Look who's trying to get back into writing!

After ages of hiatus I decided to try for a comeback. I'll be starting with one shots and hope to continue with the full length stories whose scripts are rotting away on my hard drive.

A big thank you and shout out goes to xCrimsonxBlackxBloodx, who gave me the push I needed and is just awesome in general.

Don't take this story too serious ;)

Now let's see if I have any talent left...

1. John Harvest

The new prisoner looked around the prison court yard, trying to make himself a picture of the other criminals locked in the Central City Military Prison without getting caught staring, for that might lead to aggravating the others. Which he really didn't want to. The whole reason while he was trying to make himself a picture of them was because he wanted to estimate how dangerous they were, without learning it by getting the shit beaten out of him. He was, after all, a mastermind. His strongest weapon is his brain, but certainly not his skinny arms. Those well muscled men only did what he told them if he could pay them enough, which right now wasn't the case. He had nothing to control them with, so all he could do was find out how he could best stay out of their way.

"So, how'd you end up here?" asked someone behind him. The new prisoner jumped. He turned to find some grinning guy with the stature of a bear looking down at him, obviously searching for some entertainment to brighten up the dull prison routine.

Nope, he really didn't want to tell that story. Even now, he could still feel all the anger and embarrassment bubble inside of him. And confusion, because, seriously, those people still didn't make any sense to him. Just how did that bunch of crazy idiots manage to gain a rank within the military, relatively high ranks even!?

"Well?" the other prisoner asked him, getting impatient. Swallowing his pride he decided that telling was still better than getting beat up.

"I was supposed to get some military secrets by kidnapping the Fullmetal Alchemist. Failed though," he admitted, grinding his teeth in annoyance.

"With what, the kidnapping or the information gathering?"

"The informations. I did kidnap him though," he told, a little proud he at least managed that much.

The other snorted, then yelled for all of the others to hear: "Here's another one who got involved with the Fullmetal brat!"

Immediately a ring of prisoners formed around the new one. He felt the urge to curl up into himself.

"Tell us everything, we need to know, one day we'll find their weakness and get revenge!" one of them demanded.

"Yeah, welcome comrade, now entertain me!" another one.

He swallowed. "Uh, well, it went like this..."

Kidnapping the boy had been quite the ordeal for there always was this giant in a suit of armour trailing after him. And with always the kidnapper John Harvest meant always. They only seemed to separate when the older brother (really how could that pipsqueak be the older one?!) went to use the bathroom.

Funny enough, the younger never seemed to do so. Annoying enough, he also didn't seem to sleep.

If it wasn't for the armour boy's personality, John would have thought he was a robot. But then there was no way a robot could be this advanced and not in the possession of the military.

Not to mention the fact that it had a soft side for cats. John really wondered how thin the boy inside must be, because at one point he stuffed eight cats inside of his armour. Eight! That really shouldn't be possible, not if he had the strength to carry around all this metal. Maybe those alchemists could make the armour move on its own or something? At some point he stopped wondering about this because it would otherwise drive him crazy.

He finally found an opening when, during his target observation time, in which he tried to get to know the victim's schedule, the Fullmetal Alchemist suddenly jumped up, yelled something about a forgotten report and then told his brother to go to the Hughes' place alone so only one of them would be late, while he went to deliver the report before "the bastard cuts my pay check once more".

Usually he would plan a kidnapping for a while, hence the before hand stalking of the victim. But this case called for a bit spontaneity so John called some of the men he had at hand because his employee organised them for him, and set for the classical pull the victim in the car so fast no one knows it's happening until it's long over way.

So the car had pulled up, the boy had been grabbed and dragged in, a chloroform drenched rag over his face before he even landed on the back-seat. That was how Fullmetal had been kidnapped.

His victim securely tied up in an empty house that was for sale, he had taken the phone to make the obligatory call to the people his employee wanted something from in exchange for the life or well being of the hostage.

And it was then that he realised why no one seemed to have ever managed to get somewhere by kidnapping the Fullmetal Alchemist.

"Central City Military Headquarters."

"Put me through to Colonel Roy Mustang!" he demanded.

"You are calling from an outside line. Your name, rank and identification code, please."

Those god damn bureaucrats... "I do not posses any of this, lady, but I have the Fullmetal Alchemist in my hands, now put me through!" he used the god old I'm too cool to be fazed by you so I must be dangerous tone.

"To verify this, please tell me his code then," the secretary sounded polite but he just knew she was bored. This arrogant military bitch didn't seem to take him serious. Ah, well, he'd play along for a bit.

"Hey, boy, give me your code or you'll get a bullet to the leg!"


Oh, right. He motioned for one of the other men to pull the gag from the boy's mouth.

"Now, your code!"

"Don't know it."

He raised his pistol, aiming for the boy's flesh leg.

"Seriously, I hate this military crap. Go look into my note book," the boy growled, annoyed.

"Sir, are you still there?" the secretary on the phone asked.

"Yes, hold on, your soldier boy doesn't seem to know his own code, we'll have to work a bit to get it." He made it sound like they were doing something mean to the small alchemist instead of just rifling trough the notebook his henchmen pulled from the hideous red coat.

"Okay," the secretary simply said. John was grinding his teeth by now, annoyed. One of the hired thugs flicked through the pages, then looked up, shrugging.

"Seems like your code isn't there boy," John threateningly held up his pistol again.

"Just gimmie the damn phone." The boy seemed just as annoyed as he was. He looked at the pipsqueak, considering it for a moment, then put the phone on speaker.

"Better don't say something stu-"

"Hey, you! I'm being a hostage here and missing out on a dinner cooked by Gracia Hughes because of that! So just put the damn colonel on the line so he can get me out of here fast before my brother realizes I'm gone and goes to tell him, 'cause then you'll have to deal with two pissed off alchemists instead of just one!" John stared at the boy, too stunned to realise that the secretary had connected him to the colonel's office until the man himself spoke.

"This is Colonel Mustang."

Just how did this military's personal manage to sound so bored and annoyed even though their voices were perfectly polite and pleasant?

"Finally... And here I thought I might have to start sending you pieces of your subordinate to get you on the phone," he drawled, aiming on insulting the military's slow procedure while making sure he appeared evil enough for them to work faster from now on.

"Which subordinate? Name, Rank?"

John needed a second to understand that he had really been asked such a stupid question. He did already tell that secretary, wasn't she supposed to tell the colonel what the call he received was about? "The Fullmetal Alchemist, Edward Elric," he said smugly.

There was an annoyed sigh at the other end of the line. "Are you sure you have him?"

John took a deep breath to calm himself. Denying it or asking if this was a joke was a response he had received before when dealing with the phone calls.

"Yes I am sure." he said happily.

"Really? You don't sound like someone who could capture the real Fullmetal..."

Yes he definitely hated that arrogant colonel. "Everything can be done with a good plan." Or much luck.

"Ah, well that's true..." He imagined the colonel on the other end of the line was smirking. He just sounded like it and that pissed John off. "Still, can you proof it? I don't want to waste my time with another liar."

"Sure I can." Fight fire with fire. Johnny made sure the other could hear that he was smirking, too. He put the phone on speaker yet again, glowering and annoyed. "Tell your superior you're here!"

"Like hell I'll do that! The smug bastard might think I was asking him for help, do you know how long he'd hold that over my head? For forever!"

"You want me to shoot you in the leg so he can hear you scream?"

"No, I want you to run against the wall and knock yourself out!"

John hissed in annoyance. He heard Mustang on the other end of the phone say something and thought he might finally have the man where he wanted him. But when he listened all he heard was "...not talking to a woman, Hawkeye! It's someone who thinks he's got Fullmetal hostage so I'll do that paperwork later!"

"Didn't you hear him talk just now, I do have him here!" Johnny snapped.

"What? Oh, no, sorry I got distracted by my lieutenant. Wonderful woman, really, just wish she wouldn't always make me do my paperwork. Do you know how boring these documents are?"

John just couldn't believe it. Did his current employee maybe own a show that made fun of people, and all of this was sat up just for him? He was distracted from this thoughts by the boy yelling into the phone.

"And you'll get even more paperwork if this idiot here kills me, so do your job and talk with him you lazy ass of a colonel, I want my home cooked dinner with the Hughes!"

"You're invited there, too? Oh great," the colonel muttered. "Just what I need, meeting you outside of work... Hey Mister Kidnapper, would you mind calling me back in two hours when I had dinner without Fullmetal and in peace? I do now believe that you have him and I'd actually like you to keep him for a while. Afterwards I'll give you what you want in exchange for him, but please allow me a peaceful dinner with friends."

Yep, he must be stuck in some kind of show. "Listen, I am not your babysitter, if you don't-"


The colonel at the other end of the line was laughing, the boy tied to the chair was fuming and John just stood there, staring at the phone as if it had suddenly turned into a banana right before his eyes. Then he took a deep breath and fired his gun. The colonel went still and John smirked. So now the guy took him seriously. He opened his mouth to say that the next bullet would end in the boy's leg when:

"Please don't tell me you really killed him, do you know how many documents I would have to fill out in that case?"


A sigh. "Okay, then what do you want?"

John didn't immediately answer, he was busy calming down again. The colonel seemed to be confused with the lack of response. "Hello? Are you still there? You're a kidnapper, aren't you supposed to want something from me?"

"Yes." Johnny forced himself not to explode again. "I want you to come here and bring the ground maps of the main military bases in Amestris with you."

"Does it have to be me, or can I send someone else? I really don't want to miss that dinner. I'm already late because of you..."

"Yeah me too, just because you always want your damn reports!" Fullmetal snapped.

"Reports? That reminds me, you are late with the last one!"

"I was trying to bring it to you when that idiot kidnapped me!"


"It's true, get me outa here and I'll show you it's in my coat pocket!"

"I'm already trying to get you out of there but you wouldn't let your kidnapper answer me!"

"JUST HOW DID YOU IDIOT EVER MAKE IT TO COLONEL?!" John yelled in frustration.

"Don't ask me I would love to know too," sighed Edward Elric.

"There, you're getting in the conversation again! And for your information: I did make it to colonel because I am awesome," came the smug response from Mustang.

"YOU CAN'T EVEN MANAGE THIS HOSTAGE SITUATION!" John took a deep breath once again. "Now let me tell you how this is done..."

"I already know how it's supposed to work."

"Good, then I'll tell you an address now and you'll come there alone, and I don't care if you miss the dinner!" he added for good measure. "You will show up within the next hour!"

"I don't need an address."

"Yes you do you arrogant- "

"No, really, it's fine."

"That's it, now the boy gets a bullet to the leg!"

"You'll hurt yourself if you fire at his leg, it's metal."

"He knows that, he's aiming at my flesh leg you brainless military drone!" the boy yelled before Johnny had a chance to do so.

"How am I supposed to know that? I can't see through the phone, I can only listen to you!"

"But you don't listen, otherwise you'd be doing what I tell you!" John wanted to throw the phone against the wall by now.

"But you didn't really tell me anything until now!" the colonel defended himself.

"That's because you're too incompetent to handle-"

"I'm not incompetent," Colonel Mustang interrupted him coolly. "If I was incompetent then you would have noticed my men tracking back the phone call and sneaking in while I talked you into going crazy."

A gun fired and John dropped his as the bullet hit his arm. And then he was arrested.

"Thanks Lieutenant Hawkeye," said Edward Elric when the blond woman who shot John nodded for the other soldiers to restrain the kidnapper and his thugs while she freed Fullmetal.

"No problem, Edward," she said.

"Did you really give the colonel some more papers to work on?" the boy asked, hopeful.

"No, he will be joining the dinner." John really couldn't tell if the woman was amused or not.

"Argh, damn it. Well, at least he is forced to stop talking while chewing," the boy shrugged, then rightened his coat. "I'll be going then." He turned one last time and grinned at John. "Greet the other idiots who sit in Central Prison because of us from me!"