Broken

Cas paced back and forth in front of his bed as he gnawed on his bottom lip. He couldn't believe the text he had received from Balthazar. Of course, his follow up message was him informing him to look his best and they were celebrating another year of Balthazar taking the school's football team to state.

He sat down on the edge of his bed and sighed. When was it exactly that his life went to shit? He was doing just fine before the hurricane known as Dean Winchester came into his life. Or maybe he wasn't and he just didn't want to admit it.

His phone vibrated once more next to him indicating another text coming through. Cas picked up his phone and whispered Deans message softly. "Cas, I may not know what you're going through right now but I know that I want to help. Not help in the vigilante way but in a supporting way. What we are doing is wrong and it needs to stop. There will never be peace when your heart is so full of chaos. Let me help you."

Cas' mouth came down in a tight frown. He couldn't do what Dean was asking him to do. He didn't need help. He needed danger and uncertainty. He swiped out of Deans message then found Balthazar's next. He typed in a quick message saying he'd love to go.

Cas turned his phone off before shoving it deeply into his pants pockets. He took a quick look at his bedside clock seeing that it was late afternoon which meant the party would start in mere hours. He knew what he had to do.

XXX

Cas walked downstairs a few hours later in his nice black button-down shirt that he only wore on rare occasions and a pair of nicely fitted jeans that hugged him in all the right places. He caught a few curious glances thrown his way by some of his brothers. They were probably shocked that this was the first time he dressed up since the new semester started.

Gabe stood by the kitchen counters as he made a sandwich. His leg was completely wrapped up in a black cast while he leaned on crutched for support. Cas felt a wave of guilt hit him in his chest as he looked at his once best friend.

Gabe looked up from his preparation and frowned. "I figured you'd be out with Dean by now," he mumbled, unamused.

Cas tugged nervously at the collar of his shirt. "Uh, actually that's where I'm going now. To Balthazar's party," he said as calmly as he could. He felt heat pooling in his chest at the mention of Balthazar's name. He didn't know it was possible to hate someone so much.

Gabe nodded slowly. "Yeah, I was going to go to that before my leg got broken. You know, I really hope they take that sick son of a bitch down soon or I just might kill him myself."

Cas' jaw dropped slightly as he began to back away to the door. "You don't know what you're saying, Gabe. You're just as blind as the rest of this fucking campus," he spat out angrily as his face flushed red.

Gabe's eyes widened as he searched for words to say but Cas knew he had nothing. He made it to the door and sighed in frustration. "I'm sorry about your leg" he offered solemnly before rushing out the front door.

The sun was beginning to set as he started his walk to Balthazar's fraternity house a mile away. His head raced with different ideas on how he was going to end it all tonight. He was done with being tortured inside his own mind every second of every day.

Ever since that night his life has been nothing but a living hell. Balthazar took a part of him that he will never be able to get back and it left him damaged. He was tired of being the damaged one. Tired of being the broken one or the crazy one. Nothing has been right since that night. Nothing except for Dean.

He was a sliver of hope in this fucking storm called his life. Sometimes people just meet at the wrong times and it doesn't work out. This thing with Dean was never meant to work out. He was a lesson in his life to never let his guard down again because terrible things happen when you do. Like falling in love.

Cas braced himself as he arrived at the significantly larger house. Unwanted flashbacks raced through his mind at the sight of it. He shook off the memories and let himself be swept into the crowd of excited college kids going into the house.

He walked slowly through the threshold and found himself with more memories rising to the surface of that night. He hands started to shake when he saw the familiar couch still in the same place and the staircase to the right of him that led directly to Balthazar's bedroom.

He needed to pull himself together. He was here for one thing and one thing only. To end him. His feet led him to the drink table where he poured himself a cup of beer into his red solo cup. Cas walked back over to the couch and sat slowly down on where he once sat. It felt like a lifetime ago but like yesterday all at the same time. He wasn't sure how to process it anymore.

He watched as all his peers laughed, danced, flirted and enjoyed themselves. He couldn't remember what it was like to be so carefree. He felt so alone here and out of place. These people are who he was only a year ago but someone along the way decided to take it all away from him.

He took his happiness, his patience, his understanding and worst of all, his will to live away. Everything he did and has been doing was just a distraction. Maybe he wasn't helping people after all. Maybe he was just helping himself get through life one day at a time.

A strong hand landed on his shoulder and squeezed firmly. Cas' blood ran cold as his skin began to scream from the touch. He looked up slowly and fought the urge to run far away when he was met with Balthazar smiling down at him.

"Is this seat taken?" he asked him while gesturing to the empty couch cushion next to Cas.

Cas tightened his lips but shook his head. Balthazar continued to smile as he sat down next to him. Cas felt his entire body release tension when Balthazar let go of his grip from him. He smiled politely but looked everywhere except for his face. He just couldn't.

"Now, Cassie, tell me why you've been ignoring all my texts and calls. I've been waiting to see that angelic face of yours and maybe do some reconnecting," his sultry voice took over.

Cas fought the reaction to cringe when Balthazar ran the back of his hand down Cas' face. He continued to stare down at his cup, refusing to look up for even a second. His skin felt like it was on fire from where he had been touched. He wanted to lie in his tub and scrub away the horrible memories for hours.

Instead, he allowed his lips to curl upwards into a cool smile. "I've been busy," he answered with disinterest. He knew that would only make Balthazar angry and have him try what he did that night. Then, he could get him.

"Oh?" Balthazar asked as he scooted closer to Cas. Their thighs were now touching. Cas clenched his fist tightly but remained calm. "And what, or shall I say, who, has kept you so busy?"

"Maybe it's both," Cas replied with a slight shrug of his shoulders.

Balthazar chuckled into Cas' ear. The proximity of them was becoming smaller and smaller with each interaction. His hands were starting to sweat nervously and his stomach churned in anticipation.

Then, the touching was gone. He could feel the tension around him lift as the body next to him got up. Cas chanced a look up and saw Balthazar standing in front of him with one hand in his pocket and the other rubbing his chin. He had the same look as he did that night.

"Sorry, Cassie. We'll pick this up later," he promised him with a sly wink before sauntering off to one of his football friends that Cas knew as Rufus.

Cas furrowed his brow in confusion. He wasn't sure where he went wrong or why Balthazar had just ditched him. This wasn't the way the plan was supposed to go. He frowned as he sat back and watched him from across the room.

Balthazar and Rufus were in a heated whispered discussion about something. Rufus kept pointing to something in the distance but Cas couldn't tell what. Balthazar's eyes tracked over to whatever his friend had been so adamant about. A wide and disturbing smile spread out across his face.

Cas' eyebrows shot up as he realized what was going on. He placed his untouched drink down in front of him on the coffee table next to a dozen other abandoned drinks. He sat up a little straighter and focused in as Balthazar pulled a small baggy from his pocket then handed it to Rufus.

Rufus smiled and patted Balthazar on the back with gratefulness. Cas turned his head and watched as Rufus made his way over to a clearly intoxicated girl. He stopped to grab a drink from a nearby table then slyly poured the contents of the baggy into it.

He walked over to the girl and offered her the drink with a charming smile. The girl hesitated before reaching out slowly and taking the drink. She placed it to her lips and drank at turtle speed. Rufus wrapped his arm around her waist while tipping the drink back into her mouth quickly.

He took the now empty cup from her and tossed it into a nearby trash can. The smile on his face was never wavering because he knew that he had won. This was something he'd done before. Some crappy pop song started blasting causing a few drunk students to go to the makeshift dance floor that the girl and Rufus were currently on.

Rufus slid behind her and started grinding suggestively on her as his hands found their way to her exposed thighs. His hands crept up until they were pulling her skirt up and revealing her underwear. The girl pushed at his hands to get him to stop but she was getting weaker by the moment.

Rufus turned her around before lifting her with ease. Her head drooped over his arms as her eyes fluttered shut. Rufus smiled down predatorily at her as he made his way up the stairs.

Cas could feel his heart beating out of his chest but waited until they were out of sight before he made his move. He stood up quickly and started to walk towards the stairs before a body appeared in front of him.

"Leaving so soon?" Balthazar asked with a smirk.

Cas attempted to walk around him but was once again blocked by the other boy. "I'm just trying to go to the bathroom," he lied impatiently.

Balthazar continued to smirk as he thought his next moves through. "Okay. But after that, come find me," he said as he walked away.

Cas nearly ran up the empty stairs. Anger from everything was building up and building up. He was supposed to execute his plan on Balthazar but taking out one more scumbag before he does wouldn't hurt. He needed to protect other defenseless people from getting hurt.

He pushed open the door next to Balthazar's room and stopped when he saw Rufus starting to climb on top of the girl. Her skirt was now up at her waist but her underwear was still intact. It wasn't too late.

Rufus stopped and shot an angry look over at Cas. "Get the hell out of here, man!" he shouted as he waved his hand at him.

Cas ignored him and instead shut the door behind him. He could feel everything rising to the surface. Everything he had tried for so long to keep bottled away. He was about to explode.

"No, you get the fuck off of her right now," he demanded in a deep growl.

Rufus paused before crawling back off the bed and buttoning his pants up. "What? Are you her boyfriend or something?" he questioned him with a small chuckle.

"No. Think of me as someone who does community service. I take guys like you out. But you're worse than they are. You get away with it because what? You're on the football team? Is that it? How long have you and Balthazar been doing this?" It was Cas' turn to question him. Everything he ever wanted to ask Balthazar was pouring out of his mouth before he had the time to stop and think.

Rufus shrugged nonchalantly. "I have no idea what you're talking about," he denied even though his face gave him away.

Cas stepped forward into the lamps light. "I asked how long you've been doing this," he demanded darkly.

Rufus took a step back but remained stoic. "I'm not telling you anything," he said with a smile.

Something inside him snapped. The tiny string that had been holding him together was broken and so was he. He brought a heavy fist down onto Rufus' jaw and smiled when he heard a loud pop.

Rufus fell to the ground like bricks. His hands immediately went to his jaw as he cried out. Cas got on top of him as he laid into him endlessly. Punch after punch. His hands ached and burned as Rufus' face became more and more unrecognizable.

"Why are you doing this?!" Cas shouted. "Are we not fucking human beings to you?" he asked rhetorically throughout his blows. "We will be heard" he continued.

"Please stop," Rufus chocked out as blood poured out of his mouth.

Cas chuckled darkly while he raised his fist once again. A hand from behind him grabbed his throbbing fist before pulling him off of Rufus. Familiar wide green eyes searched into Cas' empty ones. He knew who it was he just couldn't register what was going on at the moment. He just felt like a balloon with no air. It was hard to breathe.

"Cas, stop!" green eyes begged as he grabbed his face with both hands. "This isn't you! Stop!" he continued.

Cas stared at him with no emotion. He watched as Dean freaked out over all the blood and passed out girl on the bed. Suddenly, he was being pulled onto his feet. He felt nothing as he looked down at Rufus who was now also passed out.

Both of his eyes were swollen shut and blood covered most of his face. He should be proud of his work but he felt nothing. He was just hollow inside. It didn't feel like it used to. He didn't get joy out of taking out another rapist. The world had stopped for a moment as he realized he needed to walk away from it all.

Dean kept talking a mile a minute but it fell on deaf ears. He couldn't hear anything, couldn't feel anything and he wasn't even sure who he was anymore. He let Dean walk him out of the room and down the stairs.

Everyone around him was nothing but a blur. People with their whole lives in front of them. His had ended that night. He was just a passenger in his own life with something dark at the steering wheel. He couldn't do it anymore.

Soon enough, he was sitting in Deans passenger seat while staring numbly out in front of him. Slowly, his hearing came back. "Cas, please talk to me," Dean begged him. He could hear how cracked and damaged Deans voice was but he couldn't find it in him to reply.

"I love you," Dean told him as his voice cracked once more. He then started up the impala and drove away.