The Dark Lord opened his eyes and screamed.
"Happy Valentines Day my lord!" Bellatrix cheered, throwing a handful of rose petals in the air.
The menacing, simple black theme in his bedroom was gone, replaced by garish red and pink decorations. An entire wall had been transformed into a montage of photoshopped wedding photos with him and Bellatrix. Not to mention the, erm, interesting drawings of him shirtless. Pink ribbons no dangled from the ceiling, and countless flowers, chocolate boxes, and gifts were piled on the floor. Rose petals were scattered throughout the room, and "T+B" was scrawled in blood red on the headboard oh his bed.
Bellatrix LeStrange stood in the center of it all, hands clasped, with a stupid smile on her face. The Dark Lord was pretty sure her pupils were now shaped like hearts.
He shuddered and blew a rose petal off of his face. His day was not off to a great start.
"I brought you breakfast in bed, my Lord" Bellatrix giggled placing a tray in front of him.
He eyed the "pancakes" cautiously. There was some oozing pink substance on top of them.
Voldemort was not going to eat that. There was a 99% chance that the creepy witch had put love potion on it. Shoving it to the side, her heard the mug of coffee shatter on the floor. Good. Bellatrix could clean his it up.
"Do you like it my lord?" Bellatrix asked, gesturing to the hideous shrine that was now his room.
"Honestly... no." Voldemort said bluntly, kicking his covers back.
As he got out of bed, he slipped on the coffee from the shattered mug and fell flat on his back.
Looking up at a giant mural of him and Bellatrix embracing, the Dark Lord closed his eyes, and swore.
The Dark Lord almost screamed.
"What is it Bellatrix?!" He asked, exasperated. She had been following him around all day like a lovesick puppy, and he REALLY wanted her to go away.
"Didn't you get a present for me my Lord?" Bellatrix blinked.
"Oh, right, um... be right back!" He stuttered, then, in a very dignified manner, got the heck away from the crazy witch.
He scanned his treasure room.
Gold necklace, box of rubies, cursed goblet...
"Aha!" The Dark Lord smiled. Or, bared his teeth. He wasn't really familiar with the whole 'smiling' process.
He placed the gift in an elaborate box, and went to give it to Bellatrix.
"Here you go." The Dark Lord handed the very fancy box to Bellatrix, who squealed and danced for about a minute before opening it.
She slowly lifted the lid of the box, carefully extracted the present, and screamed with joy.
"I will treasure it forever!" She giggled, hugging the dead worm to her chest.
Boldemort breathed a sigh of relief. Not relief that she liked it, he honestly couldn't care less, but relief that this might keep her out of his hair for a while.
The Dark Lord frowned, as he remembered he didn't have hair.
"The Dark Lord and I are getting married !" Bellatrix told Rudolphus.
Rudolphus LeStrange choked on his coffee.
"Bellatrix, you can't do that."
"Yes I can!"
"No, you can't."
"Well, why not?"
"Because," Rudolphus explained with a sigh, " You're already married."
"Really? To who?"
"To ME Bellatrix."
"WHAT?! I though got you were just a hbo who lived in my house!" Bellatrix gasped.
"This is my house."
"Yeah, but... I still don't understand why I can't marry Tommy."
Rudolphus put his head in his hands.
The Dark Lord settled into bed. The day hadn't been so bad after all. As he settled into bed, he felt a feeling of peace wash over him.
Bellatrix kicked open his door, holding a giant accordion.
"Since it's Valentines Day," she chirped, "I'm going to sing you a lullaby to help you get to sleep!"
The Dark Lord covered his head with a pillow as Bellatrix played a few screeching, experimental notes on the instrument.
He hated Valentines Day.