She's Something and Nothing
By Funkiechick

(Yes, I have jumped onto the Hyde POV Jackie loving fanfics bandwagon. I never knew how great this show was until I really started watching it about a month and a half ago, and now I can' get enough of it. Ok, so this is my first 70's show fic, so be nice.)

I didn't feel anything, so it's cool.

I mean, she's hot and all, but in the end, she's just an annoying little kid. Seriously, she's about the size of my torso. For all I care, she can prance about and use me to get back at Kelso all she wants because I really don't give a shit.

Maybe for a moment I thought she was tolerable. But only for a moment, which was why I asked her on that stupid date in the first place. And kissed her. But of course I had to kiss her, she's a hot chick. If I didn't I would be some pansy assed moron-like Forman. Scratch the fact that he may be a pansy assed moron, but he's still with one of the hottest and coolest chicks in Wisconsin. And there I was on a date with a hot chick, but as for being cool she hit a pretty low scale.

But hey, it didn't matter. It wasn't like I liked her or anything. Maybe I had a fleeting thing, you know. Physical, man. All physical. Kitty isn't right about everything, and I only punched Chip because he was a dumbass. That's it. I like to punch dumbasses. And I got all tongue tied when Jackie came over because, hey, I just punched her freakin date. She's still my friend, no matter how little of one. I didn't want her mad at me and telling Red what I did. Then her sweet voice will be filling my senses even more than they already are.

What'd I say?

I MEANT that her shrill voice will be destroying my ears more than it already is. That's what I MEANT to say. Yep. I can't stand that Jackie. I mean, she's beautiful, and when we kissed it was...nothing. Like she said. Because why would I feel anything besides nothing for a girl who is anything but nothing to me?

I mean, for a girl who's nothing. That's what I said. Geeze, man. Listen. Listen. Focus. Jackie isn't even that cute. Well, she is. She's adorable-well not, really. She's hot. Not cute at all. Especially not in my jacket which was so huge on her, and not when she took my arm and put it around her. I thought that was real funny-DUMB GODDAMIT.

Man, I'm not my freakin self today. Her hot little bod is getting to my head. That happens sometimes. I mean, Donna used to get to my head, even after I was over her. She's hot Donna man, she gets to everyone's head. I mean, Donna never made me feel like this, and she never pissed me off so much I loved it, but...

Do I even know what I'm saying anymore? What'd I say? I'm not even gonna bother to try and take it back. I think I'm just not feeling any good. Hanging out with Jackie and KISSING her, seriously nauseated me. Kissing something spawned from hell is generally not a good idea, cause you might make you nautious and all.

To make matters worse, Kelso and Fez are already pissed off enough as it is. Was taking Jackie on a date really worth seeing Kelso's mouth drop open and have him threaten to kick my ass (right, dumbass, right) as soon as possible?

Well, ok, maybe it was. But I don't think I'll be kissing Jackie again anytime soon. Because I didn't feel anything. I didn't want to do it again, and I didn't feel different when she put her hand on my face and I didn't hurt when she told me it was nothing. Because when people tell the truth, and you AGREE, than usually it doesn't. Hurt. At all.
All I want now is to sit here in the basement and forget any of this ever happened. God, KISSING Jackie. Kissing JACKIE. No, man. Zen. Don't think about that...that...stupid...idiotic...freakish...beautiful moron.

BIMBO. Not beautiful. Oh look. The Price Is Right is on the tube. Perfect, perfect. Nah, never mind. I have a bad feeling about this show...switch the channel, bad vibe.

"Hey, Hyde?"

Leave me be, Forman. You and your pansy assed ways are gonna start getting to me and before I know it, I'll want to kiss Jackie again. I mean, feel compelled to kiss the disgusting rich brat again.


Damnit, I can't ignore him. His voice is as annoying as her's, only not as melodic.


No, wait...



Forman kinda winced back right then. Wuss. I don't really know why I feel like being so hard on my best friend right now, but it feels like a good moment to take my anger out on someone. Especially someone as un-connected with the situation as Forman is. That's what he gets for having Donna, the dick.

"Just thought you should know..." Eric backed way from me, and leaned against the basement fridge. "Donna told me to tell you that Jackie and Kelso are really, like...seriously back together."

I stared at him. "Yeah. So?"

"So, I dunno." Eric shrugged. "YOU went with her."

"Hey, shut up!" I snapped. I hope to god that stupid Jackie didn't spread anything lame around, like I would ever 'went' with someone like her. Damnit. "I didn't went anything with her, man."

"You went on a date on Veterans day. I heard you." He sat down next to me on the couch. "Jackie." He said in a hilarious attempt at imitating my voice. "Get your car, we're going on a freaking date." There was no other solution but to slug him, really. Thus, I did so. The jackass. "Hyde! Damn you, asshole, that hurt!"

"Good." I snapped, going back to the tv, and switching channels. Was the Price Is Right on every freaking station?? Switch channels, bad vibes... "Don't even dare to mention that ever again. I hate that annoying, bratty, 95-pound hottie."

Eric was silent a moment, then looked at me. "Hottie?"

"What?" Oh shit.

"You just called her a hottie."

"No I didn't."

"Yes you did."

"Screw off, I did not."

"Yes, you said 'I hate that annoying, bratty, 95-pound hottie.' That's exactly what you said."

"Forman." I said, calmly, and turning to look at him. "There comes a point in a man's life, when he has to learn that if he doesn't shut up, he's going to get creamed."

Forman looks like a weasel when he's scared. Which is really hard to keep from laughing at, but I did a good job of holding it in anyhow. But it was nice to feel like laughing considering the hell that has been my life ever since I went on that stupid date with that stupid Jackie.

"Fine." Eric said, rolling his eyes. "Fine, be stupid. But may I REMIND you." He pointed a finger at me. "That Kelso will kick your ass if you do anything and so will I because you HATE her, remember?"

I blinked. "One, get your finger out of my freaking face. And two, weren't you just trying to enlighten me on my feelings for her?" I made a face. "I mean, YOU brought the whole dumb thing up, ass."

"You and Red are starting to sound more and more alike every time I hear you!" Eric smiled. "And that's just great!"

"Answer my question, Eric."

I used 'the' tone of voice. Like the one I used with Chip when he said he wanted to nail Jackie. Man, that guy was a dick. But Eric knew I meant business, and when he knows I mean business he gets all corny and best friendish on me.

"Well, Hyde." Eric sighed. "You're acting like me around Donna when you're around Jackie, you get my meaning? And Donna thinks you're all in love and I think you just have some pent up sexual tension, or at least I hope so, because you two HATE each other." Eric was starting to get all tensed up and passionate now, which sounds really dirty, but it just means he talks funny. It's hysterical. "And if you two ever REALLY had something, man, think. It would be disaster. Kelso would kill you and Fez would kill you and everyone would be pissed off and it would be ANARCHY." Eric waved his hands in the air. "ANARCHY! Do you understand???"

I let the silence drag out as Eric stared at me. he was pretty serious, and the fact him and Donna talked about who I did or did not have feelings for pissed me off. A lot. "Well, Forman. For one thing, I AM an anarchist." (I ignored his outburst of "It's a faze, damnit!") "And for another, it's JACKIE. I DO hate her. I had a momentary lapse because of the fact she's spawned from hell. I felt something."

Eric looked like I shot him. "You felt something???"

"NO!" SHIT. "No, I said I didn't feel anything. Like she said! Nothing at all! Why would I? She's a brat."

"You do realize..." Eric was starting to talk to me like I was a fifth grader. "You are making no sense." He gulped. "How. Do. You. Feel. About. Jackie?"

Funny. Weird. I can't stand her. She's cute. She's beautiful. She's so small. And she made me smile. I don't know how to react to her, man. "Nothing."



Nothing. Right, man. What was I saying? Sometimes I think my 'special' brownies have this effect that comes back every once and awhile. "Okay, good." Eric nods, and stands up from the couch. "You're cool?"

"I'm always cool, Forman."

He nods again, then turns to go up the stairs, and looks back down at me. "Nothing?"


"GOOD." And then he's gone, and I feel a hell of a lot better. The one problem with living with the Formans' is they treat me like I'm actually related to them, which I'm not. Kitty treats me like I'm her son, and Red insults me almost as much as he insults Eric, which I guess I should take as a fatherly sign. Or something. Anyway, the point is now I get all this advice that I don't necessarily want from all different directions of the Forman household, and I can't tell anyone to shut their pie hole because I'm living in their house. And because Kitty is cool.

But the last thing I really wanted to hear was advice about JACKIE from Eric.

"Hi Steven!"

Oh shit. Look who comes through the door, her face all flushed, and rushing over to plop down next to me on the couch.

She WOULD have to be cheerful. We can only really talk when she's depressed about Kelso and comes running into my arms as her goddamn rebound guy. Which doesn't bother me, I mean why should it? And now she has to sit on the couch and smile like the world is a freaking rainbow.

Say something mean, Hyde my man. Get your old touch back. Say her hair looks stupid, call her an idiot, tell her Kelso cheats on her daily. So I turn to her, open my mouth and say...

"Have a good day?"


Jackie smiles then, a big one. She likes the fact we're 'friends'. She thinks I'm the coolest. Yeah. Cause I am. "I'm just in a really great mood! Michael actually PAID for me when we went to the Hub. He never does that."

Ah. "Oh. That's...nice." Play it cool man. Like you really don't care, because you don't. "I mean, a pointless story over all."

"And look." She stuck her leg up. "New clogs! Aren't they cute?!"

Pure happiness, and all for a pair of shoes. "Yeah, they're nice." NO THEY'RE NOT, HYDE. YOU MORON. ""

"Believe it or not, Donna helped me find the store. For such a lumberjack, she actually knows some places to go. Mind you nearly everything else in there was full of the ugliest things. Which is why it's good to be back with Michael because he buys me pretty things, and that's always nice..."

This is where I usually stop listening. Yeah, right about now. Damnit, HYDE. STOP. LISTENING.

"But then again Michael always acts stupid, and I don't really know why he feels like he has to cheat on me. But I don't even know if he cheats on me anymore."

Uh oh.

"Does he?"


"Jackie." I said, leaning a bit towards her. She doesn't notice, and why should she? I'm not trying to be close to her or anything like that. No way. "Michael has a libido the size of Japan." She stares at me. "You know, he'll always look at other girls, and he'll always hit on other girls. But unless he actually does something, then he's not cheating."

That sounded way too nice, Hyde man. She's getting under your skin. Or...causing a

I don't even make sense anymore. And for some reason she's laughing. "Oh Steven. You don't even have to tell me that anymore, Michael and I are going to get married and live in a big house after he makes a lot of money. And we'll live happily ever after."

I stared at her. "Yeah. Sure."

"Oh yeah." She was looking through her purse now, and pulled out a box, and then handed it to me. "Here, I almost forgot about it."

It was wrapped all shiny. Pure Jackie. "What is it?"

"It's our one month anniversary!" She smiles.

Now I'm scared. "One month anniversary of what?"

"You know, Steven." She pushed my arm. It didn't feel like nothing, man. "Our date. When we became friends. Because I just like being around you. You're my friend, and I don't think I tell people that enough. That I like being their friend. I mean, I told Donna and she just smiled and gave me a hug." She looked at me. "And you're just staring at me." I continued to do just that. "Well, go on! Open it, dork."

I look down at the box. It was kinda medium small sized, and I had no idea really if Jackie would know at all what to get me for our 'anniversary' of becoming friends. But I opened it anyway.

And it turned out to be hardback copies of a bunch of books by George Orwell. Like Nineteen-Eighty Four, and Animal Farm. I looked up at her, and lets say I was surprised she actually knew what I wanted. I could tell it was expensive, because for one thing all the books were hardcover. But to have a whole lot...Jesus, Jackie.

"You talk about that guy a lot. So I asked the guy at the book store and he found me this set and I thought if you liked the guy you'll like the set." She shrugged. "You like it, right?"

"Jackie..." I shook my head. "You are so..." I knew I had to choose carefully. I could easily say the wrong thing. For some reason, sometimes I feel weird around her, and I don't know what I'll say. It's freaking annoying, but it's dangerous, so I have to keep zen and make sure I don't lose it.

"Steven? If you don't I could take them back or you could choose something else. but you better like them because they're all weird and political, like you."

"No Jackie man." I smiled. Actually smiled. "No, they're great." And I leaned over and kissed her, just on the corner of her mouth. I meant for her cheek and I also meant for her mouth at the same time. I don't even know anymore. But Jackie was just staring at me, and then she smiled.

"Well. It's okay if you didn't get me a present, because I didn't tell you about our friendship anniversary, even though it was a great idea. So don't worry." In Jackie language that means 'get me something good sometime soon'.

But I was eyeing a coaster that was on the table. A coaster that must have been down in this basement for as long as this basement existed. Just this stupid coaster. I leaned over and picked it up, and then fished for a marker on the lamp table next to the couch. Jackie stared at me. "Steven, what are you doing?"

"One sec, doll."

I found the marker, and began to write on the coaster. 'To Jackie, Happy Whatever. -Hyde.' And on the other side I wrote 'The Jackie and Hyde Coaster'.

It was the lamest thing I had ever done, but for some reason I was thinking I was pretty smooth. Man, I am such a dumbass. I really AM turning into Forman. But I handed her the coaster anyway, and when she looked it over she smiled.

"Steven, that is so stupid." She said through spurts of laughs. Hah. She couldn't help but like it. I win.

"But it's our anniversary coaster, man." I grinned. "You better damn treasure it."

She looked at me and smiled back. "I will, Steven." Then she leaned over and kissed me on the same part of my mouth as I kissed her. Man she was intuitive. I hated it. It was hot. When she pulled back, she immediately stood up.

"I have to take me and my coaster home." She smiled. "I just came over to give you those book things by that guy."


She walked over to the door, and turned back to look at me. "Thanks for the coaster."

"Remember." I pointed at her. "OUR coaster."

She laughed again, and as she went outside, told me once more how stupid it was. And I knew how stupid it was. And I knew how stupid I was. But I took the book set and set in on the shelf in my room anyway.

Okay. So maybe it was something. but I figure something isn't too harmful, right? I'll just go watch tv for awhile, like I always do.

Man, for some reason, NOW I feel compelled to watch The Price Is Right.


(This was one of the corniest things I have ever written. But I liked it anyway. I liked my Hyde. I hope he wasn't corny, or out of character. I hate OOC Hyde's, because so many people write OOC Hyde's. And there are quite a few OOC Jackie's as well. Anyway, I hope I didn't do any OOC-ness. I have another fic on the way, and yeah. It's Jackie and Hyde. But that wont be all I write, no worries.)