Harry has had enough of all that was wrong in his life. Perhaps it was time to do something about it.
Legal Disclaimer: All of Harry Potter belongs to J. .
Rating: K and above
Chapter 1 Saturation
Harry had had enough. He had enough of being ridiculed and made a victim of his father's mistakes. He wanted out. Hogwarts was supposed to have been his refuge, his sanctuary from the cruelty meted out to him at the Dursley's. But thanks to one Severus Snape, even this had been wrenched away from him.
Between being hunted by Voldemort and barely surviving every summer at the Dursley's Hogwarts had been the only thing keeping him sane. But with the reintroduction of the vengeful occlumency lessons, he knew that he was on the brink of disaster. Perhaps he should just give up, stop fighting and give the foul git what he wants, he thought ruefully. Occlumency had not helped him save Sirius, he thought sadly, not that he and Snape had a good student teacher relationship required for it.
Really what was the point? Dumbledore had known that they had been at each other's throats all these years. What had given him the confidence that this would work? Forget work, it had been a colossal mistake that had cost Sirius's life.
Sirius,.. The very name brought a lump to his throat. He had been the only person in the whole wide world who could have given him a sense of belonging. Now it was only a big gaping hole where his presence was and Harry had no idea if he could ever get over Sirius…probably not he reasoned.
As for Dumbledore, the man was supposed to be the all seeing one…but he was so oblivious to a lot of things the least of which was Severus Snape. It almost made him hate Dumbledore as much as he hated Severus Snape.
Even as these thoughts plagued his already bruised soul, he noticed that he was at the entrance to his potions master's office. It was his time for one more disastrous occlumency lesson, courtesy of Dumbledore. Damn! Why was the headmaster so determined to put him through this excuse for torment he wondered.
With a heavy heart, however he knocked and waited for the acrimonious "enter" to follow. Really! If Snape hated this so much the git could just stop these lessons and make the both of them happy. It was not as if they making any progress anyway Harry thought, with a flash of anger.
Much too soon, he heard the dour potions master call out for him to enter. Harry sighed and resigned himself to what he knew would be refined torture for the next hour as he placed his school bag on the floor and waited for his instruction. Nothing so crude as the cruciatus for Snape, Harry mentally cringed.
"You are late Potter! Was it too much to shake off the fan crowd and be on time …well, I guess I should not be surprised" Snape sneered before continuing "after all we know where your arrogance comes from don't we?". Harry inwardly fumed at the unfair accusation and he could not deny that the vitriol in the man's tone cut through him. How could anyone carry so much hate in one's gaze he wondered? He had been late by just one minute for heaven's sake! But then when had Snape needed a legitimate reason to berate him.
"So are you going to practice or stand looking like the dunderhead you are." Snape snapped "Get ready Potter" he said and quickly followed with a shouted "Legilimens"! giving no time for Harry to be prepared.
Harry was dismayed to find that he had let himself be caught unawares yet again, and his heart felt weighted down as the images rushed past. He felt the familiar feelings of sadness and longing to belong, as he saw his younger self being pushed about by the Dursleys.
He was being pushed into the cupboard by a furious Vernon and he felt the fear as if he was all of five again. The scene shifted much too soon in his opinion and he was being locked into a small room with multiple locks and barred windows. He was holding onto the single can of cold soup that he would get that day. Had he been really that thin? And no one had noticed?
The memory brought back the feeling of emptiness that had gnawed at his stomach and he remembered the dizziness that had followed. God! This was embarrassing. It was not as if Snape cared.
He desperately fought to expel Snape from his mind and a dim thought told him that the git probably liked seeing him in pain. Yes, he must be enjoying this…Harry Potter brought to his knees in weakness and pain he thought. But just as soon as the thought rose in his mind he felt Snape retreat and he found himself on his knees on the office floor, panting heavily, his face bathed in sheen of sweat.
"Trust me Potter…seeing your pathetic existence and your clamor for attention does not amuse me at the slightest and neither will it amuse the Dark Lord. Now get up and concentrate!" he spat. Harry fought down the anger that rose within him at the words…being starved was asking for attention? But then this was Snape he reminded himself.
Harry took a deep breath and he stood up only to be hit with the spell again. This time it was even worse as he felt weakened by the last spell and the images came forth even faster.
He saw himself being surrounded by the dementors and heard his mother's screams all over again. He gave a mental shake. What he would give to see her again and be held lovingly by her.
A feeling of deep sadness engulfed him but even before he could fall into it deeply, the memory shifted. He was horrified as he saw himself being tied to the gravestone and felt the blade pierce his arm as though it was happening right then. He once again saw the lifeless body of Cedric splayed at his feet and felt his throat clog up, as the feelings of horror and helplessness rose up in his gut again.
Guilt and horror competed for dominance, as he closed his eyes knowing that he had been responsible for Cedric's death. Maybe he deserved this torture after all, he tried to console himself and somehow, that thought made it all a little more bearable.
He however felt a subtle shift in his mind then and gasped as he stood, blinded by the tears in his eyes. He dimly realized that Snape had released the spell rather abruptly and he was once again on his knees.
This was getting too much. He needed time to recover and heal and this was tearing his wounds open all over again. "Please stop" he croaked and hated the pleading tone that had entered his voice. But he could not go on...it was too much.
"You are wasting my time Potter. If you are not serious about this, you better leave right now" the words came with undisguised contempt. Snape's eye shone with utter derision as he looked down upon Harry's collapsed form "In fact, Hogwarts could do without you wasting our time and I for one would be at peace. You are just like your father Potter, selfish and arrogant expecting the world at your feet. Flash news! The world does not need you…you are nothing special as is obvious right now. It's too bad that the fools out there don't know that" Snape's words burned a hole through Harry's heart.
The words merged in his head …he heard the words of his uncle "You are nothing but a freak! A waste of space and how I wish we could be rid of you."And now he was not wanted at Hogwarts either. Panic rose within him He had nowhere to go!.His heart was thumping double time and his head felt heavy as the words rang in his ears.
He felt numb as he focused unseeing eyes on Snape .He felt Snape nudge him and then immediately retract his hand as if touching Harry had made him dirty. Something broke in Harry at that moment and he made a quiet decision.
"Would it make you happy Sir?" he asked softly .. "What are you blithering about you dolt? I said get out and leave me in peace" Snape drawled. Harry shuffled forward and looked at Snape with glassy eyes, he had to know. "If I was not here would it make you happy Sir?" he asked again.
Snape exhaled in irritation "Stop being melodramatic Potter and yes I will not regret your absence. Happy? Now leave" he commanded, his attention already going to the sheaf of essays in his hand. Harry nodded half to himself as he made his way out of the office.
Perhaps he should leave Hogwarts he thought. At least he could make one person happy. A wistful smile graced his features "perhaps he would go easier on the Gryffindors if I was not there to irritate him" he thought. Yeah, Ron and Hermione would miss him but going by the signs, they would soon be together and they would not have any thoughts about him.
Sirius might have been sad but Sirius himself was no more. The thought of Sirius brought fresh tears to his eyes as he felt the raw wound of his loss again. His chest felt like a ton of bricks and he felt an ache in his heart for Sirius. He was the only one who had cared and loved him as his own. He had not felt like a burden when he was with Sirius and even that had been snatched away and now he was again being reminded of how unwanted he was.
As always, he thought of what his parents would want for him and he felt that they would not have stood for what Severus Snape was putting him through. He was sure that his parents had loved him and maybe he should do for himself what his parents would do if they were alive. Perhaps he could not question Snape or write to Dumbledore as a parent would but maybe he could look for alternatives.
He knew that his parents would want him to be happy and maybe a different school would give him that happiness. Yes he decided ..he would apply to Durmstrang. He anyway had only two more years of schooling to do. Once done with that he could come back to face the prophecy, he would not abandon his people after all. But he would no longer take the bull shit that others dished out.
He had enough of being ridiculed and verbally abused by Snape as well as being slandered by his mercurial classmates. It was not as if he was being hyper sensitive, he had after all gone through everything for five years and more from the Dursleys earlier. A lifetime of being abused in one way or the other had finally reached a head. He would be respected just as any other student and if this was the way he would get it, then this was his route.
It was time to make some decisions for his own well being and make some decisions for his own welfare rather than for the 'greater good'. It would be the only way that he could be in any condition to fight Voldemort when the time came.
As he thought about it, he became more and more convinced that this was a good idea and before he even realized it he was in front of the Fat Lady up in Gryffindor tower. It was time to start planning his future.
Author notes: Hello everyone! This is a short drabble and will in no way interfere with 'From the abyss'. This plot would not leave my mind and so here it is! I would appreciate hearing from you so please please read and review.