A/N: Inspired the question I saw posed on Tumblr: so did Jyn and Cassian shag in the elevator, or on the flight to Scarif? This is my answer.
The Moment to Live
Jyn sat in a small corner at the back of the ship, surrounded by the blinking lights of the ship's computers and the whirring of the engines. Her head in her hands as she tried to process all the thoughts going through her mind at the moment.
This was the worst part; the waiting. It had seemed all well and good back on Yavin IV when emotions were high and convictions sure. But now? They were still a few hours away from landfall and everything was becoming real, becoming terrifying. It wasn't that Jyn no longer wanted to go on this mission, or that she didn't believe that it was the right thing to do… but without the Rebel fleet, without ground support, with only a score of men, this was a suicide mission. Even if they were successful, they weren't getting out of there alive. The lucky ones would die on the beaches. The unlucky ones would be taken off-world to the Empire's many prison camps and they would be tortured until they broke or they died.
Jyn couldn't help it, she was scared, terrified. But this needed to be done, and more importantly, there was no one else to do it. Besides, she couldn't think of a better cause to die for anyway; completing her father's work, getting the key to destroying the Empire's superweapon to the Rebels. While Jyn was willing to die today if that's what it came to, she couldn't help but lament all that she would never know and all that she would miss out on if this was truly to be her last day.
"There you are!" A voice cut through Jyn's thoughts and her head shot up in surprise. She didn't think that anyone would find her here. It was a small space at the back of the engine room, no bigger than a broom closet and hidden away at the back of the ship. But there were only so many places she could be, she supposed, and if someone was intent upon finding her there weren't many places for her to hide.
"Cassian," she said, looking the captain up and down, trying to determine why he had sought her out. "Are we there already? What's wrong?" But that didn't seem possible, Scarif was half a galaxy away, even with a hyperdrive it should be another few hours before they touched down.
Cassian shook his head. "Nothing's wrong. We're still about a hundred parsecs away. I just wanted to check in on you. You didn't look so good before, and I wanted to see if you were alright…"
Jyn gave the captain a fond smile, genuinely touched by his concern. She patted the ground next to her, inviting him to sit with her and he moved to do so. The space was small, and Jyn had to shift to make room. When Cassain finally settled, it was with his shoulder and arm pressed along hers and with their knees bumping up against each other. Despite the close quarters, Cassian shifted so that he could study her face, his expression one of expectancy.
Jyn let out a deep sigh before she began to speak. She wasn't used to talking about these things. Revealing her true feelings had always been too dangerous, deadly even. Emotions, beyond rage and fear, had always been a weakness to exploit in others, and to be denied in oneself. But ever since the Rebellion had picked her up and given her that shred of hope that she could be reunited with her father, Jyn had been unable to keep her emotions from getting the best of her. As if now that she was finally entertaining the ideas of hope and sadness and hunger and comradery, they were all crowding her and welling up in ever larger displays, desperate to be released lest she bottle them all up again. What's more, there was just something about Cassian's face, something about the warm brown eyes and the set of his jaw. Something about his strong, steady presence and calm demeanor that said: 'you can trust me.' This was also the thing that made him such an effective operative, and even a day ago Jyn would never have considered revealing her inner thoughts to him for fear of what he could do with that information. But everything she thought about Cassian had changed with two well-placed, sincere words. 'Welcome home,' he had said, and she had known that she was. Cassian had offered her a home, to an extent he had mean the Rebellion, but he had also meant himself. More than anything Jyn wanted to take him up on what he had to offer, and if they were going to die today Jyn could think of no reason not to tell Cassian her woes.
"What are the odds that K2 gives us?" she asked, and Cassian's brows furrowed in a frown of confusion. "Even if we succeed… I don't think that most of us will be getting out of this alive." She clarified.
Cassian's confusion cleared, and his expression softened as he came to understand her distress. He didn't offer any words of contradiction however, to do so would be a lie and lies did not have a record of sitting easily between them.
"You're probably right." Cassian said, simply. "Do you regret coming on this mission?"
"No." She answered without hesitation. She wanted him to know that her heart was still in this fight despite her fear. "…but it doesn't make it any easier to accept."
"It never does." He replied, then after a moment's pause continued. "Jyn, what I said in the hangar was true. I have done many things in my life that I am not so proud of, all in the name of this cause. I have stepped onto hundreds of ships knowing that it could be my last mission, and every time I have to swallow my fear, and convince myself that it's worth it. That it's ok, because my death would be in the name of something greater than myself. None of us on this ship would think less of you for being afraid; we're all afraid. It just means you're as human as the rest of us." Cassian let out a small chuckle.
Jyn gave him a watery smile and wondered how he managed to find just the right words. "It would be my honour to die fighting beside you, Captain Andor." Jyn said.
Cassian smiled, one of the few genuine smiles she had seen out of him. "We're not dead yet…" He said in a voice that had Jyn's eyes dropping to his lips, studying the curve of them and wondering if they were as soft as they looked, wondering what they tasted like, lamenting the fact that she would never know.
If Jyn was being honest with herself, she would admit that she'd been entertaining these types of thoughts towards Cassian ever since he'd stepped out of the shadows during that first briefing in the War Room at the Rebel base. Beyond that there hadn't really been the time to think too hard about it; Jedha had happened, then Eadu, and now they were on an unauthorized suicide mission and this was the first time they'd really had to sit down and talk to each other. But that hadn't stopped Jyn's eyes from noticing that the Captain was a very attractive man, with soft-looking hair, soulful and expressive eyes, and, to be quite frank, a great arse.
"Jyn." Cassian's voice pulled her out of those thoughts and her eyes flicked back up to meet his. Their faces were mere inches apart, their breath mingling in the space between them and Cassian's eyes were dark and hooded as he stared at her.
Really? Was she really doing this? Swooning? Fawning over the dark-and-brooding captain, on the eve of a dangerous mission they probably wouldn't return from, like the heroine in some kriffing romance novel? But then Cassian's tongue darted out to wet his lips in an unconscious movement and Jyn's resolve was lost. 'Yes, I am doing this.' She thought. And if screwing Cassian Andor in the engine room of a stolen Imperial cargo ship would be one of the last selfish acts she was afforded in this life, then so be it. At least she'd die knowing that the tightness in her chest whenever she saw him and the butterflies in her stomach had been attraction rather than annoyance.
She leaned forward and captured his lips in a sudden kiss, and Cassian did not respond for a few moments; his shoulders tensing where Jyn's hand had fallen to steady herself. It was just enough time for Jyn to begin panicking, thinking that maybe she had read his expression wrong. But then his hand came up to cradle the back of her neck and hold her close as he tilted his head and deepened the kiss. Jyn couldn't help but moan as she discovered that Cassian was a very good kisser, his lips were indeed as soft as they had looked and Jyn thought that she would gladly spend eternity like this. At the same time it was all too soon not enough and Jyn moved, without breaking the kiss, so that she could straddle his hips, and drape her arms around his shoulders and grind down against this groin.
Cassian gasped, breaking the kiss, and his hips bucked upwards. Jyn shivered in pleasure at the friction that was caused by the rapidly forming bulge in his trousers rubbing against her center.
"Are you sure?" Cassian managed to gasp out, his eyes wide and expression pleading, even as Jyn continued to grind down on him.
Jyn would have rolled her eyes if she weren't so frustrated by his uncertainty. "Dammit, Cassian! Yes!" she growled, emphasizing her point by gripping his hands, which had fallen to her hips, and placing them firmly over her breasts, encouraging him to thumb her nipples through her shirt and breast band. "I'm sure." She added more softly, gazing into his eyes and hoping that he would see her need there.
For a moment Jyn thought that it hadn't worked because Cassian began to push her off of him.
"Stand up." He urged, pushing at her shoulders, and Jyn was forced to do just that.
Suddenly she was left feeling horribly embarrassed. She'd thrown herself at Cassian assuming he felt the same way, assuming that he also felt the sizzling sexual tension that she felt whenever she was near him. But apparently not, and she had officially ruined whatever it was that had been growing between them.
But then Cassian was on his knees before her and his hands were running up the sides of her legs, and his eyes were burning with desire; the intensity of which Jyn had never seen directed at herself before. Maybe she hadn't been wrong?
When Cassian's hands reached the waistband of her trousers he made quick work of her belt before tugging down the material. It got as far as her knees before he remembered her boots and removed one so that he could free one leg to sling it over his shoulder. Only then did Jyn realize what Cassian was about to do, and by that point he was already pressing kisses up the inside of her thigh.
At the first brush of Cassian's lips across her nethers, Jyn let out a high-pitched keening sound which she quickly muffled behind her hand. The ship was a small one, and there was no telling how thin the walls were or whether or not the engines would be loud enough to drown out any noises. If they were going to do this uninterrupted they would have to be quiet. Evidently the sound pleased Cassian immensely, as she could feel his smirk against her skin, and he repeated the action to much the same effect.
Jyn's romantic liaisons up to this point in her life had consisted of mostly quick shags in dark corners like this one, but rarely had those encounters involved her partner giving her pleasure so selflessly… But then again, wasn't that just Cassian all over? The one who stayed. The one who believed her. And apparently now, the one who could make her see stars using only his tongue.
At some point Cassian slipped a finger inside her, and then a second, and Jyn could hardly control the motion of her hips anymore. Her breaths coming in pants and her thoughts reduced to disjointed fragments and merely the desire for more, more, more!
"Cassian…" Jyn hardly recognized the whimper as her own voice but continued anyway, one hand lowering to his head to tug on his hair. "Cassian, stop."
Jyn wanted to cry as Cassian adhered to her request, looking up at her with concern in his eyes even as his lips glistened with the evidence of his work. And wasn't that a picture she wanted seared into her memory for all time? "I want you inside me now." She said, and Cassian jumped to his feet, once more pressing his lips to hers and pushing his trousers and pants down just far enough that his cock was freed.
Jyn could taste herself on his lips, and if it was even possible, it turned her on further. Reaching down between them Jyn blindly gave him a few strokes with her hand to get him fully hard before guiding him towards her entrance.
Cassian had the gall to break the kiss and try to ask her a question. "Wait! Wait, Jyn…" He said, his breath still coming in heaves. "Protection?"
It took Jyn a moment to work out what he meant by that, but then impatiently nodded her head in reply. "We're fine. I've got an implant." She said shortly, before tugging him back into a kiss and resuming the work of urging him to get inside her. With a few shallow thrusts Cassian did just that, and this time they both found it hard to keep silent at the sensation.
It had been a long time for Jyn and while Cassian was of an average size it still burned in a pleasant way as he stretched her. They paused for a few moments like that, just to savour it. Cassian's head had dropped to her shoulder, his heart pounding a frantic rhythm against her chest, and she could feel his cock, hot and hard, twitching within her.
"Move, damn you." Jyn murmured, tugging at his hair, but then soothing her words with a few kisses along his temple. Cassian was all too happy to comply and he began to thrust into her as deeply as he could at this angle. Seeking more friction, Jyn raised one leg to wrap around his hips and soon Cassian hoisted her up so that both her legs could wrap around him as his weight kept her pinned to the casing of the processor behind her.
Jyn had to bury her face against his shoulder to muffle her cries as Cassian found the perfect angle and began to steadily drive her towards the edge once more. One hand found a way into Cassian's hair as the other clawed for purchase at his jacket. And oh, but this was perfect. Almost certain death awaited them at their destination… but first they would live. First, they would seek out that little piece of transcendence that could be found in such an intimate embrace. First, they would rail against their all-but certain fate and steal a little bit of time for themselves.
Jyn came with Cassian's name upon her lips, Cassian followed not long after with a whimper and then a groan.
They stayed locked in that embrace long after Cassian had grown soft and slipped from her. Neither wanted to let go of whatever it was that they had found in this moment. Neither wanted to acknowledge the fact that they might never get the chance to figure out what it was that they'd found. Eventually however, Cassian's arms, though strong, began to tremble with the burden of supporting Jyn's full weight, and Jyn was forced to unlock her legs from around his waist.
With that, the spell was broken and Jyn began to tug her pants and trousers back on as Cassian began to tuck himself away. They were silent throughout the whole process, with Cassian finishing first and simply watching as she straightened herself out. There was nothing to say, Jyn found. There was a potential there between them that had yet to be explored, a maybe, a what if? But there wasn't the time for it now… possibly ever. They both knew that this could be all they got; a quick shag in an engine room before a suicide mission. It would have to be enough.
"We should get back…" Jyn said. It wouldn't be long before the others began to suspect what had happened. Two people disappearing together for a period of time on a relatively small ship? Soldiers were always the first to jump to conclusions, and in this case they would be correct…
Cassian nodded in agreement, but as Jyn began to turn back towards the cockpit he caught her arm. "Jyn, wait." He said, and then swept her up into another amazing kiss.
"What was that for?" She asked when it ended, and Jyn's heart did a somersault in her chest at the confident smirk that appeared on Cassian's face.
"Just making up for all the kisses that went to waste before…" He said.
Jyn almost laughed, so it hadn't just been her feeling the tension between them after all. "Oh, well in that case… As you were, Captain." She said, and Cassian did just that.
They ended up going another two rounds before they finally made their way out of the engine room. If anyone had noticed that she and Cassian were missing, they were either too polite or too preoccupied to mention it.
A/N: Let me know what you thought!