[a/n] Having fun yet? Sorry Ginny. Susan and Luna are prettier.

EFFF You Harry 3


Witnesses to this moment, and there were several in the Great Hall, might have expected to see Harry's head spin from the impact. That wasn't the case. The *CRACK* was actually the double report of a savage block of Ginny's incoming hand [spraining and possibly breaking her wrist] followed almost instantly by an open-handed slap.

"That really bloody stung!" Susan Bones complained, shaking her left hand vigorously. "To quote your father, Weasley, it would be best if you kept your distance."

Ginny, after grunting and groaning, finally found her footing. And focused through her disheveled hair "You'd better run, Bones." She snarled.

"If you were twice as good as you thought you were, you still wouldn't be half as good as me, Weasellette." Susan's wand flashed several times. Then grunted in satisfaction.

Harry just chuckled "Don't take this wrong, but you remind me of a certain…very heroic…House Elf."

"A real man would defend a girl against a bully!" Mr. Weasley charged up, shouted at Harry then knelt by his daughter "Ginny, sweetheart, are you alright?"

It was the second time …well, it felt like a stab in the back… "I did more than my part against bullies, Weasley." He addressed the man he'd thought of as a father figure angrily "And especially Tom Riddle and his Basilisk. Thanks, Sue. Shall we?"

"How dare you talk so lig-" Mr. Weasley started to lecture. But then, was talking to himself.


Harry and Susan linked arms and dissapparated as soon as they were outside the Castle, arriving momently outside a certain seedy bar. The place was all but deserted, but he remembered the lone customer "Hello, Ms. Crockford" he said, offering a hand "Long time, no see."

"Oh my!" she gushed "You remembered! And such a fine young man you've grown into. I must say, if not for your fine witch here, I might have to take you in the back!"

Harry was struck speechless by the comment, but Susan slipped right in "Believe me, no one is jumping Harry's bones but me. Ah? Diagon Alley entry?"

"Over there, miss." Answered Tom "Careful of that one, Mr. Potter. And, Thank you, sir. Very much."

Harry allowed himself to be pulled along, tapped the brick wall in the sequence Hagrid showed him a lifetime ago, led Susan through and shook his head at her "Jump Harry's bones? Really?"

"If she's your type, we can always go back." Susan challenged, but blushed.

The Wizarding shopping district was as much a ghost town as its gateway. People were still in doubt He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was truly gone. And, considering over quarter of the wealth of Wizarding Britain was concentrated in the few high ranking Death Eaters of his Innermost Circle, the economy had ground to a halt. Harry accepted Susan direction, turning off Main St. at Salazar Pike. He noted with mild surprise "The Quibbler?"

"Two reasons." Susan explained "What we need to do can ALWAYS use a bit of media coverage. You may be in the right, but …. OH! And that's the other reason. Hahahahhaha!" She was laughing at the sudden, and enthusiastic, hug and fervent….deep throated….kiss from Luna Lovegood.

Harry wrestled with the blonde witch for a moment, then sank into enjoying himself. After too short a time, in his opinion, Luna broke the kiss.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!" she sighed, happily "On a scale of one to ten, I give that a solid Merlin. So, tell me Harry Potter, how did that compare to Susan?"

The boy lost some of his sappy expression to a bit of confusion. Scratched his head "But I didn't kiss Susan."

The redhead shrugged, smiled "Since I spent…errr…what was it? Three days? … with you, I decided Luna should get to kiss you first. My turn will come after we deal with Gringotts. So? Shall we?"

"Hufflepuffs are notoriously fair-minded." Luna commented, airily "Your consideration is greatly appreciated."

Harry looked back and forth between the witches, and sighed, further confused "Do I even need to ask what's going on? Somehow, facing the Goblins seems simpler."

Luna and Susan laughed together, danced around Harry several times. And, finally, each took an arm and the trio made their way back to Main St. from there… to Gringotts.

The bank branch, long the largest building in Diagon Alley, was in the process of being rebuilt by the Goblins. A massive metal skeleton was populated by dozens of workers. Clearly, the damage caused by Harry's escaping dragon was going to be replaced by a vastly more imposing structure. The Goblins were preparing for war. "TO ARMS!" a voice echoed "THE TERRORIST APPROACHES!"

"Maybe I'll have that kiss now, Sue." Harry quipped, nervously "I'm a dead man."

A squad of fully armed goblins clanked down the front steps…led by an especially mean looking, and ugly, goblin. He wore full-dress armor based on the Roman centurions. He drew himself up to his full height [about Susan's shoulder] and impressively bellowed "Harry Potter! Under the terms of the Treaty of Mayo of 1839! YOU ARE UNDER ARREST!"

"HOLD!" Harry roared impressively, separated himself from the witches, marched up to the troop and punched the leader square in the face, laying him out-cold. He shook his hand a few times and went on, addressing the Second-in-Command "Ouch! You people have hard jaws. Rude sod. Name?"

The slightly less impressively attired goblin grinned, toothily "Coldsheath. Will you come with me?"

"You people have much to answer for." Harry replied, and nodded "My associates will accompany me. To ensure the treaty is followed. It is my right."

Susan nodded approvingly. He'd acted exactly as she instructed. They fell in beside Harry. And the detachment of goblins escorted them through the bank doors. Heavy metal *thunks* sounded as they shut.


"Harry let that bitch Bones beat up on my sister!" shouted Ron. He was violently pointing his finger at his …so recent girlfriend's face "And why aren't you on my side?"

Hermione pushed his hand away "I want to know FACTS Ronald! You know, as well as I do, that Harry would NEVER tolerate bullying. Especially of Ginny! And before you jump to conclusions, remember Fourth Year!"

"This has nothing to do with that. Dad saw it! You heard what he said!" Ron countered angrily "And if you're not with us, you're against ME!"

She choked back a sob and headed for the door "I'm leaving before we say things we'll later regret. It has been a couple days since I saw my parents. They'll want to come to the funeral tomorrow. Ron, I know Harry is just as sorry about Fred as I am." She apparated away before Ron had a chance to respond.


"A mere Teller is not qualified to judge this case." Susan sneered "Get someone who can meet with us on some level of equality. And I warn you to err on the side of caution."

The goblin in civilian dress snarled "You are here. Witch. On our territory. I could execute you all, legally."

"NO!" yelled Harry, putting himself between the goblin and Susan and Luna.

Susan touched his shoulder and said "Thank you, Harry, but unnecessary. You have the protection of the Ancient and Noble House of Bones, until such time as you are found guilty of a capital crime."

"You, girl, are the only member of that House." The goblin snarled.

Luna stepped forward "And that is why I am here. You dare not strike down two Wizarding nobles with me as a witness. And The Quibbler will publish the full version of our deaths…. Assuming you kill me with my friends."

"Enough Teller!" a disembodied voice boomed "Escort the humans to my office."


Minerva McGonagall, leading a team, kicked open the Headmaster's office door. Half a dozen Aurors rushed in and began inspecting every object for dark spells. "And I want everything related to that Greasy Git burned."

"HAH-HAH-HAH!" it was the first time since his twin's death that George Weasley laughed "Oh-ho and lookit I found!"

The painting of Nigellus Black protested "No! I forbid it! No portrait of a Headmaster of Hogwarts has ever been destroyed. Every one of us has earned the right of display in this castle!"

"Weasley. The worst vagrant it was ever my misfortune to attempt to educate." Severus Snape's portrait-self sneered. Then pompously commanded "Minerva, there is an open spot on the wall…there…I quite like being able to see outside. I trust you will see to it with Mr. Filch."

George flicked his wand, creating a flame. About five inches of fire that wound itself into a ball "Six years of your shite, Snape." He sneered "Give me a reason not to fry your arse."

"Considering the circumstances and subject, Mr. Weasley…." McGonagall yanked the wand and simultaneously extinguished the fireball "buuuuuttt, Mr. Potter should at least have a conversation with Severus."

The portrait snorted disgustedly "If my existence is dependent on that arrogant child, I will be pleased to give that brat one last well deserved tongue lashing."

"All I ask is a ringside seat for that." George was grinning from ear to ear.

McGonagall gave a nonplussed look and commented "I understood your family and Mr. Potter to be on…how shall I put this? Less than friendly terms."

"We had a huge family fight about it." Sighed George, a look of sadness settling on his face "Fred died fighting for what we believe in. And Ginny knows Harry wasn't responsible for his death. Like Mum put it, blaming Harry for his death would be like saying Uncle Gideon's death was Harry's fault."

With a response on the tip of her tongue, Minerva was mildly miffed to be interrupted by the crack of an incoming apparition. It was immediately recognized as Xeno Lovegood….with a substantial pile of his publication The Quibbler. He announced "HARRY POTTER SAVES US AGAIN! READ ALL ABOUT IT! GOBLIN WAR AVERTED!" In a very short time his large pile of Quibblers was turned into a large pile of Galleons.

"We have learned that Griphook, a Gringotts employee, conspired to violate the Bank Charter." A well dressed Goblin spoke "Further, three wizards, Harry Potter, Ronald Weasley and Hermione Granger were of direct assistance to Gringotts in conducting the investigation. The bank offers a reward of 5,000 Galleons to each for their part in this."

Harry stepped forward and spoke "You should all know that our Goblin friends in no way blame any witch or wizard for the damage caused by an escaping dragon a few months ago. It was an accidental consequence of our actions in the bank. And all the recent construction in Diagon Alley is only meant to protect our gold. As proof of my confidence, I have agreed to allow Gringotts to handle the sale of Basilisk parts, blood and skin from the creature I killed several years ago. Thank you, Lord Manager."


"Go get the Headmistress!" a guard at the front gate of Hogwarts ordered his companion. And, with more authority than he felt, yelled "HALT!"

The pounding of drums approached the castle. A platoon of Goblins stopped a respectable 100 yards from the wrecked bridge. The force was led, surprisingly, by Harry Potter and two witches "We come in peace. Call Professor McGonagall and ask we be admitted."

"Mr. Potter!" the intimidated Headmistress [well, not officially] called out "What is the meaning of this-this army?"

Harry smiled up at the damaged battlements, replied "Hardly an army, Professor. These goblins are here to provide security for collecting the Basilisk remains from the Chamber of Secrets. Some of the proceeds, I plan to donate to help rebuilding Hogwarts."

She waved permission to open the gates. As the troop entered, witches and wizards paused in whatever they were doing to cheer. Some pointed their wands to the sky and set off a modest fireworks display. In the courtyard, a dense knot of people greeted the goblins with suspicion, but cheered the trio in magical robes. A growing group followed them through the Castle. Up stairs, to the third floor, to the girls' bathroom. Through much of the tour, several Weasleys including Ginny, as well as Hermione attempted to get Harry's attention. However they were not allowed to delay the progress of the parade.

"Open!" Harry walked around the island of washbasins until he found the engraved mark of Salazar Slytherin, then hissed at it. The clanking and whirring of gears and levers and the passage was revealed.

"WHAT ARE ALL YOU DOING HERE?" a spectre of a girl shrieked in unalloyed fury.

Harry looked at her, but it was Luna who replied "Hello Myrtle Henderson. Know that Tom Riddle, your murderer, has been slain. You are free of this plane of existence."

"Is it true?" asked Myrtle, tears forming in her eyes. Ectoplasm dripped to the tiled floor. She threw herself upon Harry, knowing him to be "MY HERO!" and kissed him.

Harry struggled with the spirit, but was totally unable to literally grab anything or push her away. And, frankly, after a few seconds he enjoyed the kiss.

"Hey! He's mine!" protested Ginny.

"You naughty naughty boy!" Myrtle cackled wickedly, flicking her ghostly fingers at his crotch. Then, she turned to Ginny, stuck out her tongue and cackled louder. Dissolved from existence. All that remained was an echo of her laugh and a rather pleased with himself Boy-Who-Lived.

Susan good-naturedly slapped his shoulder and snidely commented "You lady-killer you."

"Coming through! Coming through!" Ginny announced, pushing herself toward Harry "Girlfriend approaching!"

The goblins, unsure of human mating rituals, stood aside. Susan and Luna were not so kind. The pair blocked Ginny's path and shoved her aside. Imitating Fred and George's twinspeak, they sneered "We heard every word. You hate the sight of him. Crawl off and die!"

"You know I didn't mean that!" cried Ginny "Harry! It was just- Fred!"

He did not so much as spare her a glance. For Harry, it was as if he had not heard Ginny at all "Ron. Hermione." Addressing his best friends "Here are the keys to your new vaults. Galleons already deposited."

"Harry, you didn't have to-" Hermione began.

He held up a hand, interrupted "I didn't, Hermione. The goblins did." Both keys glowed briefly as they were handed to their owner.

"Headmistress McGonagall." Harry said, formally "allow me to introduce Commander Ripjaw, of Gringotts. His mission here is to provide security while the Chamber is open and to transport Basilisk remains, blood and organs to Gringotts for sale."

Minerva nodded, as formally, both to Harry and to the goblin "Commander…I intend no disrespect… Mr. Potter, Hogwarts has been its own security for a millennium. Nor, am I particularly pleased about the Chamber of Secrets being reopened at this time. And to make Dark ingredients such as Basilisk parts available on such a large scale is unprecedented."

"Headmistress, Hogwarts is in no condition to defend itself without help." Harry pointed out, bluntly "This is not disrespect, merely a statement of fact. The goblins are supplying a short-term reinforcement. Additionally, an immediate supply of building materials to repair battle damage. It will be funded by a gift from me, as I mentioned, from the sale of Basilisk parts. Ron and Hermione will also share in the proceeds."

She nodded "I would like to know all the terms of this agreement, Mr. Potter."

"Of course, Professor." Harry replied "In fact, all of the details are best explained by my advisers. Miss Susan Bones handled the military and political aspects. While Miss Luna Lovegood negotiated and endorsed the financial and media portions of the agreement."

Ginny stuck in "Don't you think we should have some say in the decisions you make, Harry?"

"Anyway!" he verbally overrode the question "The first supplies will come in the morning. A Branch Manager level employee will come to assess what is needed next."

Mr. Weasley objected "Don't you think my daughter deserves an answer?"

"I'll let her know, Arthur, when something concerning her comes up." Harry retorted, coldly "Until then she can take to heart her last words to me." That brought activity in the bathroom to a halt and stopped all conversation.