So, um, this fic came to me the other night. I wasn't even planning on starting a new fic at all until I had all my others marked complete before I added another, but I guess this idea had a mind of it's own. It consumed me until I wrote the first chapter. My plan is to post this one every other day. As always, you can expect an HEA with this one. Will be told completely in Epov.

This will be the shortest chapter. They will get longer the further we go.

Thank you to Kyla713 for looking this over and to littlelovely for her flails.

I'll just leave you guys to it then.


Chapter 1:

The longer I looked in the mirror, the more I became convinced that it was a ghost staring back at me.

A ghost with haunted green eyes.

Youth had long since disappeared and traded itself for gray hair. Crinkles and dark circles replaced the once smooth skin around sorrow-filled eyes.

No laugh lines were found.

The being that looked back at me was empty. A shell.

I ran my fingers through my hair, tugging hard, wanting to feel anything but numbness. There was a twinge of pain, but not enough for me to recognize it, to revel in it.

It wasn't enough. Nothing was ever enough anymore.

Sighing, I bowed my head, trying to forget the being that stared back at me, wishing for once I felt how I remembered I should feel. My hands grasped tightly to the sink as I tried not to just crumple to the floor. I'd have gladly spent my days on the cold bathroom floor if it meant I didn't have to face another day.

Days were hard, but nights I found excruciating.

Sleep, I discovered, since coming home, was difficult. The minute I'd close my eyes was the instant all hell was unleashed.

Memories I'd rather not relive.

I forced myself to leave the bathroom, to walk to my closet and grab a shirt, pants, and made myself get dressed. I sat on the bed to put my shoes on, but instead, I just stared down at the floor, my brain feeling oddly empty. I couldn't tell you what I did yesterday or the day before. Nor could I tell you what I planned to do five minutes from now.

Sometime later, I found myself downstairs sitting at my table, a banana and cereal in front of me. I robotically ate as the silence of the room engulfed me.

I closed my eyes for the briefest of seconds, hoping that for once, flashbacks and pain wouldn't hit me.

But they did. They always did.

I doubted the pain would ever let me go. It would always be pinned to my heart with a constant reminder of the loss.

Life seemed so pointless now.

How are you supposed to just forget and move on? Why didn't we have an instruction manual for life and how to just be?

It seemed cruel to me now that we just float through life, expected to find our way, our happiness, from birth to death. It felt so unfair that there was no guide. I sure as hell would've rather had someone holding my hand and telling me that it gets better.

But we all know that was a lie.

Noise infiltrated my ears and I blinked my eyes rapidly. I didn't even know how I drove to work, or when I got thereā€”I just knew I was there.

Even with hundreds of people surrounding me, I was still alone as ever.

I shuffled papers as I bowed my head once again, allowing that dark void that was new my best friend to consume me.

I'd make it home hours later, only to repeat the same thing over and over, day after day.


So, your thoughts? Thank you for reading!