Neon Genesis Evangelion: Legacy
One Shot – Big Discovery
March 25, 2016 – Comfort 17 Apartments
Mari was sitting in class, bored out of her mind. She was looking between Asuka twirling her pencil absentmindedly, Shinji dozing in his chair, and Rei staring out the window with her chin resting on her hand.
'Will this fucking day ever end?' Mari thought. 'This teacher is soooo boring… does someone have gun I can shoot myself with to end this pain? Or I could shoot him… just so he would stop fucking talking…'
Ding dong ding ding… ding dong ding ding
"Rise… Bow… Sit!" Hikari said commandingly.
'Thank you, oh merciful god!' Mari thought as she followed Hikari's directions. Mari quickly packed her things up and looked over at Shinji.
"What's for dinner?" Mari asked bluntly.
"Huh?" Shinji asked. "Mari… I'm not awake enough to figure that out."
"Why not?!" Mari asked.
"Because we just sat through another boring ass lecture on nothing." Asuka said. "Just leave him alone four eyes, he just woke up when the bell rang."
"So… he should have had dinner planned already." Mari said.
"Mari…" Shinji said. "Can we talk about this when we get home?"
"Fine…" Mari replied tiredly. She saw Rei walking out of the room without them, and called out to her "We don't have a sync test today, where are you going?!"
Rei turned around and came back to talk to them. "Dr. Akagi is conducting several tests on me this afternoon and tomorrow morning."
"So you're not going to be in tomorrow?" Mari said sadly.
"No." Rei said. "Although, I do not know if I could choose which is less fun, this class or those tests."
"That says a lot, wundergirl." Asuka quipped.
"I hope everything goes well, Rei." Shinji said.
"Thank you, Shinji." Rei said as she started walking away.
"Hey, blueberry!" Mari called. "Are you doing anything on Sunday?"
"No, I am free on Sunday." Rei replied.
"You're coming over to our place." Mari said.
"Why?" Rei asked.
"You should be around friends." Mari said. "We'll watch TV, play some games, or something else fun… come on… it'll be fun."
"If you don't, she'll keep hounding you until you do." Asuka said.
"I'll make sure I make some vegetarian stuff for you to snack on too." Shinji said.
"I will come over then." Rei said. "Seeing as Mari is so… insistent."
"Good, we'll see you on Sunday blueberry." Mari said happily.
March 27, 2016 – Comfort 17 Apartments
Mari was sitting anxiously in the kitchen waiting for Rei to arrive. She kept getting up and walking to the front door to look outside and going back to sit down every few minutes. Shinji and Asuka just stared blankly at Mari while she paced around.
"Hey, four eyes, stop pacing." Asuka said. "You're annoying me."
"I'm not pacing." Mari said. "I'm just waiting."
"You're pacing." Shinji said.
"I'm not!" Mari retorted.
"Yes, you are." Shinji said. "Just sit down, Rei will get here when she gets here."
"Fine…" Mari said exasperatedly as she sat down at the table.
"Why are you so worried?" Shinji asked.
"I haven't figured out anything fun to do." Mari said. "At least something that isn't kinda boring…"
"You've had two days." Asuka said. "And you claim to be so smart…"
"I am, but Rei doesn't find the same things fun that we do." Mari said. "She's… different…"
"Well, wundergirl may be different or whatever." Asuka said. "But you're being kinda stupid, she likes watching TV, just go with that."
"I know, but I want to do something more fun!" Mari said.
Misato walked into the kitchen in her uniform, grumbling silently. "Mari, stop yelling…"
"Why, miso?" Mari asked. "Hung over again before work?"
"No…" Misato said.
"Sure Misato, you're not hung over." Asuka said. "All those beer cans Shinji cleaned up this morning were from the other drinker in the apartment."
"Shut up, Asuka." Misato said.
"Hit a nerve, did I?" Asuka asked.
"No… but I can't talk now, I have to go into work." Misato said. "Stupid paperwork…"
"Well, have fun." Shinji said. "Are you going to be back in time for dinner?"
"Probably not." Misato said. "I'll just eat at work." Misato walked towards the door. "Don't break anything while I'm gone."
"Don't kill lots of people with your reckless driving." Mari said.
Misato grumbled as she left and walked blindly out the door and exclaimed when she fell backwards after blindly walking into Rei.
"Misato, what happened?" Shinji asked.
"She collided with me and fell over herself." Rei said calmly as she stepped over Misato's sprawled out form. "I believe Misato will be ok."
"Blueberry, are you ok?" Mari asked.
"I believe so." Rei said. "I did not fall over."
"Well, as long as you're ok." Mari said.
"Yeah, and Misato said she wasn't hung over…" Asuka said snarkily.
"Yeah, I'm fine too, thanks for asking everyone." Misato said as she staggered up. "I'm leaving now."
"Try not to fall over anyone else." Mari said.
"Yeah, be careful." Shinji said.
"Whatever…" Misato said as she left.
Rei sat down at the table as the door closed behind Misato. "So, Mari, what have you planned for this fun day."
"Well…" Mari said. "Other than watching TV there is something I've been meaning to do since I moved in here."
"What do you want to do?" Rei asked.
"Yeah, I'm curious myself." Asuka said. "So, is it fun or something?"
"Define fun." Mari said.
"Exciting." Asuka said.
"Interesting." Shinji replied.
"Out of the ordinary." Rei said.
"Oooh, it's all those things." Mari said. "I want to snoop around Misato's room."
"God, why?" Shinji said. "It's a wreck in there."
"I know, but compared to the two of you, she's so mysterious." Mari said. "You guys don't own anything interesting, I've looked."
"Excuse me?" Asuka asked.
"Really, princess?" Mari asked. "Your favorite panties are about the most interesting thing you own, beyond that, you're boring." Mari sighed. "And the puppy has a cello and that SDAT of his. Misato could have all sorts of things in her room."
"Is that not an invasion of her privacy?" Rei asked.
"Well, considering those suits from Section 2 are always watching us, even when we're here." Mari said. "So, we're not really doing anything wrong…"
"I don't think you're justification holds up." Shinji said.
"Really, I bet she snoops through our stuff." Mari said.
"Yeah, well you just admitted going through our stuff, four eyes." Asuka said. "So excuse me for not believing if your motives are on the up and up."
"Well, they aren't." Mari said. "But come on, it'll be really fun!"
"I don't know…" Shinji said. "It's not nice to look through other people's things."
"Well, I don't really care." Mari said. "Let's go sneak around, it'll be fun." Mari smiled widely. "Don't be a spoiled sport or anything."
"Fine, but we can't disturb anything." Shinji said.
"Wait, you agree with this plan?" Asuka asked.
"Yes, Shinji, this does not seem like you." Rei said.
"Well, Mari has a point." Shinji said. "Everyone gets to watch our every move… maybe Misato has something interesting we can look at. I mean, Mari's right, she's probably looked through our stuff out of concern or whatever."
"Well… that doesn't make it right…" Asuka said. "But I guess it couldn't hurt if we don't break anything."
"I do not condone this…" Rei said. "But it does sound intriguing."
"So let's go then!" Mari said excitedly.
The four of them crept quietly into Misato's room. It was dark, as the shades were still drawn, as Misato liked to sleep in. All around her futon were empty bottles and cans, from her late nights of drinking, empty condom wrappers from someone's stays, and dirty clothes dropped wherever Misato stripped.
"I can see why you don't clean this pit, puppy." Mari said. "It's a bit disturbing."
"I mean… how does someone live like this?" Asuka asked.
"Well, the entire apartment was like this when I moved in." Shinji said. "Why do you think I keep things clean? I can't see it like that again. It's scary…"
"Yeah, it's pretty fucked up." Asuka said. "No wonder she's single."
"Well… yeah…" Mari said. "What kind of guy wants to plough a slob like this?"
"No idea." Asuka said.
"What does plough mean in this instance, Mari?" Rei asked.
"It means fuck really, really hard." Mari explained. "Like so hard, you could hurt yourself and the other person, but you don't care cause it's fun."
"Like you'd know firsthand, Virginia." Asuka quipped.
"You wouldn't either, ice queen." Mari retorted.
"Guys… come on…" Shinji muttered.
"Coitus again?" Rei asked. "How many euphemisms and other references can one make to sex without actually saying sex?"
"Oh, you'd be surprised, blueberry." Mari said.
"I would like to know." Rei said. "How many euphemisms are there?"
"Well…" Mari started.
"Too many to even get into." Shinji said as he glared at Mari. "Right, Mari?"
"Yeah… right." Mari said sullenly.
"So, what she we look in?" Asuka asked.
"Probably the drawers." Mari said. "People keep interesting shit in their drawers."
"Like what?" Rei asked.
"Well, Shinji keeps a lot of tissues in his, and Asuka has her favorite panties." Mari said. "And I keep some special stuff in mine."
"Mari, why were you in my drawer?" Shinji asked.
"I was bored." Mari said. "And with the princess, I was more curious than anything else…"
"You're a pain in the ass." Asuka muttered.
"What kind of special stuff?" Rei asked.
"Oh, just a few toys…" Mari said.
"What kind of toys?" Rei asked. "Are they fun toys?"
"You could say that…" Mari said coyly.
"Of for fuck's sake…" Asuka muttered. "You keep those things in our room!?"
"Of course." Mari said. "Where am I supposed to put them?"
"Bend over and I'll show you." Asuka muttered.
"Enough you two." Shinji said. "Let's just look around and get out of here."
"Spoilsport." Mari muttered.
"I'm tired of you two arguing." Shinji said.
"Fine, let's look in this drawer first." Mari said as she pulled it open. "Boring… just some slutty panties."
"What?" Asuka asked. "How do you categorize panties as slutty?"
"Well, those are basically see through lace with some opaqueness near your bits." Mari said. "So, slutty."
"Is being slutty a bad thing?" Rei asked.
"No… I'm just saying…" Mari said. "She's got a lot of slutty panties."
"Ok, what about this drawer?" Shinji asked as he pulled it open. "Wow… so this is where all the stuff comes from."
The others looked in the drawer and saw a load of new sake bottles, at least a dozen stacked inside. There was also a few DVDs deep in the corner of the drawer.
"What are these?" Rei asked as she shuffled through the stack. "They have funny titles… Shaving Ryan's Privates, American Cream Pie, Pacific Rim Job…"
"Forrest Hump?" Shinji read out.
"Star Whores?" Asuka said. "Shouldn't that be Star Wars?"
"It's porn, princess… not an actual theatrical picture." Mari said.
"What?!" Asuka shouted. "This is porn?!"
"Of course stupid… A Few Hard Men… Midsummer's Night Cream… Cumming to America… Girth, Wind, and Fire…" Mari continued. "Wow, she has a lot of porn on DVD… she is old. Hasn't she heard of the internet?"
"I guess not…" Shinji said. "So does she get drunk and…"
"Probably." Mari said. "Who hides booze and porn together if they aren't mutually exclusive?"
"So, this is porn?" Rei asked. "I did not realize it was this… interesting. Do they parody many movies?"
"Well, they try to." Mari said. "You should see what people do when they dress up as anime characters and fuck each other."
"People do that?" Asuka said. "What, do they put on fun colored wigs and…"
"Suck dildos that shoot fake cum in their face, yeah." Mari said. "Kinda hot really. I wish I was an anime character… I'd love people to cosplay as me… I'd really like that."
"I wouldn't." Asuka said. "No one can copy this."
"Yeah, they would never get the attitude right, could they princess?" Mari said.
"Nope." Asuka said defiantly.
"I would be flattered if people were to cosplay as me." Rei said. "I do not think if I was a character I would be interesting enough to be imitated."
"Awww… blueberry, you're interesting, I mean you're so quiet and you have that adorable hair!" Mari said sweetly. "I'd cosplay as you…"
"Suck up." Asuka muttered.
"Asuka be quiet." Shinji said sternly.
"Fine, baka… I'll be quiet." Asuka said. "How about we look in her closet?"
"Sure…" Mari said as her and Asuka flung open the doors to see a mess of clothes in two piles, one clean, and one dirty. However, no one could tell which was which.
"The fuck is that?" Mari asked.
"Misato's organizational skills." Shinji said. "That's why I tell her to being me her laundry… I can't tell what's clean or dirty."
"Can she?" Asuka asked. "I mean, she's drunk half the time."
"I think so…" Shinji said. "I think she just smells them."
"Gross…" Asuka said.
"That is why I only have seven school uniforms, two towels, undergarments, and two pairs of shoes." Rei said. "That way I can manage my clothes."
"Blueberry… you've got to be kidding me…" Mari muttered.
"No, I do not have a need for clothes." Rei said. "I do not wear them when I am alone. I feel more comfortable with clothes on."
"Sexy…" Mari muttered.
"Do you not like clothes?" Asuka asked.
"I find them restricting." Rei said. "I only wear them to be a functioning member of society. Besides that, I would rather not wear them."
"Ok…" Asuka said.
Rei walked back to the dresser and pointed at the last drawer. "What about this top drawer?" Rei asked as she pulled it open. "What are all these objects?"
"What the fuck is all that?" Asuka muttered.
"That's…" Shinji stammered.
"I'm so wet right now." Mari said.
Asuka and Rei each picked something up. Rei wiped hers out quite forcefully, hitting poor Shinji right in the eye.
"OW!" Shinji shouted. "Rei… my eye!" Shinji closed his eye and cupped it with his hand. "What did she hit me with?"
"A huge black dildo." Mari said as she sniffed it. "Smells like stale pussy."
"What the fuck?!" Asuka shouted. "You just smelled that?!"
"Yeah… but I wouldn't want to smell what you're holding, princess."
"What is it?" Asuka asked.
"A butt plug." Mari said.
"A what?" Asuka asked.
"Butt… plug…" Mari said slowly. "You shove that bulbous part in your hand up your ass…"
"Motherfucker!" Asuka shouted as she dropped it on Shinji's foot. "That was in her ass?!"
"Yep…" Mari said.
"Asuka… that thing just crushed my foot!" Shinji shouted. "What the fuck is that thing made from, lead?!"
"No, just hard rubber…" Mari said. "Will you relax?"
"No, I just got slapped in the face by a fake dick, and had Misato's anal toy dropped on my foot!" Shinji complained. "I'm getting attacked by fucking sex toys!"
"Baka… relax." Asuka said. "Sorry I dropped the butt thing on your foot."
"It's ok, Asuka." Shinji said.
"I am also sorry Shinji." Rei said as she was distracted by something else. "What is this?" Rei asked. "Why is the nub on the top so large?"
"It's a Hitachi, blueberry." Mari said. "That nub is to uh… stimulate yourself to get off."
"Oh… how intriguing." Rei said.
"Yeah, can we stop taking stuff out of the drawer now?" Shinji asked.
"What are these beads for?" Asuka asked.
"They're anal beads, princess." Mari said. "Do you like anal?"
"Gottverdammt!" Asuka shouted as she tossed the beads and they hit Shinji in the face. "How many anal toys does she have?"
"Well… a few others…" Mari said. "I mean… she has an enema kit… so I'm guessing these dildos have found their way up her ass too…"
"Do people get sexual pleasure from inserting things up their ass?" Rei asked.
"Yeah, some do." Mari said. "Some don't, it depends on the person."
"Interesting." Rei said. "What is this?" Rei asked as she wiped out an even larger dildo, which also hit Shinji in the face, and knocked him to the ground.
"Double ended dildo, blueberry…" Mari said. "Puppy, you ok?"
"No…" Shinji whined. "Can someone help me please… my face hurts… and I smell shit… owww…"
"Oh boy…" Mari said. "Ok… um… Asuka, can you take Shinji to bathroom and wash his face? I'm not sure where any of these things have been…"
"Yeah, up you go, baka." Asuka said as she lifted him up. "Come on, I'll clean you up…"
"Well, he did take two dicks to the face…" Mari quipped.
"Shut up four eyes!" Asuka shouted. "Clean up that depraved woman's toys so she doesn't know we were in here."
"Yeah, yeah, princess." Mari said. "You're so damn bossy."
"Stop whining and get to work." Asuka said.
"Mari… please don't make any jokes like that again… it's embarrassing…" Shinji said.
"Sorry…" Mari blushed. "I couldn't help myself."
"Typical…" Asuka muttered.
"Mari… I will clean this up." Rei said. "Considering I am the one who hurt Shinji, it should be me who cleans up the mess we made."
"Are you sure blueberry?" Mari asked.
"Yes, I am sure." Rei said. "I am not disgusted by what Misato has used these for."
"Whatever you say blueberry." Mari said. "Thanks for this."
"You are quite welcome, Mari." Rei said. "I thought today was very fun… contrary to what I may have thought snooping through someone's belongings is quite enjoyable."
"I'm glad you had fun, blueberry." Mari said happily.
Misato walked into the late that night. The kitchen was empty and fairly clean, and it was quiet. As Misato walked into the living room, she saw the subdued kids look and stare at her. Shinji had a slightly swollen eye and was being held by Asuka, while Mari was sitting on the ground next to the couch holding ice to Shinji's swollen foot. Rei wasn't doing anything because she had fallen asleep and had been covered in a blanket.
"What happened?" Misato asked. "How did Shinji get hurt?"
"Shut up will you?" Asuka said. "You'll wake up Rei."
"Sorry…" Misato said quietly. "But what happened?"
"Oh… it was my fault." Mari said. "We were arguing over what to what to watch, and I let go of the button and it slammed him in the eye."
"Yeah, then Shinji stumbled around and slammed his foot into the couch." Asuka said. "Four eyes here is really dangerous."
"Yeah, but Shinji needs to be more careful." Misato said.
"Yeah, you be careful too Misato." Shinji said snarkily. "We wouldn't want you to overextend yourself."
"Huh?" Misato replied confoundedly as the girls smirked silently, knowing exactly what Shinji meant. "What the hell are you talking about?"
"Oh, just how some things look fun, but are really dangerous." Shinji replied coyly.
"Did he hit his head too?" Misato asked. "He's not making any fucking sense."
"He may have…" Mari said quietly. "He uh… fell down too…"
"Mari, stop abusing Shinji!" Misato said sternly. "You're not the one that should be killing him, that's what the Angels are for!"
"Yeah… don't remind us." Asuka said.
"Sorry, miso…" Mari said. "I didn't mean to hurt him…"
"Alright, well don't do it again." Misato said. "But, I'm kinda tired from work… so goodnight. Try not to kill each other…"
"Yeah… sure." Shinji muttered.
"Have fun." Asuka said.
"Don't tire yourself out." Mari quipped.
"You guys are weird today…" Misato muttered as she went to her room. "Whatever…"
Mari turned to look at Shinji as Misato's door closed. "Puppy… you know I didn't mean for you to hurt, right?" Mari pouted. "I just wanted you to have fun…"
"Yeah, it's ok, Mari, I forgive you. You always have the best intentions… no matter what happens." Shinji said. "But keep the ice on a bit longer, my foot still hurts."
"Ok, puppy…" Mari said as she smiled.
"How's your eye?" Asuka asked. "It looks better, it's not a black eye, so that's good."
"It feels better." Shinji said. "Thanks for keeping the ice on there."
"No problem." Asuka said. "I'm just glad you're ok, baka."
A/N: I do not own Evangelion or any of the characters, GAINAX and the other distributors of NGE related material do. I am simply using them as a backdrop for my fanfic.
Timelines are very important to me! So, this one shot takes place roughly after Chapter 12 of Episode IV, but before Chapter 1 of Episode V.
So, basically this one shot is just a fun way to make fun of Misato and have Shinji get hit in the face with a dildo. Also, Rei gets to ask her cute naïve questions because she wouldn't know what a sex toy is, and Asuka's reactions to everything were just fun to write too. So, all in all, just a fun little idea to explore, cause we all know Misato's a freak in bed.
As I said before, and will always say at the end of anything, please leave comments, as I would like to try to improve the story going forward any way I can. And, hell, constructive criticism is a good thing.