Chapter 1

He woke up with a start. His heart was racing and his skin was drenched with sweat. In the silence of his cabin his heavy breathing echoed back at him. He swung his legs out of the bed and knelt down to meditate. But his tangled thoughts wouldn't let him calm down this night. He could not claim to be confused about it either. For the last two weeks he had felt his Pon Farr building up. He had experienced quite a few of those in his life. To be exact this would be his fourteenth Pon Farr and also his last one. He could not explain how he knew this, but it was knowledge that resonated deep in his Katra. While it had always been an extremely unpleasant experience, he had never before felt so afraid and lost because of it.

And yes, he felt afraid. He knew that being afraid was illogical. There was nothing he could do about the situation. But Pon Farr did not care about logic. He could clearly see what the logical thing to do was, but his emotions refused to be suppressed. So yes, he was afraid; afraid to die and afraid to lose control over himself. He felt himself slipping away from his mind; he did not know himself anymore.

It would be logical to look for another mate to bond with. The image of blue-grey eyes and reddish-blond hair flickered up in his mind. The captain would need to know about this, soon. She needed to know that Ayala would be the best choice for a security chief. Janeway and he had worked together for some time now; she would trust his final advice. She would want to say good bye. Kathryn had been his friend for twenty years, more than half of her life time, even if it was only a short part of his life. She would want to help. She could help! His subconscious was screaming at him, but he clenched his hands and pushed this last thought away. She will miss him. The idea to break his bond with T'Pel was as frightening as death itself.

His arms trembled in distress. The normal calm certainty of the meditation refused to ensue itself on his mind. Green rage and fear built up in him to a point when he was unable to control it. With an anguished and raging scream he thrusted his fist forward into the window in front of him. Even the greater Vulcan strength could not damage the glass, but a sharp pain let him know that the same could not be said about his hand. The dark skin over his knuckles was torn open and a slick green drop of blood crept over his fingers, leaving a wet glittering trail behind. The pain allowed him to focus again. He took his meditation stage once more and this time he was able to clear his mind.


Disclaimer: Nothing is mine and I earn no money with it.

I know that there is an episode about Tuvok's Pon Farr, but I'm not there yet with my rerun of the show and this idea wouldn't leave me alone.

And a huge THANK YOU to Babatomyfriends for beta reading this story and clean up my spelling mess.