Authors Note: This story is set after Last Sacrifice in the Vampire Academy series by Richelle Mead. A big thank you to tumblr user DoubtTheStarsAreFire for my wonderful cover image. There are some applicable trigger warnings including mentions of rape, emotional, and sexual abuse. There is also BDSM. This story contains graphic depictions of sex. Please proceed with caution if you are sensitive to any of these topics. This is a hard M or E rated story.

The front door slammed. Dimitri never slammed the door when he came into the house. The sound alone set Rose on edge, her hair-raising and her muscles tensing as if for battle. The echo of a second door slamming, this time leading to the bathroom, did nothing to smooth over her nerves.

As deadly as Dimitri could be, he was never aggressive with her. He had gotten very good at leaving his job at work so bringing his troubles home was a sign of something bad.

Rose took a deep breath, taking a moment to calm herself and laid down the knife she had been using to chop vegetables for dinner. Her knuckles cracked a little as they released the tense grip she had taken. She wasn't afraid of Dimitri, not logically at least, but there was an irrational part of her that still jumped if he ever raised his voice outside of combat or approached her too quickly when she wasn't ready. His time as Strigoi would always leave a scar on them both. The therapist that they were working with together said it was a form of PTSD, and that while it may never fully go away, they could work through it in time.

The shower was on when she knocked on the bathroom door, but he didn't answer. Being Rose, she still took it as an invitation. There was already steam building from the shower, the water extra hot, the way only he could take it.

"You're going to burn your skin."

"Don't care." His reply was gruff, but at least it was worded. That was two steps up from the worst possibility. She could even deal with his occasional monosyllabic grunts when he was really pissed. It was the silent and complete shut outs that were the worst. She simply didn't know what to do with him during those times.

Rose kicked his discarded clothing out of the way and slowly peeled back the shower curtain, revealing the Russian God in all his glory. The water beat against his back, a shade less tan than hers normally but currently a bit more red where the water hit him. His wet hair stuck to his neck, covering the molnija marks he bore solemnly. His body was tall and toned, and all hers. All of this distracted her from the fact that he was scrubbing the last evidence of blood from his knuckles.

"Oh my God, what happened?" Dimitri was always on her case at the Academy to remember her hand wraps, so she couldn't imagine that it would just casually slip his mind during training.

"Nothing, Rose." His tone said otherwise, though, as did his purposeful turning away. "Just ignore it."

Frustrated, she stepped back and watched as his shoulders relaxed. He obviously thought he had won this battle but he should know better than to lower his guard too quickly. She stripped her shirt off, taking the bra underneath as well. Her pants followed right after. Dimitri didn't even have a chance to protest before she had pushed him back further into the water and stepped into the shower. His body shielded her from the worst of the biting spray, but he turned slightly to lower the temp for her anyways.

When he faced her once more, she could see the full extent of the damage, including a rapidly blackening eye and a busted lip.

"This wasn't in the ring, was it?"

His eyes shifted downwards, giving her a sufficient reply.

"What happened?" Rose took the washcloth, gently washing some of the blood and sweat away.

Dimitri winced as the rag caught on the mark across his cheek. "Someone was talking." There was a far away look in his eye and it wasn't a long leap to guess what someone might have brought up. Most people knew not to talk about his Strigoi days, but some still hadn't learned. A few were even stupid enough to say something to his face.

"Oh, Dimitri. I'm sorry. You know they don't understand."

"No Rose, you don't understand. They weren't talking about me, they were talking about you." He grabbed her hand, stopping her gentle ministrations and looked her in the eye. "They called you my bloodwhore. That I used you, abused you, raped you."

"You didn't..."

"I did. I did use you. I bit you and I fed from you. I abused you emotionally and mentally, manipulating you every chance that I got."

"But you also protected me and kept me safe."

"By kidnapping you and locking you in some golden, lavish prison until you submitted to my demands?" It was a thin argument and she knew it, but the raised brow that he gave her made her feel foolish.

"Plus," he continued, "while I may not have raped you, that doesn't mean that I wasn't tempted from time to time. It was only my desire to use sex to further manipulate you that kept me from actually taking you by force."

Dimitri's head dropped to his chest and he pulled back, retreating both physically and emotionally from Rose as he had done so many times before. And like so many time before, Rose knew she needed to follow him before he became too lost in his own thoughts of self-hatred.

So she lifted his chin, waiting until he stubbornly let his eyes move from her feet to her face, and said the words she had said so many times before and would probably say a million times again. "I love you. I forgive you for the things that happened when you weren't the man in front of me at this moment. You aren't that person anymore. I'm not going anywhere and I want to be with you because I love you. Okay?"

Dimitri nodded, rolling his lip between his teeth and pulling her close instead of answering back. She listened as his heart became steady and felt his kiss to the crown of her head before he finally whispered to her, "Can I tell you a secret?"

It was the shyness in his voice that startled her. There was a vulnerability on his face to match it though and she nodded, suddenly unsure of what could cause her man to be so shaken.

"Sometimes," he paused, bracing himself, "Sometimes I miss it."

Miss it? It took Rose a moment to understand what he could possibly mean but the comprehension slowly dawned and when it did, it took everything in her not to jump back in shock. How could he miss being Strigoi? How could he miss killing people?

She remembered what the therapist had said about trying to listen and understand, though, so after taking a step back for her own comfort, she tried to gather herself to talk to him.

She wasn't quick enough, though. Dimitri has seen her surprise and fear.

"Not that, Rose. No. Never that." He was quick to reassure her but resisted reaching out to her. She needed to come to him when she felt safe to do so. Still, there was some shame when he admitted, "I miss the power. I miss the control. I miss the way you looked at me like I was your everything."

"You still are," she countered, touching his chest to let him know she was okay.

"I know you love me, I don't question that. But when I practically worshiped me. I'm not saying it was right, or that I want you to do that all the time, but there was a certain thrill to it." Dimitri couldn't meet her eyes as he continued, "I love your strength and independence. I'm glad that you can take care of yourself. I want us to be equals and we are..."


"I miss the way you used to look at me like you would do absolutely anything I asked of you, as long as it gave me pleasure. I miss knowing that I was in complete control of you — mind, body, and soul. I miss the way I knew I could take you at any time, and you would give yourself to me without a second thought because you were mine, no questions asked. I owned you, Rose. I possessed you. As wrong as I'm sure it is, as sick and twisted as it feels to me to think of it, there's a part of me that wants that again." The growl in his voice shook her soul. "Some nights, I don't just want to be with you. Some nights, I want to pin you down and make you mine. Some nights, I want you to submit to me."

By the time he has finished speaking, both of their breathing was ragged. He was staring her down with such intensity, waiting for a response and she was flustered with the confession he just made. He had called the feeling sick and twisted, but it certainly didn't feel that way in this moment. Right now it felt exciting and desirable.

"You want me to submit?"

"Dear God, yes." There was pain in his voice as he still kept a few inches from her in the rapidly cooling shower, but as Rose desperately tried to straighten her thoughts out, she could see there were parts of him was already awakening as if the sheer thought of the possibility was pleasurable.

Rose hesitated, knowing her own desire to maintain control. She was reckless and dove into things head first, but it was always by her own choice. But if there was one person she trusted more than anyone else, it was Dimitri. Perhaps it seemed illogical, but the decision came easily.

"Then I'm yours."

His head snapped up, brows creased. "What?"

"I trust you. You've always protected me, and even back then I felt relatively safe with you. I know you'll never hurt me. So yes, Dimitri, I'm yours. Do with me what you will."

That was all the permission he needed. There was no further declaration of love or devotion. No gentle caress. One moment he was standing before Rose bearing his secret, the next he had her pressed against the wet tile in a hard kiss that stole her breath away.

Her hands instinctively sought his arms, pressing against the strength of his biceps and feeling the way the muscles moved under her fingers. They only had a moment of comfort before he captured her hands above her head and trapping them there. His body pressed her closer, trapping her between his warm skin and the cold tile, both hard and unyielding.

Rose tore her mouth away from his, needing air for a moment while he went to work on the sensitive spot right under her ear and eliciting a small whimper from her.

"That's right, Roza." A thrust of his hips and the rapidly growing erection only punctuated his words. "Before we go any further, though, tell me your safe word. I need you to know that you can stop me anytime with just one word. Tell me, Rose."

The idea of a 'safe word' was something they had introduced into their relationship several months ago, not for sexual reasons but for emotional ones. It was a word that one could use if the other made them uncomfortable for any reason. It was a signal to take a step back and take a break, and while they had only needed to use it a few times, it had been a lifesaver in those moments.

"Tell me, Rose, or I stop right now."

"Buria." She was breathless, but he was close enough to hear it anyways.

She could feel his smile against her cheek before he gently bit down on her earlobe. "Good girl." His whisper sent a shiver through her body and she was grateful for the way he was holding her in that moment or she would have ended up in a pile at his feet.

His lips were on hers again, but only for a second before he pulled away again and leaving her wanting more. He reached behind him, never looking away from her, to shut off the water.

"On your knees, Roza."

His large hand cupped her chin, gently guiding her down to her knees as fell before him. He watched her in awe as she obeyed, so different from the headstrong woman he loved. Her eyes were entirely focused on his, even when they were level with his cock.

Rose was no stranger to having Dimitri in her mouth, but it had always been her choice. She had always offered enthusiastically. Now he commanded her. She was just as enthusiastic, but it was for a whole new reason. She had wanted to please him before, now she needed to. Desperately.

She took as much of him in as possible, nearly gagging in the process. Dimitri held her firm, though, not letting her pull back more than absolutely necessary. He had never forced her to go down on him but it was clear from his fingers tangled in her hair that he would be relentless in controlling her.

Her body ignited at the thought.

A soft grunt sounded from Dimitri, his head falling back, as Rose encircled whatever her mouth couldn't take with her hand and she steadily pumped his shaft. His hand tightened in her hair, twisting the locks in his fist. Her tongue ran along the thick vein underneath him, feeling every ridge against her lips until she found the smooth head. She licked a timid circle around the crown, placing a soft kiss on the head while looking up at him coyly.

His eyes were dark, filled with lust and desire in a way she hadn't seen in awhile. He always wanted her, she knew that, but this was a much different type of want. This was a type of want that wouldn't be satisfied by a moment of intimacy. He needed more.

So when Dimitri pulled her to him again, Rose opened her mouth wide and engulfed him, humming as he slipped in inch by inch past her lips. He grunted, slowly trusting and mimicking what she knew would come soon.

Rose tensed as his body invaded hers, but she quickly began to relax and let herself succumb to him. Things became easier as she did, putting herself totally in his hands. She focused herself totally on him and his pleasure, letting any worry of herself fall away. Before she knew it, she herself was moaning along with him.

In fact, her whole body was alight with desire. The water dripped off her breasts in cool trails, leaving goosebumps in their wake. Her body ached to be touched but her hands were occupied by him, and joyfully so. Still, it was becoming nearly unbearable for her not to have her desire satisfied somehow. Her thighs rubbed together, instantly relieving some of her pent up tension, but the sudden pull back on her hair stopped her in a moment.

"Uh-uh, not until I say so, my dear. Your pleasure belongs to me tonight and I'll only allow it when I deem you worthy. Understand?"

Rose nodded, his cock still hard against her cheek, and she tried to ignore the increased throbbing between her legs. As a distraction, she dedicated herself to him again, bobbing her head against him once more.

One hand cup his sack in a way that she knew drove him wild, the other the base of his shaft, and her mouth took care of the rest. Rose was desperate to get him off. She knew she would see that same pride in his face that he had when they were training; the one that he got when she mastered a new move, or when she outran him, or when she beat him in her field experience. The look that was equal parts pride and lust.

Just when she knew he was about to come, he stopped her, pulling her up with no warning and crashing his mouth against hers. His hand slipped between their bodies, pressing against the apex of her sex and rubbing harshly at the nub that craved his attention. While it was so much more furious than his usual ministrations, she welcomed it, opening herself to whatever he offered almost wantonly.

It wasn't enough, though, and he knew it.

"Tell me what you want, Rose."

She mewled, her head against his chest.

"Rose!" His command was sharp this time, making it clear that he would not be ignored.

"You," she panted breathlessly. "I want you."

He hummed his content, rewarding her with a flick against her clit before rubbing her again. "And where do you want me, Rose? What exactly do you want? I want to hear you ask for it. No, I want to hear you beg."

Her nails dug into his skin, somehow turned on by his own pleasure of making her his personal plaything. She considered betraying him, resisting, but as soon as the thought emerged in her mind it was as if he could sense it and she felt the sting of a smack against her inner thigh. She looked up at him in surprise.

"Don't fight me. Are you going to be my good girl or do you need another slap?"

It was all part of their game, she smirked. She shook her head, showing her willingness to play, and he went back to pleasure rather than pain with one simple command:

"Beg for it, Roza."

"Ugh, yes. I want you. I want you inside me. Your fingers, your tongue, your cock. Anything. I need you. God, Dimitri, please."

Two fingers slipped inside her as she spoke, stroking her from the inside out. Rose rode him, getting more and more excited with every word until she was begging for him in earnest. When he pushed her against the shower wall, she was ready for him to take her there, but he simply admired the way her wetness coated his fingertips and smiled at her.

"You're so ready for me. Do you like this, Rose? Do you like giving yourself to me?"

Rose nodded, watching fascinated as Dimitri brought his fingers towards his mouth, stopping just short of his lips.

"I love the way you taste. I always have. It's indescribable, but completely you. Have you ever tasted yourself?"

Rose licked her lips as he his hand came closer. She had tasted herself on his tongue after he had gone down on her, though she had never tasted herself directly, but right now there was nothing she wanted more. It was as if he had some form of compulsion over her. When he was no further than three inches away, she took him by the wrist and swallowed his fingers whole, sucking them clean before releasing them.

His pupils burned and his lips chased her's, seeking a taste of what she had stolen from him a moment ago. His hardness was pressed incessantly against her belly, his mouth devouring her own.

"Get out, now." He reached outside the shower curtain for a towel, handing it to her before stepping out himself. "Dry off but don't bother getting dressed. Meet me in the bedroom." He looked her up and down one more time before grabbing a towel for himself and giving a low growl as he walked out of the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.

When Rose entered the bedroom, a towel wrapped around her and hair in damp curls down her back, Dimitri was sitting stark naked on their bed. He was waiting for her, dick in hand, slowly stroking himself as if it was the most natural thing in the world for her to find him doing.

"Drop the towel," he ordered.

Rose immediately untucked the folds above her heart and let the fabric fall. The air conditioner made her skin pucker and her nipples draw tight as the cool air rushed over her flesh.

He notices and smiled, standing and striding over to her in three steps. The hand that had been on his cock seconds before was warm against her cheek, now stroking her just as gently, and she leaned into him craving his touch.

"Good girl. I'm fascinated by your naughty streak, but I love when you listen to me." She nipped at his thumb and he flicked her nose softly. "You see that mirror? Face it for me."

Rose moved towards her full-length mirror near the closet, letting her hips sway dramatically as the electricity jumped inside her. Dimitri stepped behind her, just looked at her reflection initially, not touching, merely observing, until it became nearly impossible to stand still under his gaze. Just as she was about to squirm, though, a hand traced up her thigh, past her hips and stomach, to cup her left breast. The other pinned her close to him by the waist.

His fingers were so close to her nipple, it was driving her crazy to be touched but to not be touched. She knew he was toying with her. He traced small circles on her hip, mimicking the action around her breast just shy of the sensitive tip and smiling every time her breath hitched. She tried to stay still, to not give him the satisfaction of seeing her react, but her obstinate attitude seemed to only egg him on further.

"You're so beautiful, do you know that? It was so hard to try to deny it. I'm so glad you're mine. Mine alone." He bit her shoulder, as far away as possible from her neck, but she could still hear his almost uncharacteristic whisper, "How did I get so lucky?"

Before his break in facade could be questioned, he looked up, meeting her eyes in the mirrored reflection and demanding an answer. "Who do you belong to, Roza?"

"You." She didn't hesitate. She didn't need to. Even if they weren't in the midst of this game, her answer would have been the same. She was his — heart, body, mind, and soul.

"Say it again." His voice was a little louder, feral almost. It made her quake inside, not from fear, but from ecstasy.

"You, Dimitri. I belong to you."

"Damn right." He placed her hands on the wall, one on either side of the mirror. It was low enough that she had to bend a little from where she stood, but that seemed to be exactly what he was looking for. "Don't you dare move."

Rose stood still, letting him rub his hands over her and giving nothing more than a whimper as he paused to kiss her skin, pinch her nipple, or tease her clit. It was torturous, but delightfully so. She didn't move until he commanded her to spread her legs.

She knew what was coming, and hew body was begging for it. She was shaking, not from holding the position, but from being denied his touch inside her. She wanted to beg for him to hurry up and get it over with but he was in control. He set the pace tonight. The silent encouragement she did offer by pushing her hips back towards him was met with a quick smack on her ass that was more shock than pain.

"Not so fast, I want to take my time. It's not often I get to admire you from this view." He massaged her bum, starting where he had just spanked her and stealing some of the sting away before spreading her cheeks open. She wanted to pull away instinctively, shyness taking over, but stubbornness made her hold still until he released her. She would do as he said.

"I know we haven't talked about it before, but I would love to take you here." His finger traced lightly down the cleft that split her, making her jump and look at him with wide eyes in the mirror. "Not tonight," he reassured, "we'd need to discuss it, but just imagining the feeling of you clenched around me turns me on."

Rose tightened at his words, eliciting a grunt from him. "Just like that, Hun. Just like that."

It took quite a bit to make Rose blush, but the thought of Dimitri taking her from behind, in the ass, was one of them. It has never been a strong desire for her, and she never thought it was for him since he never mentioned it, but this persona of his seemed to be making him bold. They certainly would be talking about it later. For now, there were other matters at hand.

"You're dripping." And she was. She could feel herself running down her thighs in anticipation but the discovery seemed to both amuse and please him. "Does that mean you want me?"

She nodded. She could start to feel tears building up in her eyes from the hurt of being denied her pleasure. Her clit was beginning to ache and throb in want.

"Rose?" It was the same mentor voice he used when she was being obstinate at the Academy. "What did we talk about? I want you to ask for it."

Not ask...beg.

"Fuck me. I want you to fuck me, Dimitri. Please. Fuck me—ahh!"

He entered her suddenly and with force, holding her hips to keep her steady for the first few thrusts and then pulling her by the hair so that he could keep eye contact with her through their reflections.

There was no pain — Rose was more than ready for him — but the pressure of him in this position took her by surprise and left her breathless and gasping. She focused on the feel of him entering her, timing her movements to his as if they were in the sparring ring again, and they fell into a rhythmic dance. Her moans matched his grunts, she rocked as he thrusted, and together they began to climb higher.

He watched her the entire time. If he wasn't looking at her in the mirror, demanding her attention in a silent stare that wouldn't let her turn away, he was watching the way her breasts bounced with every thrust he made, or how her face flushed with the amount of energy it took just to stay upright. Eventually, though, he seemed to become fascinated with watching himself slide into his prize, over and over again. He looked down, like a king surveying his realm with pride, a warrior and conqueror as Rose gave herself in total surrender.

She began to lose herself in the act of what they were doing, feeling everything and becoming absorbed in it. From the way his body curved over hers, to the way he tugged on her hair; from the way he said her name, to the way he looked at her; from the way his shaft hit her deep inside, to the way his balls smacked against her clit with every thrust.

It became a sensory overload, much more than any orgasm she had ever felt before. She clenched around him, feeling the beginning of her pleasure take over but her mind began to flee to another plane, in a way that was almost familiar. It took her a moment to recognize the feeling but it was euphoria. A high. She almost expected to see Dimitri at her neck but even if he was, she was too far gone to even care as she let herself fall into the sense of bliss.

Dimitri caught her, his own orgasm releasing with her's, and he felt her become weak and shaky in the process. He lifted her to the bed, still conscious but dazed, as she struggled to hold him close.

"Roza, my sweet, Roza, are you okay?" He kissed her face, her hands, her hair. "What's going on?"

Rage giggled, tucking her head into his chest and feeling his arms wrap around her. He moved away when she began to cough, but came back quickly with some water for them both, as well as a washcloth, cleaning them both up a bit before tucking her in next to him with a warm blanket.

After nearly a half hour of soft words and touches, she finally began to speak coherently again, much to Dimitri's relief.

"Where did you go? You had me worried there."

Rose lifted her head, fighting off the growing mental and physical exhaustion that eagerly demanded sleep. "Sorry. I was just...happy, I guess."


"Yeah. I don't know how to describe it. It was like being sucked into a really good movie or book. I was aware, but not really. It was a good feeling, I promise." He still didn't look convinced. "There's only one other thing I could really compare the feeling too, but you wouldn't like it."

His eyes dropped to her neck for a second, confirming that he got the message. "That good?"

She nodded, absentmindedly touching her own neck in reply. "How about you?"

He laid back, still rubbing her hip with one hand. "Well I don't think I'd say I got high off it, but it was quite the experience." He smiled, giving her a playful smirk that she didn't see often enough. It was gone quickly though as his moral compass came crashing down. "I feel guilty, though. I shouldn't treat you like this. You are so much more, and I love your mind and your soul. You're strong, free thinking, and don't take disrespect from anyone, including me. I don't want to reduce you to some submissive pet."

Rose kissed his cheek, feeling the stubble that he shaved every morning already growing back. "I know you love me. You are one of the few people in the world who can put up with me. Face it, not many people in this world would survive telling me to get on my knees for them." She smiled as Dimitri chuckled before she continued, "but please, don't feel guilty because if you do, then I will too."

Dimitri looked at her blankly, unsure how to respond.

"I enjoyed that, Dimitri. I enjoyed relinquishing control to you. It was freeing to put that power in your hands and knowing with a surety that you would take care of me. I trust you. Maybe I need this as much as you do. Maybe I want this too."

He kissed her, softly and sweetly. Her gentle giant. There had always been a complexity about Dimitri that could make him this trained killing machine capable of being able to take on Strigoi and still love his family and friend with his entire being that he would give his life up in an without a second thought. Those hands that could kill could also caress. Who was to say their sex life couldn't also share some complexity as well? Because at the end of the day, she knew that he would always be the one holding her close, kissing her forehead, and calling her "his Roza."

Author's Note

This story was a charity submission for MoreS2SL in fall 2016 where we raised over $3500 for children's cancer research. Thank you to all those who donated and continue to donate. You can learn more about the cause at mS2SL dot com and be sure to look out for MoreS2SL submissions from me and other amazing authors!

Just as a final note, this story does contain the beginning of a BDSM relationship between Rose and Dimitri. The BDSM community, nor the relationships that those within it chose to participate in, isn't something meant to be fetishized or taken lightly. I truly hope I haven't made it out to be so. While this story and author's note hardly enough to give a true education, I believe a few important things should be noted. First, Rose and Dimitri started their relationship with almost no understanding of the dominant/submissive roles and what it meant to take on those roles. If you are interested in becoming active in a BDSM partnership, research and understanding is important to make sure that you do so safely. Second, Dimitri refers to his thoughts as "sick and twisted" at one point. Keep in mind that this opinion is one brought on by his past struggles and how the general community at large often views BDSM, even though it can often be offensive. However, when two partners willingly engage in a consenting relationship, BDSM can be a part of a healthy sex life. If I continue this story in the future, I would love to have Dimitri come to terms with his feelings as a Dom and what that means. And finally (and I believe this should be true for all sexual relationships) the BDSM community deeply believes in the idea that sex should always be safe, sane, and consensual. So much so, that this is one of the strongest mottos and beliefs within the community.