*Finds that nifty picture of the whole DBZ crew again* See these people? They are not mine!
All right guys, did you see the rating? That's because of some language use and some potentially adult situations. (Not detailed gory situations, just the idea…) I uh, I combined a few ideas together to make this fic. Maybe it's just my sick teenage mind that thinks it is funny. Hmm, how about you guys read it, and then you tell me? (AKA, REVIEW!)
Just for your knowledge *blah, blah, blah* signifies thoughts. All Right? Good.
"That's it Gohan, do not loose you focus."
Focus, yes. Focus on nothing, focus on everything.
"If you are one with yourself Gohan, you will be one with the world around you."
Focus on the flame, be the flame, become the world, understand yourself.
"Good Gohan, tell me, what do you sense?"
"Th, the world… the whole world Mr. Piccolo! I could pin point any ki, large or small that you wanted me to right now!"
"Very good, and what do you feel?"
"Peace." So peaceful.
"Yes. Now we may continue. Concentrate harder Gohan, picture more than just the Earth, picture the universe."
The universe? That would be very large. Duh Gohan, try again. The universe would be a painting, black as the base with millions of white pinpricks. Stars, suns, worlds, life. Mammals and insects, children and parents…
*GOHAN! YOU HAD BETTER BE HOME IN FIVE MINUTES OR YOUR GROUNDED UNTILL YOUR FORTY!*
The young man's eyes flew open and he came back to the real world with a start. The demi-Saiyan moaned and clasped his hands to his now pounding skull. When increasing his sensitivity to the universe, that must have included increasing his sensitivity to those around him. 'Hearing' his mother's angered thoughts was not the most pleasant way of being yanked from meditation.
*Hrmph. Kid, you take after your father in the area of being distracted* "Gohan, how many times must I tell you not to loose your focus?"
Odd, somehow the first sentence didn't seem right. The man-child looked up at his mentor quizzically. Mr. Piccolo never called him kid… unless he thought he was asleep.
*Snort, wonder what the kid suspects me of? He looks as if he thinks I just lost my mind.* "Well?"
Gohan's eyes fairly bulged out of his head. How was it that Mr. Piccolo was talking, with out moving a muscle? Except for the 'well'. And why was Piccolo talking to him as if he weren't there? Oh. Hold on…
"I, I'm sorry Mr. Piccolo. I, ah, I think my mother is calling me. I felt her yell… that I should be home within the next few minutes or suffer the consequences."
*Very good indeed. The ability to sense another's thoughts when not directly focused on them is a rare talent. We will need to work with this. After he satisfies that woman he calls a mother.*
Oh dear Dende. He was sensing or hearing or whatever, his mentor's thoughts. Gohan swallowed down the developing lump in his throat. He looked down with Mr. Piccolo's continued physical silence, an old habit that, before continuing. "I had better go, I'll come back here tomorrow evening, if you will work with me Mr. Piccolo."
*Now why is it, something so polite as to make me gag, can be so enduring?* "Yes, now go before that woman 'grounds' you again."
This was more than odd. Although, it could be fun… "Yes Mr. Piccolo, bye!"
Gohan took off easily into the air, leaving a trail of Ki behind him. This new ability, he wondered if it worked on more than just Mr. Piccolo. He also wondered why his long buried evil streak was thinking of rearing its ugly head right this instant. 'Just consider the possibilities' it would inform him, 'think of what could be done with this!' The man-child chastised himself. He couldn't do anything like that; besides, the whole thing was probably just a fluke. Just a side affect of falling out of deep meditation. Still, it really could be fun.
Making a gentle touchdown on the front doorstep, the eldest son brother entered the threshold of his home. Where, he was instantly slammed with others thoughts.
*Were is Gohan? He should be home by now. And why can't those two keep it down? This is the last time I let Trunks spend the night here. Well… maybe not, but certainly the last time I let Goten, Trunks and my Goku watch wrestling on TV. Where IS Gohan?*
*Come on Mr. Biggens! I told Goten that you would beat Mr. Tallman into the ground!*
*Come on Mr. Tallman, I just can't let Trunks be right, beat Mr. Biggens into the ground!*
*Man am I hungry. Just what was it they were doing on TV again?*
Gohan rocked and steady himself with a hand pressed against the wall behind him. This could be fun once he figured out how to handle it. Perhaps with a little work, he could bring those loud thoughts down to a dull roar with in his skull. Yes, that shouldn't be too difficult.
"Oh, Gohan, here you are dear. Where have you been? No, nevermind that, just come help me cook dinner would you?"
The young man smiled tentatively at his mother. "Ok mom, but you know that I can't cook very well…"
*That's no joke. I will NOT have my little, er, big scholar not being able to cook!* "That's alright dear, I'll do most of it. You will just sit and learn."
*Oh no, your not backing out of this Gohan. Mother knows best, and if mother want's to have cute little grandchildren to play with someday, she had better teach her son that there are more ways to please a woman than in bed!* "Don't argue with your mother Gohan! Now come with me, you are cutting up the veggies."
A very bright red Gohan followed his mother's orders. What did she mean by that thought? More ways to please a woman than in bed, eep! Parents. Chi Chi led her boy to the counter near the sink, and sat him down with a knife and a whole load of vegetables. This, the demi-Saiyan could handle. He could also ignore the little mental humalong is mother was playing and the raucous noises coming from the living room. And being slightly distracted by the window in front of him and the lovely view of a setting sun didn't harm anything, right?
*I wish that guy would quite stealing all of my nuts!*
Gohan looked up and brought the knife down without thinking. He paid no notice to the cut now bleeding on his hand; he was more intrigued with the thoughts drifting to him from the outdoor world.
*Why does he keep looking at my nuts, you'd think they were his!*
The demi-Saiyan couldn't help but choke on that one. He looked about franticly for the source of his mental disturbance. And there, he spotted it. The most innocent looking of squirrels, both sitting on opposite branches of the tree outside the kitchen window. Both held an acorn tightly in their claws as they glared across the tree.
*Grr, that little bastard keeps taking my acorns!* "Squeak!"
*You'd think that guy thought these nuts were his to have and to hold!* "Squeak, squawk!"
With a squeak of his own, Gohan hopped to his feet and slammed the window shut. He stood there panting for a moment and reveling in the fact that with a solid barrier between them, he could not hear those squirrels and their obscene little thoughts. Well, maybe not obscene to them, but fertile teenage minds and all…
"Gohan, is there some reason you choose to slam the window… Oh dear, you're bleeding! What happened!?!"
Right, how was he supposed to reply to that question? "I uh, I didn't like the way those two squirrels were looking at me." Oh, good response Gohan, NOT!
*It's true, I've been denying it for years, but it's true, my little boy DID inherit a crazy gene from his father!* "Gohan, do not blame your misgivings on the wild life. Now come here, I'll wrap that up for you."
Crazy gene? Maybe, but probably not from his father. None the less, Gohan obediently followed his mother to the medicine cabinet where she wrapped his abused hand in an ace bandage. She was silent the whole time, her mind however…
*What could possibly distract my boy so much as to cut himself? Oh, maybe he's in love? Maybe with that nice Videl girl he introduced me to. Oh, my baby is growing up! I'll be a grandma before long, but not to soon or I'll personally neuter him!*
Gohan squirmed. What man in their right mind wouldn't with a thought like that? For which he earned a chilling glare from his mother and a backlash of even colder thoughts of torture. Who knew Chi Chi had a full understanding of so many methods of torture? Just what were those books about on her bedroom shelf? Chi Chi finished her work, and tied off the bandage with the expertise of an experienced doctor. She then dragged her eldest from the bathroom and sat him down at the table, mentioning something about not being able to hurt himself while sitting down. "Hey everyone, dinner is done!"
Amazing how all three of them could think so much alike. And how all three of them could have that thought run rampant, all on its own through their skulls. Through Gohan's skull too. Goku, Goten, Trunks, and Gohan despite his own thoughts, dove into the succulent roast Chi Chi had worked so hard to cook. The eldest Son brother ate contentedly listening to the repeated thought 'food' around him. And then…
*I never really get to taste any of the meals I make for my boys. They eat so heartily. I just wish that every now and then I could eat with them instead of having to attempt to keep up with the dishes.*
Gohan stopped dead mid chew. He had never known his mother felt that way. Without a second thought, the demi-Saiyan stood and slammed his hands down on the table, successfully pulling each of the eaters out of their hunger-induced craze. He smiled, knowing he had the attention of each and everyone in the room. "How about, us guys do the dishes tonight? That would be okay for you, right mom? Good. Then, I think I'm done eating, how about you take my seat and have a decent meal, and I'll just start working on the dishes all ready here."
He quickly pushed his very stunned mother into the recently vacated seat. Everyone remained silent for a moment, and then Goten caught on to his brother's motives. "Yeah mom, have some of this roast, you did a wonderful job making it, it's really good! Me 'an Gohan 'an Trunks 'an Dad will do the clean up for you!"
Trunks, miffed only a little bit by being volunteered for work, caught on right behind Goten. *Chi Chi always does so much work for everyone, and never gets much in return. So does my mom. Ok, I'll just be sure to get Goten and Gohan REALLY wet for this one.* "Yeah Chi Chi, and the pie is really good too!"
Goku smiled a knowing and proud smile at his two sons and Trunks. *This will make Chi Chi very happy. Those are my boys. Now, where was I, oh yeah, FOOD!!!*
*My boys, my Gohan. They think of me? They, they'd really do this for me?* "Thank you… I, I don't know what to say!"
"Mph, Don't worry about it Chi Chi! Just sit and eat, The kids and I will take care of it tonight."
The mother did just that too. And as promised the kids and Goku cleaned up, only breaking one dish in the process. Gohan, being fully aware of what Trunks was thinking, successfully dodged getting wet, though Goku and Goten were not so lucky. All in the household then retired to the living room, to watch some TV and then went to bed. Unfortunately, rest was not to come to Gohan.
He was quite pleased with himself over the day's events; he had afterall, successfully pleased his mother. This new talent could be useful. While reveling in these thoughts, Gohan neglected to remember that the mind is always most receptive just before going to sleep. This information was recalled however, when certain thoughts began invading his mind.
*Oh, my Goku is SO well built, so strong, and he has such a nice ass….*
*Ah Chi Chi, your so smooth, so silky soft so touchable…*
Gohan came fully awake with an 'Eep!' and covered his ears as though to stop the intruding thoughts. Certain things about his parents, he really did NOT want to know! Seeing no other escape, the demi-Saiyan made a beeline for his bedroom window and flew out into the night sky.
"Whowho!" *Who would have guessed either of those balls could have disappeared? Grandpa says there used to be a sun and a moon, now only the sun ball remains!*
Gohan shuddered and attempted to ignore the owl's thoughts only to be invaded by others. Wham! *The women in this heard are mine!*
A second clash of horns rattles the hills. *This young buck will not get my herim away from me, they are MINE!*
The demi-Saiyan mentally cowered from the onslaught of animal thoughts. So many creatures, so many dirty thoughts! Was every animal in the world on a one-track course? Did they only think about sex? NO hold on, half of those thought were intentionally dirty. Which meant, he was the one with the mind in the gutter.
"Yowl!!!" *Damn I wish he would get this over quickly!*
"Grrr." *I wish this woman would keep it down while I'm at my business!*
No, it wasn't him, every animal here was sex driven, and it was beginning to affect him, much to the normally well behaved Gohan's chagrin. Images of Videl came unbidden to his mind, pictures that no decent young man should even consider! With a howl of anguish, Gohan spotted a lake and dove for it, cold water was supposed to help these things, right?
The shock of cold water stung his nearly naked body. His boxers did nothing to keep him warm. That was all right. The water helped, a lot. He swam for and broke surface with little difficulties and rested easily in the middle of the lake. Then it occurred to him, the world was silent. Not that he couldn't hear the calls of the nocturnal creatures, but he couldn't 'hear' their thoughts. Not a one! The only thoughts he could hear were his own!
With a war whoop to do an Amazon proud, Gohan launched himself out of the lake and began flying in loops above the terrain. He giggled and laughed, danced and screamed like a little kid at Christmas. So consumed in his glee, Gohan was unaware of the presence above him. A very disturbed teacher, who at that moment was considering his luck at not being able to read minds.
So, did you guys like this? Kind of just a test run on my part, for this kind of humor. Seriously, tell me what you think! Thanks J