Lost Love

An Avery/Dylan fan fiction. They were one of my favorite soap couples - ever. I miss them.

Dearest Dylan,

I miss you.

It's been two months, six days, and five hours since I learned that you were gone. Life somehow… Well, inexplicably, it goes on. While I feel as though everything has come to a sudden, jarring stop for me, all around me, people are moving along, rush-rushing through their days, celebrating birthdays and anniversaries… And I'm still here mourning your de- No I can't even write that word. It's too final; too horrible. Sometimes I imagine you just went away for awhile and will come back to me. How I wish you would come back to me…

I suppose you won't mind if I keep writing to you even now, will you? It can't hurt. I got so used to writing you every day while you were in Iraq that I can't imagine stopping now. You were not only my lover, the love of my life, my soulmate… You were my best friend, my fondest companion. I confided in you, every secret thought, desire and wish - told you things I could never tell anyone else. I can't give that up… even if you're gone.

My greatest happiness was loving you and being loved by you… My greatest sadness is losing you and knowing that you'll never get to see our daughter be born. Yes, it's a girl, Dylan. I remember how excited you were when I broke the news to you over the phone that I was pregnant. I heard tears in your voice and you didn't try to hide them either. You never hid from me, never kept a single thing from me. You were unfailing honest and true. That meant so much - it still means so much.

I already know what I'm going to name her. How does the name Hunter Mackenzie Bailey-Clark McAvoy sound to you? Like quite a mouthful, I know, but I think it will fit her. I can't imagine her not having your name. I can't imagine her not knowing you though; not knowing what it feels like to be loved by you. I can't imagine … My life without you, Dylan. I am trying to move forward but it's not easy. You see, you marked my soul. That sounds so poetic and so whimsical and so not something I would say probably ever aloud, but it's true. I will love you forever, Dylan McAvoy, always and forever.

Well, I'd better go for now. Your daughter is kicking up a storm in my belly and I think a nice walk by our lake in the moonlight is in order. I've been staying at the cabin since I learned about your de- Well, since I learned you were not coming home to me. It helps me and hurts me at the same time, being surrounded by these things of yours; by so many amazing, potent memories. I'll never forget a moment I shared with you. I promise.

I miss you.