Mojo's Analyst

"Ha-ha! I laugh at your pain! I make a sound of pleasure at your shortcomings! I do this because I am bad! I am evil! I am Mojo Jojo!" -- You-know-who, from "Los Dos Mojos"

"You're just plain mean, Mojo. It's time for Bubbles to teach you to play nice!" -- You-know-who, from "Heroes & Villains"


The mutated monkey woke up. He groaned; his whole body swam with pain. His head rested in a cluster of soft pillows, and his bed was littered with stuffed cats, goats, and teddy bears.

"Huuuhhh?" He blinked his left eye -- the right was swollen shut. His head felt like a truck had hit it. "Wha's this?"

"Ah! You're a-wake!"

The monkey stiffened. No. It's...

She flashed into view above his bed, with her usual big smile and even bigger blue eyes, a girl whose yellow pigtails and squeaky voice froze him with terror.


Pronouncing this name was somewhat difficult, for his lip was swollen and cut. Still the verbal torrent poured forth: "This is an outrage! What is the -- ow!" He had tried to sit up, and fresh pain shot through him. He fell back on the bed, panting.

The girl giggled, then clapped her hands over her mouth as if she had said a rude word. "Oh! I'm sorry Mojo, I didn't mean to laugh at you. Here -- " smile back in place --"how about some chicken soup?"

She picked up a steaming bowl from the end table by Mojo's bed (where he kept his hardcover copies of Planet Of The Apes, The Evil Genius' Handbook [newly revised and updated], Destroying Cities 101, and The Life And Times Of Attila The Hun) and moved a spoonful of soup toward his wounded mouth. A drop fell and splashed on the covers.

He batted the spoon away. Droplets of golden liquid scattered, and the spoon clanged to the observatory floor. "WHAT ARE YOU...ohhhhh!" He sank back into the pillows. Even raising his voice hurt.

"What am I doing here? Helping you get better. It's our fault what happened to you, and I wanted to make it up to you."

This brought the biggest groan yet.

Now he remembered. The unexpected, incredible phone call from the girls. The secret back-alley night meeting where he heard, in lowered voices, their even more incredible proposal: "Just do what you do best." "Then take the fall." "And we bust you out the next day." "We know you cannot resist this opportunity." "So what do you say?" "Pal?"

Destroying Townsville on a daily basis was a pretty good gig. But even as he merrily crushed buildings in his Robo-Jojo, he had to wonder: Why?

It didn't take his superior brain long to find out. Candy. The Mayor had hooked those poor girls on some kind of innocent-looking jawbreaker which drove them to un-Powerpuff-like actions to keep the fixes coming. They lived for that candy(and even now, Mojo had to wonder just what was in it). So he could not resist stealing it from the Mayor. And when the girls found out...


"I'm sorry!" Bubbles had her hands over her mouth and looked almost ready to cry. "It's okay, Mojo! I'll make you all better." And she planted a kiss on his furry monkey head.

"Arrgghh -- wait a minute." Mojo pulled the covers up to his nose, looked around. "Where are your sisters?"

"What? Oh, they're not here."

"Why not?"

"" A trace of a blush. "They think I'm at the zoo, visiting all my animal friends!" Another burst of giggles; it grated on his ears. "Now, Mojo. You really should eat your soup." She hovered over his bed, holding the bowl with one hand and another spoon with the other.

Wearily he muttered, "I do not have any chicken soup in my kitchen."

"I made it at home and brought it in my school thermos, just for you!"

He heaved a sigh and opened his mouth. The soup was warm and, he could not deny, delicious. Before he knew, it the bowl was empty.

Bubbles set the bowl aside and looked at him intently, a finger in her mouth, as if she was thinking about something.



"Why are you so mean?"

He frowned; or would have, if he wasn't frowning already. "You do not think it might have something to do with the accident that made you and mutated me?"

"No, Mojo. The professor once said you used to break everything you could get your paws on. You were bad before the accident!" She appeared quite pleased with herself for this insight.

"You have been bad yourself!"

"Yes, yes, 'cause I got konked on the head!" (Mojo couldn't help smiling at the memory of this.) "And that other time, I got real mad 'cause I was tired of everyone treating me like cute little baby Bubbles. And this time," her face fell, "it was that candy."

"So what is your point?"

"What else?" The girl raised her arms in a gesture of triumph. "There's always a reason for being bad!"

And Mojo's weakened but still superior brain realized. She wishes to uncover some hidden cause for my evil nature!

"Bubbles, no! I am evil, and that is all! There is no how, or why, that you could detect!" He pointed toward the door. "Now get out of my home! You are here uninvited! You are not welcome..."

He fell back, sore and breathless. His furry hand dropped to his chest. Too painful. No strength. And Bubbles hovered above him, healthy, superpowered, and behind that deceptively cute child-starlet face, packing a strength he had felt all too often, and winced to think of.

He was a prisoner in his own observatory!

Bubbles descended until she was almost sitting on the bed. "Don't worry, Mojo, we have plenty of time. I told the Professor and my sisters I'd be gone all day!"

Mojo looked across the room at his wall clock. 9:24AM.

Then he became aware of something hard, something unyielding, underneath his pillow. He scrunched his brow. What...?

"Why, Mojo!" Bubbles gushed a moment later. "You're smiling!"

"What? Oh, no no! Simply an involuntary spasm of my facial muscles. I do not wish to smile at all." And he put on his best scowl.

But inwardly he thought: Yes! Yes! Under his pillow, where he had left it before his last arrest, lay his newly-completed and best invention. It took hand-held weaponry to a new level and made his old blaster look like a pop-gun -- the Atomic Puff-Buster! Bubbles never saw it. And now the little fool had put herself in the perfect position to be its first victim! With a single well-aimed blast, the Atomic Puff-Buster could vaporize half of Townsville -- or, the monkey was willing to bet, even a Powerpuff girl.

He couldn't wait to find out.

I will just bide my time, until the right moment...

The girl flew to her SpongeBob Squarepants backpack and rummaged through it. Her back was turned squarely toward him. "Got some medical things in here somewhere..."

It was times like these when Mojo wondered if there really was someone up above. Or at least down below(besides Him). Carefully, carefully, he slid his right hand under the pillow. His fingers closed around the weapon.

A wicked smile spread across his face.