Adjusting the focus
Disclaimer: I don't own My hero academia
Izuku really hadn't meant for it to turn it out like this. He really hadn't. He doesn't even know how it turned out like this. But, well, it had, and he didn't really have an option but to go with the flow and try for a second time.
Or the AU where Izuku accidently travels back in time and seems to attract trouble and create chaos with every step he sets but he still manages to keep everything together. Kind off.
He vaguely remembers the small pink-haired girl and her tears. She was crying and grateful but all Izuku could think of was the bodies lying in the building he had just saved her from. Her bright smile seemed to dim when she saw his expression.
''It's my quirk. I can't control it anymore. I'm so sorry.''
He gives her a smile, but thinks the effect is ruined by the tears coming out of his eyes. Her hand reaches out to his shoulder ''This isn't right. I'm sorry, Izuku.'' Her words are empty even when they're said with so much feeling and all he does is wonder about how it is it came to be that she knows his real name. He wants to say it alright, but he long promised himself he wouldn't lie to them.
Her quirk had been so cool when he had met her just an hour ago. (''You can distort someone's control over their quirk?!That's so cool!'' In answer, she had given him a mix of an embarrassed, overwhelmed and proud expression. Something had been familiar about the girl. His instincts were going wild and all he wanted to do is run far, far away, but it was forgotten as soon as the fire started.)
He hadn't expected this. Hadn't expected it to be so destructive to their side too. Stupid.
Not that he could purely blame it on the quirk of the girl; things had been going to hell for months. This was just the climax. Planned as much as accidental.
''Aikio can help us!'' She says, stepping away and pulling one of the boys who were still standing in between the rubble to her. ''He can make the time go back! Even if it's just 5 minutes, that's, that's enough right? You will help us, right, Aikio?'' Her eyes had gained a manic, hysterical glint and her hands were pulling at the boy's shirt who was frightened and rattled trying to get her of him.
He doesn't know why she's talking about them as a pair. He doesn't know her.
''You will help Izuku and me.'' It doesn't sound a lot like a question anymore. Her face is pulling in a mad smile. He interferes.
''Wait, stop that, Aikio-ku- '' He grasps her arms and the frantic boy's hands, trying to remove them from each other. He feels his heart stop. He sees the frightened boy's eyes flicker and the girl laughs.
The world begins to spin, and lights are appearing in front of his vision. The sickness in his stomach increases and he's going to throw up. He tastes the blood in his mouth as his vision goes black.
When Izuku wakes up he's tired, and confused. He is crying, barely conscious of what's happening to him. Everything is blurry. He can't think. His thoughts stop halfway. Almost as his brain is having errors with grasping the information it's getting.
''Hush, Izuku. It's alright.'' a sweet voice says, and soft, nimble fingers touch his face. He knows that voice. He just doesn't know whereof.
It frustrates him. He feels hopeless and muddled and just downright weird. He begins to cry harder.
The voice, a woman, sooths him again. Izuku feels the darkness coming back again. He wants to fight it, he wants to find his voice and his sight and ask at least a hundred questions. But the black is coming and not waiting for Izuku to catch up.
He blacks out with a song sounding that he vaguely remembers his mother singing on sleepless nights.
It takes a while for Izuku to catch up. The first few times he's conscious enough to actually think he freaks out.
The reason being his body. Which is smaller than it's supposed to be. And younger, a lot younger. He isn't sure how much weeks or months the body old is, but that he's counting in weeks and months should tell enough. He's a baby. A baby whose embarrassingly incapable of doing anything. (Which had become very apparent as a consequence of several events, some of them involving feeding and cleaning time with his mom. It had all been very scarring.) It's not just his body though, it's also his surroundings. The house which he remembers from his childhood, and his mother who looks so much younger and healthier.
He doesn't remember the events that got him here clearly and he can't quite piece the puzzle pieces together; there is an insufficient amount of them and they can't seem to fit. He remembers the boy. The quirk of the boy which had been turning back time, but only five minutes, had probably been distorted by the girl's quirk. The girl whose quirk was distorting other quirks. He feels he's forgetting something. Something important about that quirk, or something important about the girl. He doesn't know or remember the details. And he doesn't understand.
The boy could only go back 5 minutes. This is not 5 minutes.
He doesn't know what it means. He worries about paradoxes and meddling with time. But at the same time, he's tired and his mom is here. He wonders if it matters. He's pretty sure he has already experienced one of the worst possible outcomes there could have been, so should he worry about the butterfly effect? He can't actually ignore it though. He doesn't want to go back, but he can't stay here. His friend – the ones that are left, his mind reminds him – are still back there, and they need help. Or maybe they aren't back there at all, and his whole old time line has been unmade. He just doesn't know.
''Izuku, where have you gone now?'' His mother calls. His clumsy baby hands begin to wave, and bubbly baby sounds come forth out of his mouth as he tries to convey his location next to the couch.
He asks himself if he really cares.
As Izuku begins to grow he realises that he has to be social again with other people than his mother. (This new life goes on too, and he's growing, but it's going so fast, and Izuku feels like he can't keep up at all.) First it's in the dojo where he took up martial arts - He wouldn't be so vulnerable ever again. - Then in school. Izuku doesn't like it. He gets nervous and unnerved around others. Adults don't know how to react to him. They get confused or weirded out or sometimes, when he's 'lucky' they are just oblivious. The children are worse though.
Children are something one cannot understand unless you're one. He's too smart for his 'age' and he has this tiredness, this presence that children don't have. His mom knows but ignores it, and Katsuki is alright with it because of some reason but…
The other children avoid him. In the end children were so often more observant than adults. They know something is wrong, wrong, wrong with him. It's not like they're unkind or alienate him on purpose. Katsuki's friends play with and talk to Izuku sometimes, and they give playful smiles and laugh and then it slips out of one of their mouths without even a pause before and after: ''Midoriya is weird though, you didn't notice?''
When adults have to rationalize their feelings though, it gets blamed on how smart he is. On how good he is for his age in martial arts. And when he's four it gets blamed on quirklessness. The children's feelings and instincts get left behind in the dust.
Izuku doesn't know if he's relieved or disappointed.
The first time Izuku realises that something there's something seriously wrong with him is when he's five. Or more precisely when he's five and he breaks a door. He freaks out, smiles pleadingly at his mom when she finds the broken door and tries to forget it. He doesn't have any super power anymore. He isn´t supposed to.
But then it happens again, when he tries to shove the couch somewhat to the right and it shoots to the other side of the room leaving a dent in the wall, or when he picks up a pen and it squashes in between his fingers. It terrifies him. He doesn't know when the power bursts will happen and how; he can't control it.
His mom notices. At least she notices he sometimes he has a special talent of destroying things in ways he shouldn't. She is pretty cool with it as soon as she sees how distressed he is every time it happens. She laughs and calls it just another one of Izuku's mysteries.
Izuku is glad, but still worried. He gets a fear he will accidently crush not only things, but also people. He remembers how it is to have his quirk out of control, and it wasn't pleasant. (Her hand was crushed, and he couldn't help, couldn't touch. She was crying, but trying to smile ''It's alright Deku. We're here to save you.'' But it wasn't. Izuku had crushed Uraraka's hand, and it wasn't alright at all.)
The weird thing is that is not supposed to be there. He knows he was quirkless at this age, he has even gone to the doctor and the whole bone in his foot thing was the same. This had never happened in his first life. It's different and wrong (He thinks this is maybe one of the missing puzzle pieces). He becomes conscious of the fact he begins to evade touches of others, even subconsciously. It's after months and months he relaxes somewhat, grasping that it doesn't happen often and most times only when he's feeling strongly, and if it happens he isn't able to stop it anyway.
But the traces remain. He regains his old nervousness around people again. Rather avoiding them than interacting. He struggles in martial-arts classes because he could accidently kill others. He is careful with everything he touches, in a futile attempt to not crush anything on accident. Feeling lonely all the while he tries to find a solution to the super strength that isn't a quirk but also is. That isn't supposed to be his but also is. And that is he's not able to control but also is.
It's late. Past midnight and there's crying in Izuku's bedroom. Inko sighes.
''Izuku?'' She knocks on the door two times. The sniffling immediately quiets down. An almost even voice sounds, if it wasn't for the crack on the last word ''What is it, mom?''
Inko sighes again and opens the door. The light of the corrider falls inside the dark room of Izuku. It's cold inside, as the drapes are half closed and the window is open. Some of the light of the street falls inside, just enough for Inko-san to see the rumpled sheets and Izuku who's sitting up in sweaty pyjamas and trying his best to look as if he's not been crying. Inko-san is his mother though and sees the tell-signs in less than a minute. The not entirely covered up tear-tracks reflecting in the light from the corrider. His eyes who have a haunted shine to them, and the hands who have a minor tremble in them.
She ushers him out of his bed, giving him new, clean pyjamas and then pushes him downstairs to their couch. She sits him down, and turns to the kitchen next. Setting up water for Izuku's favourite tea. She takes care to put out the lights of the corridor and any other rooms before she grabs some cookies and puts the tealeaves in the hot water. She sets everything on a tray, and moves towards Izuku. Inko sets the tray down on the low table in front of them and sits down next to him. Izuku has already gotten them their large blanket and had moved the pillows just so. She gives him his mug and picks up her own. They sit in silence for a few minutes. Just blowing the steam from their mugs, and staring in front of them. The room is dark. It always is, they don't turn the lights anymore in this room at these times of the day.
The blanket that is huddled around their shoulder is old, and smells like these exact nights. It's still soft, and has several patches repaired and filled with other fabrics and motifs. Inko sometimes wonders what they're going to do when Izuku has to leave the house. She wonders if the blanket will stay here, or will be taken by Izuku. Maybe it will lay in the corner of a closet and gather dust, burying all the memories with it. Maybe it will be taken out on particularly hard nights and one of them will huddle in the dark in front of the television on their couch. Realising that the blanket will be ever to big now, and the only comfort they will get is from the faint smell that has already been almost erased. But that is still far-away and Inko will try to remove those thoughts out of her mind.
''Do you want to talk about it?'' The question is to loud in the quiet room, but it's one of routine.
Izuku shakes his head. Also, routine. Inko nods, and she turns on the television. This time she decides that they will watch the All Might documentary, an old one they've had for ages. She had gotten Izuku it when he was three. They had watched it so often that she knew which words and sentences would come after others. She knew the intro by heart, and was able to act out the outro from memory. It still seemed to cheer Izuku up, and she had to admit it gave her a sense of comfort now too.
It's fifteen minutes into the film, with Izuku's eyes faintly sparkling next to her that her eyelids begin to fall down. Izuku has already huddles closer to her and his head is on her shoulder, which is also a sign he's going to fall asleep too. He's always less careful and touchier when he's ready to fall asleep. She falls asleep with All Might's voice booming and the slow breathing of Izuku.
These nights originated from when one of them couldn't sleep. Most times it was Izuku but sometimes they would be for Inko, in fact the first one had been for Inko. It had been one of those restless nights whose source was the empty space beside her, and a cold space there which shouldn't be there. Izuku hadn't been able to sleep either, and had sneaked downstairs to make tea for himself. The moment Inko had seen him she had shot in a motherly fit, trying to take her mind of her own devils. Izuku hadn't let her though; he had noticed the minute she came in that something was off with her. He had guided her to the couch, given her a mug of tea with honey too and they had huddled together under the blanket in front of the television. She had fallen asleep first, not able to keep her eyes open and when she woke up, Izuku had been sleeping snuggled against her and she had slept better than she had in several weeks.
Inko had been so happy when she had gotten Izuku. Sure, the nights after had been hell, not to mention the actual delivering, but her baby had been such a little wonder. Still was.
He had been a quiet but sweet baby, bit clingy. An amazingly bright smile and seeming to try and take care of her before he could even talk. He only cried in sometimes, unfortunately most of the times at night. He was determined to be in the same room as her, but when he was he was calm and sweet, often entertaining himself and somehow knowing all the taboos.
As he got bigger it was easier to see how smart her little baby was. Trying to crawl, walk and talk way before any other babies she had heard off (Not that he succeeded often). She knew from Mitsuki that Katsuki-chan had only just started crawling and he had been born a few months before Izuku and apparently, he was an early starter too. It had been so early that Inko had grown concerned and had taken him to a doctor who had confirmed nothing was wrong.
With the smarts, he also became a little bit less clingy. He became curious, crawling and walking around the house more. He began to trust her to not suddenly leave and never come back she had once joked to herself. When they visited the Bakugou household he even let her be in another room for longer than half a day while he was playing with Katsuki-chan. (Even if he had checked up with her every hour or so. Mitsuki had called it adorable.)
He seemed to adore Katsuki-chan, playing with him and teaching him things. (Mitsuki had immediately Izuku when he had stopped Katsuki-chan from falling of the stairs.) And Katsuki-chan liked him back from what Inko had been able to see on the play-dates afterwards, always happily crowing the minute they were back together.
But while Izuku was comfortable with Katsuki-chan, he was less so in the company of other babies. He tried to play with them or help them too but it was more forced and nervous. It made Inko concerned but Izuku seemed content with just Katsuki – who he had started to call Kacchan, his second word after mom -, Mitsuki, Masaru-san and her.
When Izuku had become three it had become evident that the crying in the night didn't originate from clinginess but nightmares. He would cling to her and blubber in unclear words with lisps and forgotten vowels and consonants. The words were never pleasant; describing horrifying and violent scenes. Things that a child like Izuku shouldn't know of, let alone dream of. She had, again, gone to the doctor when the bags under his eyes had gotten too bad. (She realised Izuku tried to stay silent in the night to let her sleep and she didn't even know the extent of it anymore.)
The doctor had said ''It's nothing to worry about miss, children that age often suffer nightmares. Of course, if it really worries you that much I can prescribe you some sleeping pills but I would advise against it.'' And Izuku had blubbered ''I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, there's so much blood and the heroes are not coming, and I'm going to save you, I'm promise-'' Inko had been smart enough to comprehend this wasn't temporary. That this wasn't normal and some sleeping pills weren't going to help. Except she didn't know what to do.
When Izuku had stopped crying, he had said with a washed-out version of his normal smile looking older than ever ''Sorry mom, for waking you up again. ''
Early on Izuku's will to become a hero became clear. He adored heroes, watching videos of them and surprising Inko with little fact and the way he would analyse their quirks and fights. He had managed to convince her again and again to buy some kind of merchandise and she couldn't really believe the amount of All Might stuff they had.
It was when he was three, almost four he first asked to be put on a martial arts class because Heroes are so cool! And they have to know how to fight bad guys even without a quirk! Inko had been concerned; she didn't want her son, her three-year-old son, in such a violent environment especially with his nightmares but Izuku had begged and begged, never giving up and finally she had agreed.
Izuku had bloomed on the martial arts school she had put him on. He had chosen for a mix of jujitsu and aikido which was, as she was told by Izuku, better for smaller and weaker people, and had taken to it like a fish in the water. Sometimes getting moves in the first time, and using them like he had for years. He was unparalleled by other kids, even with his motor control still not being perfect, his limbs beings short and awkward and his muscles still growing, and easily moved up classes. But there too was Izuku awkward and closed off to the others. The teacher was the person he took the most too, but Inko wasn't sure if that was because of all the knowledge the teacher possessed or if Izuku felt truly more comfortable with the woman.
These state of affairs continued when Izuku began to go to school. He was able to get on well enough with most of the children and adults, but was still stand-offish and nervous with everyone who wasn't Katsuki-chan. He was too smart, he still didn't have a quirk and Izuku was very capable of flooring any kid who he didn't like with his martial-arts (not that he actually did this, but words had gotten around from the dojo where he trained). She knew there were reasons why Izuku himself and even why other kids didn't feel comfortable to become more casual and closer. She knew Izuku was happy like this. It didn't mean she wasn't concerned.
Especially when it became apparent he was quirkless. Izuku himself was sad, but accepting. Even saying that it didn't matter, he was still going to become a hero! His relation between him and kids in his class however became even worse and she had heard some boys teasing him, albeit Izuku had said she didn't have to worry. The worst however was Katsuki-chan, while Katsuki-chan hadn't shut Izuku out or something, he had been confused. Katsuki-chan had always been very proud of his quirk, and Inko wasn't sure why exactly but it had hurt Katsuki-chan when he heard Izuku didn't have a quirk. Inko, mitsuki and Masaru-san had tried to make Katsuki open up about it, and tried to push them back together but the fact was that even their relation took a hit.
That had hurt Izuku more. He still saw Katsuki-chan occasionally but less and Katsuki-chan, who became more heated and intense as he became older, was less friendly too Izuku and Izuku was more nervous around Katsuki-chan, seemingly afraid that anything could set him off.
He became a little more down, little more nervous. He began to show a hesitation for touching others. Inko saw his smile less, and Izuku seemed to throw himself more in things. He read more books (Things she understood no one of his age should be able, or would read, but Izuku had plead for them.) and took up other martial arts. He asked her in lessons in cooking and tried everything that he could. Even taking up gardening for a while when their other neighbour had become sick.
Nevertheless, Inko could see Izuku had become sadder. He talked less with others, only really with her and while she loved that her son was still this close to her, no kid should depend solely on their mother for their social actions.
So, when one evening her kid didn't come home on time, and she had hazardly searched the park she knew he would still sometimes play in with Katsuki-chan after school, finding him smiling more brightly than she had seen in months and completely relaxed with an almost sickly thin man with bright blond hair and sunken in eyes she didn't know at all, looking at him like he held the world, and talking a mile a minute in a way she had only seen him do with her of the Bakugous, she could only wish she would be able to convince the man to spend more time with them, with Izuku.
(Of course, only after she had confirmed he was not some creep who wanted to do unsavoury things with or to Izuku. Not that she really had too, Izuku had excellent instincts after all.)
She still wants him to interact with children his own age though, no matter what Izuku says.
So, this is my first story, and it was pretty nerve-racking to actually post this.
I'm not really satisfied with the chapter, but I've got this feeling I'll never be, so I decided to post it anyway.
I'm going to be honest and say I have no idea if I've rated this right. And if you think I've forgotten to give warnings for something specific please say it. I'm particularly oblivious sometimes for things that should be rated or warned for.
If you have any other tips for anything, you see any spelling or grammar mistakes, or something that's not clear also please tell me, I would really like to hear it. As I said I'm new to this, so my writing and my English are still mediocre.
Then a few points I would like to point out or maybe clear up.
- First, I'm not Japanese, can't talk Japanese. It's a cool language but I'm not going to go all Japanese on you, and there may be instances where I will make mistakes in the suffixes. I will however try my best at them, and try my best to keep up with the first names only being used by people you're especially close too.
For people that are new to this too, from what I've understood:
1.kun: Is used between friends, mostly for males but can be used for females.
2.chan: Is used between long-time friends or lovers. It's more familiar than -kun and also more used between or for females.
3.san: Is for acquaintances or people with a higher social standing. Mostly used for adults and it's somewhat formal and respectful.
You've also got sama, which is meant to indicate the one you're talking to is extremely important and meant to be respected, Senpai, which you use for an older student, or Sensei, which is used for teachers and doctors. At least I think so, again please correct me if I'm wrong.
- Masaru and Mitsuki are Katsuki's parents. I'm not sure if Katsuki and Izuku are actually neighbours, but I'm going to pretend they are.
- As you may have noticed Izuku's and Katsuki's relation is slightly different. This is going to become more obvious as the story goes on. Katsuki's character is ridiculously hard to interpret for me. But from what I've understood, Katsuki in cannon has always been the best in everything from the moment he has been born. He was smart and strong, gets complimented a lot. So, when in cannon Izuku begins to grow and he doesn't get his quirk, it only emphasises this fact and altogether it gives Katsuki a bit of a superiority complex. This Izuku however has been smarter and stronger than him for a long part of Katsuki's live. And when Izuku doesn't get his quirk, I think it would be confusing rather than an additional reason to belittle him. But more on that in the later chapters.
- I haven't chosen a pairing yet. Don't know if I will. I'm not sure if I will be able to write that well.
-I don't know who Izuku's father is. All I know is that he had a quirk with fire-breathing? I think that was it at least. So, I just… left him out.
- There is going to be swearing. Maybe there has already been swearing in this chapter. I'm sorry. This because of three reasons:
1.I'm from a country where while not good, swearing isn't exactly frowned upon. From what I've understood most of the countries take swearing a lot more serious. I guess that's the reason I easily slip swearing words in my sentences while I'm writing, and while I try to avoid it, it still happens.
2.I had a teacher who always said that people that try to sensor their stories are bad writers because swearing happens in the real world and is often actually quite handy for expressing the emotions of your characters better. Not saying that everyone who doesn't swear in his/her stories is a bad writer, but well, I do agree it's handy with making your characters more real. But again, maybe that's just because of in my country there's more swearing.
- Please consider I only follow the anime. I don't take the happening in the manga into account. If I forget something, or make mistakes in the timeline or the stories, do tell.
If anything, I do have the excuse my story's probably going to difference from cannon quite a bit anyway.
- There's the possibility that characters will be OCC. I will try my best to make them as much in character as I can, but I find it quite hard. Plus, as Izuku has gone through some things, he has changed himself and will change others because of this. As for example was said earlier with Katsuki.
- There are going to be some OCs. Mostly unimportant roles or baddies I think. I'm going to try to not make too much though.
- Lastly, I have no idea how often I will update. My life is chaos. I, myself, am chaos. I will try my best to make them as often and timed as possible, but I can't say anything for sure except that's something that will most likely crash and burn before I even try.
Thank you for reading my story and please leave a review!