave.
I'm walking down the street on my way back to Escala. The thunder is now clapping in the sky; the rain is now coming down harder. A car speeds by me, splashing the puddle of road water on me.
Could this get any worse?
It does, when another car zips by, covering me again.
I reach the bridge and stop. I look over the edge, hoping the water below has all my answers and I start to picture my life without Ana.
After three weeks, she's done more good for me than anyone else.
She can see through all the bullshit.
She sees me.
I'm alone again and for the first time I hate it.
I make a silent prayer to God. I beg for a second chance. I want to prove that I can be a better man. A better person.
I would do anything to make every wrong right again. I would do anything just to have Ana in my arms again.
I go to cross the street and before I know it, there's bright lights coming at me, a horn honking, before everything goes dark.
I'm startled awake by Andrea's voice. I sit up and notice I'm sitting in my office.
How in the hell did I get here?
"Mr. Grey?" Andrea calls out to me.
I push the button on the intercom.
"Yes, Andrea?" I ask groggily. I look around my office, trying to find any clues to how I got here.
"Ms. Anastasia Steele is here to see you, sir."
"Ana? Send her in."
Hope swells in my chest. She's here.
I'll finally be able to tell her just how I feel.
The door opens, and it's like Deja vu all over again.
Ana goes falling to the floor landing on all fours. I quickly go to help her off the floor.
As I pick her up I notice she's wearing the same thing when I met her during the WSU interview.
She looks at me, the blush filling her face.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Grey. I can be a bit of a klutz. I'm Anastasia Steele. Ms. Kavanagh was indisposed and I'm covering for her. I hope that's ok?"
I shake my head in total confusion. Is this some kind of game?
She left me and now she's trying to relive a moment?
"No, it's fine." I show her where to sit and she stops and stares at the Trouton paintings.
"They're lovely… Raising the ordinary to the…"
"Extraordinary…" We say together.
She looks over and smiles.
Without another word, she moves to sit down, pulling out a wrinkled piece of paper and the tape recorder.
This is getting way too weird for me.
As she fumbles with the recorder, as I move to sit behind my desk. I move my mouse to turn on my laptop.
She apologies and tells me she's not used to this.
I reply telling her to take her time. When the screen comes alive I notice the date.
May 9th 2011.
Holy fucking hell, I'm in the twilight zone.
Could this be the second chance I asked for?
Or is this some drunk induced dream?
"Mr. Grey?" Ana's voice pulls me out my thoughts.
I notice the way her body shivers as I say her name, her face aflame for probably the millionth time today.
She shakes her head with a smile. "Do you mind if I record you?"
I can't help but stifle my laugh, just like last time.
"No, I don't mind."
I decide to follow the interview almost word for word. Even with that damn question about being Gay. How much do I want to answer she already knows the answer to that.
But, I think I would come off a little crazy.
After I try to turn the interview around on her, she captivates me again.
I so bad want to take her in my arms, kiss her, love her.
She leaves and I'm filled with so much confusion.
Do I go after her now? Or do I wait to meet her again at Clayton's?
I can redo the photo shoot. Tell her then at the coffee house, that I do want her. No more telling her to stay away from me.
Maybe we can start our relationship sooner, better this time.
I already know she won't run from me.
"Thank you, god!" I praise the big man above me.
All of a sudden it gets really dark, the thunder booms through my office, a lighting strike, and the room goes dark.
There's a glowing light now that fills the room.
I think I'm losing my mind.
Nope, it's already gone.
I walk over to where the glow is coming from and standing before me is an angel. Taking a closer look at the woman in white; it's with shock that I realize she resembles my birth mother.
Ok now I know for sure, I'm going crazy.
"Who are you?"
"Some call me an Angel, but I like the term spirit guide." She smiles brightly at me.
"You look just like my crack whore of a birth-mother..." I snap. "Why would I want anything from you?"
She walks up to me and places a hand on my cheek. I want to step away, but for some reason I can't. The feeling is warm, calming.
"Oh, sweet boy. You have so much to overcome…" It's all she says to me before stepping away.
Her touch, her words, make me feel….different.
I shake it off, and get back to what the hell is going on.
"What's going on?"
"You asked for a second chance. So, I'm here to grant you just that." She smiles.
"Just what's the chase?"
"Well, you said you would do anything right? Make all your wrongs right again? Be a better man?"
"Yes. Anything. "
"Well, that's why I'm here. I'm here to guide you. I want nothing but to help make it right for you. However, you only have five months to do this."
Five months! I can work with that. I have to work with that.
She hands me what looks like an old pocket watch.
"If at the end of five months, you are able to fulfil the task, it will glow blue to tell you that you will be staying in the new future you have created. If it turns red well, you have to go back."
"I already know what I did wrong. And I do plan to make it right."
"Oh? Are you sure? Because I think it has a lot more to do with just hitting Ana with a belt."
"Well, yeah. I also won't ask her to be a Submissive."
She shakes her head.
"My dear boy, we have a lot of discovery to work on…."
"What are you talking about?"
She glides around the room and sits at my desk. She picks up the papers on the desk and glances at them.
"You're a bright boy. However, I doubt you really see how certain things from your past have really shaped your future. If you want a good chance with Ana you're going to have to see your past in a different light. That's why I'm here to help you."
"Well, I just can't tell you...that would be cheating." She laughs.
I shake my head.
"But, maybe I can help you see rhyme or reason. Starting here…" She waves her hand in my direction as my cell phone rings in my pocket and when I check the caller ID it's Elena.
"Answer it…" She urges me.
I take pause, before answering the phone.
"Grey." I snap into the phone.
"Christian, I've been trying to get a hold of you all week. I have the perfect girl for you. I can bring her over tonight. Very few hard limits." She says it like she's dangling a carrot in front of a starved rabbit.
"That won't be necessary." I tell her firmly.
"Why ever not? It's been 6 weeks since Susannah. I know you need that release."
I roll my eyes. Was she always this pushy?
"Like I said, Elena, it won't be necessary. I need to go." I hang up the phone and put it back in my pocket, I run my hands through my hair, turning back to the task at hand.
"Ask yourself… why is she always so pushy about you having a new Sub and why does she always find them for you?"
"Because she knows my taste… and she's a friend…"
"A friend? Hmm…"
"Yes, that's all." I huff.
"A friend that keeps you from making other friends or seeing how much your family really does love you. What would she say to you if you told her you were in love with Ana?"
"She would tell me love was for fools…" I mumble.
"Why would anyone believe that. Maybe I should take you to a time that you need to remember…"
There's a big cloud of smoke and we are standing in the hallway of my old high school. The bell rings and I see my 16-year-old self walk out of a classroom, with this girl named Alexa walking next to me. We are chit chatting and smiling. She was a nice girl, and didn't see me as some freak. Her boyfriend Rick was on the basketball team.
I remember the feeling of really wanting to fit in with her group.
"So, Christian there's going to be a party this weekend at Rick's house. I want to invite you." Alexa smiles sweetly at my young self.
"That sounds great. I'll let you know."
"Great. I'll catch you later." She waves at me, and I have a huge shit eating grin on my face. My first invite to a party!
Next thing I know I'm now standing in Elena's foyer.
"Mistress, I was hoping that I could attend a party this weekend. One of my friends, Alexa, invited me. So, I was kind of hoping I could skip this weekend." I almost plead with her.
She scoffs at me.
"That's the last thing you need to be mixed up in. You don't need to go to a party where there might be drinking. And your touch issues, what if someone gets too close to you while they're dancing and drunk. And this girl…" She says venomously.
"She's just a friend…" I try to reason.
"The answer is no. Now meet me in the dungeon, in position."
"Yes, Mistress." I bow my head and walk to the basement.
I remember the beating I got. I shiver at the memory. My back was messed up for weeks.
"I think I'll spare you what happened. I can see you remember." My guide tells me, gently. The feeling of guilt washes over me.
Another cloud of smoke takes me to standing outside of a house. A large party is going on. There's music and laughter. Fun.
My 16-year-old self comes walking by, kicking a stone along the path. I had to tell Alexa I couldn't go. I also remember saying I won't be able to hang out with her or her friends anymore.
Alexa took it in stride. She just said "ok" and went on her way. She was still friendly with me, but it was never the same after that.
As I watch my old self walk and pass the house. To only stop and stare at the events on front of me.
I had just left Elena's where she gave me another punishment, this time with a butt plug.
It's like a flood of feelings swirling over me. That feeling of loneliness, knowing this wasn't something I would ever deserve to have; friends, happiness...
I haven't thought about this day since it happened. I remember pushing down those feelings, I didn't want to face them. Now here it is again, right in front of me.
Now I stand back in my office.
This anger boils over towards Elena. Did she really help me or did she keep me from everything that should've been normal for me?
Ana's words come back at me. "Child Molester." She didn't understand how I could still be friends with someone that introduced me to this BDSM Lifestyle at 15. I defended Elena to her.
Could it be because she was my only friend, and she made sure of that?
Talk about a hit to the head.
Even when I went to Harvard, I wasn't allowed to do any normal college things. I remember going to a party off campus. I tried to pick up a girl – and because of my lack of experience talking to the opposite sex -, I failed miserably.
Somehow she found out. The punishment was harsh. It was harsh enough I had to miss classes all week, and play catch up afterwards.
And I somehow never saw it.
I push the thoughts aside, putting them on the back burner of my mind, knowing that this is something I will have to face in the coming five months.
First, I want Ana back in my life. Then I remember I won't see her till this weekend.
"I don't see Ana again for five more days…" I remember having to wait the weekend to see her at Claytons.
"Well aren't you glad that you have me. I'll be glad to take you there, but it will add to your time."
"That's fine. I don't want to waste time, doing work I already did." I smile. "Wait, it will be done right?" I start to think if this is a do over, did I ever do it?
She laughs at me. "Yes, no worries, son. Just think of it as a fast forward button."
"And just a little bit of advice, be honest. And if you need me, spin the wind-up on top of the watch."
In a blink of an eye I'm standing outside Claytons and my guide is gone.
It's still driving me crazy how much she looks like my birth mother. She's nothing like I remember of Ella; this woman is sweet and motherly; someone I can only wish I had around when I was little. Then maybe I wouldn't be as fucked up as I am now.
I pull out the watch she gave me and look it over. I try to open it, but I can't. There's nothing special about it. Just a simple gold plated watch.
I shrug and place the watch back in my pocket.
I walk into the store and the bell on the door announces my entrance.
There she is again, bending over the counter, staring at the computer screen, eating her bagel. When she sucks on her finger, it sends the same tingles to my dick.
She looks up at me, with the same surprised look on her face.
"Miss. Steele what a pleasant surprise." I give her my award winning smile.
"I was in the area and I decided to stock up on some things. It's a pleasure to see you again." I breathe in her scent.
You have no idea how good it is to see you again.
"Ana, my name is Ana. What can I help you with Mr. Grey?" She gives me that same fake smile, that she saves for her customers.
"Well, if we're on a first name basis, call me Christian."
Her fake smile, is now true and genuine.
"Christian, what can I help you find?"
She nods before turning around. I watch as she sashays her ass as I follow her to aisle eight.
"Are you in Portland on business?"
I sigh, I can't play this game the same way I did last time.
Honesty. It goes a long way doesn't it? I can only hope it doesn't scare her away.
"Actually, I came to see you."
She stops dead in her tracks, next to the racks of cable ties.
She turns to look at me, her eyes wide.
"Me? How… how did you know I even worked here?" She stutters.
Honesty is always the best policy, especially in a do-over.
"I don't want you to freak out, but I have background checks done on everyone I meet." I sigh. "I really wanted to see you again, Anastasia. There's something about you that captivates me."
I think I stunned her. Her mouth opens and closes like a fish.
Before she can even say anything, Paul Clayton comes over and distracts her. No matter how much I know he isn't a threat, him hugging her still bugs the shit out of me.
After our little meet and greet and Ana rambles off about who he is; making the point of them not being together. I can't help but smile, remembering all over again how flustered she was. And seeing it again, also helps remind me why I fell in love with her in the first place.
After the Clayton boy leaves, Ana remembers what we were talking about.
"So, in a way you stalked me here?" She smirks.
I can't help but laugh, always able to see right through me. "I guess in a way. I was hoping maybe we could have dinner together. I'll be in town for a couple of days."
"That would be nice." She smiles, but then looks down at her knotted fingers.
"Are you free tonight?"
"Yeah, I get off work at six. I would just need to go home and change."
"So, what do you say I pick you up at 7:30?" I offer.
"I guess you already know where I live?"
I shrug and nod at her.
"Then I guess 7:30 it is." She tells me before turning around and heading to the back of the store.
Would it have really been that easy the first time around?
I leave the store and get myself prepared for tonight.