Hey everyone, and thanks for returning. Like I said, this will be the last chapter of this fic, but thanks to all the people who asked me not to stop. I'm really flattered that you like this so much, but it's one of those things that'll never be consistent. I'll always be doing other things. I've had fun writing humor, but I'm moving into more serious territory, and I hope you will follow me there. Though of course, if I get another good idea for humor, I'll write it up.
Thanks to B/k, who was helping me this entire chapter
Pikalover: I didn't insult Pokemon. I insulted people who insulted Pokemon. I'm on your side
Oh, and Lord Luffy07? I would just LOVE to get in touch with you. AIM is Seven87eight, E-mail is the same thing with at the end.
Now, with no further ado, please everyone enjoy your very special final episode of Whose Idea was this Anyway!
CPegasus: hello and welcome to Whose Line is it Anyway, on tonight's show we have- (intro taken from a list of Star Wars lines that would be funnier if a word were replaced with "Pants")
These aren't the pants you're looking for, Seto Kaiba! (Kaiba glares at everyone from his chair)
You came in those pants? You're braver than Joey Wheeler! (Joey smiles and waves at his fans in the audience)
I sense a disturbance in the pants, Tea Gardner! (Tea looks oddly at Cpegasus)
And I find your lack of pants disturbing, Yugi Moto! (Yugi looks kind of shocked, and checks quickly to make sure he is actually wearing pants)
I'm your host, CPegasus and it's time to play! (She runs and jumps into her comfy chair) Welcome to Whose Line is it Anyway, the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right, the points are like a good ¾ of all the movies out- they don't matter and they're really irritating. Now tonight's show is special because it's the last show we're gonna do.
CPegasus: that means that I'll be doing all the games I really like, so this show is sure to be a fun one!
CPegasus: but the sooner we get started, the sooner we finish. So let's jump right into it. Tonight's first game is called 'Infomercial', it's for Kaiba and Joey. (They get up, both obviously unhappy, and stand at a podium with a box behind them) What happens here is these two are gonna do an infomercial for some self-help product using the items they find in the box behind them. Now, we need a product. Audience, any ideas?
Audience Member: intelligence booster! (all laugh)
CPegasus: I don't need any more than that. Kaiba, Joey, you're selling an intelligence booster of some kind. Have fun.
Kaiba: oh, I will. (smirks, audience laughs)
CPegasus: so begin!
Kaiba: Have you ever been ruthlessly mocked for your lame retorts?
Joey: Do your friends constantly have to lend you their homework?
Kaiba: Do you get horrendously low grades in school?
Joey: Are you just that stupid?
Kaiba: is your name Joey Wheeler?
Joey: do- HEY!
Kaiba: then have we got something for you (laughter) Yes, now even you can have the intelligence of a reasonably competent ape. (laughter) which is about human standard these days. (more laughter)
Joey: With our patented…(looks into the box and counts) 8-step program (laughter) your IQ'll grow….a lot.
Kaiba: (looks into the box) you moron, there are only 7 things in here. (harder laughter)
Joey: I, er, counted the box. Yeah.
Kaiba: of course you did. (pats Joey on the head. Joey growls, audience laughs) Now, why don't you tell the nice people what our first step is in terms they can understand? (laughing again)
Joey: (pulls a stuffed bird out of the box. He stares at it for a second, then speaks) the first thing you have to do is learn to sing. (laughter) You'll learn lotsa new words and how to speak in rhyme! (laughter)
Kaiba: then once you've done that, (pulls a ridiculous-looking cowboy hat out, everyone laughs- including Joey) you go into your closet. (laughter) You take anything that looks this stupid, and you burn it. (laughter and cheers) Then you go out, and get something like this (Takes off his trenchcoat—to many screams and cheers from fangirls—and holds it up) buy one for every day of the week. (fangirls and trenchcoat-haters alike laugh, and Kaiba lets the cheering go to his head. He throws the coat to Hikaru-chan in the audience, who faints)
Joey: (rolls his eyes and pouts, then grabs the next item from the box, a tennis racquet) Now the next thing you do to improve your smartness is learn a snooty sport. (laughter) But then, yer gonna be smart, so you'll be bad at sports. Loser. (ahaha, is it cheesy for me to have my own laugh track?)
Kaiba: (pulling out the next item, a giant key) Now, this is more of a last resort, but I'll tell you now. The room where all the Teacher's Editions of textbooks are? (audience starts laughing already) I think you know what comes next. (he puts the key down)
Joey: (takes a quill pen from the box) Using one of these doesn't make ya look any smarter on the paper, but dang ya look better writin' it! (scattered chuckles) aw, be that way…
Kaiba: And here we have the amazing, (takes out a standard, green glass bottle) creativity stimulant (roaring laughter) which you get at no extra cost when you buy this package (ahaha, they just love him)
Joey: (taking a stuffed muskrat out of the now empty box) ….Bridget? (he starts shaking it, to the supreme amusement of the audience) BRIDGET! YOU SICK, RICH, SMART LITTLE- YOU KILLED HER! (he leaps on Kaiba and starts trying to punch him)
Kaiba: (Holding off Joey's attacks with relative ease) That's all the time we have, if you'd like to purchase our product please call 1-900-FAKE-NUM-BER…124-753…-64…-7922…-2563…-36…-367326…-743….-9345….-9562…-827….-4375…-573…-3863….-366…-345….-3462…-36…744…-9353.(Audience laughs every time he pauses) Call today!
CPegasus: (still laughing) Great job, great job, 900 points for each of you. Now, the next game we're gonna play is called 2-line vocabulary! (cheering) Yugi, Tea and Joey can come on up here. Tea, You're the captain of a sinking ship at sea. Joey's your cook, and Yugi's the First Mate. Catch here is that Yugi and Joey can only say 2 lines each. Joey, all you can say is "It was your fault" and "Heh, heh. Allllll riiiiight." (light laughing). Yugi, you can say "Twelve of them" and "How's the weather down there?" And hit it!
(I'm gonna stop with the laugh track, tis getting too repetitive for me. You feel free to laugh whenever you want)
Tea: The ship is sinking! We've gotta get out!
Joey: It was your fault.
Tea: What? Of course it wasn't! Now where are the lifeboats?
Yugi: twelve of them
Tea: I know how many there are, where ARE they?
Yugi: (ignoring her, pretends like he's climbing something) how's the weather down there?
Tea: HORRIBLE! THAT'S WHY THE SHIP IS SINKING!
Joey: Heh, heh. Allllll riiiiight
Tea: it is NOT alright! Now come on, everyone into the lifeboats.
Yugi: (incredulously) twelve of them?
Tea: not all twelve! We can all get in the same one
Joey: Heh, heh. Allllll riiiiight
Tea: annoyed oh, just get in!
(Tea and Joey pretend to climb down into something)
Yugi: how's the weather down there?
Joey: pointing at Yugi, to Tea it was YOUR fault.
Tea: how was he my fault!
(Yugi climbs down with them)
Tea: okay, we have to paddle south.
Yugi: how's the weather down there?
Tea: better than here.
Joey: Heh, heh. Allllll riiiiight
Tea: -.- just paddle!
Yugi (looking around, pointing at invisible oars) twelve of them.
Tea: everyone take four then! Now it's gonna be a long trip, so try not to tire yourselves out.
Joey: (he starts paddling like crazy, then panting. He points at Yugi) It was your fault!
CPegasus: well, I think that's quite enough of that. Now, instead of a word from our sponsors, I've gotten hold of an interesting little video clip……Roll it!
(Isis and Kaiba stand on the street)
Isis: Kaiba, you must fulfill your destiny!
Kaiba: no way. I create my own destiny!
Isis: (Pokes Kaiba) Fulfill your destiny!
Kaiba: (steps back) what the crap is wrong with you?
Isis: (poking him again) fulfill your destiny!
Kaiba: (starts running away)
Isis: (running after him) Fulfill it!
Kaiba: No! (pulls out a gun and shoots at her)
Isis: (dodging the bullet) Fulfill your destiny!
Kaiba: WHY WON'T YOU DIE!
CPegasus: now that was fun. Kaiba, how did that one end?
Kaiba: (staring into space) I don't remember…I don't think I want to
CPegasus: fair enough! Next game is called World's Worst! This is for everyone, we remember how it works, right? You all get up and show us the worst examples you can give. The topic is…World's Worst Baby-sitter. And start whenever you're ready
Kaiba: …I wonder if babies know how to fly….
Joey: Wait, wait, I'm NOT supposed to actually sit on the baby?
Tea: Okay, time to play "Where's the liquor cabinet?"
Yugi: Alright, take my car and some cash, just be back before your parents
Joey: (pulling Tea up with him) Aw, he was great. Didn't hear a peep all night.
Tea:…why is his window open?
Kaiba: (miming holding up a knife to something's throat) say good-bye to Barney….
Yugi: (attempting a Marik-esque voice) Don't worry, if they don't behave I'll just mind-control them…
Joey: Don't wanna go to bed? To the Shadow Realm witcha!
Tea: Alright, I'm callin' my boyfriend. You guys just play Grand Theft Auto or something…
Kaiba: Alright, check the handbook. 1) do not let them play with fire, knives, guns, chemicals…(he looks more nervous and uncomfortable with each item) KIDS! I have to take back those toys!
Yugi: (steps up, then down. No one laughs) oh come on! I did nothing! That's a horrible sitter!
Cpegasus: Okay, that was wonderful, 500 points for everyone! Points all around! Next game is everyone's favorite Scenes From a Hat! (She holds up a pilot's helmet like they use in Star Wars) We all know this one. It's obvious by now. First category is (reads) heh, excerpts from Kaiba's diary. Have fun!
Joey: 'June 12. Challenged Yugi. Lost. June 15. Challenged Yugi. Lost. June 24. Challenged Yugi. Lost. June 25. Challenged Yugi. Twice. Lost. Twice.'
Tea: Dear Diary, I am too strong-hearted to keep a diary. So I shall now throw you away. Goodbye.'
Kaiba: Yugi's annoying, Tèa's annoying, Tristan's annoying, Marik's annoying, Ishizu's annoying, Serenity's annoying, Duke's annoying, Joey's VERY annoying...
Joey: Dear Diary, I have lots of money. It lets me buy fancy things and I love it so much. In fact, money and me are gonna get married the day after Tuesday….
CPegasus: (buzz) Alright, alright, Kaiba-boy's fuming over there. New topic
Kaiba: (can't help it) money and I and the day after Tuesday is Wednesday.
CPegasus: (read) what Yami does in his free time
Yugi: (imitating Yami) YUGI! I'm out of hair gel!
Tea: Duel? Duel? Who said duel? Damn it! Hearing things again…
Kaiba: Blah, blah, blah, heart of the cards, blah, heart, heart, blah, blah, cards….
Joey: YOU'VE TRESPASSED ON MY SOOOOUUUL! PENALTY GAME! Aw wait, it's just a rat.
Yugi: My name. Is not. YUGI!
Joey: Must . . . . beat . . . Tetris . . . so . . . many . . . leveeeeeellsssssss…Must…be…king…of all….games…
CPegasus: (buzz) alright, moving on. What our audience is thinking right now!
Kaiba: Why am I here. Why am I here. Why am I here. Why am I here
Joey: I want a cookie. I want a cookie. I want a cookie. I want a cookie
Tea: I like cute bishies. I like cute bishies. I like cute bishies. I like cute bishies.
Yugi: I do not have enough brain capacity to have more than one thought at a time. I do not have enough brain capacity to have more than one thought at a time. I do not . . .
Kaiba: Hee hee hee hee hee. o.o Hey, I think they're making fun of us!
CPegasus: (reads) Books Joey will never read.
Kaiba: War and Peace, A Tale of Two Cities, Moby Dick, (buzz)
CPegasus: Kaiba, we only need one at a time
Kaiba: (ignoring) The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Les Miserables,
CPegasus: (buzz buzz) Kaiba, you can stop now.
Kaiba: (still ignoring) Oliver Twist, Great Expectations, The Prince and the Pauper…
CPegasus: Kaiba, we're going to the next topic.
(Kaiba reluctantly steps off the stage)
CPegasus: okay, let's see…Items not to give to a sugar-high Yami Bakura
Yugi: come on, lemme show you my collection of sharp, pointy objects!
Tea: I made brownies! Who wants one?
Yugi: Gee, I hope you don't take this embarrassing photo of me at that Christmas Party and show it to everyone…
Joey: Lemme see here, I got some knives, some bombs, some nice laser guns…
CPegasus: All right, very nice job! 200 points to everyone but Kaiba-boy, cause he couldn't shut up. We'll be right back for the last game after this short commercial break.
CPegasus: Oh, hello! You all know me as CPegasus. I'd like to take this opportunity to plug some of the other stories I'm in the middle of, and a few other things. I swear eventually I'll finish the story that started my original character creating career, "One Weak Link in Every Chain." There also may or may not be a big future for my Pegasus/OC, "Only a Week." Aside from my Yu-gi-oh works, I have a Star Wars fic in progress. It isn't up yet, but I ask you to look forward to it. Finally, I'd like to plug an RPG I'm a part of, SAVED. It can be found at www.s8. and we always welcome new members. You play as a superhero in missions that we create. Everyone is welcome to be a hero and/or villain and contribute whatever they want. So please join us. Consider this plug my final farewell to the humor genre. Thank you all for supporting me.
CPegasus: Welcome back! It's finally time for our last game!
(contestants cheer loudly)
CPegasus: We're gonna play a totally new one for a nice change of pace. This is called Survivor, it's for everyone. Works just like the TV show—you all are stuck somewhere and trying to live. Joey's going to be the host, and Yugi, Kaiba and Tea are the final three contestants. Now from the audience, I need a place for them to be stuck
Audience: Arctic! Pet shop! Musical!
CPegasus: Stuck in a musical? I love it! Alright, let's go.
Joey: Hello and welcome to the second-to-last episode of Survivor: Broadway. These three contestants have been tried time and again in their five years on this stage. Now, at long last, the nightmare will be over. But not for another two episodes.
(Yugi and Tea start doing a little dance. Yugi falls)
Tea: It's not that hard! You just have to do a simple grapevine in a circle while standing on a 29 degree angle EXACTLY!
Yugi: But I don't know what that IS!
Joey: as you can see, tempers are running high in this last day.
(Tea walks irritably over to Kaiba, who has seated himself on the stairs and looks to be reading something) And why doesn't HE have to do anything!
Kaiba: Perhaps I'm actually learning my lines. It'll be very amusing to watch you two jump around, fall, and then forget what you were going to say.
Tea: Are you sayin' something? (she grabs his collar)
Kaiba: Yes, yes I am.
(Tea stage-slaps Kaiba)
Joey: Man! Did you see that! She must have been holding that in for months now!
Yugi: (in a very, VERY whiny voice) guuuuuuuys, don't fiiiiight!
Kaiba: Nobody asked you, runt.
Yugi: Teaaaaa, Kaiba's being meeeeaaaan!
Tea: Oh shut up! Shut up all of you shut up! (Tea stalks off and starts dancing by herself in the corner)
Joey: (entering the scene, to Tea) hey, ah, if you want some better company…(clears throat) I mean, Congratulations for comin' this far, contestants. It's time to vote one of your own off the island. You all have your giant index cards, so write down the name and tell our dumb- I mean captive audience who it is.
Yugi: (his card reads 'Kaiba') he's so meeeeaaaan to meeee!
Kaiba: (card reads 'Yugi') that infuriating little dweeb has to go. Now.
Tea: (card reads 'Tea') You gotta get me outta here. (shaking the camera) I JUST CAN'T TAKE IT!
Joey: (collecting the cards) Now, lessee who's leaving. (reads the cards) Kaiba, Yugi, Tea…Tea, this is yer writing. It's the same one on that homework you let me look at.
Tea: (laughing, but trying to snap in character) just read it!
Joey: Well, it's a three-way tie. So I guess you all getta stay on another show.
All Three Contestants: NOOOO!
CPegasus: That was wonderful! Thank you everyone! Thanks to all our contestants, our audience, our guests, everyone who's stuck around for this many chapters of this crap. Goodbye everyone!