A Nice Fantasy

A little ditty I wrote. Sam and her baby, against the world.


2004

She paced furiously, her high heels wearing grooves into the rich carpeting. She didn't know if she could do this. In fact, she was pretty damn sure that she couldn't. She pressed her hands to her abdomen. Tears gathered in her eyes. She turned to look in the mirror. "I'm doing this for you… All for you, no matter how much it hurts."

There was a knock at the door. "Come in." Her voice sounded hollow and shaky to her own ears.

Sonny suddenly stood there, looking damned handsome. Wordlessly, he came to stand behind her. He rested his large hands on her tiny shoulders; buried his face in her hair. Her whole body trembled. This would be the very last time he touched her like this.

He met her eyes in the mirror. "You ready for this?"

"Yes … No, actually. Sonny, I don't even really know the guy I'm supposed to marry. Maybe that wouldn't have bothered me before but…" The tears she had been holding back began to fall.

Sonny slowly turned her around to face him. He reached out and dabbed at her tears with one hand; cupped her small, slightly swollen belly with the other. "It's hard … letting go. We shared something amazing for a time. I don't want it to end."

"Me either… But it has to … For your boys …"

Sonny nodded. "I know. But no matter what, just believe that I loved you. I never told you that before but I do."

"You're making this really hard," Sam said with a bitter laugh.

"I'm sorry."

Sonny leaned forward to capture her lips in a kiss. Sam wanted that kiss more than she wanted air to breathe. His lips were a hairsbreadth from hers. She could feel the warmth of his Scope-scented breath on her face…

"Knock, knock," a loud voice called through the door, interrupting …

Her reverie. It had only been a fantasy. Sonny didn't love her. He never had. He would always love Carly. Sam had been no more than a bed warmer and a way to punish Carly for imagined wrongs.

"Sam, its Father Coates," the priest called through the door. "Your wedding party is waiting."

Sam looked at herself in the mirror. She looked the way she felt – like crap. A bride was supposed to be happy; carefree; full of excitement on her special day. She was the opposite of those things. In that moment, she knew she couldn't do this.

"Tell them all to go home," Sam said. She ripped off her veil. "This farce isn't happening."

"But Sam-"

"No buts, Father. I can't do this. My baby deserves better. Maybe I do too." She looked at herself in the mirror. There was now a ghost of a smile on her lips. She didn't need Sonny or his errand boy. She just needed her baby.

She rubbed her belly, feeling a gentle kick against her palm. "We'll be okay, baby. I promise."