"I think we've got about five minutes," Chandler said, looking at his watch as they approached Central Perk. "Should we just forget it?"

"Nah, they won't get mad if we just get coffee in to-go cups," Rachel said. "They can't dump out the airpots until closing anyway. We should hurry, though."

They ran into the coffeeshop, heading straight for the counter. "Two coffees to go, please, Gunther," Chandler said, reaching for his wallet.

Rachel looked up from digging in her purse. "Gunther... um... why are you looking at me like that?"

"Made out with Chloe, did you," Gunther stated flatly.

"Oh my god!" Rachel cried, hand flying over her mouth. "Gunther... you... you didn't tell anyone, did you?"

"I'm *sorry*," Gunther purred with a smile that sent deja vu swarming up Rachel's spine. "Was I not *supposed* to?"

Rachel whirled. Ross was sitting by the window, glaring at her.

"I'm *not* eating wax this time," Chandler said unhappily.

"Well hey, guys," Ross said bitterly. "Didya have fun at the gay bar?"

"Boy, I was *hoping* you'd say that really loudly," Chandler replied.

"Y'know, I would love to watch this fight," Gunther said, setting their to-go cups on the counter. "But as of four seconds ago, we are officially closed."

"Well, I think we all know where *this* fight continues," Ross spat, pointing in the general direction of Monica and Rachel's apartment.

"I'm *not* eating wax this time," Chandler repeated.

"Don't worry, Chandler," Ross snapped. "This time, *you* get to *participate* in the fight!"

"Couldn't I just eat some wax?" Chandler replied, following Rachel and Ross out of the coffeeshop.

***

"Now, where were we," Ross cried, throwing his coat across Monica's kitchen table violently.

Phoebe, Joey, and Monica looked up from the couch. "What's going on?"

"Rachel made out with Chloe. At a gay bar *Chandler* took her to!"

"What are you doing, *recruiting* people now?" Monica cried. "I thought the Republicans made that up!"

"I am not *recruiting* people!" Chandler screeched. "I'm probably not even gay!"

"And what if he is?" Rachel cried angrily. "What's wrong with that? Why can't he be gay if he wants to be? How hypocritical are you people?"

"Hypocritical?" Ross choked. "*You* are calling people hypocritical? Chloe-Chloe-Chloe-Chloe-Chloe!"

"You and I are not *dating*!" Rachel snapped. "I am a single person! The situation is totally different! And don't you even say the *word* 'break'!"

"Huh. Chloe, a bar, alcohol, making out... yeah, it seems pretty different to me!"

"Well, for one thing, I didn't have *sex* with her!"

"You don't have anything to have sex with her *with*!"

"Whoa-whoa-whoa," Phoebe blurted, raising her hands. "Are you saying that lesbian sex isn't real sex?"

"Of course not," Ross snapped. "I *married* a lesbian, remember? I do know *something* about the topic."

"What the hell were you doing at a gay bar, anyway, Rachel?" Monica asked.

"Chandler took her there!" Ross exploded.

"No, Ross," Rachel said firmly. "*I* took *Chandler* there, okay? He didn't even want to go, and he kept trying to get me to leave. He even stopped me and Chloe making out."

Chandler looked at Rachel gratefully, and a little of the anger faded from Ross' face.

"Fine, Chandler," Ross said. "You can go."

"Look, Ross, I think you'll being a little hard on Rachel..."

"I can handle this, Chandler," Rachel said quietly. "Go ahead and go."

"Can I go too?" Joey asked.

"Of course," Ross said in irritation.

Joey and Phoebe jumped up and joined Chandler in the doorway.

"You can go too, Monica," Rachel said.

"What? I live here! You can't just kick me out whenever you want!"

"Fight... getting... bigger!" Phoebe hissed in Chandler's ear. "Go-go-go!"

***

The three of them slammed into Chandler and Joey's apartment, shutting the door behind them to block the increasing decibel level from across the hall.

"Sheesh," Phoebe muttered to Joey. "And you wondered why I never told them!"

"Told them... what?" Chandler asked.

"That she's bi," Joey said matter-of-factly, opening the fridge. "Beer?"

"Um, yeah," Chandler said, then whipped to Phoebe. "You *are*?"

"Well, duh," Phoebe said, accepting the beer Joey handed her. "And Joey is too, if he'd freakin' admit it."

"Look, I'm not, okay?" Joey said, twisting his cap off. "Keep your fantasies to yourself."

"Oh, pardon *me*," Phoebe said sarcastically. "Joey's only bi when he's *drunk*."

"What?" Chandler cried, neck craning around in the other direction.

"I... may... have gotten drunk on a few occasions..."

"Oh please," Phoebe laughed. "In vino veritas, Joey."

"Shut up, Pheebs," Joey snapped.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Chandler demanded. "You're bi... and you just understood Latin?"

"Anyway, we outnumber them now," Phoebe said, sipping her beer. "I say we all come out. What are they gonna do?"

"Who are the 'we' and 'they' in these sentences?" Chandler squawked.

"Well, the 'we' is you, me, Joey, and Rachel, obviously," Phoebe said calmly. "And 'they' -- Monica and Ross."

"Look, Rachel and I don't know anything yet. That's why we went to the bar! Don't assign us to a group!"

"You went on a *date* with a *dude*," Joey said.

"It was on a *bet*!"

"It was?" Joey asked, a strange expression crossing his face.

"But still, Chandler -- why'd you go to the bar?" Phoebe asked.

"Well, I... I mean, I had a pretty good time on my date, way better than I thought I would. And I had this talk with Rachel... she wanted to go to the bar..."

"Talkin' about me behind my back?" Rachel said, slipping into the apartment with a faint door-click.

"How'd you get out of *that* so fast?"

Rachel waved her hand dismissively. "Oh, they're off on some Geller-war now. It's like I wasn't in the room. So I decided not to be."

"Beer?" Joey asked.

"They're all gay!" Chandler cried. "And no one will freak out with me!"

"Really," Rachel said, a smile playing over her lips. "Even you, Joey?"

"I'm not gay," Joey protested. "Phoebe likes to make a big deal out of nothing."

"Uh-huh, I'm *totally* exaggerating," Phoebe drawled. "Joey ended up in the bathroom with that Spanish guy for two hours because he was teaching him how we *flush* in *America*."

"S-spanish g-guy?" Chandler stuttered.

"I don't even remember that," Joey said dismissively.

"Well, I do!" Phoebe cried. "And everyone else at the party does! And oh-ho-ho, *Manuel* does!"

"She's just makin' crap up now."

"So are you bi or not, Rachel?" Phoebe asked, swiveling in Rachel's direction.

"I... I dunno," Rachel said.

"Oh, c'mon! How can you not know?"

"It's not like a lightning bolt came down from the sky while a choir announced it!" Rachel said defensively. "I have... feelings... I don't know about!"

"And you?" Phoebe focused on Chandler.

"What Rachel said!"

"You people," Phoebe sighed.

"Whatever, Little Miss In-A-Shoebox-In-The-Back-of-the-Closet," Rachel snapped, opening her beer and throwing the cap into the trash.

"Hey, look. I never said I *wasn't*. But you saw the reaction in there. I want to deal with *that* on a daily basis, suuuure."

"Hey, wait a damn minute," Chandler interrupted. "It's not like you two were incredibly supportive. Rachel's the only one who even tried to talk to me about it. Joey, you ignored me for days!"

"Dude, it wasn't that, it was..." Joey mumbled.

"You could have tried talking to *us*," Phoebe snapped. "But no, you had to get all Chandlery about it."

"Lay *off*, Pheebs," Rachel sighed. "Can't you just accept that Chandler and I aren't sure yet? Surely there was a time when you didn't know... and Joey's still in denial..."

"I am *not* in denial," Joey muttered into his beer.

"Fine, whatever," Rachel said. "But it's not like you're marching in parades, Pheebs. You're stuck right in the same gray area as the rest of us."

"I am *not*."

"Okay, fine. When was the last time you had a girlfriend? Or even a date with a girl?"

"It's been a while, but it's not like..."

"Uh-huh," Rachel said dismissively.

"Look, it's not exactly easy!" Phoebe snapped. "Hey, hi there, cute girl. Would you like to go out with me, and *never* meet my friends, and *never* go out in public, and *never* have me admit that we're dating? Oh yeah, they just line right up for that, sure!"

"And why's that?" Rachel challenged. "You always say you're so independent, why couldn't you just march right up to us and say, 'Hey guys, this is my new girlfriend!' Huh? Why not?"

"Because of you people!" Phoebe exploded. "You know, all you WASPy little freak-out-over-anything, incredibly set in your ways, oh-no-that-person's-different, let's-mock-them *people*!"

Rachel's eyes lit up in triumph. "Uh-huh. So when *Chandler* and *I* try to do something different, you, huh, let's see... freak out and mock us?"

"Shut up!" Joey shouted. "Everybody quit yellin'! You're freakin' out the duck!"

He grabbed the duck, marched over to the Barcolounger, dropped into it, and swiveled so that the back shielded him from the other three.

"Joey's right," Chandler rubbed his aching temples. "Why are we fighting?"

"Sorry, Rachel," Phoebe said. "I'm just... kinda sensitive about this topic, I guess."

"I'm sorry too, I..." Rachel sighed and leaned against the counter. "I'm just *confused*, and now Ross is all pissed, and Monica's going to be so weird around me now..."

Rachel put her head down on the counter, and Phoebe stroked her hair. "Look, Monica's your friend. She'll get over it."

"Weren't you *just* telling us that you didn't tell anyone because they *wouldn't* get over it?" Rachel brushed her hair out of her eyes.

"Well, but... I was wrong. I mean, you and Chandler were two of the people I thought would freak, and you're all going to bars and stuff."

"Oh, I'm still freaking," Chandler said, dropping into the other Barcolounger. "I'm just not doing it at the same decibel level."

"God, I don't wanna go home," Rachel moaned.

"So don't, tonight," Phoebe said. "C'mon, I have an extra room. You can crash in there. You wanna go?"

"I'm pretty ready for this day to be over," Rachel sighed. "Goodnight, guys."

"'Night, Pheebs. 'Night, Rachel."

Phoebe held the door open for Rachel, rubbing her back consolingly.

Chandler waited until the door had closed, then reached out with a foot and spun Joey's barcolounger around.

"You wanna talk, Joe?"

"Yeah, I guess," Joey sighed, setting the duck on the floor. "I'm not gay, though."

"Well, I'm probably not either."

"So you... you dated that guy on a bet?"

"Yeah," Chandler smiled. "Look. Remember a couple years ago, when that chick in my office tried to set me up with a guy? It was all from back from then. A little revenge mixed in with a little bit of greed... that's all. I mean, Brian has a boyfriend, it wasn't anything serious."

"So what's up with the bar, and Rachel, and stuff?"

"Well... as part of the bet, Brian and I had to kiss a couple of times. And it..." Chandler sighed. "It didn't gross me out or anything like I expected it to." He peered at Joey. "You okay with that?"

"Well yeah, man," Joey replied. "I mean, when I first met you, I thought you were gay, and I still wanted to move in with you."

"So, um..." Chandler bit his lip. "Why were you so mad at me? You didn't want to talk to me at all, that night when I came home."

"I was just in a bad mood, that's all," Joey said, not quite meeting Chandler's eyes.

"Joe... I don't believe you. Look, if you're uncomfortable, it's something we should talk about, right? I mean, if I'm gonna figure this thing out, I'm... I should probably at least try dating a guy, right? And if that's going to freak you out..."

"It doesn't freak me out," Joey said quickly. "I just don't think you should do it, that's all."

"Uh... why?"

"Well, no offense, man, but you have *horrible* taste in women. And you'd probably have *horrible* taste in guys, right?"

"Brian's pretty cool," Chandler said defensively.

"Cool and *taken*," Joey replied.

"So... what? Are you telling me I shouldn't date guys, or that I should just quit dating altogether 'cause I suck at it?"

"Well, you do kind of suck at it."

"Hey," Chandler said in irritation, springing up out of the chair. "At least I'm *selective*. I don't stick it in anything with a pulse!"

"No, you stick it in anything with a pulse and severe emotional problems," Joey snapped, rising and getting in Chandler's face.

"Oh yeah," Chandler cried. "Because *your* dating record is *so* fantastic! Huh, who am I more jealous of, Fruit Basket Freako, o-or Eats Like A Squirrel, o-or hey, Kate The Total Froot Loop?"

"I love Janice!" Joey whined. "I hate Janice! No-no, I love Janice! Wait, wait, I hate Janice!"

"I'm Joey!" Chandler exploded. "I've gone through every woman in New York, so now I have to lock myself in the bathroom with Spanish guys!"

"I'm Chandler! I've tried every screwed up relationship except, hey-hey, hittin' on Rachel!"

"I'm Joey! I -- mmrph!"

Chandler's sentence stopped abruptly as Joey grabbed him by the ears and kissed him.

"What the hell was that?" Chandler shrieked, springing back.

"I was shuttin' you up!" Joey shouted, stalking to his room and slamming the door.

"You couldn't think of another way to do that!?" Chandler cried to Joey's closed door.

"Go to bed," Joey growled from behind the door.

"Oh-oh, I will! And don't, don't do that again!" Chandler shouted.

"Oh, I won't, don't you worry!"

"Good!" Chandler called, running his fingers over his lips in wonder.