Spelling Out Love

A Smallville Story by Merrie

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. If I did, Lana would have moved to Metropolis and out of the show long ago, and Lex and Chloe wouldn't be able to keep there hands off of one another. grin

Summary: Lex and Chloe muse over love.

Characters: Lex and Chloe mainly. Mention of others possible.

Author's Note: Hi, remember me? The author that never updates anymore? Well, I have recently been working on my in progress stories, and figured that I'd put out this little ficlet to keep you company while you wait, hopefully, for my updates. Hope you like it. Also, unfortunately this story isn't going to be finished by Valentine's Day proper, but it should be finished soon thereafter.

Rating: PG It's pretty fluffy, but there is a curse word or two throughout.

Chapter One: L is for the way you look at me

Lex Luthor cautiously glanced around the interior of the Talon to make sure no one was close enough to see what he was about to do. Once he was satisfied that no one was watching him he opened a bound brown leather book with the initials AJL printed in a flowing cursive script on the cover. He carefully opened the journal and scanned its contents. His mother had gotten it for him on his 10th birthday, telling him to write down anything and everything he was going through after the events of the meteor shower. She had thought that it would help him to cope better if he had something if not someone who would never judge him or berate him for sharing his feelings like his father did. At first, Lex had thought the idea stupid, but at his mother's insistence he had given in and began to write everything down in the journal. Once she had died, Lex hadn't wanted to keep up with the writing, and very nearly burned the leather book more than once, but love and respect for the memory of his mother had stayed his hand and persuaded him to keep up with his writings every time. Over the years, Lex and put everything into it. Every dark secret, every secret desire, everything. He knew if anyone, especially his father, ever found it he would be ruined. There was no telling what someone would do with the information contained in the rather innocuous looking brown leather book.

As his eyes scanned the pages filled with his slightly slanting left- handed script, memories of past people and events passed before his eyes. As he at last reached a clean page, he placed his pen down and began to write.

11 February, 2003

It's days from Valentines day. The Talon is nauseating in it's shades of pink and red. I should have never let Lana decorate. Sure, the girl has good intentions, but this is a little overkill. In fact, I don't think I've ever seen so much pink in my life. Clark sings it's praises though. As if he would ever say anything against his precious Lana Lang. I have given up on ever getting the two of them together. I really don't know why I ever bothered in the first place. As I mentioned to Clark, some people are meant to be alone. Perhaps he is one of those people. Like me. There, I'm sounding sorry for myself again. Who really needs love anyway? I've managed pretty good so far without it. God knows I've never received any from dad. I've never really expected any either. That's just not how things are done in the Luthor household. Mom though.

Lex paused a moment, his pen hovering above the paper, the slightest tremble passing through his fingertips, before continuing.

Mom loved me. I know she did. She was perhaps the only one who did. Except for Pamela. I wasn't lying when I told Pamela that she might have made me a better man. I know what I am becoming with my father's influence. I know what I have become. I am not unaware of it. Becoming what Lionel Luthor wants a son to be is not a sudden thing. It's a process. Slowly but surely I am becoming my father. That is a somewhat disturbing thought, but I know it is the truth. I wonder what mom would say to me if she could see me now. If she could see the kind man I have become. She would forgive me though. She could never stay mad at me, no matter what kind of trouble I got myself into. She would try and change me though, I have no doubt of that. I oftentimes wonder what she would think of the friends I've made here in Smallville. No doubt she would highly approve of my friendship with Clark. I swear, even though I know he keeps things from me, I could never fully stop being his friend. I only hope that he can say the same. She would have also, no doubt, forced Lana and Clark to fully admit their feelings for one another from the beginning. She also did seem to have a soft spot for affairs of the heart. Love. Again, it weeds it way to the front of my brain. No doubt it is my surroundings. One would be hard pressed not to think of love surrounded by the sea of pink and red hearts and innocent looking cupids. She would also no doubt disapprove of the lack of love in my life currently. But who would I love? Who would love me? The answer: no one. Not even Desiree, the woman I thought I loved and even married, didn't love me. No love, rather a desire to see me dead and herself rich.

There is one person however, someone who could never love me, no matter how much I might I might want them to. I have not fully given up on love, you see. I can't ignore it, especially not this time of year. Who could? As for the one who holds my unrequited love, I'm sure mom would approve of character if not my love for her too. Chloe. There, it's on the paper, and I am damned for it. Ever since I first laid eyes on her in the Torch office, I can't keep her out of my mind. I have tried, I really have, first with Desiree, and then with Helen, but every thought comes back to her. She is under my skin and seems to be there to stay. I don't know what she'd say if she ever found out, but that doesn't matter because she never will. I could never tell her even if I wanted to. I can't bear the thought of what she might say or think of me afterwards. I've always been honest with you, and I'm not going to stop now. She makes me feel inadequate. Ironically, she helps to make me believe my statement about some people being meant to be alone. I don't deserve her. I never will.

TBC

A/N: I know, crappy place to end a Valentine's Day fic, especially one posted on Valentines Day itself, but have no fear. The next part, O is for the only one I see, which will be from Chloe's POV will be up very very soon.