Catfight

By Flaming Trails

Disclaimer: Only Mystie and Josie are mine. Alien Lisa is Lisa Fagan's, Gina Brown is DocNov121955's, Clara, Doc, Marty, and Jennifer are Universal/Bob Zemeckis and Bob Gale's, Calvin and Hobbes are Bill Watterson's, and Bob the Dinosaur is Scott Adams's, Vitameatavegamin belongs to "I Love Lucy." Special thanks to Gina, Lisa, Christina, Quarantina, Tekva, Anakin McFly, J-Flux, Doc Lathrop Brown, PIcaRDMPC, jd burns, Faolcrop91, Weather Experiment, Back to the Chaos, and Clint Eastwood for making cameos in the fic (and not suing me). I love you guys! Also, special thanks to Steve and Brian, creators of Grudge Match, who I probably subconsciously got this idea from.

Dedication: To all those Doc-Lovers out there.

(The camera pans over a darkened arena. The rows of spectators are filled to bursting. There are unidentifiable whispers and noises from all around.

A spotlight hits the center of what looks like a boxing/wrestling ring. A young woman steps out into the light, holding a microphone. The crowd hushes. It's almost time.)

ANNOUNCER: Are you -- ready -- for a -- CAT FIGHT!?!

(The crowd erupts in screams and yells. This the setting of the hit TV show, Catfight. The Announcer, Christina Smith, waits for the noise to die down, then continues.)

CHRISTINA: All right, let's get started! Our match today is over a very special man. A man very close to my own heart. Five ladies consider this man the biggest prize a girl can get. And they're willing to fight for the right to have him. You'd know him from the blockbusting trilogy, Back To The Future. Our prize today for the best cat fighter: Dr. Emmett Lathrop Brown!

(The spotlight widens to reveal a man tied to a chair, looking around confusedly. He hasn't a clue what's going on.)

DOC: Excuse me! What in the name of Sir Issac H. Newton is going on here? (Testing his bonds) And why am I tied up?

CHRISTINA: You're on Catfight, Doc. You're the prize.

(Doc blinks)

DOC: What?

CHRISTINA: Five women are going to fight for the right to claim you as their own. The one who wins gets you.

DOC: (upset) I'm not a piece of property to be transferred! Let me go!

CHRISTINA: Sorry Doc, no can do. This is a big ratings-booster.

DOC: (suspiciously) You spiked my drink last night, didn't you?

CHRISTINA: How else was I supposed to get you on the show? (To the audience) Yes, Dr. Emmett Brown is the prize in tonight's Cat Fight. And who are the women willing to fight for him? Let's bring them out!

(Five spotlights focus on five different doors. Christina starts her spiel.)

CHRISTINA: First up, an aspiring writer, coming in at five feet three inches, and (static problems) pounds, the creator of the "Alien Lisa" series on FanFiction.net, Miss Lisa "Giggles" Fagan!

(Loud cheers erupt, along with some neighs. Celine Dion and the Bee Gee's "Immortality" starts playing as young woman in her twenties makes her way to the Catfight arena. Her hair is neatly tied back, and she is dressed in a green jumpsuit. The constellation Orion is printed on the front. She comes through the invisible screen and briefly takes the mike.)

LISA: This is for all my friends on Alnilam! Thanks for getting me here, guys! I'm going to make you proud!

(She glances back at Doc, who discretely pushes his chair back. Brief closeup on a crowd of unicorns and other people in the crowd, cheering Lisa. Then back to Christina.)

CHRISTINA: And now, what appears to be a comedian, at (static problems) and (static problems) pounds, responsible for some of the wittier replies on the BTTF.com Message Board, Miss Quaran "The Typist" Tina!

(Loud cheers again as a second young woman appears on the scene in a pink jumpsuit. The song playing for her is "Man, I Feel Like a Woman" by Shania Twain. Imprinted on hers is a keyboard. She passes through the invisible screen and takes the mike.)

QUARANTINA: For all the guys at the Message Board! Keep your hands off my fabulous physicist, 'cause I'm ready to rumble! You wanna piece of me? You got it!

(She smiles at Doc, who has shut his eyes tightly.)

DOC: (quietly) You're dreaming, Emmett. Wake up. Wake up!

(Closeup on a group of people, all different ages, clapping for Quarantina. Christina takes the mike.)

CHRISTINA: Now, a young woman who's been a Doc fan all over her life, coming in at four feet (static problems) inches, and (static problems) pounds, one of the newest writers on FanFiction.net and author of an "R" BTTF story--

DOC: Dare I ask about what?

CHRISTINA: --about Doc himself--

DOC: I was afraid of that.

CHRISTINA: --Miss Gina "InLoveWithDoc" Brown!

(Loud yells as "I'm In Love With a Man Nearly Twice My Age" by Shabba Ranks announces the new girl's arrival. Her jumpsuit is blue, with a DeLorean printed on front. She passes through the screen and takes the mike.)

GINA: I've been dreaming about this moment all my life! Doc is mine, and nobody's gonna take him from me!

(Closeup on a group of kids cheering her on. Christina relieves her of the mike.)

CHRISTINA: Our next contestant is a veteran of the movies, coming in at (static problems) and (static problems) pounds, the only one of our contestants to get their hands on Doc, Miss Clara "The Ravine" Clayton!

(Cheers, but not as loud this time, as a thirty-something woman with dark hair and eyes comes in, dressed in a brown jumpsuit with a snake on it. Her song is "DoubleBack, Western Version" by ZZTop. She comes through the gate, ignoring all the nasty looks she gets from the other contestants, and grabs the mike.)

CLARA: I'm the only one with an actual right to this man! I'm his wife--

DOC: (shocked) What?!?

CLARA: --and he belongs to me! The rest of these pretenders should go back to their fantasies.

(Closeup of Westerns from BTTF III, clapping enthusiastically. The other girls growl and stretch their fingers in prep for a fight. Christina takes the mike and moves away from the action.)

DOC: (nervous) Hey, don't leave me here!

CHRISTINA: (ignoring him) And finally, a bit of a newcomer to the scene of Doc-loving, but just as dedicated as the best of them, at five feet four inches and 150 pounds, the creator of the "Vampire Doc Chronicles," Miss J. C. "Hot For Doc" Jones!

(Loud cheers as the final girl comes in, attired in a purple jumpsuit with a bat motif on the chest. "Rocket" by Def Leppard plays as she unnecessarily vaults the screen and takes the mike.)

J. C.: I may be young, but nobody's more in love with Doc than me! And I'm ready to prove it even if it means killing everyone in this arena.

DOC: (snapping) GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE!

CHRISTINA: Calm down, Doc! If any of these fine ladies injuries you, they're immediately disqualified.

(Doc calms down, but not by much. He cringes as the girls circle him, all drooling happily. Christina gets in the middle briefly to explain the rules.)

CHRISTINA: Okay, here's how we play. The girls fight together until all but one surrender. You surrender by pulling this bell.

(A bell is illuminated by the spotlight on the wall.)

CHRISTINA: Anything goes in Catfight, except if you injure the prize. If you hurt Doc, you're kicked out. Now, to help you girls out, from time to time a special item will be thrown into the arena. Whoever gets it first gets to use it. All of you also get a lifeline.

GINA: Lifeline?

CHRISTINA: Yup. For our three fanfic writers, you can summon in a time of need a special character from your fanfiction. You summon them by calling them down like this, "Bring me so and so!" They can fight for you for ten minutes. You can only use this power twice.

QUARANTINA: What about me? I don't write fanfic.

CHRISTINA: Not to worry. You and Clara have the same power to summon a character from modern fiction. Movie, TV, comics, whatever. Like them, you can only use it twice. Is everyone set on the rules?

(Nods all around. Doc whimpers.)

DOC: What did I do to the space-time continuum to deserve this?

CHRISTINA: Then let's CAT FIGHT!

(Loud cheers and yells. The girls go to the corners of the pentagon-shaped arena. Doc rocks in his chair, eyes squeezed shut.)

DOC: Think of something, anything to get you out of this mess. . . .