Collected short pieces written for Facebook
I was invited to join a sort of online fanfic group on Facebook where I've recently branched out, (in my Clark Kent identity), in writing ultra-shorts. Well, I need the practice in keeping them short and simple. The conceits of the group (ideally) are that all contributing members write Discworld-themed shorts as if they are journalists on the Ankh-Morpork Times. As often as not, the starting-point for an article is a piece of actual Roundworld news, or a photo that is so weird or Discworldly that it would not be out of place in Ankh-Morpork. For instance, my latest piece there stemmed from a news article - completely true - that reported on the very rare phenomena of snow falling in the Sahara desert. (this became Klatch for the purposes of the group). It's a "closed group" – details by PM if you want them - but a request to join is treated sympathetically - you just need to demonstrate you're not a troll or a spammer, and you're in with no obligation to contribute (this is welcomed but not absolutely mandatory) . Thought I'd offer up the best of those shorts here. I'll add them as I retrieve them. Hoping you enjoy!Inspired by Roundworld news article: Stunning photos capture rare snow in the Sahara Desert
(Daily Telegraph Online, 21st December 2016)
From our meteorological correspondent.
Just in via the magic carpet service from Klatch. Apparently bemused members of the Klatchian Foreign Legion on patrol this morning encountered this most strange of phenomena. One Legionnaire was heard to remak "The usual sand's underneath, yes. But what's this white stuff on the top?" Fortunately, Caporal-en-chef Sven-Jorgen Tvätta Denna Skjorta På Fyrtio Grader, known affectionately to his men as a Great Big Hublandish Tvätta If Ever I Saw One, had a rush of memory and was heard to groan and cry out "Great Øffler, I enlisted here to førget thåt bløöðy stuff!"
I am reminded that the Celebrated Almanack for this year, generally a rather erratic source for weather predictions, actually predicted that as December fades into Ick, around the time of Hogswatch night there would be snow in the Klatchian desert, placed there as a sign from the Gods. What the sign actually is and what it portends remains a mystery.
From our Religious Affairs Correspondent:
It is known that Foorgol, Lord of Avalanches, has a summer job in Klatch as Haboob, God of Collapsing Sand-Dunes. Given the accepted theological principle that a God will seek to maximise his or her belief by combining jobs, it is suspected that Foorgool/Haboob is being really efficient here by combining both his divine offices in the same place. Indeed, an avalanche combined with a collapsing sand dune would surely be most efficacious in creating new belief by both sets of worshippers. Divine productivity doubled in one fell stroke.
Contacted for an opinion on behalf of the University School of Climate Studies, the Arch-Chancellor is reported to have exclaimed "Global warming? My arse!"