I'd like to apologize to everyone. First I'd like to apologize to anyone who likes my stories, I have been having a hard time finding a muse since my grandfather died, but it's returning. Also, to the fans of Insight in Bugs and Revenge, I took them off because I haven't been able to think, but I am currently writing them and should start posting them again when I have more to post. Actually now, LA Angel has pretty much dared me into a Alias/CSI (my two favorite shows) crossover which I am going to do first, so be looking for it (will not borrow any ideas from the other 3 I've seen, all of which are good). Thanks to everyone and happy whatever holiday is closest.

Standard Disclaimer- CSI does not belong to me.

Archive- Ask if you really want to

Summary- "We all have to fall sometimes. We just have to pick ourselves up, brush off and keep going. Although, sometimes, when we fall, we hurt ourselves, then we just have to bite back our tears and smile at the world so they never know how much pain you are in."

Spoilers- none, all from my strange little mind. May not make sense at first, but just follow along. Truth is, I needed to write. I just opened a word document and started to write, this is what came out. Must be the recaps I've been reading at www.televisionwithoutpity.com -they are so great yalls.

I lied again today.

Such and easy thing, lying. Just smile, cock your head, look into their eyes, and lie.

~ "I'm okay, why wouldn't I be?" ~

Why does it hurt? That's the question I keep asking myself. Why does it hurt? Why does every time that I lie fell like I'm being stabbed by a dagger and having it twisted in my gut? Why do I bleed dark red blood and never have a wound? Why doesn't anyone ever call and ambulance to take me away?

Maybe it's because I'm not really hurt.

~ "Are you sure you can handle this?"

"Of course, why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know. I mean, you can handle everything." ~

I can't handle everything you know. Every time I see pain in a someone's face, I break into a thousand pieces and die a thousand painful deaths; but I take it in, I handle it, I lock up everything and smile to the world.

Sometimes I can't control it. Sometimes I do get emotionally involved. Sometimes I try too hard and have to be held back. I am only human, right?

So why is it they think I'm immortal?

Do I shine? Do I glow? Do I somehow do something special that makes it seem like I'm invincible? Why am I looked up to by everyone when really I'm the smallest boy in class, the shrimp, the outsider.

~ "I need you." ~

Need me? Why the would anyone need me? I can't help them through the maze of life. I too am a lost traveler, without a map and needing to get home. I too can't see my way in the dark and hide in the closet from the monster called fear. Why should I handle the job as navigator, leader when I don't even know how to read the map?

It's like being stuck in quicksand.

No, it's like falling.

It's like falling into an endless abyss where the only way up is down, and the only way out is in. It's like I'm digging myself into a hole I don't want any deeper, but I just can't stop shoveling.

Now that's what lying is.

And we're back to that subject.

Lying is a drug. It's addictive. Once you start you just can't stop. But every time you lie, you fall and injure yourself more. You dig deeper into that hole you can never get out of and will never stop digging.

I live in the pain of my own lies. But the world can never see the blood, the dirt, or the tears. I just wash myself off and smile. I must smile at the world that can never really know me.

That is exactly what I will do.

Until the day I can't get up.

Until the day I die.

And that's the story behind Gil Grissom.