Okay, hello again to those who know me from my other fic, and yo to those who don't! I wrote this fic to regain my 'drive' to write as you know that my latest(not this one) fic is on a HIATUS no thanks to writer blocks, irl stuff, and lack of motivation. Let's just hope I can regain it to write that fic again.
Disclaimer : KonoSuba is owned by Akatsuki Natsume, I don't own anything about it and only using it as a material of my fanfic.
On A Certain Fortress
"Ah crap, they're coming here earlier than I expected. But it's going to be all the same, I guess." I clicked my tongue after seeing the spectacle before me using the binocular in my hand.
There, around one kilometer, monsters, and demons of various race gathered and currently preparing themselves to charge toward this fort. From what I can see, there's apparently around a hundred thousands of them coming here from mere weak beast to those high-class monsters. Normally, the best course of action is to evacuate and abandon this fort to avoid unnecessary death, but we can't really do that right now.
Now, now, it's not like I want to be a hero in this situation and honestly, a mere dime in a dozen adventurer like me should know better than to get involved with this crap. But even the coward and lazy me would act if it's in my interest, no, more like there's someone behind this fort I needed to protect.
Especially if I have the power to do so.
"Sir Kazuma! Our cannons and the so-called AA-guns are ready!"
Looking at the source of the voice, I saw an old geezer standing beside a cannon.
"Good, do as I said in the practice and we'll get through this in one piece, geezer. And don't add Sir, I'm not that old yet!"
Looking around me, I can see many cannons and Anti-Aircraft gun being stationed around the top of this fort along with several archers while below on the ground, several barbed wires being set to force them to enter through the fort's entrance.
If this is going all according to the plan, It'll be an overkill while if it's not... Well, at least they'll still be surprised with this.
While imagining the scene that might unfold in either scenario, a voice called out to me.
"Kazuma! Hey, Kazuma!"
"Yes, yes, I'm Kazuma. What is it now?"
Beside me, stood a girl wearing something that screams out loud the word 'witch' consisting of robe, cone shaped hat, and carrying a staff. The truth is, that isn't quite correct as to be more specific, she is a genuine Arch-magician. Though, the unnecessary eyepatch covering her left eye screams something else which I don't want to be reminded with.
"What are you exactly wearing?" She said while pointing at my attire.
A green shirt covered by a green military jacket, green pants, green greatcoat, and the only not green thing about it is my boots, which is black. Consisting of those, it can be said that what I'm wearing is a military uniform. More specifically, the military uniform that the World War I soldier wore.
"How many times do I need to tell you that this i-"
And before I can retort to her, the sound of a horn being blown came from the direction of those hordes.
"Zip it for now, we've got a situation."
Using my binocular, I observe their incoming stamped- no, attack due to some of those came by flying toward this fort.
'Here they come, eh?'
Putting down my binocular, I took out a flare gun and point it upward.
As they advance forward from the forest to the plains between this fort and the forest, their roars and war-cry can already be heard.
At the same time of my order, I fired the flare gun.
Like the second sun rising up above, the flare's light became the prelude of what to come.
THOOM! THOOM! THOOM!
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
That explosion immediately removed the word 'war' from war-cry as they began panicking and trying to turn their tails when they saw their comrade being annihilated before their very eyes. While there are those that still stupidly charge forward, they along with those in the sky that didn't get hit by the bombardment from our cannon, by the time they entered the range of the AA guns and archers, their life was already forfeit.
The bombardment continues for several minutes until we can no longer hear any noise from the monsters.
After ceasing our bombardment, by the time the dust settled and silence encompassed the area, the plains before us was filled with craters, corpses, severed limbs, and blood everywhere, and there are also some monsters missing their lower body trying to crawl away only to succumb to its grievous injury.
Using my binocular again, I observe the plains and the forest for several minutes while holding my breath in anticipation of anything that might happen. The last thing I want is to trigger a stupid flag in this kind of situation after all.
Confirming that there's no reinforcement, another wave of attack, or boss-like being coming here, I finally declared:
Following my declaration, everyone shouted in joy. Why not? We've got no casualties and those monsters will now think twi- no, thrice before trying to organize an invasion.
But seriously, I would never imagine that I became a commanding officer of a fortress equipped with weapons from my world in this fantasy-esque world. Then again, I never in my wildest dream imagining that my life after death would be a migration to the other world.
Let's get back a little bit further, no, scratch that, to the beginning of things.
A Few Months Earlier
My name is Satou Kazuma, I'm 16 years old and I'm currently sitting in front of my computer inside my room, playing my usual favorite kind of game, a fantasy RPG.
Beside my computer desk lies many bottles of beverages and several cups of instant noodles.
Simply said, I'm a shut-in and NEET.
You must be wondering why I'm wasting my life like this despite just being a 16 years old, huh?
Then, let me tell you about a sad story of an innocent boy in love.
Two years ago, there's a boy, for convenience sake, let's call him SK.
SK since his childhood has a gentle girl he befriended and that feeling friendship soon turned into a love.
During the middle-school, SK finally musters up his courage to confess to said girl.
And that's where the tragedy happened.
Said childhood friend rejects him while laughing at him before saying that she already has a boyfriend who is a delinquent and while saying that, there's no longer any trace of the gentle girl she was anymore.
At that moment, his heart broke and the only escapism he could find is in the game which turned him into a shut-in and eventually turned into NEET due to no longer attending to his school.
The only luck he has is the fact that his parents still have a hope in him and not disown him(not yet).
So what's the point of that story?
I'm the said boy.
And now I'm depressed for remembering that again.
-You have a new notification-
As I'm wallowing in the pits of despair and depression, I sluggishly move the cursor of my mouse to click on the notification.
-B*ttlef*eld 1 released-
Another fps game? I kinda wished it'd be another RPG instead of this. But oh well, taking a peek wouldn't hurt.
'A game about World War I?'
Well, there's barely any World War I type of game in the world, so might as well give it a try.
Let's just hope it's not the usual too fast paced shooting game without much strategy metagame or else screw this.
A Few Days Later...
It's just four days after I bought and played the game and now I've turned into a gun enthusiast regarding World War I related military equipment.
Browsing through the internet to see various kinds of weapons, combat vehicle, military, tactics and even history about World War I, I found out that many stuff in the game were almost spot on(except the existence of machine gun, sub-machine gun, and light machine gun totting knight in armor despite being an Arditi or Germany's Zeppelin flying too low for flak cannon to hit).
In the end, I've got a new interest in something else than 2D girls.
'Ah crap, I'm hungry.'
Muttering that to myself, I leave my throne(chair) to grab myself some instant cup noodles to eat... Only to find that I forgot to stock it due to these four days of fervor in reading up those World War I stuff.
Looking around the house, I noticed that everyone is out and oh how convenient, the fridge's empty as if giving me a finger to my expectation of any kinds of meal.
Damn it, like it or not I must get out and buy myself another stock of cup noodles or I'll die from starvation.
Wearing my track suit, I leave the house with nearest convenience store as my destination.
While walking toward the place, I conveniently passed by an alley and saw it.
Just five days ago I reminiscing about this shit and now it appears in front of me.
Three delinquent pricks with my former childhood friend in an alley and it appear that she is going to get fucked, literally.
Hmm, what should I do in this situation?
A. Save her
Nah, she brought this to herself by choosing those pricks, serves her right.
B. Join the act
Ugh, why do I even think of this?
C. Call the police
Okay, although it might be too late by then, but at least I'm not going to have a guilty conscience of having let someone get raped and do nothing about it.
Yosh, I have decided!
"Ah! Kazuma-kun, help me!"
Great, before I can go through with my plan, she noticed me and called me out.
Reacting to that, I inadvertently turned to look at them only to earn the glare of those pricks.
"Hou, ain't that's the wimp you rejected two years ago, eh?" Said the bald prick.
"Please help me, Kazuma-ku-*PAKKK!*KYAA!"
She was interrupted at the end by the mohawk prick slapping her face.
"Hey, wimpy, the girl's that dumped ya, how bout we rape er together, eh? Not bad for venting yer anger at her, right?" This time, it's the spiky prick who said that.
Did I really just being offered with the second option of 'what should I do in this situation' question?
"Uh, while that sounds really tempting, I, uh, need to buy something to eat because I'm hungry." I stuttered while backing myself away slowly.
"Really? Then why do I feel that you're going to tell this to the police?"
"Is that so? Then, let us 'assure' him to not tell this to the police." The bald prick muttered dangerously.
That's it, time to bail out.
"Get him!" The mohawk prick yelled, well, to me, it's a signal to bail out ASAP.
"Are you kidding me!? Leave me alone!" Screaming those words, I ran as fast as I can.
Seriously, why must this troublesome thing happened to me!?
I'm running as fast as I can, but as if the goddess of fortune shits on me, I got cornered in a dead end.
With a simple kick to my chest, they blew the air out of my lungs as I fell to the ground.
"Let's beat the shit out of this wimp!"
It didn't take long for them to kick, punch, and spit at me with gusto as if I'm a punching bag.
"GUAAHHHHHHHHH! Stop it! Help me!" Screaming in pain due to my ribs just now being broken, they took delight in it and intensify their assault.
With such distraction(me being beaten to the inch of my life), my former childhood friend leave the place and by the time these pricks satisfied with torturing me, they finally noticed her disappearance. What a bunch of morons.
And the next thing I know is that the bald prick took out a knife before my vision slowly darken till I blacked out.
By the time I regain my consciousness...
"Satou Kazuma-san, welcome to the after-life. Unfortunately, you have died. It might be short, but your life is over."
Someone suddenly spoke to me in a pure white room.
In the room was a set of office desk and chair, and the one who announced that my life was over sat in that chair.
If there was a goddess, she must be it.
Her beauty was beyond the idols shown on television, she had glamor that surpassed humans.
Her long blue hair looked silky smooth.
She seemed to be about my age.
She wasn't too busty or too lacking. She had a light purple hagoromo draped over her clothes.
The beauty blinked her eyes which were the same aqua blue color of her hair, staring at me who didn't know what's going on. Or maybe staring at me who didn't know where I am.
Even through such weird situation, I managed to mutter out a "What?"
In response, she merely points her finger to me and a projection appeared in front of me, playing the scene of me who stumbled upon a scene of someone almost being raped, being chased, being beaten to the inch of my life(I grimaced while watching through this part), and finally my throat and chest got stabbed in the end.
"I'M REALLY DEAD!?"
In response to my loud shout, the girl flinched.
"Must you really scream like so, you damned NEET? It's just after-life! There's no big deal about it, you little f*ck!"
Surprisingly, the girl whose beauty is comparable to a goddess has a dirty mouth.
"Who wouldn't be!?"
"Ahem, it seems like I've shown you something unsightly, so you must die. Oh right, I'm sorry, you're already dead."
If this is really after-life and my body should only merely be a spirit, then I wonder how can I feel the veins on my forehead popped from her insult?
"Let me get this straight, I died and now you as the grim reaper will send me to either hell or heaven? Is this that kind of situation?"
Now it's her turn to have a vein popped on her forehead.
"Grim reaper!? How dare you call this beautiful goddess Aqua that guides young people who die in Japan a grim reaper!"
"Well, where will you be guiding me then?"
"There's two option. First would be reincarnating and beginning a new life. The other option would be staying in a place sort of like heaven and live the life similar to an old folk home."
"Old folk home?"
"Yes, heaven isn't as great as you humans imagined. You don't need to eat after dying and won't be able to make anything naturally. There aren't any ingredients or necessities for you to use anyway. I am sorry if I disappointed you, but there is nothing in heaven. No television, no manga and no games, there are only other people who died before you. And since you are dead, you can't do anything kinky, you can't since you don't even have a body. The only thing you can do is bask in the sun with your predecessors and chat. Forever and ever."
I don't think such place can be considered a heaven. More like a hell instead.
But to become a baby and restart my life...
No, that was the only option.
But still, what a pain. Why can't I, at the most least, be like Rud*uS Gr*yr*t from M*sh*ku T*ns*i?
Looking at my disappointed expression, the goddess smiled and said:
"Hey, you don't want to go to a boring place like heaven right? But asking you to let go of all your memories and start again as a baby is the same as erasing your existence since your memories will be gone. And so! I have great news for you."
"I kinda feel there's something fishy about this."
Responding to my skepticism, she turned into Mrs. Exposition and explained everything about the alternate option. To simplify it into few points:
- The new world is a sword and magic fantasy world
- Every reincarnated person will be presented the option of carrying a 'gift' or cheat item to that world to ease their journey/adventure for defeating the demon king
- If one of those reincarnated people somehow killed the demon king, he/she will have their wishes granted
I could only facepalm myself when I heard that the good news is reincarnating my body before my death and keep my memory intact stems from the fact that it's allowed due to how inhabitants of that world are too scared to die twice and prefer to go to heaven rather than reincarnating back, resulting in the sharp decline of human race in that world. But well, as stupid as everything sounds, reincarnating into a fantasy-like world won't be a bad thing, right? Like Rude*s Gr*yrat for example.
"Have you decided?"
"Fine, I'll take this option."
"Hey, why do I feel like you're not really motivated with this?"
"No, more like what I think of such option as 'too good to be true' or a 'monkey's paw', but it turns out to be a stupid truth."
"Are you implying that I would tell you a lie?" She dangerously muttered while narrowing her eyes at me.
Stop it, that isn't scary at all and your gaze can't kill me unless you're a gorgon.
"Here!" She threw something at me.
Grabbing it, I see that it's a catalog.
"Choose your power from that list or if you have something else on your mind, tell me as long as it's not a retarded power like some idiot back then requested while I'm drawing the teleportation magic circle."
Browsing through the catalog, I saw many names of legendary weapons like Excalibur, Arondight, Balmung, etc, there's also powers like Unlimited Blade Works, Gate of Babylon, Limit Break, etc but there are also some, well, to quote that goddess, 'retarded power' like Earthshaking Vibrator, Unbreakable Dildo, Unlimited F*ck Works, etc.
Well, what should I bring?
Ah yeah, before I died I have an interest to 'that'!
"Ah, I have decided."
"Which one?" She asked while continuing to draw the magic circle.
"Military Equipment Creation." I said with a triumphant look on my face.
"There, done." She replied blandly.
Despite being said that it's done, I don't feel any different. Noticing my puzzled expression, she said:
"It'll work once you're in that world, don't worry about it. At best the side effect would be you having no power at all and at worst dying." She said nonchalantly while clapping her hands to remove the dust as she finished drawing the magic circle.
"Hey, did you just said at best I'll be useless at worst I'll die in case a complication happened?"
"Don't 'tee hee' me!"
Why did I perform a tsukkomi-boke slapstick with her?
"Well then, time to send you off."
"Wait a second, I seem to forget something important when starting an adventure. Ah! That's it! My starting money and equipment."
"Your equipment will be that clothes of yours unless you're dying naked we won't provide any clothing unless you'd like to wear a toga and the basic money is this." She said while pointing at a pouch in her left hand that came out of nowhere. Probably magic.
"Fine, I'll ta-"
Before I could grab it, she moved the pouch away.
Trying to grab it again, the same thing happened.
"Hey, please give me that starting money."
"Don't call me 'hey', say 'please give me starting money, goddess Aqua-sama.'"
Is this goddess serious?
"Fine, please give me my starting money, goddess Aqua."
Reaching for the pouch that's being held in her left hand, she did it again.
"You forgot to add -sama, so as the punishment, you must say 'Ah, the most beautiful goddess Aqua-sama, please give this unworthy pig his share' while groveling and licking my shoes, plebeian. Then, I'll give you this starting money."
"Why you little-"
Not accepting her insolent attitude, I tackled her and struggling to snatch the pouch from her, both of us not realizing the magic circle below us is starting to glow rather brightly. Also, we didn't notice another person who entered the room.
"Aqua-senpai, the elder wants you to report to- Aqua-senpai!?"
With her exclamation, we finally noticed her presence, a beautiful silver haired girl who looks like an angel appeared! Scratch that, since this is after-life, she might be the real deal angel.
"Oh, it's you. Hey, get off of me, you knavish NEET!"
"Give me my starting money then! And who's that beauty over there!?"
"That's my kohai, Eris. Hey, you fake boobed kohai goddess, help me over here!"
"F-F-Fake B-Boobed?" The poor girl stuttered.
"Gimme my starting money and why do I feel that I hear the sound of glass cracking? AHHHHHHH!"
"What are you screaming for- AAAAAAAA!"
The reason why the three of us screamed was because the magic circle did its job of transferring those within its range, namely me and that damn annoying goddess.
Meanwhile unknown to me, back in the real world, those who killed me were all arrested and I was considered a hero(despite not wanting to due to the identity of the person I saved). But that is another story.
To Be Continued...
A/N : Alright, that's the beginning of this story and as you can see, this story will be rife with humor more than my previous KonoSuba fic(for obvious reason of anything that relates to Nasuverse will usually have a serious/dark turn/plot) and the divergence from canon will be much earlier as well. As always, please Rate & Review and peace out everybody, see you in the next chapter!