R A N M A I N V E R T E D
A Studio AESIR effort
"Come back here, you old freak!"
Ranma raced along, ducking a clothesline and dashing around a
corner and over rows of rooftops trying to catch the speeding pervert
bouncing along ahead of him.
"He he he! You'll never catch me, Ranma. Just give it up and maybe
you and I can go and visit one of those fiancees of yours."
"Like any o' them would want anything to do with a disgusting old
freak like you!" He yelled.
"Hmm, that's just too bad..."
Ranma grinned as he began gaining on the ancient martial artist. A
few more lengths and he'd have that little lech right where he wanted
him... Ranma's eyes widened as he suddenly realized that the old
pervert had stopped. Unable to stop himself in time, Ranma skidded
within range of Happosai's outstretched pipe. One hit under the chin
and the boy was flying.
Happosai put his pipe back away, then his eyes twinkled in delight
and he began bounding madly off after, crying. "With *that* trajectory
he's liable to fall in the Tendo koi pond! Yipee! Akane and my lovely
pigtailed beauty BOTH to play with!"
Akane was in the kitchen preparing to commit gourmet crimes against
humanity when she heard the sound of Ranma falling. Going out on the
deck she was just in time to see the geyser. She tapped her foot
waiting for the expected martial artist to come spouting out of the
pond like the perverted water-sprite he was.
She wasn't disappointed.
When he did she began shouting at him. "Honestly, Ranma! Don't you
care about anything at all? You are *supposed* to be helping dad and
Mr. Saotome protect that garment shop, not picking on Ryoga! Or was it
that perverted bimbo Shampoo that you were playing with? I can't stand
how you are always running off to play with your friends instead of
helping out. Don't you care about what might happen if Happosai finds
out our fathers are protecting a magic bra over on center street
without you there to help them? What if Happosai were to find them
"Hotcha! An enchanted bra, you say?"
Ranma-chan's eyes were sacrastically lidded at half-mast. She
dripped. "Good one, Akane."
Akane's eyes zapped over to the little pervert peched on the wall
and back to Ranma. "But... that was... I didn't mean..." Her eyes went
angry and she advanced on Ranma. "How DARE you make me reveal something
like that without telling me he was around!"
"Did ya even give me a chance? And, since when did you listen to me
anyway?" Ranma-chan hopped up onto the wall and advanced on Happosai.
Her thoughts of subduing the ancient freak blew away as said freak
jumped onto her chest, snuggling the transformed girl's breasts. Now,
her thoughts completely focused on leaving a patch of grease where the
pervert was standing, Ranma-chan knocked him into orbit and then swore
as the ancient pervert's giggles reached down to her, realizing she'd
knocked him in the absolute wrong direction.
"He he he he! Now you'll never catch me, Ranma! I'll get that
enchanted bra and then come back to nuzzle with you and Akane!"
Ranma tore off racing, knowing she wasn't going to get there in
R A N M A I N V E R T E D
A RANMA 1/2 AND SLAYERS CROSSOVER
Outside the garment shop, Genma Saotome and Soun
discussing their battle plan. Dressed in his recently polished samurai
battle armour, Soun scowled as if it was the only thing he knew how to
do. Genma was in his cursed form of a panda, but he too held an air of
calm and fierceness. Together, the two comrades looked as if they were
ready to die in the midst of battle.
Unfortunately, they *were* standing in front of a lingerie boutique
in broad daylight, so passerby ended up giving them funny looks and
keeping to the other side of the street. The two didn't care; they
would not be detered from their mission.
"Saotome, my friend!" bellowed Soun. "Today we will prove that our
path of hardship was not in vain!"
Genma held up a lacquered sign. [Right, Tendo!] the sign read. He
flipped it over. [Today we will stop our evil master from stealing that
"This is our fated day!"
[Yes, this is fate! AGAINST OUR MASTER!]
"AGAINST OUR MASTER, THE SOURCE OF ALL EVIL!"
[THE SOURCE OF ALL PERVERSION! WE SHALL HAVE OUR REVENGE!]
"YES, HE SHALL PAY FOR ALL THE SUFFERING HE PUT US THROUGH!"
[ALL THE DAYS WE STARVED UNDER HIS REIGN!]
"ALL THE THINGS HE FORCED US TO STEAL!"
[ALL THE TIMES WE HAD TO PAY FOR HIS STEALINGS!]
"IT'S TIME FOR REVENGE!"
"WE SHALL EITHER LAY REVENGE UPON THE MASTER OF EVIL, OR DIE
[WE DIE TRYING... wait, did you just say 'die'?]
A group of girls passed by the two, Nabiki in the lead. Noticing
that the two were her misguided father and his Jusenkyo buddy, she
pretended not to pay attention to them.
"Hey," said one of the girls. "Isn't that your father, Nabiki?"
"Who?" asked Nabiki.
"The man wearing the armour. Isn't he your dad?"
"Never saw him before in my life," stated Nabiki. The other girls
shrugged, and walked after her.
"IT IS DESTINY!" shouted Soun, waving a wooden sword in the air.
[Er, right. DESTINY!]
"IF WE DIE ON THIS DAY, WE DIE AS COMRADES IN ARMS!"
"Hello boys! Guarding the enchanted bra, are we?"
[M-ma-as-ster! What are you doing here?!]
Happosai regarded his two pupils disdainfully. "Hmph, stealing
what's rightfully mine, what else?"
Soun almost glared successfully at the withered pervert. "That bra
is not rightfully yours!" A black and white ball of fur behind him
began harmlessly playing with a tire.
The very old martial artist smiled evilly. "You two are doing a
noble thing. Guarding the most wonderful of women's treasures, as any
righteous man would do! You two do me proud! Now, move aside before I
decide to punish you two lackeys for keeping me from what I deserve!"
"What you deserve is a serious flattening of your stupid face, ya
The old pervert quirked an eyebrow. "Oh? Ranma, you're here early.
I didn't expect you until I was done here. Must've upset Akane. I mean,
getting interrupted the way you two were smooching and all. I'd have
though, what with how you were groping her, that you two might want
some time alone..."
Three sets of eyes exploded to huge size while Happosai knowingly
"THAT'S MY BOY!!!" Soun glomped the boy and went hysterical with
[ALL RIGHT SON!!!] The panda began doing a little jig in glee.
Ranma squirmed in Mr. Tendo's unbreakable grasp. "That NOT the way
it happened! We went even DOING nuthin'! Look, the old freak was just
makin' that up so he could..."
There was a sound of breaking glass and Happosai jumped out of the
shop with a small bejeweled case, leaping off the panda's head and
vaulting off down the street.
"GAAAAAHH!!" Ranma finally opened a hole in Mr. Tendo's grip that
allowed him to escape and pursue the little pervert, while Happosai's
two students stared in dim incomprehension, still trying to piece
together what had gone on.
"Get BACK here, ya disgusting old man!" He shouted,
roofs after the speeding pervert, leaping over several girls' heads
only a street later.
"You *sure* you don't know them? I could've sworn that was Ranma."
One of the girls asked again.
"I don't know who you're talking about."
Nabiki stared steadfastly ahead, refusing to acknowledge the
teenaged martial artist or the pervert he'd been chasing as the two
passed by overhead. She was already making a mental note to get a copy
of her father's schedule from now on and avoid those parts of town he
might be visiting.
Ranma didn't notice as she bounced off of the top of a convenient
Ryoga in the next street over and nearly caught up to the pervert she
was chasing. "Give it BACK, ya freak!" She shouted, not noticing the
lost boy come to a boil behind her.
"He he he he!" Happosai bounded into a park and dove into the
ladies restroom. A few frightened shrieks later and it emptied in
Ranma, unfortunately, had just landed in front of the door in time
to get trampled by outrushing crowd. The martial artist unflattened
herself from the wall only a second after they'd past, but found
herself staring at the door with the unmistakable symbol on it of the
Running in in the heat of anger and not knowing what you were
walking into were one thing. Having the symbol right in front of your
face and *thinking* about it was an entirely different situation.
Ranma scowled and rolled up her sleeves, marching toward the door
and kicking it open. "Alright, ya dirty ol' man! Nobody's gunna mind if
a *girl* walks in to the..."
A spray of hot water came out of the open door and hit him in the
Ranma found himself dripping while it seemed like the entire park
was suddenly watching to see if this guy threatening to charge into the
ladies room was actually going to do it.
He took a step back toward the door...
Catching his breath, Ranma reached up a hand. But before the
waiting girls could inhale to shout 'Pervert!' he was four feet away
and leaning his back dejectedly against a wall.
"Oh, man. I just can't do it. Not with people watchin'. They'd
think I was as perverted as the old man."
Ranma kicked at a rock.
The wall exploded behind him and he was hauled back inside amidst a
deluge of cold water.
"He he he he!!!! Ranma! Why don't you model this pretty beauty for
me?" Ranma-chan had her shirt removed by the lust-powered old lech, but
in the midst of her scrambling to put her hands around the freak's face
so she could yank his eyelids off, she pushed open a hot water tap and
reverted male. The perverted old prune made a disgusted noise.
"Eww, Ranma. You ought to know that men don't wear these things
nearly so well. Why don't you just change..."
Ranma removed his foot from impact position, watching the freak go
sailing off into the stratosphere through the hole his exit had
created. Ranma lowered the leg he'd used to kick the old freak into
orbit. "Funny, I don't *feel* like wearing a bra today."
He bent down to sweep up the enchanted lingerie where it had been
spilled from its box. Raising the thing up to eye level he tentatively
stretched the lacy yet diminuative undergarment.
"Dang, whoever made this thing musta been tiny. Who ever heard of
an enchanted training bra, anyway?"
The thing flared to life in his hand and Ranma vanished.
"I can't believe you talked me in to this." Lina
staring at the spell components that she'd arranged preperatory to an
enchantment. The object of said enchanmtent: a lacy pink bra she'd had
specially made (it was far fancier than her typical plain cotton ones).
Naga stuck out her impressive mountain of flesh that passed for a
bosom, tightly yet *barely* constrained by the barest amount of black
leather. "Oh, come now, Lina. This spell is perfect for you. How else
are you going to attract anyone with competition like me around? I tell
you, Frenois Fabulous Female Matchmaker spell has never had a failure."
"I'm still not all that sure I *want* a boyfriend." Lina stood with
hands on her hips, looking down on her setup and wondering obviously
about going through with this.
Naga turned her back, unconcerned. "Oh, well. They typically buy
meals, you know."
"What are we waiting for!" Lina shouted enthusiastically. She
blurred through her ritual incantation, shoved the bra in its special,
jeweled box, and then watched it vanish as if collapsing in on itself.
"How will we know if it works?" Lina asked dubiously.
With a *Bamph* of displaced air the bra reappeared, sans box, but
with a young man attached, confusedly holding it in his hand,
apparently brought along for the ride.
The wall of the park exploded and a small family
was engulfed in a
deluge of small stones. Standing on the section of wall that remained
was a very irate Ryoga, battle aura vaporising the water around him.
"RRAANNMMAA!!!! YOU SHALL DIE!!!"
On the other side of that fallen wall, now revealed in plain view,
was Copycat Ken, who had just completed donning his Ranma disguise -
and whose magic kerchief that allowed him to change forms was ripped
apart in shards by the wall's explosion.
He looked at the charging, enraged Ryoga with chagrin.
"Ah man, whatever did I do to deserve this?"
Ukyo looked up when she heard the explosion. In the
saw a geyser of water shoot at least fifty metres into the air,
followed by a loud cry. "Water? It's Ranchan. Always is," she smiled,
hefting her combat spatula. "Hope he's okay." With that, she closed up
shop and ran.
Shampoo had just finished her delivery when she also noticed the
fountain of water. Realising that her husband was always in the midst
of such things, she pedalled as fast as she could in the direction she
saw the geyser in.
Much Later in the Story...
"C'mon, Ranma!" Lina weedled. "You can do it! Just
give that nasty
Shabranigdo a taste of those fists of yours!"
"You've come all the way from another dimension just for me to
fight someone? Bring him on!"
"Cool, now just take this sword of light and whack his head off.
Gourry! Give him your sword!"
"WHAAAT!??! Lina! This sword belong in my family. Why should I give
it over to him? Shouldn't *I* be the one to weild it against this demon
"*Because* Gourry! The Sword of Light has power according to the
will of it's weilder, and nobody in the whole UNIVERSE has an ego
bigger than Ranma!"
"Thanks, I think."
"Besides, *nobody* so stubborn they could teach themselves magic by
watching it happen could be done in by something so piddling as a demon
lord. We throw Ranma at this guy and none of the rest of us would even
have to blink! We could sit back and munch food while this guy earns us
all a place of honor in adventurer's lore FOREVER!"
"Um, Lina? You said that out loud."