Day to Day Idiocies

Chapter Two


"Oi, Ulquiorra."

The Arrancar, Ulquiorra, pointedly took his time flipping the page of the book he was reading before replying. "Yes. Yammy?" Many often wondered how Ulquiorra could stand to be in the largest Arrancar's presence, he was by far one of the last intellectual of the ten Espada and easily infuriating whenever he got bored and needed something to do. To the point where he was certain it was only because of Yammy's Espada status that he hadn't been outright killed yet.

"I'm bored."

"I know, Yammy." Ulquiorra always knew when the large Arrancar was bored because that was the only time he was bothered by Yammy outside of meetings and assignments. So whenever Yammy approached, Ulquiorra suddenly found his muse to do something time consuming in the meanwhile.

He was not fleeing the idea of hanging out with Yammy.

"Got anythin' fun to do?" Yammy asked while he stood bside the seated Cuatro, who hadn't glanced up from his book the entire time their conversation had started. "Because today is just a major drag."

"I don't think any of my usual hobbies would be something you constitute as fun," Ulquiorra explained calmly for what was the ninth time now. "You do not like reading."

"Books are dumb."

"Nor do you appreciate observing others."

"Also very boring and kinda creepy..."

Ulquiorra ignored that quip. "And the last time you attempted to draw you broke the pencil," Page flip. "Then ate it." The dryest of observations and even then Ulquiorra could feel the words on his book beginning to fade away into the haze of "spacing out" as he tried to subconsciously be as far away from this moment as he could.

It worked for all of a nanosecond before a massive hand patted him on the back and Yammy suddenly announced. "I've got a better idea than all of those!"

"I...Highly doubt that," Ulquiorra didn't bother to hide his skeptism about that decleration, but nonetheless, he ignored the fact the tenth just touched him in favor of listening to this "great" idea that Yammy had apparently come up with. "But very well, what is this idea of yours?"

"We draw things we hate on some boring books, then set them on fire in a pile and watch them burn!" The large arrancar grinned down at the smaller one, looking like he thought he deserved every medal and then some for coming up with such a string of activities.

Ulquiorra was on the other end of the spectrum wondering how Yammy's brain matter would look across the ceiling before it faded away in death. But since that would possibly displease Lord Aizen, the Cuatro refrained from that course of action and instead looked down at his book to resume reading. "I do not believe that is a good choice of activity, Yammy." In the slightest.

"But, Ulquiorra, it combines all the things you like with stuff I'd like, it's perfect!"

Chilly emerald eyes blinked once, twice. That was Yammy's reasoning? Because it took all of Ulquiorra's own hobbies, then destroyed them, all so he and Yammy could basically enjoy the same things? Was that really what this was about? Or was there a larger game at work here? In fact, Yammy had been particularly fast on the upkeep this conversation. "Yammy, who put you up to this?"

"Wazza-What? No one, Ulquiorra! I am offended you think someone told me to suggest this to you!"

Ulquiorra neither spoke of that or anyone else in particular. And that had the cuatro peering upwards and staring at the larger Espada, who suddenly found the tile work on the floor very interesting. Ulquiorra considered the list of culprits, he doubted many of the other Espada would try this, especially using such a tool as Yammy of all things to try and "get under his skin", the first one to mind was Grimmjow, but the Panther was out on assignment, so he was free of suspicion. The next in line was Nnoitra and Szayel, and if Ulquiorra had to pick one it would be Szayel.

"It was Nnoitra, wasn't it?"

"Nnoitra who? I don't know a Nnoitra."

"...Yammy, why don't you go receive an assignment from Lord Aizen, tell him I sent you and he is sure to give you something fun to do, I have my own assignment shortly, you see." Ulquiorra explained like a patient parent to their stupidly large child. "And I'd hate to displease our Lord, so, I shall go attend to this assignment."

"Yeah!" Yammy grinned, "That sounds like an idea, I'll see you around, Ulquiorra." The giant turned and lumbered off, mumbling to himself. "And Nnoitra said I needed Ulquiorra to have fun at all times, hah!" He laughed the whole way out of the lounge.

"..." A gentle sigh filled the room as the pale Espada considered his next course of action, before nodding to himself and disappearing into Sonido, he had something to take care of.

Later that day!

Nnoitra returned to his room, pausing at the door when he smelt...Smoke? He slammed the door open and stopped and stared at the sight before him with a single, wide eye.

His bed, his spare uniforms and various objects that had been scattered around his room were all piled in the center of the room, lit on fire! He gaped at it. "Who the hell did this?!"

"Could you keep it down, Nnoitra, I am observing,"

The Mantis Arrancar almost jumped out of his skin when he turned and saw Ulquiorra just right of the doorway. "Ulquiorra..." Nnoitra hissed, fists clenching. "Did you do this?"

"Of course, after all, Yammy suggested it to me, I thought I'd see what was so enjoyable about gathering another's favorite items and burning them while watching." The pale Arrancar didn't even glance away from the burning pile. "In truth, I still don't see the appeal. Perhaps it's lost on me."

"You...You son of a-" Before Nnoitra could draw his Zanpakuto, Ulquiorra had his fingertips to his throat. A threatening gesture all the same as his own blade.

"No need for insults, after all I happened to come along in time and stop your entire room from burning, if anything, I should be thanked for my selfless efforts." Ulquiorra then looked to the taller Arrancar, eyes narrowing in warning. "For your lack of vigilance, I should report this to Lord Aizen, but as the problem has been caught and dealt with, I see no reason to bring this to our Lord." His finger tips pressed against Nnoitra's Hierro, and it bent. "Do you?"

"...What issue? I don't see an issue, shut up and lemme thank you!"

"I thought as much." Ulquiorra lowered his hand, turned and stepped out of the room. "Deal with that fire and put in an order for replacements to the items lost, I need to go finish a book."

And as he walked away, Ulquiorra felt his lips curl slightly at the corners. Satisfied in his small act of revenge.

End of chapter two

There goes another one, this time featuing Yammy and Nnoitra!