A/N: So that emotional rollercoaster of a crossover happened. I just had a lot of feels that needed to come out. I also feel like there were a lot of missing scenes that could be inserted in those episodes, so I might do a little series of those. Let me know what you think?
Shades of Blue
"Lexi died twenty minutes ago."
Hank's words hit her like a swift punch to the gut.
"So you can mourn once the scumbag who did this is in cuffs," his gravely voice finishes, but Erin can barely focus on what he's saying.
No. Please, God, no. Not Lexi. She holds on to her desk, hoping it will keep her on her feet, because the pain she feels is nearly overwhelming. Lexi. God, that sweet kid she's known for years. Not her. This isn't right.
This can't be happening. Not again.
First Nadia; then Justin. And now sweet, innocent Lexi. No.
She takes a deep breath in, closing her eyes for a moment to try and pull herself together, but it's nearly impossible. She can hear how badly Kim's voice is shaking - how she can't even process what just happened, but is still trying to push through the tears that desperately want to fall - and that nearly breaks her. She looks away once Burgess is done presenting what she's found and leans against her desk again, letting out a shaky breath.
She can feel Jay's eyes on her and looks up for a second to meet his gaze. He tilts his head in concern, but she shakes her head and closes her eyes again. She can't get Lexi out of her head.
Sweet, innocent Lexi.
She was 4 years old when they met. Hank had a barbecue at his place and she had just moved in with him and Camille and Justin. And now she can't unsee this image of Lexi, running around in Hank's backyard in a blue dress, and it just feels like her heart is being squeezed so hard she can hardly breathe.
Atwater is spewing out whatever he got from his CI, but Erin barely manages to focus on his words. She only tunes in towards the end of what Platt is saying, but it's enough to make her snap back to reality.
A lead. Maybe a solid lead. She could work with this. Bring this son of a bitch in and punch the living daylights out of his stupid face for murdering all these kids. The anger she feels now is so insurmountable, that she has to clench her fists tight, so she won't hit something. Hank assigns this task to her and Jay and she is so glad she can finally leave.
The need to cry is so overwhelming that it actually hurts. She just nods at him and grabs her coat, knowing Jay won't be far behind. But when she looks up at the victims board on her way out and sees Lexi's picture, the image of that 4-year-old little girl invades her mind, and she freezes.
Taking her photo gently off of it, she slowly moves to the DOAs board, placing Lexi among the dead. Resting her hand over her smiling face, Erin says a prayer silently and vows right then and there that they will catch whoever did this.
She can hear Burgess sniffling behind her and it takes all of her will power not to crack then. She closes her eyes for half a second, takes a deep breath, and pushes through her grief, making her way to the stairs.
She can mourn later. Right now, she needs to find this son of a bitch.
They make their way to the truck in silence, but she knows Jay is following closely behind. It's only when she hands him the keys, that he finally says something.
"Babe," His voice shakes and his grip tightens on her hand.
And that's all it takes for her to break.