Remnants of Another World
With no wifi signal, no scroll reception, and her GPS not working, Penny had no idea where she was. Still, she didn't worry much. Things would make sense eventually, and until then, it was a beautiful day without a cloud in the sky.
It had been night-time a few minutes ago, but that was one of the many things Penny didn't feel like worrying about. She'd much rather lie in the grass and enjoy herself. There was a big stone tower next to her, too. It looked so nice and archaic.
"Is that a commoner?"
There were people nearby. That was nice. Penny liked listening to people. She wasn't very good at talking to them, but they were fun to listen to.
"It looks like a commoner."
"Louise summoned a commoner! That's hilarious!"
The people around her laughed. Penny didn't get the joke, but she smiled anyway. One of the people approached her. She was a girl with bright pink hair that looked like cotton candy.
"Who are you?" the girl asked.
"Salutations!" Penny said. "My name is Penny! What's your name?"
"Salutations, Louise! It's a pleasure to meet you!"
"You already said that."
Penny checked her memory file and confirmed that she had, in fact, said salutations twice. "So I did."
"Are you going to keep lying on the ground all day, or are you going to get up?"
Penny considered her choices. Lying down gave her a better view of the sky, but standing up offered more mobility and a better view of the people around her. "I'm going to get up."
Louise hoped that the girl would look more impressive standing up, but she was wrong. Penny just looked so ordinary. Orange hair, freckles, and a lopsided bow that was going to irritate her to no end. Was she, Louise de La Valliere, really expected to make a familiar out of this commoner?
She turned to Professor Colbert. "Professor, can I try again? I think I made a mistake."
Colbert shook his head. "No, there was no mistake, Miss Valliere. The summoning spell worked perfectly."
The spell's perfection was debatable in her mind. "Can I try again anyway? I don't really like this one."
He sighed. "Miss Valliere, this is an ancient and sacred ritual. You can't pick divine, destined servants off the shelf like you're buying clothes."
Louise disliked that analogy, especially since she most certainly did not buy her clothes 'off the shelf.' Her father was a duke, not a merchant. "Please?" she asked one last time.
"Okay, fine," she said with a sigh, "but I won't like it." She turned back to her summoned commoner, who stood there with the same smile on her face. Well, there's no turning back now. Louise recited the incantation, tapped the commoner on her forehead, and kissed her on the lips.
Penny promptly fell over.
CORE FILES CORRUPTED
FULL REBOOT RECOMMENDED
DO YOU WISH TO RESTART YOUR SYSTEM?
AUTOMATIC RESTART IN 60 … 59 …
YOU HAVE CHOSEN NOT TO RESTART YOUR SYSTEM
Penny opened her eyes and found herself once more lying on the ground. She had expected a lot from her first kiss. She had not expected that.
"You kissed me," she said, standing up.
Louise faced the opposite direction. "Are we quite done now, Professor Colbert?"
The man with the shiny head nodded. "It appears so. The contract has taken place, and while I'm not familiar with that particular set of runes, everything seems to be in order. Good job, Miss Valliere."
"Yay. Go me."
The crowd dispersed leaving Penny and Louise alone in the courtyard. "You kissed me," Penny said again.
Louise looked at her. "Huh? Technically, I suppose, but it was really just part of the ritual."
Penny thought she knew what that meant, but just to be sure, she accessed her Romance Protocol. "Does this mean I'm your girlfriend?"
GIRLFRIEND STATUS CONFIRMED
"Oh my gosh! I'm your girlfriend! Are you going to take me out to dinner, buy me clothes, get me flowers–"
"What? No!" Louise looked around. "Look, familiar, just stop talking where people can hear you and come with me."
Louise took her hand in hers and led her into the stone tower while Penny struggled to understand the situation.
First they kissed.
Then they held hands.
And now … Louise opened the door to what appeared to be a bedroom.
UNAUTHORIZED STAGE FIVE ROMANCE CONFIRMED
SELF DESTRUCT SEQUENCE INITIATED
SELF DESTRUCT IN 3 … 2 …
Cancel Cancel Cancel Cancel Cancel Cancel
SELF DESTRUCT SEQUENCE TERMINATED
Penny really needed to have her father fine-tune some of her programs when she got back. Speaking of getting back, she had been in the middle of a tournament before she left. She hoped that no one was too upset about her mysterious disappearance.
Back in Remnant, many people were very upset.
"Unprecedented!" Doctor Oobleck said over the loudspeaker. "It appears that the contestant, Penny, has spontaneously disappeared. Can we get an instant replay?"
"As you can see," Professor Port said, "young Penny Polendina of Atlas has vanished without a trace. Do you think that is a manifestation of her Semblance, Professor?"
"Doctor! And no. Neither her nor her opponent are known to have teleportation, translocation, or invisibility as a Semblance. However, just in case, Penny has thirty seconds to reappear or otherwise make her presence known, or Pyrrha Nikos will win by default."
The crowd of onlookers booed, but out of all of them, none of the people in the stands were more upset than Emerald.
"What do you mean, she disappeared?" Cinder demanded.
"I'm telling you she just vanished," Emerald explained into her scroll. "Into thin air. Poof."
"That's unfortunate. Oh well. We'll just have to make up for it in the next match."
"Actually I have more bad news. Remember Yang, the bimbo who got disqualified for breaking Mercury's leg? One of her teammates recognized me and realized that I wasn't flying back to Haven like I said I would."
There was a moment of cold, merciless silence. "And what did you tell her?"
"I actually didn't talk to her. I, um, I kind of had Mercury handle her so I could focus on the match."
"And did he handle it by killing her?"
Emerald swallowed. "He might have?"
"So I'm expected to protect you, watch out for you, and fetch ingredients for you." Penny and Louise were defining their relationship. Penny had never defined her relationship before. She had never had a relationship to define before.
"Generally speaking, yes," Louise said. "Though I can't imagine you would be much good in a fight. A raven would probably tear you up."
"Oh, don't worry about me, Louise! I'm combat ready!"
"Uh-huh. Sure you are. Look, I'm going to get ready for bed. Are you going to explode if I take my clothes off in front of you?"
AUTOMATIC SELF DESTRUCT SEQUENCE DEACTIVATED
Why wasn't that the default setting? Penny would have to ask her father about that, because it seemed like a rather serious design flaw. "I will not."
"Lovely." Louise changed into a nightgown.
"I still have one question, though," Penny said. "Dates. I think I'd prefer movies to eating out, but I can be flexible."
Louise pulled her nightgown over her head. It was as pink as her hair and went down to her ankles. "No! I don't know how you got it into your head, but you are not my girlfriend, you are my familiar. I am not your girlfriend, I am your master."
Penny's lip trembled. "But you kissed me! Are you breaking up with me already?"
"No! There is, and follow me on this, there is nothing to break up! The k-kiss was part of the ritual to bind the contract which says that you are supposed to serve me and do whatever I want for the rest of your life, and I have to put up with you for the rest of mine. Do you understand?"
Penny opened her data files and cross referenced the terms "kiss," "contract," and "life." She gasped. "Are we married?" She had only expected to take part in a tournament. If she had known that she was going to get married, she would have worn something nicer.
Louise grabbed a pillow, smothered her face in it, and let out a muffled scream. Penny's wife had remarkable lung capacity.
"Look," Louise said after one minute and forty-seven seconds of continuous screaming. "This is getting out of hand. Why don't you just forget everything that just happened, and we can start over?"
Penny closed her eyes, opened her memory files, and accessed the most recent one.
DO YOU WISH TO DELETE MEMORY FILE 4146-6423-5623?
MEMORY FILE 4146-6423-5623 SENT TO THE RECYCLING BIN
Penny opened her eyes and found herself in a strange room with a pretty girl with pink hair. She smiled. "Salutations! My name is Penny! What's your name?"
The stranger frowned. "Louise."
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Louise!" Penny looked around. "How did I get here?"
Louise scowled. "I'm going to bed."
A/n So I'm doing something different with this story. Instead of following a specific familiar through canon events, I'm making a series of one shots with different characters. I wanted to start off with something light and funny, and no one is lighter and funnier than Penny, until the end of season three, and I am overriding her unnecessary and tragic death through fan fiction. That's how I cope with my problems. Next up is Pyrrha, because while I'm overriding unnecessary and tragic deaths, I might as well get all of them, and I'm planning on doing Ruby, Raven, and Neo in no particular order.
Because summoning people over and over again could get boring, I'll eventually turn these one shots into two shots and three shots. If there is a character that you would like to see summoned or continued, let me know in a review or a PM, and we can do a sort of poll.
Finally, thank you Magery for editing this chapter. He seems to have already placed a vote for Raven, so the current poll is Raven: 1, everyone else: 0.