I do so hope you enjoy these written words.
And a Bottle of Rum
Demyx shifted slightly under a heavy weight, trying desperately with all his puny might to push it off of his trapped body. He struggled and struggled constantly, fighting the fiercest battle of his non existent life. After what seemed like hours of futile attempts of freeing himself the mullet haired Nobody surrendered with a defeated sigh. Instead he tried a different, more effective approach to his current opponent—he whined.
"Zexyyyy, why do you have to be so heavy? You don't even look that faaaaat, so why do you weigh so muuuuch?"
Said Nobody gave an annoyed mumble before rolling over, leaving Demyx with the taste of victory…that is, until Zexion grabbed a handful of blanket and ripped it off Demyx' boxer clad body, tucking it securely around his own body and snuggling in it for warmth.
Demyx glared down at the smug silvered headed Nobody.
"Bed sheet hogger."
Zexion never did let him have a flawless victory.
Demyx sluggishly crept out of Zexion's bed, stretching his back until he felt a light 'pop,' and working the kinks out of his neck. He rubbed his sleep-blurred eyes tiredly, leaving the room and trudging down the Hallways That Were Not Allowed To Exist in The Castle That Never Was, clad only in a pair of hot pink boxers.
He didn't care what Zexion said about them blinding his eyes…they were his favourite pair. Besides, Demyx grinned, I look damn sexy in these hot pink boxers!
He really had no idea as to where he was going, just that he needed to go somewhere. Actually, Demyx had no idea as to why he woke up in the first place. All he remembered was playing Go Fish with Zexion, then winning, then playing another round with Zexion, then losing, then Zexion coming on to him, then…-a bunch of R rated scenes later-…, then waking up with Zexion crushing him.
Hmm…I had a very, Demyx paused to search for the right word he could use in this sentence that fell under the T-rated category, exhausting night…
Although, exhausting would be the biggest understatement ever.
Anyways, back to the present, here he was, mindlessly trudging down the Hallways That Were Not Allowed To Exist in nothing but a pair of hot pink boxers. Sexy hot pink boxers, he corrected himself. Very sexy.
Now that we have successfully established all of this, it is time for Demyx' journey to continue. Oh…it looks like it already has, for now Demyx finds himself standing in the Kitchen That Was Never Meant To Be. Guess I must have been a bit thirsty… he thought to himself, absently rubbing his flat stomach. Striding into the Kitchen That Was Never Meant To Be, looking as if he had a great purpose, Demyx approached the refrigerator and swung it open dramatically.
A fly slowly made its way out of the empty refrigerator, buzzing in happiness at its freedom.
…Oh! But this was not some ordinary house fly that was trapped in a refrigerator, oh no. For you see, this was The Fly That Wasn't Really There But Flew Out Of The Refrigerator That Only Existed So That The Fly That Wasn't Really There Could Fly Out Of It. Yes, it was that fly.
Ahem, getting back to the story though…
"Drats, there's absolutely nothing to drink in this stupid fridge!" Demyx huffed with a pout. He was about to close the fridge until a bottle way in the back caught his attention. Although, I have no idea how Demyx could have not spotted this bottle before, seeing as how the Refrigerator That Only Existed So That The Fly That Wasn't Really There Could Fly Out Of It was completely empty. But that's not really the point here.
Anyways, Demyx reached way back into the fridge and grabbed the Bottle Of Which We Do Not Speak Of, inspecting it thoroughly. He turned it around and stared at a small piece of paper taped to the Bottle Of Which We Do Not Speak Of. He read it aloud.
"'Dude, do not touch the Bottle Of Which We Do Not Speak Of or I'm gonna seriously get mad at you. This is my stuff, so keep your hands off of it okay? Awesome. Signed Xigbar.'"
Demyx stared down at the bottle in contemplation. "Well, Xigbar's not here right now, and what he doesn't know won't hurt him…" That settled, his tore the taped note off of the Bottle Of Which We Do Not Speak Of to see what it was.
The Bottle Of Which We Do Not Speak Of was marked XXX.
Demyx stared down at the Bottle Of Blah Blah Blah in his hands. He continued staring for at least five more minutes. Then he gasped.
"OMIGOSH, XIBAR OWNS A BIG BOTTLE O' PORN!"
Demyx stared wide-eyed at the XXX marked bottle not-so-innocently sitting in front of him on the Table That Should Technically Drop The Bottle Because It's Not Actually Real. He was so shocked that he didn't know what to think of any of this. Who knew Xibar owned a bottle of porn? Who knew it was even possible to own something so far-fetched.
There was only one thing to do in this situation.
"I must take a sip of the Bottle O' Porn, so that I can experience what it is to be a true man!" And just as he was about to reach out and grasp the Bottle O' Porn, he stopped.
"What if…what if after drinking this I become a…prostitute? I don't want to be a male version of Larxene!"
But deep inside his rib cage where his heart was supposed to be but wasn't, he knew he had to take a sip of the Bottle O' Porn, and drink in all it's glory. Because if he didn't, then there really wouldn't be any point in this story. Thus, being the soon-to-be-true-man that he was, Demyx grabbed a hold of the Bottle O' Porn, popped the cork out of it, and took a huge guzzle of it. He swallowed with difficulty and shook his head, gasping at the burning sensation igniting in his throat.
"Woo! Now that some good porn!"
And so he drank and he drank, and he never stopped because characters in these situations only stopped when the sun comes up. Unfortunately, the Castle That Never Was never heard of a sun.
"Zmyx…Zmyx wake upppp…"
Zexion groaned, trying desperately to slap away the soft hands that were shaking him awake.
"Come on pooky, I gots sometin' to show ya…"
The suggestiveness in that tone alone was enough to wake Zexion out of his peaceful sleep. He sat up in bed immediately, rubbing all the sleep clear from his eyes.
A half giggle, half purr was the reply he received. This only served to further awaken the curious Nobody. However, what he saw almost made him faint. There stood Demyx, in all of his naked glory, wobbling back and forth with the sultriest look on his face Zexion has ever seen. The sight alone was enough to give Zexion a thousand nosebleeds.
"D-Demyx, what," Zexion swallowed with much difficulty and licked his parched lips. "What happened to your hot pink boxers?"
"Well…" Zexion watched in fascination as Demyx slowly crawled up the length of his body, stopping until his mouth was mere inches away from his ear. "I was too sexy for them."
Zexion panted harshly, half his mind trying to concentrate on what Demyx was saying and the other half trying to concentrate on what Demyx was making him feel.
"I said," Demyx leaned back, his hand travelling down the Zexion's boxers. "I was too sexy for them. And now that I think about it, I'm too sexy for yours too."
Then everything happened at once. Zexion's boxers were tossed carelessly to The Floor That Wasn't Actually A Floor But They Walked On it Anyways, a drunken Demyx was flipped on his back underneath Zexion on The Bed That Wasn't Real But Shook All Night Long, and everyone else in the Castle That Never Was covered their ears with The Pillows That Didn't Really Block Out The Sound But Were Still Used To Cover Their Ears.
The next morning…night…whatever, Demyx awoke with a pounding headache and a sick stomach. He couldn't really recall the events that transpired last night, but when Zexion shifted beside him and took all of the blankets, leaving him stark naked—wait a second. I wasn't naked last…what happened to my sexy hot pink boxers?!
Demyx bolted into a sitting position, squeaked, and the grabbed the blanket from Zexion, covering his nudity while effectively waking Zexion up from his pleasant dream.
"What's wrong?" Zexion groaned out sleepily once he got a good look at Demyx' horror stricken face.
"What…what happened last night?"
Zexion raised a finely sculpted silver brow. "I could show you if you'd like…"
Demyx squeaked again, moving away from the slithering hand trying to get at the blanket he was handing onto for dear life. "I'd rather you'd explain it to me using words!"
Zexion leaned back against his pillow with a sigh. "Well, I don't know how, but you got drunk last night and then came in here to wake me up, and then you took off my—"
"—Okay, I get it!"
Zexion just shrugged nonchalantly.
"Wait," Demyx slowly leveled a glare onto the nonchalant Nobody casually laying on the bed next to him. "So basically…you took advantage of me!"
"No, I did not."
"Yeah, you kind of did!"
"No, I did not."
"Yes, you did!"
"No, I did not—"
"I was drunk and you knew it and you STILL did the dirty with me!"
Demyx threw his hands up in exasperated triumph. "Then you did take advantage of me!"
Demyx sighed. "How can you 'not really' take advantage of me?"
"…If you were sober, you would have still wanted it. You were just more…controlling while under the influence."
"…I'm never drinking porn again!"
As always, I thank you for taking the time to read my work.
Mr. Curiosity Bunny