Author's Note: Hey guys! Today's fic is off a Tumblr prompt from Krousewrites, who said "I like to think that at Josh and Donna's wedding, they fought over who got to have Sam as their Best Man/Man of Honor." I'm not even 100% sure that was supposed to be a prompt, but it is now! I needed some fluffy fun after the heavy and emotional fics these last few days. Hope you enjoy!
Donna glanced up from her clipboard when Josh walked in the front door and threw his overcoat onto the already precariously balanced rack. She made a bet with herself. Thirty extra minutes on the treadmill if he went ninety seconds without-
"I can't believe you're still being so unreasonable about this!" he whined as she mentally awarded herself an extra scoop of ice cream after dinner. "Twenty years, Donna!"
"That's a long time," she agreed mildly, looking back down at her clipboard and hiding her smirk. "Does it make you feel old?"
The question drew him up short for a minute. "Kind of, yeah, but that's not the point. The point is, he's been my best friend for twenty years and you stole him! Right out from under me, like some kind of thief!"
"When you say it like that, it sounds a little weird," Donna pointed out. "I mean, what was he doing-"
"Not the point!" Josh interjected again, his voice climbing a half-octave. "Can we just have this discussion without you doing the Benny Hill routine, maybe?"
She gave him an unimpressed look, but set the clipboard aside. "We already had this discussion," she reminded him. "We've had this discussion at least twice. I waited three full weeks after we got engaged to give you every opportunity to ask Sam to be your best man, and you didn't. So I grabbed him up, fair and square."
"See, that's your problem!" Josh insisted. "Three weeks? That is an incredibly female way of looking at time relative to weddings. We're not getting married for another six months! I should have at least three months in which to choose my groomsmen, with an option for an extra month for every extra bridesmaid you tack on at the last minute because you keep remembering how many cousins you have."
"Not the point!" Donna insisted this time. "Groomsmen are one thing, you can take your time about picking those. But having your best person or person of honor picked out right away is important."
"And you picked mine! You knew I wanted him," Josh whined again, "and you sneakily made up rules to steal him."
"He said yes right away," Donna pointed out. "I think he might have been a little bit hurt that you didn't ask him already."
"I thought it was assumed!" Josh paced the room, tugging on his hair while Donna watched him from the couch. "He was my friend first! Why don't you pick CJ instead? You love CJ."
"I do love CJ," Donna agreed, "but CJ lives on the other side of the country and has a three-month-old daughter, and she's already agreed to be a bridesmaid. The person of honor has the most to do of any member of the wedding party, so they should be a close and trusted friend of the bride who lives close by enough to help with planning, offer moral support, and plan the bridal shower and bachelorette party."
"Got that from a book, huh?" he muttered.
"Several," she agreed, unperturbed. "Why don't you pick Toby? You love Toby."
Josh laughed out loud at that. "Did your book not tell you the most important duty of a best man? Or best person, as I've noticed you've been calling it lately strictly to avoid having to refer to Sam as your maid of honor?"
"He makes the first speech at the reception and keeps you from chickening out and running for the hills," Donna enumerated with a grin. "Both of which he is eminently qualified for."
"He plans the bachelor party!" Josh insisted. "Can you imagine what kind of hell a Toby Ziegler bachelor party would be? A night full of bourbon and sadness where I'd come home reeking of cigar smoke and quoting Sartre!"
"That would not actually be the worst bachelor party you've gone to," Donna mused. "I think I could get Joey to back me up on this."
"That was an excellent party," Josh insisted. "I just have very little recollection of most of it. No, no, it wouldn't be bourbon and cigars," he decided, "a Toby Ziegler bachelor party would be him taking me to synagogue and reminding me of what a terrible Jew I am compared to him."
"Josh," Donna began, pursing her lips.
He waved a hand in the air, waving the idea away. "I know, but look at this! This whole thing is making me crazy and we're not even getting married for another six months! Why did you have to pick Sam?"
"Because he's my friend!" Donna insisted as she rose from the couch, suddenly losing the veneer of calm she'd been wearing. "Because he's the one who convinced me it was okay to marry you in the first place! Because when you were in the hospital and I thought you were going to die, he's the one who held my hand and promised me you were going to be okay! Because I hate the fact that I have to put my cousins in my wedding even though they're terrible people and I want somebody on my team that I can totally count on! Ten years isn't twenty, but he's my friend too!"
Josh was quiet for a moment, halted in his outburst by Donna's sudden tirade. She rarely rose to match his emotional peaks in an argument, so when she did, it was usually enough to put him on the back foot for at least a minute. He scratched his head. "Sam convinced you to marry me?" he asked.
"Well, you helped," she acknowledged. "But when I was freaking out over how it was going to look to the press and whether we'd be able to have a relationship with our jobs the way they are, and whether you'd run for the hills the first time you meet my extended family, he talked me down off the ledge. He reminded me of what was really important, and how long we've already been waiting. It was what I needed to hear." She gave him a smile that was just a little tentative.
Josh moved his hand down to scratch the back of his neck uncomfortably. "So he's it for you, then? The only maid of honor you can have?"
"Person of honor," Donna reminded him again, closing the distance between them and looping her arms over his shoulders. "Maybe we can compromise," she suggested.
Josh cocked an eyebrow. "What did you have in mind?"
"I'll ask Margaret if she can plan the bachelorette party," Donna told him. "Then Sam can plan the bachelor party for you so you don't end up with bourbon-and-sadness night. I'm sure he'll want to go to it anyway, so you and I will have our parties on separate nights. Toby stands up with you and gives your toast, Sam stands up with me and gives mine, we find some way that they don't have to dance with each other during the wedding party song. What do you think?"
He grinned at her. "You're going to let Margaret plan your bachelorette party?"
"It'll be exciting!" she told him cheerfully. "You think a party Sam plans won't be unique?"
"Huh." That gave him pause. "They'll be memorable, anyway."
"So do we have a deal?" Donna pressed.
Josh was quiet for a moment, mulling it over. "Give me CJ for my team and you have a deal."
"Oh come on!" Donna complained, mostly for his sake. He grinned at her and waggled his eyebrows. "All right, fine, but you have to convince her to be a groomsperson. It probably won't be too hard, I bet she looks great in a tux. Does this mean we're good now?"
"Yeah, we're good." He leaned in and kissed her very thoroughly, sliding his arms around her waist to draw her in close. She was more than happy to go along with that, running her fingers through his hair and holding his head in place. Whatever her qualms might have been about marriage, arguing with Josh had never been one of them. Making up afterwards was too much fun.