A/N - My sincerest apologies in advance for this years 12 Days of Jolex. I know they've always been happy, upbeat drabbles, but this year...well, Jolex aren't in a very happy, upbeat place, so it's brought out some morbid Christmas feels. This year each mini story will be longer than years past, and they'll be based on song lyrics. Just call me Miss Grinch this year ;)


Day 1 - Blue Christmas

Bells will be ringing, the sad sad news
Oh what a Christmas, to have the blues

Days before Christmas in gloomy Seattle, two residents sat at a bar, one high on her career and the other down in the dumps.

Jo Wilson swirled her glass of cola with her finger as she sighed heavily. Her life had become such a mess lately, and she couldn't even drown her sorrows in alcohol. Just a few glasses to numb the pain. To make her forget for a few moments the catastrophe known as her life. Then again, her biggest problems started one drunken night in this very bar. The brunette pushed aside the glass and grabbed a tortilla chip. An argument turned into a full on fight, which lead to the drinking, and having to depend on a colleague to take her home. And the rest...was totally her fault.

If the resident had stayed sober, everything would be fine.

If Jo had told Alex the truth in the beginning, everything would be fine.

If, if, if.

No matter what if, no matter what other circumstances, things would still be her fault. Everything was always her fault. Things never worked out for her because she was always messing everything up.

"Jo, you're killing the cheese dip!"

"Huh?" the brunette jarred from her thoughts, looking over to her friend.

Stephanie motioned to the dip, the bottom of the bowl barely covered in ooey goodness. "You're going to get fat if you keep drowning your woes in cheese. At least alcohol has less calories. And fat."

"Who cares if I get fat?" the resident shrugged, retrieving another chip and scraping the side of the bowl. "Nothing else is going good in my life, so I might as well be fat and happy. Isn't that how it goes? Fat and happy?" She pondered the thought a moment before stuffing the chip in her mouth.

"Pity party of one." Edwards rolled her eyes before reaching into her pocket to retrieve her blaring pager. "I have to go."

"Of course you do," Jo sighed as her friend threw some bills on the bar and retrieved her coat. "Call me if you need me!"

Seriously? Could things get any worse?

The young woman retrieved her cola, taking a long drink. Maybe Steph was right, maybe she was having a pity party...but damnit, if anyone was entitled to a pity party, it was Jo Wilson. Her life her had gone to hell in a matter of weeks.

First, her mentor, Callie Torres, transferred from the hospital. After stumbling through her internship with no real direction, the brunette finally found her mojo in ortho. The thought of dealing with bones, fractures, and metals stimulated her. Gave her a purpose, the reason she became a doctor. Dr. Torres understood that and planned to fertilize that desire in her. Jo was going to be a badass, rockstar ortho goddess, and now... Right back to square one. And to make matters worse, her friend was killing it at the hospital. The next Cristina Yang with Harper Avery potential. The top resident soon to be a top attending. Jo was thrilled for her friend, but Stephanie's success was an even bigger reminder of her failures.

And then...the Alex situation. Their relationship had always been...complex to say the least, but now, it was nonexistent.

Jo knew she was to blame, after all, she'd asked for space when everything hit the fan, but...God, how she missed him. Her sleepless nights were spent remembering the good times. Sure, they had arguments, every couple did, but there were so many good times too. They couldn't throw all of that away. The brunette was willing to swallow her pride and approach the peds surgeon, but each time she saw him, he was...fine. Alex was fine. It didn't seem like he missed her at all. Maybe it was the looming court dates or his history of holding things inside, but...he didn't act like he cared.

"Oh hell no," the brunette mumbled as someone started up the jukebox in the corner and a sappy Christmas song filled the air. After paying her tab, she snuggled into her jacket and left the bar behind. "Not again," Jo sighed in frustration as she flipped through the radio stations, each one playing Christmas tunes. Finally, she turned the radio off and kept driving. Past the loft. Past Stephanie's apartment. The young woman wasn't ready to spend another night alone while her friend was rocking her residency.

Minutes later Jo stared out the windshield as her car rolled to a stop in front of Meredith's home. She wasn't even sure how she got here; her body instinctively drove the car to the place she knew Alex would be. Maybe, just maybe, they could finally talk about everything that had happened. Mend bridges and move on. Put the past behind them and focus on their future together. It was the season of miracles, right? That's what cheesy songs and drippy movies were pushing anyway.

Jo turned the car off and bit her lip. She and Alex had a good thing going. She loved him, more than she'd ever loved anyone in her whole life. The least she could do was fight for him. Nodding once with determination, the woman climbed from the car, heading to the front door with new life in her steps. Instead of wallowing in her sadness, she'd take charge and step up. He was worth it.

As she neared the front door, her steps slowed as movement through the window caught her attention.

Meredith had a Christmas tree in the window, probably for the kids. The surgeon had never been one for holiday cheer, but having children had obviously changed her. The scene was practically one out of a Hallmark movie. Mer had Ellis on her hip, showing the little girl an angel ornament while Zola hung a red ball on a lower branch. Alex appeared in front of the window, grasping Bailey and lifting him so the little boy could put the star on top of the tree. The man snuggled the child and placed a kiss to his forehead before laughing at something Meredith said.

Jo blinked back threatening tears and slowly stepped away from the house, turning back for her car.

Alex was fine. He had his people, his family.

Jo was the one left out in the cold.

An orphan.

As always.